In the journey of helping others grow, it's easy to fall into a dangerous trap: expecting fast results. A good mentor, especially one who is leading from a healed place, must learn that transformation isn’t always immediate. Growth takes time, and expecting people to change overnight can do real damage. When we expect fruit too soon, we start to become fruit inspectors; looking at behavior, decisions, and outward actions to determine someone’s worth, maturity, or even salvation. And when we do that, we create separation. We start saying things like, “This one’s in. That one’s out.” Not based on what God says, but based on what we see in someone’s current season of pain, confusion, or immaturity. That is not how Jesus works, and it should not be how we lead.

The goal of maturity is not perfect behavior. It’s not how many Bible verses someone has memorized, or how many years they’ve sat in church. The real goal is love. That’s it. To become the most loving version of ourselves, to embody the heart, the light, and the truth of Jesus in every part of life. Maturity is revealed most clearly not by how we treat those who treat us well, but how we treat those who don’t. The ability to love your enemies is one of the highest signs of spiritual growth. When you can sit in peace with people who used to trigger you, when you can respond with patience to people who frustrate you, when you can show kindness even to those who wound you; that’s the kind of maturity that can’t be faked. That’s the life of Christ shining through.

Unfortunately, many people think maturity is about Bible knowledge. They think it’s about years in ministry or attending conferences. But none of those things mean much if you’re still cold, sharp, judgmental, or unable to forgive. Real maturity loves. And love, by its very nature, is patient. That means a good mentor doesn’t just pass out content or preach sermons; they embody presence. They walk with people through the mess, through the struggle, and through the fall-down-get-up seasons.

One of the biggest limiting beliefs in mentorship is this: "Mistakes mean failure." But that’s not true. Not even close. If you’re walking with someone who is still immature, that means they haven’t yet fully learned how to walk. And what do people who haven’t learned to walk do? They fall down. A lot. They’re in a cycle. It might be addiction, anger, shame, or a pattern of bad choices. But just like a toddler, they’re in the fall down, get up, try again stage. And we all went through that. No one started out sprinting in the Spirit. We stumbled. We cried. We leaned on others. And slowly, step by step, we learned how to live.

Now think about how we treat little kids. When a baby falls while learning to walk, no parent screams, “What’s wrong with you?! You should be walking by now!” Of course not. Instead, we clap. We cheer. We say, “That’s okay! Try again!” We understand the stage. We give them encouragement, not punishment. So why, when it comes to spiritual growth, do we forget that? Why do we point fingers at people who are still learning? Why do we act like if someone falls again, they must not be serious?

The truth is, they may be as serious as they can be at their level of maturity. And the best thing we can do is to meet them there, with presence and patience. What they need is not shame. They need someone to believe in them. They need a voice that says, “You’re still in this. Keep going. I’m not giving up on you.”