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Taking A Look At Our Shoulds And Should Nots With Nick McGowan
“People are doing things because they feel they should do them. And I ask, why? Why do you feel that you should do those things?”
In this episode, Nick talks about the “shoulds” and the “should nots” we subscribe to in our lives.
What to listen for:
“It’s almost like fighting with your Dharma and fighting with what you feel called to do within your life. But if you feel like you should work at a job or you should go do this thing because you were told that if you do that, you’ll have safety and security, well. You should know that safety and security really aren’t true.”
“Think about the things that you have done over the course of your life that you felt you should do. And why do you feel or did you feel that you should do those things?”
About Nick McGowan
I’m Nick McGowan, entrepreneur, podcaster, and mental health advocate, and I’ve been on a 20+ year journey of personal development, learning to master my mindset, emotions, and the art of living with purpose.
As a Mindset and Self-Mastery Mentor, I work with ambitious men and women who want to live their most authentic and joyous life, by helping them master their mindset, emotional awareness, and authentic communication. My mission is to empower people to lead lives that feel aligned, grounded, and truly their own.
Throughout my career, I’ve built teams, streamlined systems, and improved client experiences across SaaS, media, marketing, and personal development spaces. Whether I’m leading cross-functional projects, optimizing SEO, Podcasting, designing strategies, or guiding clients through transformation, I bring a hands-on, solution-focused approach to everything I do.
I’m also the host of The Mindset and Self-Mastery Show, where my guests and I unpack the stories that shape us, challenge us, and ultimately guide us back to who we are at our core. On this show, we uncover the secret gems others have discovered through trial, error, and breakthroughs so you can fast-track your growth, and master your mindset on your pursuit toward self-mastery.
With years of podcasting and two decades of marketing experience, I’ve mastered the storytelling, interview flow, strategy, and technical production that elevate a podcast from “just content” to something truly impactful. Whether you’re a leader looking to amplify your message, or a seasoned speaker and podcast host looking to sharpen your edge or even a beginner who is wondering how to share their message, I mentor thought leaders through every step of having the conversation they’re here to have on this planet.
So, what message are you here to share?!
Resources:
Check out these other episodes and resources to learn more about making changes after we understand why we’re doing what we should / should not do
Episode #77: Having Grace With Ourselves During Our Growth Stages And Our Off Seasons
Episode #63: How One Simple Question Changed Kevin’s Life Forever
Interested in starting your own podcast or need help with one you already have? Send Nick an email or schedule a time to discuss your podcast today!
Thank you for listening!
Please subscribe on iTunes and give us a 5-Star review! https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mindset-and-self-mastery-show/id1604262089
Watch Clips and highlights: www.youtube.com/channel/UCk1tCM7KTe3hrq_-UAa6GHA
Guest Inquiries right here: [email protected]
Your Friends at “The Mindset & Self-Mastery Show”
Click Here To View The Episode Transcript
Nick McGowan (00:16.991)
Hello and welcome to the Mindset and Self-Mastery Show. I’m your host, Nick McGowan, and today on the show, I’m gonna talk about the shoulds and the should nots. And what I mean by that is the things that we’ve gone through in life that we’ve been told we should do, and the things that we’ve been told we shouldn’t do. Now, as a little kid,
There are times where you’re told, hey, you shouldn’t put your hand on the stove. It’s pretty hot, it’s gonna fucking hurt you. And maybe you didn’t learn right off the bat. Maybe you had to put your hand on the stove. I think I was one of those kids. I was one of those kids that had to actually put my hand on the stove to be like, I don’t really know if I trust what you’re saying, but how? And then you learn from that.
but there are deeper shoulds, like you should go to college, you should get a job, you should get married, you should have kids, you shouldn’t, I mean there are major things like you shouldn’t kill people, you shouldn’t do crazy drugs, crazy drugs, you shouldn’t cheat on somebody.
But then there are things that are kind of softer shoulds and should nots. Like you shouldn’t do it that way. You really shouldn’t. Or I wouldn’t do that, so you shouldn’t. And you should do it this way, because I would. And that’s great. That’s how somebody does their own life. But when we think about the shoulds and the should nots.
