Tactical Living

Ashlie: (00:18) Welcome back to another episode of Tactical Living by LEO Warriors. I'm your host, Ashlie Walton

Clint:

And I'm your co-host Clint Walton.

Ashlie:

In today's episode, we're going to dive in to part three of our PTSD and suicide awareness as we continue down this week of suicide awareness week, and for today we're going to dive into mostly detection and treatment. Ashlie: (00:44) So just sit back, relax and enjoy today's content. We're going to continue reading from an article that I found on safe.org and one thing that they point out is the different ways that PTSD is detected. Of course, they go on to discuss that a medical doctor, mental health professional, social worker, psychologist, or any other type of psychotherapists are the ones that are going to be able to quote unquote diagnose you with having PTSD. And we know from many things we've talked about in the past that there are so many people that will go undiagnosed Ashlie: (01:24) Because they don't want to seek that professional help. They would don't want to have that negative label placed on them to be diagnosed. A person must have all of the following symptoms for at least one month. This says that they have to have at least one re-experiencing symptom. Ashlie: (01:46) At least three avoidance of symptoms. At least two hyperarousal symptoms. And symptoms that interfere with daily life such as going to school or work being with friends or taking care of important tasks. I think it's important to point out that if you think you have PTSD or if you are now thinking that you might have symptoms that are attributed to a traumatic situation that you've experienced in the past. This isn't an all for one Ashlie: (02:22) I think for most people, if they were to sit with a different medical professional, they're guidelines would be a little bit different. There's a lot of different ways that PTSD is treated. A lot of times patients that have PTSD will go to different cognitive behavioral therapists. They'll use medications or they'll do both. The different types of cognitive behavioral therapy or exposure therapy. Ashlie: (02:52) And save.org goes on to explain that this type of therapy helps people to face and control their fears. It exposes them to trauma that they experienced in a safe way. It uses mental imagery writing or it allows them to visit the place where the event happened. Sometimes the therapist will use tools to help people with PTSD cope with their feelings. Another treatment is cognitive restructuring. This therapy helps people make sense of their bad memories. Sometimes people remember the event differently than how it really happened. They might feel guilt or shame about what's not their fault. The therapist often helps people with PTSD to look at what happened in a more realistic way. Stress inoculation therapy is a type of therapy that reduces the symptoms of PTSD by teaching a person how to reduce the anxiety, like cognitive restructuring. This treatment helps people look at their memories in a healthy way and as you sit there, a lot of this might sound like woo therapy and I get it. I get it because that's a part of the avoidance. That's a part of what we're trained to avoid. What we're trying to think is not okay. Ashlie: (04:20) What we're molded to believe makes us less than, and I think that's so far from the truth. And Clint, you've shared a lot of details with me about your grandpa and what he experienced in the war and how having some of these outlets might've made all the difference in the world for him and your family. Clint: (04:45) Yeah, I remember growing up and hearing stories of how cranky my grandpa was and just knowing him throughout my life, I, I've seen it. I've seen his reactions towards things he's seen, how he's handled situations and, and until he found a point in his own life where he was able to handle it within himself, I think he suffered from severe PTSD from the Korean War. A little background on my grandpa, he was a Sergeant in the Marines in the Korean War. He served at the Chosen Rreservoir and that alone was taxing on anybody. Ashlie: (05:35) They called them the Frozen Chosen. Clint: (05:37) Yeah. They're the whole, if you're not familiar with the Korean War and, and the, the Chosen Reservoir, it's it. There was a battle that lasted for months in the middle of winter against the North Koreans along with the Chinese. The Chinese fought that for the many years, saying that they were not in the war, but eventually they came out and said that they were there. But during this, the, the group of soldiers that were surrounded by the North Koreans and Chinese, we're stuck in frigid temperatures of below zero at night and a little above zero at daytime consistently without any new food or clothing or weapons being replenished to them because they were completely surrounded and they did this for months and it kind of just took a toll. And on my grandpa's specifically, as I got older and, and anyone who knows me knows that I'm a war buff. I love learning about Mexican history wars. I started to talk to him about his time at the Chosen Reservoir and every time we'd start talking about it, he would just start saying, oh, it's so cold. And I can literally see him folding his arms across his chest and row, rubbing his arms together like he was in that situation. Again, when it got to that point, when he would just keep repeating, it's so cold, it's so cold and rubbing himself. I would, I would stop asking him any questions and I would kind of change the subject, but I could see even in his older age, I want to say at the time it was in his eighties he still had unresolved issues sitting around that, I want to say one and two soldiers walked away from the chosen reservoir with frostbite, if not, if they even walked away at all. Clint: (08:10) And just knowing that I wish I would've known more of the history growing up, but I heard stories of him out mowing the front yard and kids driving by with cap guns. This is of course back in the sixties and seventies so it was when my dad was young and he would react. He would push a lawnmower to aside and jumped behind the Bush and my dad would see him do that and he would just completely freak out. So my grandpa turned to alcohol. He drank for many years trying to numb the pain. None of those because that's not something that he was supposed to talk about. It's not something that he was supposed to share or seek help for. It was something that he was a man, so he just had to rub some dirt on it and get on with his life. Luckily he found his own coping methods as he got older and he was able to live with those traumatic experiences throughout the rest of his life, even though in certain instances you could tell it was brought up for him. That's just one of many signs that my grandpa experience just based off of his combat experience in the Korean War and there's so many veterans going back from World War II to Korean War to Vietnam, to the Iraq war, to the war on terror in Afghanistan to what we're still fighting now. Clint: (09:59) These guys are taught just to rub dirt on it and push through. It has gotten better. But that whole concept of just push through, that's what you're getting paid to do. That's what you signed up for. Clint: (10:16) That stigma is still there and that stigma needs to break because that's only us holding onto her own egos of what that story is. Ashlie: (10:28) I'm really glad that you said that we need to let go of that ego because we had this association with these men and women in uniform, be it a first responder, be at a military member, but we never give credit to what's inside. Ashlie: (10:48) And a lot of times there are some hollow pieces that need to be filled back up. It's like they get stolen from you and its okay and important to recognize those hollow pieces. And the reason I say this is because save.org has this huge list of, it's a checklist of different problems or symptoms that people with PTSD might exhibit. And I'm going to post it in the show notes. I think it's important to know that if you do experience these symptoms, especially if they're ongoing, that it's okay for you to reach out and maybe schedule an appointment with a professional. Yes, it's okay to say you're making an appointment with a professional. That's a part of getting over that ego. If you feel like there's something inside that's missing or anything that's preventing you from living your life to your fullest capabilities, you're doing the world a disservice by not allowing everybody to experience who you truly are. And most importantly, you're doing yourself a disservice by not allowing yourself to live the life that you deserve. And I believe that everybody deserves to live their life to the maximum capacity. That's the whole point. Ashlie: (12:10) And when you understand that and you know that you're worth it and you deserve it, and if that first step for you means reaching out to Clint or myself, please do. Clint: (12:23) Yeah. Ashlie: (12:23) And as you sit there, know that if you don't feel like you have anyone in your corner, you do. We are in your corner. And if you have nobody who can wrap their arms around you, know that we're giving you the biggest hug from our studio, straight to you, wherever you're listening to this. And if you feel like you don't have that love in your life know that you have brothers and sisters who are surrounding you that you just might not have met yet. And we love you. You are loved. And when you know that you're not alone, and you do have someone, even if that someone is a simple voice coming to you through your speakers, then you're really able to enjoy your Tactical Living.

Resource: www.save.org

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Ashlie: (00:18)
Welcome back to another episode of Tactical Living by LEO Warriors. I'm your host Ashlie Walton

Clint:

And I'm your co-host Clint Walton.

Ashlie:

In today's episode, we're going to continue this series of PTSD and suicide awareness being that it's suicide awareness week and this will be part two of three. So just sit back, relax and enjoy today's content.

Ashlie 2: (00:41)
We're going to continue to read from save.org and today we're going to get into some of the risk factors of who can get PTSD, and one thing that's pointed out here is that you could take the same traumatic event and not everybody would experience PTSD from it. There could be some people that will walk away from a tragic event without incident. They won't have any negative connotation or emotions that impact them on a traumatic level, and yet you can have other people in this same exact situation be impacted differently and they can have things that negatively consequence their life forever if it's not dealt with. And this could be for a lot of different reasons. There was a lot of historical makeup that triggers you and makes you feel the way that you do when you experience a traumatic event. There’s a lot of other reasons why one person could survive something and another person couldn’t. The same thing in two people will take something different away from it. Some people get PTSD after losing a friend or family member and other people will simply grieve them forever. There's no right or wrong way, but what I like about this is it points out that our makeup is not the same when it comes to our emotional response to circumstances. We all feel and react differently to them and that's okay.

Ashlie: (02:19)
Again, not everyone going through the same event that’s traumatic is even going to get PTSD. That's why we see so many military veterans come home and some are fine. Some seem like the people we remember and other people might not.

Ashlie: (02:40)
Perhaps that means that in general they didn't experience the exact same thing and maybe they did, but they didn't take away the same things from it or maybe didn't have the same history and memories to correlate to whatever it is that that event was. And today as we read from save.org I want to go into some of the risk factors that they point out for PTSD. One of them is living through dangerous events and traumas. This could be anything that's high risk. Anything that makes you pay witness to experiencing human, the loss of human life or bodily injury. Anything that you experienced that is completely out of the norm. A lot of war zones, you know, think of something that we would never experience on a day to day. Think of something that would be the worst possible case scenario. Having a history of mental illness can also prompt and promote PTSD symptoms. Somebody who gets hurt, and I've even heard of people who are chronically ill experiencing symptoms of PTSD. If you pay witness to somebody getting hurt or getting killed.

Ashlie: (04:05)
I have a friend that's, this really brings out something for me. Growing up, we lived on the same street for my entire childhood and one day him and his brothers came home. The mom wasn't home yet. The grandma always watched them while she was at work. She was a nurse and they got home from school and I remember the whole block could hear this chilling, scream coming from their house. And I later found out that, my friend, he must have been maybe 11 at the time, walked into the garage to look for his grandma. He saw that she had hung herself from the beams inside of the garage.

