In one of my most important comparisons, I discuss forbidden love and ignoring society's judgments in The Shape of Water and Shallow Hal. The Shape of Water is the Amélie of the sea, NOT INTERESTED. However, I AM interested in Gwyneth Paltrow and I need her to come fix my life. All hail Goop.

This week delves into two cautionary tales about being careful what you wish for as precocious kids wish to be adults in Big and 13 Going on 30. Jennifer Garner is pure sunshine and Tom Hanks is fine too.

This week's movies are both about a shy, down on their luck person who finds an inner strength within a group of like-minded individuals and comes out of their shell — it's Fight Club vs Coyote Ugly. Important takeaways: I teared up 5+ times while re-watching Coyote Ugly and Fight Club would be a better movie if it was from Helena Bonham Carter's point of view.

Quentin Tarantino said, "If we'd grown up in Australia, BMX Bandits would have been our Goonies" and I'm inclined to agree. Find out how these two movies about kids getting involved in the crimes of weird looking adults compare, and why Nicole Kidman will inspire you to tuck your t-shirt into your pants.

Ocean's 8 is everything I could have ever wanted in a film. It's a perfect expansion of Ocean's Eleven and the Ocean's Universe (which I believe will one day rival the MCU). While I loved Ocean's Eleven, Ocean's 8 is now my favorite in the franchise. Find out how they compare in this episode, where I also get the chance to express my deep admiration for Sandra Bullock, America's Sweetheart.

High school has never been as deliciously evil as in Heathers and Jawbreaker, but I'd pick the ladies of Jawbreaker to rule my school any day of the week.

Two very different tales of home invasion: lighthearted bumbling robbers try to bust in on Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone and a slightly more organized team terrorizes Gabrielle Union and family in Breaking In. Basically, Breaking In is a superior reverse retelling of Home Alone and you should see it ASAP.

If I'm going to watch a man-child try to impress a girl in the big city, I prefer one in a loincloth. Everyone loses their minds over Will Ferrell in Elf but we need to acknowledge the hunkiness and fun of Brendan Fraser in George of the Jungle.

The Thing is a so-called classic horror film starring Goldie Hawn's husband and some other old dudes. The Faculty is a tour de force of perfect casting, clever writing, and some real scares. If I was in charge of Hollywood, I would implement a law that required every film to star Jordana Brewster and any offenders would be sent into the La Brea Tar Pit.

These are two babysitters you probably won't find on Angie's List. Leon the assassin's love for milk can't keep Leon: The Professional from being a real creepfest while pointy witch Angelina Jolie makes Maleficent the feel good film of 2014.