And wouldn’t you actually break down what you’ve gone through in life? I’ve brought up different times that in high school, I was told that you should go to college. So I sat down with a counselor. And then I was told, well, we can put you in a music school or an art school, but you’re not gonna make any money and probably gonna be a starving artist. I’m sure they didn’t add that, but that’s what I thought. And I thought, well, I don’t really wanna do that. It’s not how I want life to look.
And then when I got out of high school, I thought I should do something specific. I should do something that gets me away from where I was. And there are lots of people that go to college because they feel they should go to college. They feel this is what I’m supposed to do. And I’m sure people in the 1500s, 1600s or…even 40 years ago, and weren’t like, yeah, maybe I should do this. But on that note…people maybe 40 years ago really thought you should go to college because after that you get out, you have a degree, a piece of paper that says that you should be good enough to work at a company and that company should keep your ass around for the next 40 years. Then they should give you a pension so that you can retire and you should be able to live off of that. That’s not really how this works at this point.
And there are all the things that are going on right now about Biden being able to give money back to people or not being able to give money back to people for their student loans, people that are still going to college, people that are doing things because they feel they should do them. And I ask why? Why do you feel that you should do those things? For the most part, a lot of people, I think…
have an external should. Like, well, my parents told me that I should go to college. My parents told me that I should get a great job, or that I should be a doctor, or I should be a lawyer, or I should be this, I should be that. What the fuck do you wanna do, though? Like, what is it? What is it that you feel you should do? Are there times where you feel like, I’m doing this, let’s just say, job, and I don’t really feel like I wanna be here anymore?
Now there’s a difference between just not feeling something and just not wanting to be in that moment, like not to do that thing. There are other times where specifically you shouldn’t be there. There I go, using the word shouldn’t. And why I say that is because you aren’t supposed to be there. You’re supposed to be doing something else. Now that something else may not be 100% clear to you.
Sometimes it may be and you’re just fighting with it. It’s almost like fighting with your Dharma and fighting with what you feel called to do within your life. But if you feel like you should work at a job or you should go do this thing because you were told that if you do that you’ll have safety and security, well.
You should know that safety and security really isn’t true. Anything could happen. We could end up being in a post-apocalyptic world before this episode even comes out. We have no idea. You should be able to understand what you actually want to do. But look, it’s not easy. It’s difficult to be able to figure it out. It’s difficult to understand what you really want to do in life.
So whatever age you’re at, if you’re somebody who listens to this show and you’re in your early 20s or you’re somebody who listens and you’re in your early 90s, think about the things that you have done over the course of your life that you felt you should do. And why do you feel or did you feel that you should do those things?
Now for me, stepping back to high school, when they told me, you’re probably not gonna make money and I read it as, you’re probably gonna be a starving artist and that’s not gonna help you actually live a life, then I thought, well maybe I should do something different. And I remember meeting some people that told me you should do this sort of business. You can talk to anybody about anything, you can sell, as my mom would say, ketchup popsicle to a lady in white gloves, which was always so strange.
but that I could sell things and I could talk to people and that therefore I should use that gift to be able to talk to people and sell them things. And I should be able to make lots of money to do lots of great things that, in retrospect, I really didn’t give two fucks about at all. I remember getting out of high school and thinking, well, I should try to pursue this music thing.
And I did to an extent. And then when it all started to die and just drip away, then I thought, well, I don’t want to be a starving artist. And I should probably do something different. And that’s where those people came into play that told me I should do things differently. And to get away from the way that I was raised and the lack of money that I had and the
lack of skills that I had because I didn’t go to college. That all told me that I should look at things that I can do that are outside of those other means. I felt I was a bit, almost disabled by not going to college because I felt like other people.
were doing things that they wanted to do. But I realized that they weren’t. Some of them were. Some of them went to college. They did the thing they wanted to do. But some of them, we may find out in 20 or 30 years that they were like, that was all complete bullshit. I didn’t want to do any of it. I got out. I didn’t do anything that I wanted to do. I have a friend that went to music school. And I remember him telling me years after he got out of music school, he was like, I now feel like I went to Hogwarts. I learned all this magic. And I got out.
I’m around a bunch of muggles and I can’t really use my magic and I can’t really get paid for my magic. Now he’s still actually using his magic which is great and I think he gets paid somewhat but that’s not what his occupation is because we are told in our society that we should do specific things. You should get jobs. You should get a job like this based on your skill set.
