“For the most part, a lot of people, I think have an external “should”. Like, well, my parents told me that I should go to college. My parents told me that I should get a great job, or that I should be a doctor, or I should be a lawyer, or I should be this, I should be that. What the fuck do you wanna do, though? Like, what is it? What is it that you feel you should do? Are there times where you feel like, I’m doing this, let’s just say, job, and I don’t really feel like I wanna be here anymore?”

In this episode, Nick talks about the “shoulds” and the “should nots” we subscribe to in our lives.

What to listen for:

The difference between something we should / should not do for our health (mental, physical, etc…) and what others simply push on us because it’s part of their beliefs

Ways to differentiate what you believe you should / should not be doing and what is systemic or environmental

Challenging questions as to how you’ve formed your beliefs around what you should / should not be doing and how life should / should not look

“It’s almost like fighting with your Dharma and fighting with what you feel called to do within your life. But if you feel like you should work at a job or you should go do this thing because you were told that if you do that you’ll have safety and security, well. You should know that safety and security really isn’t true.”

We’re all raised to believe things that are lovingly, or unlovingly, pushed upon us by our parents and guardians

You have choices and always will no matter what you’ve been through or what you’re going through but we sometimes can’t see this through our past traumas or experiences

Understanding why we feel we should / should not be doing something we’re doing and understanding that it’s never too late to make a change

“So whatever age you’re at, if you’re somebody who listens to this show and you’re in your early 20s or you’re somebody who listens and you’re in your early 90s, think about the things that you have done over the course of your life that you felt you should do. And why do you feel or did you feel that you should do those things?”

Breaking ourselves of habits is never an easy thing to do but more importantly, it’s difficult to clear out the reasoning behind what you’re doing

Some people feel they’re too late or too early to do something but that’s never the case

Understanding why you do the things you do is most often more important than doing, or not doing, those things.

“Fair warning, this could spiral you. If you’re in a hopeless marriage with several kids and you feel I should do all these things for my hopeless marriage and my kids, there’s a lot of unraveling that could come from that and you’ll have to sit with that.”

Sometimes we truly need our world rocked in order for us to make the changes necessary to grow

You’re not alone, I too was in what felt like many hopeless situations due to doing what I felt I “should be” doing

If you struggle with finding the reasons why you do what should / should not do remember you’re not broken you just may be blocked

About Nick McGowan

Nick is all about mental health and self-mastery. He works daily to manage his mindset and emotions and helps others do the same. His journey is one of resilience—he’s owned multiple companies, overcome addiction, and bounced back stronger after life’s toughest challenges. With over 20 years of experience in sales and marketing, Nick has helped purpose-driven businesses grow and make a real impact. He’s got a creative spark, a ton of tenacity, and a passion for helping others navigate both personal and professional growth.

www.linkedin.com/in/thenickmcgowan

Resources:

Check out these other episodes and resources to learn more about making changes after we understand why we’re doing what we should / should not do

Episode #77: Having Grace With Ourselves During Our Growth Stages And Our Off Seasons

Episode #63: How One Simple Question Changed Kevin’s Life F...