Ashlie: (04:51)
And I also remember picking him up on our walk to the school bus for years after that. And he would recount stories of what he believed to be her ghost in the house, ever since that happened. And as you sit there, maybe you believe in ghosts, maybe you don't. I'm not here to judge whether you do or don't. But the point I want to make is that I do believe that a lot of what he was experiencing with hearing the door, the drawers opening in the kitchen all night, seeing water spills, hearing things inside of the garage, the lights flickering on and off, you know, smelling his grandma like all of the things that he experienced, I believe was a result of him having symptoms of PTSD. And we don't necessarily attribute it to paying witness to something like that. Feeling horror or helplessness or even extreme fear having little or no social support after the event. This goes back to the same situation with my friend, his mom, you know, she was raising her kids on her own and she didn't have a choice. She had to keep working and instead of grandma watching them, the boys were on their own. They got home from school, they had to learn to cook their own dinners and now live in a home where they knew that their grandma had killed herself in the garage up until the point when they moved, which was when he finished high school.

Ashlie: (06:26)
Dealing with extra stress after events, the pings at that same exact situation. Again, raising his little brother, dealing with the stress from his older brother. I can't even imagine what life felt like for that 11 year old boy. A lot of the resilience factors that are laid out here that may reduce the risk of PTSD include things like seeking out support from other people, even people that are friends or family, finding support groups after the traumatic event.

Ashlie: (07:04)
I think that's so important as you sit there. I'm not sure if any anybody has Kaiser in your family or if you have Kaiser, but I remember my mom being on hospice and after she passed away, Kaiser is so great when it comes to the grieving process because they sent a therapist to my dad's home that very next morning just to see if he wanted to unload anything and it was because of that immediate engagement I think was so helpful just for him to know that if he's not ready to talk at that point that there would still be that outlet that was open and I thought that was, that was just amazing to have that as a resource. Another resilient factor is feeling good about one's own actions in the face of danger. I would imagine as a first responder Clint, that would, I would apply a great deal when it comes to an officer's resilience in how he feels or she feels post a traumatic event. What it is that you're carrying on your shoulders based on your own reactions in that traumatic event?

Clint: (08:16)
You're your own feelings around whatever occurred I think also stem from those around you and unfortunately doubt what you'll see on the news the next day or that evening, whatever it may be. And that's why I think new, we've talked about the media before and its way of stories where I think it's so important not to watch the news after the fact, whether you feel good about a situation or don't. I don't think anyone sets out to be a police officer to go take someone's or to witness tragic events. But if you know you did absolutely everything you could, you find solace in the fact that you tried everything you could. And I think that does make a world of difference in reference to that.

Ashlie: (09:15)
Yeah, I am so grateful you haven't had to deal with that. But I can see just in thinking for myself, if, if I had to take somebody's life because a criminal tried to harm me in my life.

Ashlie: (09:30)
How, how would I be able to carry my actions with me if I knew that I had to take their life? And I would imagine there's constant doubt that might creep in about, well, what else could I have done? But having somebody to talk those things through with I think would really lead you to the point of making sure that you're feeling good about your own actions in the face of that danger. And another resilient factor is having a coping strategy or a way of getting through any sort of bad events. And then learning from it. Clinton, I are very fortunate because we, we have a lot of collaborative efforts when it comes to vocalizing the goods and the bad’s, the wins and the loses from any sort of negative event in our life. And we tried to find the gifts that come from it. And in my case opinion as it pertains to the resilient factors for any sort of PTSD related related incident. It's being able to talk through the strategy and then developing ways to find the gifts from it. And that's how to learn from moving forward with it.

Ashlie: (10:39)
And the last resilient factor here is being able to act and respond effectively despite feeling fearful as a trained professional. Clint, you a lot of first responders, military veterans, military service members, they're trained to be able to act and respond accordingly because you're, you're constantly drilled with that stimulus of having that unforeseen event happened during your training. But for the general population, they're not given that pre-frame or that defense mechanism to be able to give them that peace of mind.

Ashlie: (11:20)
But I think that having the ability to even walk through certain situations in your mind about the what ifs, having a strategic plan for natural disasters now before they happen, or even somebody breaking into your home, having a plan with your family and having a safe word, Clinton, I have a safe word, something, something along those lines to where you can do anything that you can to kind of fill in all the edges around the possibility of what if something happens. And I think it, it might not be, you know, the full proof, but it'll definitely be something to get you in the frame of mind to where if something so unfortunate does happen, you might not be paralyzed from it.

Clint: (12:10)
There's a really good book by Lieutenant Colonel Dave Grossman that's called on killing and in the book he really talks about the mindset of what exactly we're talking about and as a police officer, as a veteran, as a first responder in general, you have these mindsets of dealing with these instances and it's something that is so important just to you, you result to your training, and I encourage you to read this book. It will completely shift your mindset when it comes to this. When your mindset shifted, it's you start planning exactly like you said, it's all in the mindset that you have towards any given stage situation. Having a safe word, being prepared for a Travis tragic incident.

Ashlie: (13:13)
Absolutely, and I think by knowing and understanding what the risk factors are as it pertains to PTSD and then knowing that there are resilient factors that you're capable of incorporating literally right now into your day to day, it gives a little bit more hope. It gives hope because there are chances that you, as you're listening to this, might be experiencing symptoms of PTSD now, or you might be post a traumatic event in the future. We just don't know. And by having the awareness of the risk factors and knowing that you can put yourself and those that you care about in a safer place, by just being prepared and knowing what the facts are, then you're really able to enjoy your Tactical Living.

Resource: www.save.org 

Balance. Optimize. Tactics. 

Hit that subscribe button so that you don’t miss a day of the added value that I am dedicated to sharing with you weekly. 

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Website: www.leowarriors.com

Ashlie: (00:18) Welcome back to another episode of Tactical Living by LEO Warriors. I'm your host Ashlie Walton

Clint:

And I'm your co-host Clint Walton.

Ashlie:

In today's episode, we're going to continue this series of PTSD and suicide awareness being that it's suicide awareness week and this will be part two of three. So just sit back, relax and enjoy today's content. Ashlie 2: (00:41) We're going to continue to read from save.org and today we're going to get into some of the risk factors of who can get PTSD, and one thing that's pointed out here is that you could take the same traumatic event and not everybody would experience PTSD from it. There could be some people that will walk away from a tragic event without incident. They won't have any negative connotation or emotions that impact them on a traumatic level, and yet you can have other people in this same exact situation be impacted differently and they can have things that negatively consequence their life forever if it's not dealt with. And this could be for a lot of different reasons. There was a lot of historical makeup that triggers you and makes you feel the way that you do when you experience a traumatic event. There's a lot of other reasons why one person could survive something and another person couldn't. The same thing in two people will take something different away from it. Some people get PTSD after losing a friend or family member and other people will simply grieve them forever. There's no right or wrong way, but what I like about this is it points out that our makeup is not the same when it comes to our emotional response to circumstances. We all feel and react differently to them and that's okay. Ashlie: (02:19) Again, not everyone going through the same event that's traumatic is even going to get PTSD. That's why we see so many military veterans come home and some are fine. Some seem like the people we remember and other people might not. Ashlie: (02:40) Perhaps that means that in general they didn't experience the exact same thing and maybe they did, but they didn't take away the same things from it or maybe didn't have the same history and memories to correlate to whatever it is that that event was. And today as we read from save.org I want to go into some of the risk factors that they point out for PTSD. One of them is living through dangerous events and traumas. This could be anything that's high risk. Anything that makes you pay witness to experiencing human, the loss of human life or bodily injury. Anything that you experienced that is completely out of the norm. A lot of war zones, you know, think of something that we would never experience on a day to day. Think of something that would be the worst possible case scenario. Having a history of mental illness can also prompt and promote PTSD symptoms. Somebody who gets hurt, and I've even heard of people who are chronically ill experiencing symptoms of PTSD. If you pay witness to somebody getting hurt or getting killed. Ashlie: (04:05) I have a friend that's, this really brings out something for me. Growing up, we lived on the same street for my entire childhood and one day him and his brothers came home. The mom wasn't home yet. The grandma always watched them while she was at work. She was a nurse and they got home from school and I remember the whole block could hear this chilling, scream coming from their house. And I later found out that, my friend, he must have been maybe 11 at the time, walked into the garage to look for his grandma. He saw that she had hung herself from the beams inside of the garage. Ashlie: (04:51) And I also remember picking him up on our walk to the school bus for years after that. And he would recount stories of what he believed to be her ghost in the house, ever since that happened. And as you sit there, maybe you believe in ghosts, maybe you don't. I'm not here to judge whether you do or don't. But the point I want to make is that I do believe that a lot of what he was experiencing with hearing the door, the drawers opening in the kitchen all night, seeing water spills, hearing things inside of the garage, the lights flickering on and off, you know, smelling his grandma like all of the things that he experienced, I believe was a result of him having symptoms of PTSD. And we don't necessarily attribute it to paying witness to something like that. Feeling horror or helplessness or even extreme fear having little or no social support after the event. This goes back to the same situation with my friend, his mom, you know, she was raising her kids on her own and she didn't have a choice. She had to keep working and instead of grandma watching them, the boys were on their own. They got home from school, they had to learn to cook their own dinners and now live in a home where they knew that their grandma had killed herself in the garage up until the point when they moved, which was when he finished high school. Ashlie: (06:26) Dealing with extra stress after events, the pings at that same exact situation. Again, raising his little brother, dealing with the stress from his older brother. I can't even imagine what life felt like for that 11 year old boy. A lot of the resilience factors that are laid out here that may reduce the risk of PTSD include things like seeking out support from other people, even people that are friends or family, finding support groups after the traumatic event. Ashlie: (07:04) I think that's so important as you sit there. I'm not sure if any anybody has Kaiser in your family or if you have Kaiser, but I remember my mom being on hospice and after she passed away, Kaiser is so great when it comes to the grieving process because they sent a therapist to my dad's home that very next morning just to see if he wanted to unload anything and it was because of that immediate engagement I think was so helpful just for him to know that if he's not ready to talk at that point that there would still be that outlet that was open and I thought that was, that was just amazing to have that as a resource. Another resilient factor is feeling good about one's own actions in the face of danger. I would imagine as a first responder Clint, that would, I would apply a great deal when it comes to an officer's resilience in how he feels or she feels post a traumatic event. What it is that you're carrying on your shoulders based on your own reactions in that traumatic event? Clint: (08:16) You're your own feelings around whatever occurred I think also stem from those around you and unfortunately doubt what you'll see on the news the next day or that evening, whatever it may be. And that's why I think new, we've talked about the media before and its way of stories where I think it's so important not to watch the news after the fact, whether you feel good about a situation or don't. I don't think anyone sets out to be a police officer to go take someone's or to witness tragic events. But if you know you did absolutely everything you could, you find solace in the fact that you tried everything you could. And I think that does make a world of difference in reference to that. Ashlie: (09:15) Yeah, I am so grateful you haven't had to deal with that. But I can see just in thinking for myself, if, if I had to take somebody's life because a criminal tried to harm me in my life.