So when I thought and accepted the should that I should do things, I followed that skill set. And I thought, well, I should do this. And then years later, maybe 10, 15 years later, I remember thinking, I don’t think I want to do this. And this isn’t how I want to go about life. And now here I am, 21 years after high school.
And I’ve realized that I’ve spent the past 20 years or so following that should to get away from the shouldn’ts and the should nots of the world. And really, what it did was fuck with me. Fuck with my mind. Fuck with the way that I really feel into life. And because of the shoulds that have come up over the course of my life.
and my acceptance of those and saying, well, I don’t want to go that way, or I don’t want to go backwards. Maybe I should do this. It now has me in a spot where I’m looking at everything that I’ve done over the past, let’s say 20 years, and wondering why I did any of it.
Now I’m not regretting what I’ve gone through. I’m not regretting even the bad things that I’ve gone through. Because I believe everything compounds on itself, and if we can learn from everything, we should. There’s that word again. Because it’s an opportunity. And I look at it as even a responsibility to be able to understand what we’ve gone through and learn from those things.
But even today, I still struggle with some insecurities and some fears and even with the core wounding that I have all the way back to when I was a kid because I was told you should do things this way or you shouldn’t do things this way. So this episode is really about us taking those words of should and should not and understanding what we feel is right for us.
Look back at what you’ve done over the course of your life and think, why did you do those things? Are those things that you were told you should do? And what is it about those things that you’ve done, be it going to college, getting married, getting a job, doing whatever it was, to be able to understand why you did those things?
and why you accepted the should for it as it was for face value. Now if it came from a parent or somebody that you love and trust, it can be really easy to take advice from those people and take what they say as kind of gospel. Shit, even with what I say.
If you know, like, trust me, love me, hate me, whatever. If there are things that don’t sit with you, don’t let them sit with you. If there are things that make sense to you, then let them make sense. But ask the questions why. Why doesn’t it sit with me? Why does it make sense? Why have I been told that I should do this? And why do I not believe that? Or why do I believe that?
So as you go through, let’s say the next few days or even a week or two weeks, think about the things that come up that you feel you should do or you should not do. And take a beat, think about it for a second. Why do you feel that you should and you should not? What is it about those things that really has driven you to do whatever you’re doing at that point? Now,
fair warning, this could spiral you. If you’re in a hopeless marriage with several kids and you feel I should do all these things for my hopeless marriage and my kids, there’s a lot of unraveling that could come from that.
Nick McGowan (12:52.942)
And you’ll have to sit with that. And you’ll have to work through it. And you’re going to be okay. There are options that are out there. If you need coaching, reach out to me. I’d love to talk with you and at least have a free clarity session to see if it makes sense for us to work together and if I can help in any sort of way. If you need therapy, reach out to a therapist. If you just need to talk to a friend, talk to a friend.
Maybe talk to them about the things that you feel you should be doing, or maybe you should not be doing, and unpack the reasons why. Because if you just say, I should do this thing and that’s it, then you’re not getting it. And likewise with should not. But if you start to unpack the reasons why you feel you should be doing things, you’re able to step back to when it first came up.
and what impacted you in such a way to be able to do that. I’ve kept circling around this a little bit, but when I got out of high school and I went through the beginning stages of the music career and everything just basically imploded, I remember thinking, well, I should do something different.
I should use these skills that people told me that I have, and I should go sell things. And I’m naturally an entrepreneur, so I started to put that into use. I started to create different businesses, and service-based businesses. Even now, I have an agency that’s part of Choose Your Calling. That’s not my full calling in the world, but I know.
that I have the skills to be able to help people and to speak with people and to help cast a vision. But 20 years ago, I thought I just needed to sell things because I should use the skills that I have because that’ll make me a lot of money and it’ll get me away from sort of the poverty that I was in and that I shouldn’t ever go back to that.
I remember even saying, I don’t ever want to take a step backwards. And now I believe that there really aren’t steps backwards. There are steps that you take to be able to continue to move forward. But it doesn’t have to look the way that you’ve been told it should look. In fact, life is just going to look the way that it looks.
I had no idea 20 years ago that I’d be exactly where I am now, and as happy, yet as mindfucked as I am, because of all the things that I’ve done and I’ve gone through, and the amount of growth that I’ve gone through, and how aggressive you actually need to be in your growth.
And this is a lifelong experience. At least that’s what I feel. Not that I think it should be or it should not be, but I just think that it’s a lifelong learning experience. That’s what we’re here for. That’s a piece of what we’re here for. Deeper than that, there’s something that each and every one of us individually is here to do. It’s what our calling is. We get to choose to act upon that and to do the things that we want with that.
But you should not, and I know what I just said, you should not listen to somebody else that tells you should or should not do something if it doesn’t make sense to you. Even this last sentence, if this makes sense to you, great. If it doesn’t, great. But why? Figure out why.
And if you figure out that why, that’ll open up additional doors for you. If you think back to somebody told me I should do this, don’t as much think about why they said it because that’s a whole different thing. They may have their own traumas or experiences or what have you. Think about why that resonated with you or why it sat with you in the way that it did and why you did something with it. Separate from that emotion of it because if it’s a.
If it’s a hurtful thing or something that really brings up a lot of pain, you don’t have to sit in that pain, but you can understand where you were and what you had gone through at that point. So again, over the next few days or week or two weeks, think about the things that you should do and the things that you believe you should not do. And dive a little deeper into those. Figure out what those are, why those are, where they came from.
what really it means to you for you to do something that you feel you should do or that you should not do.
And again, if you have questions, you wanna unpack this a little bit more, or you really are just totally unsure of how to be able to do this on your own, reach out to me. I’d love to just talk and figure out what sort of ways can help you. If it’s coaching with me, great. If it’s coaching with somebody else like Stephanie, or if it’s anybody else that I know, great. If it’s just therapy, or just being able to wrap your head about
around about the whole situation of the things that you should do or should not do, then please reach out. If it’s not to me, reach out to somebody that you know or somebody that you trust to be able to talk about these things. In worst-case scenario, at least just talk about them with yourself and start to figure out why do you feel you should do these certain things. And likewise, why do you feel you should not? So I appreciate you being on…
on this show and listening to this episode today. I appreciate every time that you listen to any of these episodes. I’d love to hear your thoughts and your opinions on this, or even if you have questions about any of the topics that I get into or any topics that you’d like to hear about, not just with me, but with guests that I bring onto the show. So thank you again for being here and stay tuned for more to come.
https://youtu.be/kl9HFkRz1Y4
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By Nick McGowan“People are doing things because they feel they should do them. And I ask, why? Why do you feel that you should do those things?”
In this episode, Nick talks about the “shoulds” and the “should nots” we subscribe to in our lives.
What to listen for:
“It’s almost like fighting with your Dharma and fighting with what you feel called to do within your life. But if you feel like you should work at a job or you should go do this thing because you were told that if you do that, you’ll have safety and security, well. You should know that safety and security really aren’t true.”
“Think about the things that you have done over the course of your life that you felt you should do. And why do you feel or did you feel that you should do those things?”
About Nick McGowan
I’m Nick McGowan, entrepreneur, podcaster, and mental health advocate, and I’ve been on a 20+ year journey of personal development, learning to master my mindset, emotions, and the art of living with purpose.
As a Mindset and Self-Mastery Mentor, I work with ambitious men and women who want to live their most authentic and joyous life, by helping them master their mindset, emotional awareness, and authentic communication. My mission is to empower people to lead lives that feel aligned, grounded, and truly their own.
Throughout my career, I’ve built teams, streamlined systems, and improved client experiences across SaaS, media, marketing, and personal development spaces. Whether I’m leading cross-functional projects, optimizing SEO, Podcasting, designing strategies, or guiding clients through transformation, I bring a hands-on, solution-focused approach to everything I do.
I’m also the host of The Mindset and Self-Mastery Show, where my guests and I unpack the stories that shape us, challenge us, and ultimately guide us back to who we are at our core. On this show, we uncover the secret gems others have discovered through trial, error, and breakthroughs so you can fast-track your growth, and master your mindset on your pursuit toward self-mastery.
With years of podcasting and two decades of marketing experience, I’ve mastered the storytelling, interview flow, strategy, and technical production that elevate a podcast from “just content” to something truly impactful. Whether you’re a leader looking to amplify your message, or a seasoned speaker and podcast host looking to sharpen your edge or even a beginner who is wondering how to share their message, I mentor thought leaders through every step of having the conversation they’re here to have on this planet.
So, what message are you here to share?!