Ashlie: (09:30) How, how would I be able to carry my actions with me if I knew that I had to take their life? And I would imagine there's constant doubt that might creep in about, well, what else could I have done? But having somebody to talk those things through with I think would really lead you to the point of making sure that you're feeling good about your own actions in the face of that danger. And another resilient factor is having a coping strategy or a way of getting through any sort of bad events. And then learning from it. Clinton, I are very fortunate because we, we have a lot of collaborative efforts when it comes to vocalizing the goods and the bad's, the wins and the loses from any sort of negative event in our life. And we tried to find the gifts that come from it. And in my case opinion as it pertains to the resilient factors for any sort of PTSD related related incident. It's being able to talk through the strategy and then developing ways to find the gifts from it. And that's how to learn from moving forward with it. Ashlie: (10:39) And the last resilient factor here is being able to act and respond effectively despite feeling fearful as a trained professional. Clint, you a lot of first responders, military veterans, military service members, they're trained to be able to act and respond accordingly because you're, you're constantly drilled with that stimulus of having that unforeseen event happened during your training. But for the general population, they're not given that pre-frame or that defense mechanism to be able to give them that peace of mind. Ashlie: (11:20) But I think that having the ability to even walk through certain situations in your mind about the what ifs, having a strategic plan for natural disasters now before they happen, or even somebody breaking into your home, having a plan with your family and having a safe word, Clinton, I have a safe word, something, something along those lines to where you can do anything that you can to kind of fill in all the edges around the possibility of what if something happens. And I think it, it might not be, you know, the full proof, but it'll definitely be something to get you in the frame of mind to where if something so unfortunate does happen, you might not be paralyzed from it. Clint: (12:10) There's a really good book by Lieutenant Colonel Dave Grossman that's called on killing and in the book he really talks about the mindset of what exactly we're talking about and as a police officer, as a veteran, as a first responder in general, you have these mindsets of dealing with these instances and it's something that is so important just to you, you result to your training, and I encourage you to read this book. It will completely shift your mindset when it comes to this. When your mindset shifted, it's you start planning exactly like you said, it's all in the mindset that you have towards any given stage situation. Having a safe word, being prepared for a Travis tragic incident. Ashlie: (13:13) Absolutely, and I think by knowing and understanding what the risk factors are as it pertains to PTSD and then knowing that there are resilient factors that you're capable of incorporating literally right now into your day to day, it gives a little bit more hope. It gives hope because there are chances that you, as you're listening to this, might be experiencing symptoms of PTSD now, or you might be post a traumatic event in the future. We just don't know. And by having the awareness of the risk factors and knowing that you can put yourself and those that you care about in a safer place, by just being prepared and knowing what the facts are, then you're really able to enjoy your Tactical Living.

Resource: www.save.org

Balance. Optimize. Tactics.

Hit that subscribe button so that you don't miss a day of the added value that I am dedicated to sharing with you weekly.

Let's Connect!

Facebook

Instagram

Email: [email protected]

LinkedIn

Website: www.leowarriors.com

Ashlie: (00:18)
Welcome back to another episode of Tactical Living by LEO Warriors. I'm your host, Ashlie Walton

Clint:

And I'm your co-host Clinton Walton.

Ashlie: Today's episode is going to be a little bit different. It'll be different because this will be a series. Today is going to be day number one of our three part series on PTSD and suicide because this week is national suicide awareness week, so sit back, relax and enjoy today's content. We've talked about PTSD quite a few times as it pertains to this show in first responders, but because it's national suicide prevention week, I thought it was important to really lay out PTSD and suicide, what the correlation is and today we're going to focus on some of the symptoms. There's an endless amount of resources available on PTSD and suicide. I've done a lot of studies and research myself. This is an area of interest for me. I am not a healthcare professional. So if you do feel like you're alone and like you need to seek additional counsel, I'll leave additional resources in the info below. When it comes to any sort of post-traumatic stress disorder, this can happen in any element of people and not just first responders, not just combat veterans. This can happen to a daughter. This could happen to a friend. This could happen to a parent. And a lot of the tendencies for these emotions tend to be the ones that people keep bottled up.

Ashlie: (02:06)
Inevitably, anybody that has faced combat or any sort of combat exposure, be it in the military or being a first responder, you could face some post-traumatic stress as a result of that. As you sit there, maybe you or somebody you know had the unfortunate past history like child sexual abuse. Maybe you've been in a physically abusive relationship, even experiencing terrorist attacks. Thinking back to 9/11, this could also create instances of post-traumatic stress.

Ashlie: (02:45)
Any sort of serious accidents such as being in a car accident and for example, this can create memories of what that tragic event was that you'll carry with you for the rest of your life. Natural disasters, fires, tornadoes. We live in Southern California. We've talked about the earthquakes before. Experiencing something that is uncommon that stimulates a stressor in you that makes it feel like you're in the fight or flight response mode to the extreme. I want to go into some of the symptoms because if you were to look on websites such as www.save.org, they have this laid out in a way that explains things really well.

Ashlie: (03:35)
One of the main symptoms of PTSD is reliving the event. I'll quote this and it's also called re-experiencing the symptoms.

Ashlie: (03:46)
Our prefrontal cortex gave us the ability to relive moments as though they were really happening and we didn't have this back when we became homo sapiens. This is something that was developed over time to be able to relive a moment, relive a memory, to picture everything about it, to even create the sense of smell and awareness as though you are back in that place. Once again, reliving those moments time and time again, especially as it pertains to something tragic could be a sign of post-traumatic stress disorder, flashbacks, having nightmares. Even creating those flashbacks in a way to where they become so vivid that it starts to scare you. Another symptom could be avoiding situations that remind you of that event that took place. Maybe for you that means staying away from people, certain places, things that remind you of what, what had happened, what you experienced.

Ashlie: (04:54)
Sometimes feeling numb to the situation. Avoiding or even thinking about the experience all together is also a sign of post-traumatic stress. Again, these aren't things that I come up with myself. I'm taking some of this from www.save.org. If you were to look at their PTSD and suicide awareness and taking some of what is said here, and I'm also incorporating some of the things that I've learned along the way. Any negative changes in beliefs and feelings, maybe things are fine, but all of the sudden you start to feel fearful or guilt or shame. Maybe sometimes as you sit there, you lose interest in activities that you remember. You used to like once in the past. For some they might stuff those feelings of that tragic so far back that they have trouble remembering that event altogether. That could be another symptom of post-traumatic stress disorder. As you sit there, maybe you've seen movies of a combat veteran coming home and he hears a firework going off or a slamming of a door and it startles them. Those hyperarousal symptoms are also symptoms that could be PTSD related. Sometimes people that have symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder will feel that it's difficult to concentrate or even sleep at night

Ashlie: (06:43)
Being easily agitated or angry. These are just four of the main components of reliving the moment. Avoiding situations, negative changes in belief and then, hyperarousal that could mean that if this is something that you continuously feel could be related to a tragic event that you've experienced in the past and as you sit there, maybe you yourself or somebody that you know has experienced some of these symptoms before. I want to point out that there's nothing wrong with you or them if that's the case. All of these symptoms are normal. They're normal. If you're faced with these types of instances that you should have never had to have faced in the first place, and I have a big problem with there being such a lack of awareness on the fact that it's okay to have these sorts of feelings, these sorts of symptoms, because people are made to feel like there's something wrong with them. It's not wrong. If that's a consequence of an event that had happened, what else could you expect? But the problem lies in people not feeling that it's okay to come forth and to share that they're experiencing these things. And Clint, I know that we've talked a lot about first responders having many of these symptoms and experiencing these things and not wanting to showcase their truths for fear of retribution or the negative feelings that they think other people might have on them.

Ashlie: (08:35)
But if we could just keep it real for a second, and let's pretend you had a partner come to you and they talked to you about a really terrible call that they went on a week ago and they're just venting to you and they're expressing one, two, maybe all of these symptoms, what would your perception that person be?

Clint: (08:57)
I wouldn't have any negative perception towards them at all. It would be almost one of offering resources to them and trying to just hold space for them to allow them to express everything that they need to. And I think it's so important in so many ways. We utilize humor as kind of a venting process to kind of make fun of a specific instance or to work ourselves through that. And I would possibly joke with that person,

Clint: (09:37)
You know, you bring up the topic of humor and I've been studying a lot of Joe Navarro's work. He's a former FBI agent and he studies non-verbal’s. He's probably the most intelligent when it comes to reading non-verbal’s. And he showcases the fact that using humor oftentimes will pacify somebody and that really puts on a front for what's going on on a deeper level.

Ashlie: (10:04)
And that's interesting to hear because I see it on such a regular basis with just everyone I work with. You know, we rationalize things to a point of, well, if it had to happen to someone at least to happen to them or whatever else it may be joking at a traffic, uh, tragic traffic accident. Well, oh, I just wanted my lunch so I eat my cheeseburger over the, the dead guys sitting in the passenger seat or whatever else I may be. But that's not really addressing those issues that are underlying. So in the example where my partner comes up to me, I would almost recommend then to talk to somebody, but with them coming to me, I would take that as them wanting to talk with me and I would almost be there for them to hold that container per say for them to let them get what they feel off their chest. And if I recognize something that needs to go to a medical professional, I would definitely tell them they should seek that out. But in most cases, as police officers, as first responders, we don't want to do that because of the label, because we feel if we do that, we're going to be judged by our peers. We're the manliest men that it kind of makes me laugh earlier, your dad said I, when I was younger, I never cried. I believed that men were not supposed to cry.

Clint: (11:50)
I took that and I held that because when you experience something so tragic that no human being should see, there comes a point where you may just have to let it go and learn the techniques and tools of embodiment or of meditation or prayer, whatever else it may be to kind of get that off your chest.

Ashlie: (12:22)
I really like that response because it shows that even if that first step of getting something off your chest is seeking the counsel with somebody that you know and trust, it doesn't always have to be a medical professional or at least it doesn't have to be as the first step and it would take a lot of courage to take that first step to open your mouth and say, hey, listen, I'm feeling something as a result of something I experienced or something that I saw. It doesn't feel good like I need to let off this steam

Clint: (12:55)
and I think that's something as a partner, as a peer, whatever else we may be in that profession, we all need to start holding that space for our partners. There's no one else out there better to help each other work through it with one another.

Ashlie: (13:16)
That brings up a good point and it's that it works both ways. A lot of times we don't want to showcase our concern either. I know especially as a first responder doing the simple act of going to a partner and asking, you know, is everything okay? When you know something that they experienced the day or the week before might be difficult to, but that opens up the pathway and even sharing like if you don't want to talk about it now, if you start to feel something later, I'm here like you have somebody in your corner whether you want to discuss it or you just want somebody to hold that container.

Clint: (13:57)
Yeah, and I really look at that and I, and I think of this instance of an officer involved shooting, my department specifically has a counselor there, but they mandate you go talk to that counselor before they clear you to even go home.

Clint: (14:16)
In that instance, you can go in the room, introduce yourself, they'll ask you a few questions and it's either open or closed off however much you want it to be. And having guys let go of their ego enough to where when they come out of that room, their partners all, what did you say to the counselor? Oh, I didn't say nothing or whatever, or I opened up to him. Then most of the time, either your partners are okay with it or they're going to give you a hard time for opening up and that's that we really want to get away from of critiquing others for bravery to open up in those instances because taking a life is not an easy situation and having to go through that is something that not everyone will or should hold lightly.

Ashlie: (15:16)
You said in an instance like that to get away from letting go of that ego is important and I think that's so important regardless of the profession or regardless of what it is that somebody has experienced.

Ashlie: (15:34)
And I think when people know it's okay to be expressive about any sort of symptoms that you're feeling after an event, be it immediately after days, after even years after when you come to the point of knowing it's been bottled up for too long now I'm ready to release it, that it's okay to be accepting of those symptoms and to know that those symptoms don't define who you are. It's merely something you're experiencing and it won't last forever. But the way that it won't last forever is usually by getting help. Am I taking that first step and letting go and whether it's you as you sit there listening or somebody that you know that's experienced something, it's my hope that you know that you don't have to hold on to it. If you are and you can share it with somebody in confidence, be it a friends, be it a professional. There are so many resources that are available. You can even do it through texts now, and I'll leave the links in the show notes here in case you or anyone that you know might need them.

Ashlie: (16:46)
And when you know that you're not alone in experiencing any of the symptoms, and you understand that the general population at one point in their life, well experience one or many of these symptoms too, and that it's okay to release them and you don't have to hold onto them and you're not alone, then you're really able to enjoy your Tactical Living.

Reference: www.save.org 

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Ashlie: (00:18) Welcome back to another episode of Tactical Living by LEO Warriors. I'm your host, Ashlie Walton

Clint:

And I'm your co-host Clinton Walton.

Ashlie: Today's episode is going to be a little bit different. It'll be different because this will be a series. Today is going to be day number one of our three part series on PTSD and suicide because this week is national suicide awareness week, so sit back, relax and enjoy today's content. We've talked about PTSD quite a few times as it pertains to this show in first responders, but because it's national suicide prevention week, I thought it was important to really lay out PTSD and suicide, what the correlation is and today we're going to focus on some of the symptoms. There's an endless amount of resources available on PTSD and suicide. I've done a lot of studies and research myself. This is an area of interest for me. I am not a healthcare professional. So if you do feel like you're alone and like you need to seek additional counsel, I'll leave additional resources in the info below. When it comes to any sort of post-traumatic stress disorder, this can happen in any element of people and not just first responders, not just combat veterans. This can happen to a daughter. This could happen to a friend. This could happen to a parent. And a lot of the tendencies for these emotions tend to be the ones that people keep bottled up. Ashlie: (02:06) Inevitably, anybody that has faced combat or any sort of combat exposure, be it in the military or being a first responder, you could face some post-traumatic stress as a result of that. As you sit there, maybe you or somebody you know had the unfortunate past history like child sexual abuse. Maybe you've been in a physically abusive relationship, even experiencing terrorist attacks. Thinking back to 9/11, this could also create instances of post-traumatic stress. Ashlie: (02:45) Any sort of serious accidents such as being in a car accident and for example, this can create memories of what that tragic event was that you'll carry with you for the rest of your life. Natural disasters, fires, tornadoes. We live in Southern California. We've talked about the earthquakes before. Experiencing something that is uncommon that stimulates a stressor in you that makes it feel like you're in the fight or flight response mode to the extreme. I want to go into some of the symptoms because if you were to look on websites such as www.save.org, they have this laid out in a way that explains things really well.

Ashlie: (03:35) One of the main symptoms of PTSD is reliving the event. I'll quote this and it's also called re-experiencing the symptoms. Ashlie: (03:46) Our prefrontal cortex gave us the ability to relive moments as though they were really happening and we didn't have this back when we became homo sapiens. This is something that was developed over time to be able to relive a moment, relive a memory, to picture everything about it, to even create the sense of smell and awareness as though you are back in that place. Once again, reliving those moments time and time again, especially as it pertains to something tragic could be a sign of post-traumatic stress disorder, flashbacks, having nightmares. Even creating those flashbacks in a way to where they become so vivid that it starts to scare you. Another symptom could be avoiding situations that remind you of that event that took place. Maybe for you that means staying away from people, certain places, things that remind you of what, what had happened, what you experienced. Ashlie: (04:54) Sometimes feeling numb to the situation. Avoiding or even thinking about the experience all together is also a sign of post-traumatic stress. Again, these aren't things that I come up with myself. I'm taking some of this from www.save.org. If you were to look at their PTSD and suicide awareness and taking some of what is said here, and I'm also incorporating some of the things that I've learned along the way. Any negative changes in beliefs and feelings, maybe things are fine, but all of the sudden you start to feel fearful or guilt or shame. Maybe sometimes as you sit there, you lose interest in activities that you remember. You used to like once in the past. For some they might stuff those feelings of that tragic so far back that they have trouble remembering that event altogether. That could be another symptom of post-traumatic stress disorder. As you sit there, maybe you've seen movies of a combat veteran coming home and he hears a firework going off or a slamming of a door and it startles them. Those hyperarousal symptoms are also symptoms that could be PTSD related. Sometimes people that have symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder will feel that it's difficult to concentrate or even sleep at night Ashlie: (06:43) Being easily agitated or angry. These are just four of the main components of reliving the moment. Avoiding situations, negative changes in belief and then, hyperarousal that could mean that if this is something that you continuously feel could be related to a tragic event that you've experienced in the past and as you sit there, maybe you yourself or somebody that you know has experienced some of these symptoms before. I want to point out that there's nothing wrong with you or them if that's the case. All of these symptoms are normal. They're normal. If you're faced with these types of instances that you should have never had to have faced in the first place, and I have a big problem with there being such a lack of awareness on the fact that it's okay to have these sorts of feelings, these sorts of symptoms, because people are made to feel like there's something wrong with them. It's not wrong. If that's a consequence of an event that had happened, what else could you expect? But the problem lies in people not feeling that it's okay to come forth and to share that they're experiencing these things. And Clint, I know that we've talked a lot about first responders having many of these symptoms and experiencing these things and not wanting to showcase their truths for fear of retribution or the negative feelings that they think other people might have on them. Ashlie: (08:35) But if we could just keep it real for a second, and let's pretend you had a partner come to you and they talked to you about a really terrible call that they went on a week ago and they're just venting to you and they're expressing one, two, maybe all of these symptoms, what would your perception that person be? Clint: (08:57) I wouldn't have any negative perception towards them at all. It would be almost one of offering resources to them and trying to just hold space for them to allow them to express everything that they need to. And I think it's so important in so many ways. We utilize humor as kind of a venting process to kind of make fun of a specific instance or to work ourselves through that. And I would possibly joke with that person, Clint: (09:37) You know, you bring up the topic of humor and I've been studying a lot of Joe Navarro's work. He's a former FBI agent and he studies non-verbal's. He's probably the most intelligent when it comes to reading non-verbal's. And he showcases the fact that using humor oftentimes will pacify somebody and that really puts on a front for what's going on on a deeper level. Ashlie: (10:04) And that's interesting to hear because I see it on such a regular basis with just everyone I work with. You know, we rationalize things to a point of, well, if it had to happen to someone at least to happen to them or whatever else it may be joking at a traffic, uh, tragic traffic accident. Well, oh, I just wanted my lunch so I eat my cheeseburger over the, the dead guys sitting in the passenger seat or whatever else I may be. But that's not really addressing those issues that are underlying. So in the example where my partner comes up to me, I would almost recommend then to talk to somebody, but with them coming to me, I would take that as them wanting to talk with me and I would almost be there for them to hold that container per say for them to let them get what they feel off their chest. And if I recognize something that needs to go to a medical professional, I would definitely tell them they should seek that out. But in most cases, as police officers, as first responders, we don't want to do that because of the label, because we feel if we do that, we're going to be judged by our peers. We're the manliest men that it kind of makes me laugh earlier, your dad said I, when I was younger, I never cried. I believed that men were not supposed to cry. Clint: (11:50) I took that and I held that because when you experience something so tragic that no human being should see, there comes a point where you may just have to let it go and learn the techniques and tools of embodiment or of meditation or prayer, whatever else it may be to kind of get that off your chest. Ashlie: (12:22) I really like that response because it shows that even if that first step of getting something off your chest is seeking the counsel with somebody that you know and trust, it doesn't always have to be a medical professional or at least it doesn't have to be as the first step and it would take a lot of courage to take that first step to open your mouth and say, hey, listen, I'm feeling something as a result of something I experienced or something that I saw. It doesn't feel good like I need to let off this steam Clint: (12:55) and I think that's something as a partner, as a peer, whatever else we may be in that profession, we all need to start holding that space for our partners. There's no one else out there better to help each other work through it with one another. Ashlie: (13:16) That brings up a good point and it's that it works both ways. A lot of times we don't want to showcase our concern either. I know especially as a first responder doing the simple act of going to a partner and asking, you know, is everything okay? When you know something that they experienced the day or the week before might be difficult to, but that opens up the pathway and even sharing like if you don't want to talk about it now, if you start to feel something later, I'm here like you have somebody in your corner whether you want to discuss it or you just want somebody to hold that container. Clint: (13:57) Yeah, and I really look at that and I, and I think of this instance of an officer involved shooting, my department specifically has a counselor there, but they mandate you go talk to that counselor before they clear you to even go home. Clint: (14:16) In that instance, you can go in the room, introduce yourself, they'll ask you a few questions and it's either open or closed off however much you want it to be. And having guys let go of their ego enough to where when they come out of that room, their partners all, what did you say to the counselor? Oh, I didn't say nothing or whatever, or I opened up to him. Then most of the time, either your partners are okay with it or they're going to give you a hard time for opening up and that's that we really want to get away from of critiquing others for bravery to open up in those instances because taking a life is not an easy situation and having to go through that is something that not everyone will or should hold lightly. Ashlie: (15:16) You said in an instance like that to get away from letting go of that ego is important and I think that's so important regardless of the profession or regardless of what it is that somebody has experienced. Ashlie: (15:34) And I think when people know it's okay to be expressive about any sort of symptoms that you're feeling after an event, be it immediately after days, after even years after when you come to the point of knowing it's been bottled up for too long now I'm ready to release it, that it's okay to be accepting of those symptoms and to know that those symptoms don't define who you are. It's merely something you're experiencing and it won't last forever. But the way that it won't last forever is usually by getting help. Am I taking that first step and letting go and whether it's you as you sit there listening or somebody that you know that's experienced something, it's my hope that you know that you don't have to hold on to it. If you are and you can share it with somebody in confidence, be it a friends, be it a professional. There are so many resources that are available. You can even do it through texts now, and I'll leave the links in the show notes here in case you or anyone that you know might need them. Ashlie: (16:46) And when you know that you're not alone in experiencing any of the symptoms, and you understand that the general population at one point in their life, well experience one or many of these symptoms too, and that it's okay to release them and you don't have to hold onto them and you're not alone, then you're really able to enjoy your Tactical Living.