Resources:
Check out these other episodes and resources to learn more about making changes after we understand why we’re doing what we should / should not do
Episode #77: Having Grace With Ourselves During Our Growth Stages And Our Off Seasons
Episode #63: How One Simple Question Changed Kevin’s Life Forever
Interested in starting your own podcast or need help with one you already have? Send Nick an email or schedule a time to discuss your podcast today!
Thank you for listening!
Please subscribe on iTunes and give us a 5-Star review! https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mindset-and-self-mastery-show/id1604262089
Watch Clips and highlights: www.youtube.com/channel/UCk1tCM7KTe3hrq_-UAa6GHA
Guest Inquiries right here: [email protected]
Your Friends at “The Mindset & Self-Mastery Show”
Click Here To View The Episode Transcript
Nick McGowan (00:16.991)
Hello and welcome to the Mindset and Self-Mastery Show. I’m your host, Nick McGowan, and today on the show, I’m gonna talk about the shoulds and the should nots. And what I mean by that is the things that we’ve gone through in life that we’ve been told we should do, and the things that we’ve been told we shouldn’t do. Now, as a little kid,
There are times where you’re told, hey, you shouldn’t put your hand on the stove. It’s pretty hot, it’s gonna fucking hurt you. And maybe you didn’t learn right off the bat. Maybe you had to put your hand on the stove. I think I was one of those kids. I was one of those kids that had to actually put my hand on the stove to be like, I don’t really know if I trust what you’re saying, but how? And then you learn from that.
but there are deeper shoulds, like you should go to college, you should get a job, you should get married, you should have kids, you shouldn’t, I mean there are major things like you shouldn’t kill people, you shouldn’t do crazy drugs, crazy drugs, you shouldn’t cheat on somebody.
But then there are things that are kind of softer shoulds and should nots. Like you shouldn’t do it that way. You really shouldn’t. Or I wouldn’t do that, so you shouldn’t. And you should do it this way, because I would. And that’s great. That’s how somebody does their own life. But when we think about the shoulds and the should nots.
And wouldn’t you actually break down what you’ve gone through in life? I’ve brought up different times that in high school, I was told that you should go to college. So I sat down with a counselor. And then I was told, well, we can put you in a music school or an art school, but you’re not gonna make any money and probably gonna be a starving artist. I’m sure they didn’t add that, but that’s what I thought. And I thought, well, I don’t really wanna do that. It’s not how I want life to look.
And then when I got out of high school, I thought I should do something specific. I should do something that gets me away from where I was. And there are lots of people that go to college because they feel they should go to college. They feel this is what I’m supposed to do. And I’m sure people in the 1500s, 1600s or…even 40 years ago, and weren’t like, yeah, maybe I should do this. But on that note…people maybe 40 years ago really thought you should go to college because after that you get out, you have a degree, a piece of paper that says that you should be good enough to work at a company and that company should keep your ass around for the next 40 years. Then they should give you a pension so that you can retire and you should be able to live off of that. That’s not really how this works at this point.
And there are all the things that are going on right now about Biden being able to give money back to people or not being able to give money back to people for their student loans, people that are still going to college, people that are doing things because they feel they should do them. And I ask why? Why do you feel that you should do those things? For the most part, a lot of people, I think…
have an external should. Like, well, my parents told me that I should go to college. My parents told me that I should get a great job, or that I should be a doctor, or I should be a lawyer, or I should be this, I should be that. What the fuck do you wanna do, though? Like, what is it? What is it that you feel you should do? Are there times where you feel like, I’m doing this, let’s just say, job, and I don’t really feel like I wanna be here anymore?
Now there’s a difference between just not feeling something and just not wanting to be in that moment, like not to do that thing. There are other times where specifically you shouldn’t be there. There I go, using the word shouldn’t. And why I say that is because you aren’t supposed to be there. You’re supposed to be doing something else. Now that something else may not be 100% clear to you.
Sometimes it may be and you’re just fighting with it. It’s almost like fighting with your Dharma and fighting with what you feel called to do within your life. But if you feel like you should work at a job or you should go do this thing because you were told that if you do that you’ll have safety and security, well.
You should know that safety and security really isn’t true. Anything could happen. We could end up being in a post-apocalyptic world before this episode even comes out. We have no idea. You should be able to understand what you actually want to do. But look, it’s not easy. It’s difficult to be able to figure it out. It’s difficult to understand what you really want to do in life.