Reference: www.save.org

Balance. Optimize. Tactics.

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Ashlie: (00:18)
Welcome back to another episode of Tactical Living by LEO Warriors. I'm your host, Ashlie Walton.

Clint: And I'm your co-host Clint Walden.

Ashlie: In today's episode, I want to talk about why we need to tell all those people who say failure is not an option to fuck off, so just sit back, relax and enjoy today's content. Then you might be wondering as you sit there, what the heck I'm talking about and the reason I'm bringing up this topic is because this is something that's presented itself quite a few times, especially in our training that clay and I are going through with the human potential institute. I actually stumbled upon a podcast where this was made mention of again and that's why I felt the need to bring it here to your speakers today. Now those people that say failure is not an option. I don't think that it's ill intended, but what I'm realizing is that those people don't understand the importance of failure.

Clint: (01:27)
Failure is so important in order for us to be able to take a step back and to self. Correct. And then to work our asses off harder and harder in order to execute what it is that we're trying to execute in the first place.

Ashlie: (01:43)
And it's so easy for us to just brush it off. Like I didn't make the team, I didn't make the position. I didn't advance in my career. I didn't when the girl… like named something…there are a million things in life that you will fail out. But what happens on the back side of that is something so much more empowering than to just say failure's not an option. Sure. We want to work as hard as we can. We want to put our all into everything that we do. We want to work as hard as we can without any anticipation of failure. But it happens. We fail.

Ashlie: (02:29)
And when that happens, we have this entirely new realization that we couldn't see before the failure. And I know that there's been many times throughout our marriage, Clint, where you and I have both failed at numerous things. And in that we found strength. We found strength in not only in one another, but we've also been able to showcase strength and give it to one another. Failure

Clint: (03:00)
To me is something that it's inevitable, like you already talked about it. Something that if we only dwell on what we failed at and don't figure out what we want to do to fix that failure or to learn from it to maybe take a different approach or maybe it's something that we weren't really supposed to do. In general, that growth that you receive from the failure can be astronomical. I know one of my coaching clients that I've worked with for some time now, he experienced failure throughout his life, through diet, through exercise, through whatever else it may be, but really honing in on that failure. He is able to self-analyze and figure out, well, what he was doing wasn't working, so he decided to take a different approach and go into the coaching world and now he's become super successful in what he's doing.

Ashlie: (04:07)
As you're saying that, it reminds me of the countless times when Clint has been driving in a new place, we've gotten lost and he insists he knew exactly where we were.

Clint: (04:18)
You're not lost if you know where you are at,

Ashlie: (04:22)
but in that you're driving. We all get lost. We drive, we think we know where we're going. We rely on GPS. Maybe we don't, and when we get lost, that doesn't mean we throw in the towel and we turn around and go home. What that means is we observe, we take a moment, we take a breath, and then we find a new way around the obstacle, the obstacle of failure. We failed to arrive at our destination, so now we need to try something else, a different way to get there, and that applies to every area of your life. You're not going to just stop what you're doing and say, forget it all every single time that things don't go your way. Those times when things don't work out the way that you hoped it would. No. Instead, you take a look back at every step that you took that led you to exactly where you're at and you see what you need to do different and you grow from that and chances are when you start at point a for the second, third, maybe even fourth time, you're going to get through most of the whole process significantly better, significantly stronger and quicker than you did in the first place.

Ashlie: (05:44)
That's what builds your endurance. Failure is endurance. Without that failure, we wouldn't have the strength that we need in order to propel us forward in any of the things that we ultimately want to achieve in our life, and we have no way of raising the bar for ourselves in that way. If things are just handed to you all the time, which we've seen, and I'm sure as you sit there, you can think of many people in your life that have had the world handed to them on a silver platter. Think of that person. I'm sure you've compared yourself to that person many times, but compare yourself in a way to where you're identifying all of the things that you've had to struggle through all of the suck and yet all of the things that they've omitted from having to do in their life. Maybe they've had somebody pay their way for them.

Ashlie: (06:44)
and are they stronger than you? Chances are they're not. Chances are your backbone is a heck of a lot straighter than theirs will ever be because they were never given the option to fail. I see that in my own family. I see that with my brothers who, yes, they, they work hard as contractors with my dad under his name and his company, but there's nothing that solidifies there career. There's nothing that solidifies their work ethic because my dad has given so much to them to give them a better life. In true fashion of most parents, you want to do as much as you can for your kids to make it easier for them, but I have a a big problem with that on the back end.

Ashlie: (07:40)
Maybe there's some envy there because my dad didn't treat me the same way. I am the only girl grew up in a home. I have five brothers.

Ashlie: (07:50)
And he didn't expect me to go use a pick and shovel and being on wood for her living and I'm appreciative for that. I'm appreciative because I did so many other things that challenged me that put me through struggle and a majority of that I had to learn on my own and in doing that, I failed a lot. My folks didn't go to college. My Dad didn't even go to high school. I didn't have somebody to turn to to ask these questions to lean on for the answers. The boys didn't have to worry about that because they didn't need that in order to advance in their career. It was already established for them.

Ashlie: (08:39)
I don't feel the need to compare myself to them, but if you were to ask them, they would probably tell you that my backbone is significantly stronger than theirs.

Ashlie: (08:53)
That comes from a place of any time that turmoil has happened in my family, I am not the first one they call. I am the only one that they lean on. I'm their support. I'm their word of reason. And I'm, I'm saying that from a place of true humility because I didn't ask for that. But in looking back, I know that all of the things that I had to struggle out on my own, all of the mud that I had to really try to walk through on my own is what led me to this place of being able to give and to pour into them, especially when they need it.

Ashlie: (09:38)
And I think when people say failure's not an option, we need to challenge that. We need to ask ourselves how we're going to work the hardest at whatever it is that we're anticipating getting through for the day, for the week, for the month, whatever that goal is.

Ashlie: (09:57)
And if it doesn't work out to not be so hard on ourselves, it's easy. Clint, as you mentioned with your client, it's easy for us to have that sort of self-sabotage, that inner chatter come up when we want to be hard on ourselves for things not working out the way that we wanted them to. We all do it, but with practice we're able to reconfirm the way that we look at failure. We can look at it as another step forward and the coolest thing happens when we do fail. I've had many times in my life, and maybe you have as you sit there where you thought you wanted one thing, you fail at it and then it turns out you want something completely different and I think that's completely different. Might even be so much more difficult to achieve. Then the first thing was to begin with, but you're better prepared the second time around.

Ashlie: (11:02)
I could think of a time when I applied for, I would say a higher profile job in the world of education. I got to a place where most people didn't in terms of the hiring process and I didn't get the job. They picked somebody that was already in the realm of education. I knew nothing about it, so the fact that I even got as far as I did in the process was surprising to most people who knew that I was even going through the process and in retrospect, I can't even believe that I applied for that job and this is a no disrespect to educators, but that environment I would have been miserable around and instead that failure led me to understand that I will never work for another human being in my life. That fail led me to starting our own company. Being able to speak here through these speakers, things that we enjoy to deal. None of that would have even been a picture in our mind had I pass that process in and achieved what I thought I wanted at the time. It's important to point out that when these failures happen in our lives, it doesn't mean you're a failure. You are not a failure because you failed. You literally have additional tools in your arsenal to be able to use for the next go around the next goal that you set for yourself. And when you're able to understand that failure is only an asset, then you're really able to enjoy your Tactical Living.

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Ashlie: (00:18) Welcome back to another episode of Tactical Living by LEO Warriors. I'm your host, Ashlie Walton.

Clint: And I'm your co-host Clint Walden.

Ashlie: In today's episode, I want to talk about why we need to tell all those people who say failure is not an option to fuck off, so just sit back, relax and enjoy today's content. Then you might be wondering as you sit there, what the heck I'm talking about and the reason I'm bringing up this topic is because this is something that's presented itself quite a few times, especially in our training that clay and I are going through with the human potential institute. I actually stumbled upon a podcast where this was made mention of again and that's why I felt the need to bring it here to your speakers today. Now those people that say failure is not an option. I don't think that it's ill intended, but what I'm realizing is that those people don't understand the importance of failure. Clint: (01:27) Failure is so important in order for us to be able to take a step back and to self. Correct. And then to work our asses off harder and harder in order to execute what it is that we're trying to execute in the first place. Ashlie: (01:43) And it's so easy for us to just brush it off. Like I didn't make the team, I didn't make the position. I didn't advance in my career. I didn't when the girl… like named something…there are a million things in life that you will fail out. But what happens on the back side of that is something so much more empowering than to just say failure's not an option. Sure. We want to work as hard as we can. We want to put our all into everything that we do. We want to work as hard as we can without any anticipation of failure. But it happens. We fail. Ashlie: (02:29) And when that happens, we have this entirely new realization that we couldn't see before the failure. And I know that there's been many times throughout our marriage, Clint, where you and I have both failed at numerous things. And in that we found strength. We found strength in not only in one another, but we've also been able to showcase strength and give it to one another. Failure Clint: (03:00) To me is something that it's inevitable, like you already talked about it. Something that if we only dwell on what we failed at and don't figure out what we want to do to fix that failure or to learn from it to maybe take a different approach or maybe it's something that we weren't really supposed to do. In general, that growth that you receive from the failure can be astronomical. I know one of my coaching clients that I've worked with for some time now, he experienced failure throughout his life, through diet, through exercise, through whatever else it may be, but really honing in on that failure. He is able to self-analyze and figure out, well, what he was doing wasn't working, so he decided to take a different approach and go into the coaching world and now he's become super successful in what he's doing. Ashlie: (04:07) As you're saying that, it reminds me of the countless times when Clint has been driving in a new place, we've gotten lost and he insists he knew exactly where we were. Clint: (04:18) You're not lost if you know where you are at, Ashlie: (04:22) but in that you're driving. We all get lost. We drive, we think we know where we're going. We rely on GPS. Maybe we don't, and when we get lost, that doesn't mean we throw in the towel and we turn around and go home. What that means is we observe, we take a moment, we take a breath, and then we find a new way around the obstacle, the obstacle of failure. We failed to arrive at our destination, so now we need to try something else, a different way to get there, and that applies to every area of your life. You're not going to just stop what you're doing and say, forget it all every single time that things don't go your way. Those times when things don't work out the way that you hoped it would. No. Instead, you take a look back at every step that you took that led you to exactly where you're at and you see what you need to do different and you grow from that and chances are when you start at point a for the second, third, maybe even fourth time, you're going to get through most of the whole process significantly better, significantly stronger and quicker than you did in the first place. Ashlie: (05:44) That's what builds your endurance. Failure is endurance. Without that failure, we wouldn't have the strength that we need in order to propel us forward in any of the things that we ultimately want to achieve in our life, and we have no way of raising the bar for ourselves in that way. If things are just handed to you all the time, which we've seen, and I'm sure as you sit there, you can think of many people in your life that have had the world handed to them on a silver platter. Think of that person. I'm sure you've compared yourself to that person many times, but compare yourself in a way to where you're identifying all of the things that you've had to struggle through all of the suck and yet all of the things that they've omitted from having to do in their life. Maybe they've had somebody pay their way for them. Ashlie: (06:44) and are they stronger than you? Chances are they're not. Chances are your backbone is a heck of a lot straighter than theirs will ever be because they were never given the option to fail. I see that in my own family. I see that with my brothers who, yes, they, they work hard as contractors with my dad under his name and his company, but there's nothing that solidifies there career. There's nothing that solidifies their work ethic because my dad has given so much to them to give them a better life. In true fashion of most parents, you want to do as much as you can for your kids to make it easier for them, but I have a a big problem with that on the back end. Ashlie: (07:40) Maybe there's some envy there because my dad didn't treat me the same way. I am the only girl grew up in a home. I have five brothers. Ashlie: (07:50) And he didn't expect me to go use a pick and shovel and being on wood for her living and I'm appreciative for that. I'm appreciative because I did so many other things that challenged me that put me through struggle and a majority of that I had to learn on my own and in doing that, I failed a lot. My folks didn't go to college. My Dad didn't even go to high school. I didn't have somebody to turn to to ask these questions to lean on for the answers. The boys didn't have to worry about that because they didn't need that in order to advance in their career. It was already established for them. Ashlie: (08:39) I don't feel the need to compare myself to them, but if you were to ask them, they would probably tell you that my backbone is significantly stronger than theirs. Ashlie: (08:53) That comes from a place of any time that turmoil has happened in my family, I am not the first one they call. I am the only one that they lean on. I'm their support. I'm their word of reason. And I'm, I'm saying that from a place of true humility because I didn't ask for that. But in looking back, I know that all of the things that I had to struggle out on my own, all of the mud that I had to really try to walk through on my own is what led me to this place of being able to give and to pour into them, especially when they need it. Ashlie: (09:38) And I think when people say failure's not an option, we need to challenge that. We need to ask ourselves how we're going to work the hardest at whatever it is that we're anticipating getting through for the day, for the week, for the month, whatever that goal is. Ashlie: (09:57) And if it doesn't work out to not be so hard on ourselves, it's easy. Clint, as you mentioned with your client, it's easy for us to have that sort of self-sabotage, that inner chatter come up when we want to be hard on ourselves for things not working out the way that we wanted them to. We all do it, but with practice we're able to reconfirm the way that we look at failure. We can look at it as another step forward and the coolest thing happens when we do fail. I've had many times in my life, and maybe you have as you sit there where you thought you wanted one thing, you fail at it and then it turns out you want something completely different and I think that's completely different. Might even be so much more difficult to achieve. Then the first thing was to begin with, but you're better prepared the second time around. Ashlie: (11:02) I could think of a time when I applied for, I would say a higher profile job in the world of education. I got to a place where most people didn't in terms of the hiring process and I didn't get the job. They picked somebody that was already in the realm of education. I knew nothing about it, so the fact that I even got as far as I did in the process was surprising to most people who knew that I was even going through the process and in retrospect, I can't even believe that I applied for that job and this is a no disrespect to educators, but that environment I would have been miserable around and instead that failure led me to understand that I will never work for another human being in my life. That fail led me to starting our own company. Being able to speak here through these speakers, things that we enjoy to deal. None of that would have even been a picture in our mind had I pass that process in and achieved what I thought I wanted at the time. It's important to point out that when these failures happen in our lives, it doesn't mean you're a failure. You are not a failure because you failed. You literally have additional tools in your arsenal to be able to use for the next go around the next goal that you set for yourself. And when you're able to understand that failure is only an asset, then you're really able to enjoy your Tactical Living.

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Ashlie: (00:18)
Welcome back to another episode of Tactical Living by LEO Warriors. I'm your host, Ashlie Walton.

Clint:

And I'm your co-host Clint Walton.

Ashlie: In today's episode, we're going to talk about how I believe the abundance of media and the accessibility of media has really desensitized us to a lot of the really sensitive matters that take place in this world. So just sit back, relax and enjoy today's content.

Ashlie: (00:49)
This morning after Clint, I got done working out, we drove over to my dad's house.

Ashlie: (00:56)
We live off of a dirt road and as soon as we turned onto the main road, we noticed that there looked to be three vans that in our minds look looked vary similar to that of the coroner. And right across the street from those vans was a police unit. We kind of brushed it off, wondered what it was. I made mention of the fact that it looked like the coroner and then I told Clint, I hope that there wasn't a dead body found that close to our house. We drove to my dad's. Clint went swimming in the pool with my nephew and as we were there, I got a text message from a friend telling me that there was somebody that was ran over and killed and he didn't know if it was by a train right by our house or if it was by a vehicle, but then we put two and two together and we realized that it really was somebody that had passed away. Usually my mind goes in a million different places. Usually the first place it goes is wondering whether or not there was a homicide, especially if it was that close to our house.

Ashlie: (02:20)
Later on after we got home, I started to read the article about what happened and the article was pretty brief. This had just happened at 5:30 this morning

Ashlie: (02:31)
And all that it said is that there was a pedestrian versus vehicle and the pedestrian is deceased, and I go on to read the comments and I noticed that there's a woman commenting about how tragic this is and that it appears that the young man that was struck by the vehicle was a friend of her sons and that he had passed away

Ashlie: (02:57)
and as I continue reading comments, I'm looking at how heinous some people are talking. They're making jokes about how a person shouldn't have been on the road…making jokes by posting pictures of like trains and what's that book with the, the train that really popular book? The Little Engine That Could…Anyways, it's not important. They're just posting a lot of things that are really taking away from the fact that somebody's life was taken this morning and evidently it was a very young person whose life was taken.

Ashlie: (03:43)
And seemingly, from the speculation at least, it seems as though this was an intentional suicide.

Ashlie: (03:53)
Where this particular stretch of road is, it's very easy for even a vehicle to get into a collision if you're not paying attention because there's quite a big, a big lift, I guess. A big hill that you have to drive over and you can't see what's on the other side until you're there. So it's very important to be aware of that and cognizant. And in saying that, there's a lot of people that don't regularly drive this road and those that do typically drive way too fast.

Ashlie: (04:26)
And I just, I couldn't believe the amount of disassociation for the fact that there was a loss of human life and how people think that it's okay to hide behind a computer or a phone screen to make up their own stories and then to not take into consideration that there's an actual son that was behind all of those messages. Somebody, probably a lot of somebody's lives were completely changed forever, simply based on something that happened this morning, be it intentional or not.

Clint: (05:03)
Let alone the fact of the vehicle that actually struck him because that's traumatic within itself.

Ashlie: (05:12)
Absolutely. I couldn't imagine. We drive this road several times a day usually, and that could've very easily been us.

Clint: (05:21)
Yeah, it's, it's crazy to see the response that everybody has in regards to incidents like this or even going into the mass shootings or you name it. Going into killing or someone losing their life in general. Nowadays, you just don't see this responsive sorrow.

Ashlie: (05:46)
Yeah, there's, there's no empathy that seems to exist and if there is, it's very little.

Clint: (05:51)
If you're not directly impacted by it, it's definitely not there.

Ashlie: (05:57)
I remember being, uh, probably about 14 or 15 years old and there was an incident where a young girl was driving in a vehicle and they got into a car accident maybe two blocks away from my house and things like that didn't happen as much it seemed. And in retrospect, perhaps it did, but because we didn't have anything except for like the channel seven news to be able to watch to pay witness when things like this happened, we didn't have the level of exposure to the reality of how often these things happen. And I do believe that these sorts of things are increasingly happening. And I remember it impacting me so much that it brought me to tears. And the friend I was with, I just asked if we can go to the market to just grab a rose. And I just went there and it was crazy to see the way that everybody that drove past instead of continuing, they just stopped. And as a community we all sort of congregated and just paid our respects to this loss of life.