So whatever age you’re at, if you’re somebody who listens to this show and you’re in your early 20s or you’re somebody who listens and you’re in your early 90s, think about the things that you have done over the course of your life that you felt you should do. And why do you feel or did you feel that you should do those things?
Now for me, stepping back to high school, when they told me, you’re probably not gonna make money and I read it as, you’re probably gonna be a starving artist and that’s not gonna help you actually live a life, then I thought, well maybe I should do something different. And I remember meeting some people that told me you should do this sort of business. You can talk to anybody about anything, you can sell, as my mom would say, ketchup popsicle to a lady in white gloves, which was always so strange.
but that I could sell things and I could talk to people and that therefore I should use that gift to be able to talk to people and sell them things. And I should be able to make lots of money to do lots of great things that, in retrospect, I really didn’t give two fucks about at all. I remember getting out of high school and thinking, well, I should try to pursue this music thing.
And I did to an extent. And then when it all started to die and just drip away, then I thought, well, I don’t want to be a starving artist. And I should probably do something different. And that’s where those people came into play that told me I should do things differently. And to get away from the way that I was raised and the lack of money that I had and the
lack of skills that I had because I didn’t go to college. That all told me that I should look at things that I can do that are outside of those other means. I felt I was a bit, almost disabled by not going to college because I felt like other people.
were doing things that they wanted to do. But I realized that they weren’t. Some of them were. Some of them went to college. They did the thing they wanted to do. But some of them, we may find out in 20 or 30 years that they were like, that was all complete bullshit. I didn’t want to do any of it. I got out. I didn’t do anything that I wanted to do. I have a friend that went to music school. And I remember him telling me years after he got out of music school, he was like, I now feel like I went to Hogwarts. I learned all this magic. And I got out.
I’m around a bunch of muggles and I can’t really use my magic and I can’t really get paid for my magic. Now he’s still actually using his magic which is great and I think he gets paid somewhat but that’s not what his occupation is because we are told in our society that we should do specific things. You should get jobs. You should get a job like this based on your skill set.
So when I thought and accepted the should that I should do things, I followed that skill set. And I thought, well, I should do this. And then years later, maybe 10, 15 years later, I remember thinking, I don’t think I want to do this. And this isn’t how I want to go about life. And now here I am, 21 years after high school.
And I’ve realized that I’ve spent the past 20 years or so following that should to get away from the shouldn’ts and the should nots of the world. And really, what it did was fuck with me. Fuck with my mind. Fuck with the way that I really feel into life. And because of the shoulds that have come up over the course of my life.
and my acceptance of those and saying, well, I don’t want to go that way, or I don’t want to go backwards. Maybe I should do this. It now has me in a spot where I’m looking at everything that I’ve done over the past, let’s say 20 years, and wondering why I did any of it.
Now I’m not regretting what I’ve gone through. I’m not regretting even the bad things that I’ve gone through. Because I believe everything compounds on itself, and if we can learn from everything, we should. There’s that word again. Because it’s an opportunity. And I look at it as even a responsibility to be able to understand what we’ve gone through and learn from those things.
But even today, I still struggle with some insecurities and some fears and even with the core wounding that I have all the way back to when I was a kid because I was told you should do things this way or you shouldn’t do things this way. So this episode is really about us taking those words of should and should not and understanding what we feel is right for us.
Look back at what you’ve done over the course of your life and think, why did you do those things? Are those things that you were told you should do? And what is it about those things that you’ve done, be it going to college, getting married, getting a job, doing whatever it was, to be able to understand why you did those things?
and why you accepted the should for it as it was for face value. Now if it came from a parent or somebody that you love and trust, it can be really easy to take advice from those people and take what they say as kind of gospel. Shit, even with what I say.
If you know, like, trust me, love me, hate me, whatever. If there are things that don’t sit with you, don’t let them sit with you. If there are things that make sense to you, then let them make sense. But ask the questions why. Why doesn’t it sit with me? Why does it make sense? Why have I been told that I should do this? And why do I not believe that? Or why do I believe that?
So as you go through, let’s say the next few days or even a week or two weeks, think about the things that come up that you feel you should do or you should not do. And take a beat, think about it for a second. Why do you feel that you should and you should not? What is it about those things that really has driven you to do whatever you’re doing at that point? Now,
fair warning, this could spiral you. If you’re in a hopeless marriage with several kids and you feel I should do all these things for my hopeless marriage and my kids, there’s a lot of unraveling that could come from that.
Nick McGowan (12:52.942)
And you’ll have to sit with that. And you’ll have to work through it. And you’re going to be okay. There are options that are out there. If you need coaching, reach out to me. I’d love to talk with you and at least have a free clarity session to see if it makes sense for us to work together and if I can help in any sort of way. If you need therapy, reach out to a therapist. If you just need to talk to a friend, talk to a friend.
Maybe talk to them about the things that you feel you should be doing, or maybe you should not be doing, and unpack the reasons why. Because if you just say, I should do this thing and that’s it, then you’re not getting it. And likewise with should not. But if you start to unpack the reasons why you feel you should be doing things, you’re able to step back to when it first came up.
and what impacted you in such a way to be able to do that. I’ve kept circling around this a little bit, but when I got out of high school and I went through the beginning stages of the music career and everything just basically imploded, I remember thinking, well, I should do something different.
I should use these skills that people told me that I have, and I should go sell things. And I’m naturally an entrepreneur, so I started to put that into use. I started to create different businesses, and service-based businesses. Even now, I have an agency that’s part of Choose Your Calling. That’s not my full calling in the world, but I know.
that I have the skills to be able to help people and to speak with people and to help cast a vision. But 20 years ago, I thought I just needed to sell things because I should use the skills that I have because that’ll make me a lot of money and it’ll get me away from sort of the poverty that I was in and that I shouldn’t ever go back to that.
I remember even saying, I don’t ever want to take a step backwards. And now I believe that there really aren’t steps backwards. There are steps that you take to be able to continue to move forward. But it doesn’t have to look the way that you’ve been told it should look. In fact, life is just going to look the way that it looks.
I had no idea 20 years ago that I’d be exactly where I am now, and as happy, yet as mindfucked as I am, because of all the things that I’ve done and I’ve gone through, and the amount of growth that I’ve gone through, and how aggressive you actually need to be in your growth.
And this is a lifelong experience. At least that’s what I feel. Not that I think it should be or it should not be, but I just think that it’s a lifelong learning experience. That’s what we’re here for. That’s a piece of what we’re here for. Deeper than that, there’s something that each and every one of us individually is here to do. It’s what our calling is. We get to choose to act upon that and to do the things that we want with that.
But you should not, and I know what I just said, you should not listen to somebody else that tells you should or should not do something if it doesn’t make sense to you. Even this last sentence, if this makes sense to you, great. If it doesn’t, great. But why? Figure out why.
And if you figure out that why, that’ll open up additional doors for you. If you think back to somebody told me I should do this, don’t as much think about why they said it because that’s a whole different thing. They may have their own traumas or experiences or what have you. Think about why that resonated with you or why it sat with you in the way that it did and why you did something with it. Separate from that emotion of it because if it’s a.
If it’s a hurtful thing or something that really brings up a lot of pain, you don’t have to sit in that pain, but you can understand where you were and what you had gone through at that point. So again, over the next few days or week or two weeks, think about the things that you should do and the things that you believe you should not do. And dive a little deeper into those. Figure out what those are, why those are, where they came from.
what really it means to you for you to do something that you feel you should do or that you should not do.
And again, if you have questions, you wanna unpack this a little bit more, or you really are just totally unsure of how to be able to do this on your own, reach out to me. I’d love to just talk and figure out what sort of ways can help you. If it’s coaching with me, great. If it’s coaching with somebody else like Stephanie, or if it’s anybody else that I know, great. If it’s just therapy, or just being able to wrap your head about
around about the whole situation of the things that you should do or should not do, then please reach out. If it’s not to me, reach out to somebody that you know or somebody that you trust to be able to talk about these things. In worst-case scenario, at least just talk about them with yourself and start to figure out why do you feel you should do these certain things. And likewise, why do you feel you should not? So I appreciate you being on…
on this show and listening to this episode today. I appreciate every time that you listen to any of these episodes. I’d love to hear your thoughts and your opinions on this, or even if you have questions about any of the topics that I get into or any topics that you’d like to hear about, not just with me, but with guests that I bring onto the show. So thank you again for being here and stay tuned for more to come.
https://youtu.be/kl9HFkRz1Y4