Clint: (07:07)
You know, it's funny, I was thinking of the 9/11 terrorist attacks yesterday actually. You know, it's approaching very soon. And I was just thinking, I remember my response to it. I was a sophomore in high school at the time and it just was really tragic. I remember all the instances surrounding around that.

Ashlie: (07:35)
Yeah. And it just seems that when we have such a vast amount of these types of things that we come into contact with on social media and on television on a routine basis, we're seeing so much of it that that feeling you get in your chest of that humanity and especially when there's a loss of life involved. I think, I mean, I'll admit it too. I feel like there is this level of disassociation by being exposed to it so much and clearly. I just wonder as a police officer, being exposed to those sorts of things, especially in this city that you work where it happens so often, how has that changed your perception?

Clint: (08:19)
And it goes into, for me personally, it turns into the jokes. It turns into you have to disassociate yourself with those instances because of dealing with it so much, or I should say lack thereof of dealing with it. And my mindset has definitely shifted to the effect of not wanting to watch the news, not wanting to be on social media to see this stuff or see those comments and especially read the comments because people are so just twisted nowadays.

Ashlie: (08:57)
They're tough behind computers. They really are. And I couldn't imagine being the sister if that was one of my family members. And I mean, I think that it's, it's in our nature to want to seek out information when something like this happens and having that resource, you know, through social media to be able to do that. I would imagine it's a very common thing to do in the face of a tragedy. And so going onto these posts and reading the news articles and inevitably scrolling down and seeing what some of these people say about somebody that you cared about and loves so much…what if it was you as you sit there and listen? Could you imagine losing somebody in your life like that? And then to have these perfect strangers act like they know what they're talking about and then be so careless in regard to what they're saying.

Ashlie: (09:54)
Because like you said, they, they have this armor behind the screen. And of course if you were to come face to face with these people or even being in person with them, you would never talk that way. People do not speak to each other that way in person and in real interactions. So why do they feel the need to do it that way when they're behind a screen? It needs to stop. It's unfortunate and I know when President Obama was president, you know, Michelle Obama was trying a lot to really defend against the bullying and even our, our current White House administration is trying to do a lot as it pertains to bullying. And I can see how this just stems in a lot of different directions because we think of bullying and we think of these young innocent children who don't have their own defenses about them, but it goes further than that.

Ashlie: (10:56)
It's not just the young kids. I think that having comments like this is bullying in itself and I really wish that there were more strict regulations when it comes to the commenting process with the algorithm to weed out these people and teach them a lesson. I have to tell you as you sit there listening, Facebook does not care much for police. I will just tell you that based on many times that either myself or our social media team has tried posting things of relevance, nothing that violates the terms or the code of conduct as it pertains to Facebook. And we've been thrown in Facebook jail a significant amount of times simply based on the fact that they pick up on words such as police and law enforcement and they don't like it. And yet, they allow these types of comments to just grow and they take off like a virus because when one idiot decides to post something like that, other people think it's okay and they start to follow suit. And sure, there are a very few amount of defenders, but a level headed person doesn't want to get into some behind the screen argument and social fights over something that's as irrelevant as an idiot deciding to post such a bad comment about somebody in you know their death and it's too bad. It's too bad that right now this is the way that the wave is working when it comes to technology. And I feel like it's just another asset when it comes to the disassociation between humanity and technology. Really pulling the distance from that.

Ashlie: (12:50)
It didn't use to be this way. I remember the feelings. I remember what it was like to live in a world where we had to go look things up in a library. And of course, don't get me wrong, there are so many benefits for social media, but I also believe that there is an important amount of responsibility and I hope as you listen that you would agree with that and I hope that if you have kids, I couldn't imagine if we had kids and not sharing the importance of the responsibility of making sure that the person that you are behind the screen is the person that matches who you are in real life. That's important and when you lose that, that really disconnects who you are from your true identity and people can just play pretend and when they start to play pretend online, it makes me wonder how much of that is going to transpire into their real life. That's scary. When you think about it.

Ashlie: (14:05)
And as you sit there and listen, it's just my hope that any time that you are on social media, if you do see somebody acting that way, one simple tactic that I've used is by getting different websites, different telephone numbers as it pertains to bullying, and just simply saying, ‘hey, listen, I think you can use this website right now’ and leaving it at that. And when they click on that and they see that it's a proponent against bullying or against cyber threats or any type of media, social media disturbance, then that's really you being the bigger person. And when you're able to understand that there's a real person that exists behind every post, every article, everything you read, they love, they feel they hurt the same way you do, then you're really able to enjoy your Tactical Living.

Balance. Optimize. Tactics. 

Hit that subscribe button so that you don’t miss a day of the added value that I am dedicated to sharing with you weekly. 

Let’s Connect! 

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Website: www.leowarriors.com

Free Training: www.leowarrior.com

Ashlie: (00:18) Welcome back to another episode of Tactical Living by LEO Warriors. I'm your host, Ashlie Walton.

Clint:

And I'm your co-host Clint Walton.

Ashlie: In today's episode, we're going to talk about how I believe the abundance of media and the accessibility of media has really desensitized us to a lot of the really sensitive matters that take place in this world. So just sit back, relax and enjoy today's content. Ashlie: (00:49) This morning after Clint, I got done working out, we drove over to my dad's house. Ashlie: (00:56) We live off of a dirt road and as soon as we turned onto the main road, we noticed that there looked to be three vans that in our minds look looked vary similar to that of the coroner. And right across the street from those vans was a police unit. We kind of brushed it off, wondered what it was. I made mention of the fact that it looked like the coroner and then I told Clint, I hope that there wasn't a dead body found that close to our house. We drove to my dad's. Clint went swimming in the pool with my nephew and as we were there, I got a text message from a friend telling me that there was somebody that was ran over and killed and he didn't know if it was by a train right by our house or if it was by a vehicle, but then we put two and two together and we realized that it really was somebody that had passed away. Usually my mind goes in a million different places. Usually the first place it goes is wondering whether or not there was a homicide, especially if it was that close to our house. Ashlie: (02:20) Later on after we got home, I started to read the article about what happened and the article was pretty brief. This had just happened at 5:30 this morning Ashlie: (02:31) And all that it said is that there was a pedestrian versus vehicle and the pedestrian is deceased, and I go on to read the comments and I noticed that there's a woman commenting about how tragic this is and that it appears that the young man that was struck by the vehicle was a friend of her sons and that he had passed away Ashlie: (02:57) and as I continue reading comments, I'm looking at how heinous some people are talking. They're making jokes about how a person shouldn't have been on the road…making jokes by posting pictures of like trains and what's that book with the, the train that really popular book? The Little Engine That Could…Anyways, it's not important. They're just posting a lot of things that are really taking away from the fact that somebody's life was taken this morning and evidently it was a very young person whose life was taken. Ashlie: (03:43) And seemingly, from the speculation at least, it seems as though this was an intentional suicide. Ashlie: (03:53) Where this particular stretch of road is, it's very easy for even a vehicle to get into a collision if you're not paying attention because there's quite a big, a big lift, I guess. A big hill that you have to drive over and you can't see what's on the other side until you're there. So it's very important to be aware of that and cognizant. And in saying that, there's a lot of people that don't regularly drive this road and those that do typically drive way too fast. Ashlie: (04:26) And I just, I couldn't believe the amount of disassociation for the fact that there was a loss of human life and how people think that it's okay to hide behind a computer or a phone screen to make up their own stories and then to not take into consideration that there's an actual son that was behind all of those messages. Somebody, probably a lot of somebody's lives were completely changed forever, simply based on something that happened this morning, be it intentional or not. Clint: (05:03) Let alone the fact of the vehicle that actually struck him because that's traumatic within itself. Ashlie: (05:12) Absolutely. I couldn't imagine. We drive this road several times a day usually, and that could've very easily been us. Clint: (05:21) Yeah, it's, it's crazy to see the response that everybody has in regards to incidents like this or even going into the mass shootings or you name it. Going into killing or someone losing their life in general. Nowadays, you just don't see this responsive sorrow. Ashlie: (05:46) Yeah, there's, there's no empathy that seems to exist and if there is, it's very little. Clint: (05:51) If you're not directly impacted by it, it's definitely not there. Ashlie: (05:57) I remember being, uh, probably about 14 or 15 years old and there was an incident where a young girl was driving in a vehicle and they got into a car accident maybe two blocks away from my house and things like that didn't happen as much it seemed. And in retrospect, perhaps it did, but because we didn't have anything except for like the channel seven news to be able to watch to pay witness when things like this happened, we didn't have the level of exposure to the reality of how often these things happen. And I do believe that these sorts of things are increasingly happening. And I remember it impacting me so much that it brought me to tears. And the friend I was with, I just asked if we can go to the market to just grab a rose. And I just went there and it was crazy to see the way that everybody that drove past instead of continuing, they just stopped. And as a community we all sort of congregated and just paid our respects to this loss of life. Clint: (07:07) You know, it's funny, I was thinking of the 9/11 terrorist attacks yesterday actually. You know, it's approaching very soon. And I was just thinking, I remember my response to it. I was a sophomore in high school at the time and it just was really tragic. I remember all the instances surrounding around that. Ashlie: (07:35) Yeah. And it just seems that when we have such a vast amount of these types of things that we come into contact with on social media and on television on a routine basis, we're seeing so much of it that that feeling you get in your chest of that humanity and especially when there's a loss of life involved. I think, I mean, I'll admit it too. I feel like there is this level of disassociation by being exposed to it so much and clearly. I just wonder as a police officer, being exposed to those sorts of things, especially in this city that you work where it happens so often, how has that changed your perception? Clint: (08:19) And it goes into, for me personally, it turns into the jokes. It turns into you have to disassociate yourself with those instances because of dealing with it so much, or I should say lack thereof of dealing with it. And my mindset has definitely shifted to the effect of not wanting to watch the news, not wanting to be on social media to see this stuff or see those comments and especially read the comments because people are so just twisted nowadays. Ashlie: (08:57) They're tough behind computers. They really are. And I couldn't imagine being the sister if that was one of my family members. And I mean, I think that it's, it's in our nature to want to seek out information when something like this happens and having that resource, you know, through social media to be able to do that. I would imagine it's a very common thing to do in the face of a tragedy. And so going onto these posts and reading the news articles and inevitably scrolling down and seeing what some of these people say about somebody that you cared about and loves so much…what if it was you as you sit there and listen? Could you imagine losing somebody in your life like that? And then to have these perfect strangers act like they know what they're talking about and then be so careless in regard to what they're saying. Ashlie: (09:54) Because like you said, they, they have this armor behind the screen. And of course if you were to come face to face with these people or even being in person with them, you would never talk that way. People do not speak to each other that way in person and in real interactions. So why do they feel the need to do it that way when they're behind a screen? It needs to stop. It's unfortunate and I know when President Obama was president, you know, Michelle Obama was trying a lot to really defend against the bullying and even our, our current White House administration is trying to do a lot as it pertains to bullying. And I can see how this just stems in a lot of different directions because we think of bullying and we think of these young innocent children who don't have their own defenses about them, but it goes further than that. Ashlie: (10:56) It's not just the young kids. I think that having comments like this is bullying in itself and I really wish that there were more strict regulations when it comes to the commenting process with the algorithm to weed out these people and teach them a lesson. I have to tell you as you sit there listening, Facebook does not care much for police. I will just tell you that based on many times that either myself or our social media team has tried posting things of relevance, nothing that violates the terms or the code of conduct as it pertains to Facebook. And we've been thrown in Facebook jail a significant amount of times simply based on the fact that they pick up on words such as police and law enforcement and they don't like it. And yet, they allow these types of comments to just grow and they take off like a virus because when one idiot decides to post something like that, other people think it's okay and they start to follow suit. And sure, there are a very few amount of defenders, but a level headed person doesn't want to get into some behind the screen argument and social fights over something that's as irrelevant as an idiot deciding to post such a bad comment about somebody in you know their death and it's too bad. It's too bad that right now this is the way that the wave is working when it comes to technology. And I feel like it's just another asset when it comes to the disassociation between humanity and technology. Really pulling the distance from that. Ashlie: (12:50) It didn't use to be this way. I remember the feelings. I remember what it was like to live in a world where we had to go look things up in a library. And of course, don't get me wrong, there are so many benefits for social media, but I also believe that there is an important amount of responsibility and I hope as you listen that you would agree with that and I hope that if you have kids, I couldn't imagine if we had kids and not sharing the importance of the responsibility of making sure that the person that you are behind the screen is the person that matches who you are in real life. That's important and when you lose that, that really disconnects who you are from your true identity and people can just play pretend and when they start to play pretend online, it makes me wonder how much of that is going to transpire into their real life. That's scary. When you think about it. Ashlie: (14:05) And as you sit there and listen, it's just my hope that any time that you are on social media, if you do see somebody acting that way, one simple tactic that I've used is by getting different websites, different telephone numbers as it pertains to bullying, and just simply saying, 'hey, listen, I think you can use this website right now' and leaving it at that. And when they click on that and they see that it's a proponent against bullying or against cyber threats or any type of media, social media disturbance, then that's really you being the bigger person. And when you're able to understand that there's a real person that exists behind every post, every article, everything you read, they love, they feel they hurt the same way you do, then you're really able to enjoy your Tactical Living.

Balance. Optimize. Tactics.

Hit that subscribe button so that you don't miss a day of the added value that I am dedicated to sharing with you weekly.

Let's Connect!

Facebook

Instagram

Email: [email protected]

LinkedIn

Website: www.leowarriors.com

Free Training: www.leowarrior.com

911, what’s the nature of your emergency?

Ashlie: Welcome back to another episode of Tactical Living by LEO Warriors. I'm your host Ashlie Walton.

Clint: And I’m your co-host Clint Walton.

Ashlie: In today's episode we're going to talk about how with Clint and I not having any children were still able to enjoy being around children. And although some might not believe that to be true, we really experienced it yesterday. So just sit back, relax and enjoy today's content. Yesterday was a little bit different. It was a little bit different because unexpectedly my little nephew named Ripley.  Yes, his name is Ripley wound up at my dad's house. So Clint and I went over there to go and visit. This little boy has more energy than any child I have ever seen. He is four years old, a little unruly. He is an only child and I could tell that the energy in the room was starting to take its toll on my dad. After some convincing of Ripley letting me cut his nails because I could not stand the filth that was underneath them. We asked if he wanted to go to the park. We have a park really close to our house. Literally a 2-minute drive.

He agreed. We grabbed a bag of opened pretzels at my dads’ to feed to the ducks. Put in the car seat, got him excited and jammed up to go and we headed down to the park. I have never seen how excited a little boy could be just turning the corner and seeing this giant playground. And it wasn't the kind of excitement that he was just holding on to for himself. He saw this playground, started to run turned and looked at us with excitement and eagerly asked us to follow along. So we did. We ran to the playground with him and as I ran with him I stopped for a second as I started to stand on top of these woodchips and I say that because I can't remember the last time that I was standing on woodchips in the center of a playground. And I remembered it just like I was a kid. I remembered the additional cushion underneath those wood chips. I remembered how hot all of the equipment was. Of course nowadays there is no such thing as a metal slide, but on an incredibly hot California day it was still hot. And I just watched as Ripley ran into what seemed like a group of 20 kids and he was so calm. He was so understanding that these were his like people. This was his tribe. He started talking with the other kids. They started talking back with him. He made sure that he touched every single piece of equipment until he decided which one, he liked the most and in full transparency I felt a little out of place. 

Clint: And it's really funny to notice this because Ashlie and I when we were surrounding the playground equipment and I don't know if you noticed this or not, but we're watching Ripley he's climbing up, he's sliding down the slides. He's going on all these different things and all these other kids are around us, but we're pretty much the only adults standing there almost helicoptering them to make sure he didn't fall. And I looked around and I see all the other moms and dads are just sitting on the benches further away just enjoying their conversation. But you and I are both just we're set up on each side of the playground just in case he were to fall this way or fall this way. But I just noticed we're paranoid in reference to that and it made me laugh when I recognized that.

Ashlie: Okay. Part 1, it’s because he is not our child. 

Clint: Yeah that's true. 

Ashlie: Part 2, it's also because Ripley has a medical in piedmont. He has some developmental issues with his legs and his toes, and he expressed to us when he needed help and Clint and I made sure we were on either side of this giant playground in case he needed that help, which he asked for several times. I did notice that too. But what I also noticed was the engagement that the other kids were showing to us because we were present. We weren't sitting on the bench checking out our cell phones. We were completely engaged and cognizant of not only Ripley but all of the other kids. The ones that asked us to help boost them up onto the swing set. The ones that asked for an extra push or asked to help push Ripley. And it was actually kind of fun. It was kind of fun to see that engagement and a little humbling to just pay witness to how difficult it must be to be a parent and understand that you need that disconnect time by sitting on a bench checking your feet or whatever it may be and glancing up at your kid. I would imagine that helicopter parenting is something that fades away. I'm sure it would fade away had we done this consistently with Ripley. But he's like a special gem in our life. He's really the only young child that we have immediate access to. In our world especially with the boys that I grew up with, this is the only grandchild that is immediate for us. He's the only grandchild that my dad sees on a routine basis. My dad has other amazing grandkids. I have nieces and nephews. But it's different worth with Ripley because my dad sees him all of the time and my dad has gotten to pay witness to him growing up. And the caveat to that is I have never seen a child look as identical to their parent as my little nephew does to my little brother. And I’m sure that creates some sort of special place in my dad's heart and in that relationship, it just so happened that Ripley came along right after my mom died. It was only months later that Ripley was born after my mom passed away and I think this sort of rebirth helped to solidify that relationship between my dad and Ripley and just enjoying that time yesterday, there was a moment of fear. There was a moment of fear because there was a point when Ripley didn't want to listen, and he took off running so fast that Clint and I were chasing after him and it made me nervous. What if he tripped? What if he hurt himself? What if he got away so far that we couldn't catch him? And I think us not having any children it's important to be able to experience that so that we gain a better understanding of what it's like to be a parent. My little brother was a younger father. He's a single father and I give him so much credit. And as you listen to this if you yourself are a parent, I commend you for everything that you do on a daily basis. I don't think that I have the strength or capacity to be able to do what you do, and I was privileged to be able to taste a piece of that yesterday. This isn't the first time we've done things with Ripley. But it was probably the most extensive time that we've shared time with him.

Clint: Now I would say it was pretty impactful for us as well, just given the day.

Ashlie: Yeah, I think so too. And the further and further along though Clint and I go with our human potential training at the bullet proof institute. We're starting to really realize how important it is to be centered and present in every moment of our life. And I don't think I would have picked up on all of those other nuances if I was just fixated on me. There wasn't a moment when I thought about me. I was thinking about Ripley and watching you interact with him and watching him interact with the other kids and then soaking in the other parents that were around us and their interactions with their kids. I even noticed that very close to the playground there was a family that was having a celebration of life for somebody that they've lost. These are the types of things that before I wouldn't have been so vigilant on. But I understand appreciating those moments and being in the moment. And as you listen, I wonder if there are any times in your life that maybe you wished you had been more present. Clint and I adopt a lot of rules in our home. We've actually adopted a lot of rules when we take my dad out for a weekly dinner once a week. One of those rules is never having the cell phone out when we're sitting down to share time together for a meal. Clint and I have a two hour no cell phone rule before we go to bed. This allows us to start to disconnect from some of those blue gamma ray lights that are preventing us from getting in the rem sleep that we need in order to be more fulfilled for the next day. These are small things, they're easy to do. But it's also easy to sit there and scroll on your phone until it's time to shut your eyes. What are some things that you can do and implement in your own life to start to disconnect and to be more present? How can you do that with your own children? If you're like us and you don't have any children, maybe you have a cousin or a niece or nephew. What can you do even if it seems out of the ordinary, just take them for the day to take them and experience their world. Experience the world of their parents. How would that impact you in your own life? Is my personal belief that by allowing yourself to get uncomfortable with these sorts of things and experience life in a way that even though you're not willing to commit to yourself. It doesn't mean that you have to be completely objective to allowing yourself to learn from that and when you're able to be open to this and you're able to know that there are ways to be more expansive that don't necessarily require a lifetime commitment. Then you're really able to enjoy your Tactical Living.

Balance. Optimize. Tactics. 

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