TBD

As deconstruction has become a buzzword, responses to deconstruction from within the church have grown in frequency; and in the same way that deconstruction experiences fall along a broad spectrum, so do responses to it. That said, many still in the church imply or flat out say that people who deconstruct never really had true faith, that they weren’t committed, that they didn’t know their bible.

As I hope you’ve heard and seen, that is not my story. I was extremely invested in the church. I memorized large sections of scripture, read books, listened to sermons, went to conferences and invested hundreds if not thousands of hours serving local churches. I was all in. So to leave was no small thing for me.

And it is a decision that did not happen overnight. It took months for me to go from an acknowledgement that I needed to leave, to actually pulling the trigger. And though I was not public or explicit about my concerns and questions, they have been simmering for a while.

In this episode, I want to explore the circumstances that lead to my acknowledgement that much of the American Evangelical church was not healthy, and the events that lead to my personal exodus.

Filled to Flourish Podcast: https://anchor.fm/filledtoflourish

Revealed Truth. The Catholic Church identified anything that didn’t align with revealed truth to be heresy. The people in power granted themselves unique insight that allowed them to determine what everyone else believed, because the truth had been revealed to them.

While no one is being burnt at the stake, or sentenced to life in house arrest--like Galileo; the principles of the Catholic Church's approach to squashing heresy, is not that far away.

A major theme of this podcast will be the power of stories and the importance of origins. To say this another way, I believe that history is the most valuable assets available to us as we seek to understand the present and change the future. Owning your story is critical if you want to own your future. So here is part of my story.

As mentioned in the episode, please check out the New Evangelicals:

Instagram: @thenewevangelicals

Deconstruction.

This word has become a descriptor for the experience of millions of people who have been questioning the American Evangelical Church. Many who would consider themselves to be in the process of deconstruction, have left church altogether.

While I now include myself in this group, I spent nearly 28 years fiercely committed to church. It was always an integral part of my life. I began serving in church as a teenager, and for nearly 15 years I was a worship musician and leader, among other things.

Until recently, I could count the number of times that I had missed a Sunday on my hands and I would feel guilty if I ever did miss; and while I wouldn’t explicitly acknowledge it, I would judge others who weren’t regularly present in church services.

Fast forward to today, not only have I stepped down from my staff position as a Worship Leader, but I haven’t been to church in months--and I honestly don’t know when I will be able to return.

So how did I get here?

I’ve been asking questions and struggling with wounds within the church, for years; but I suppressed these so effectively that even I didn’t really know they were there. But as with an infected wound that has had the skin closed over, I appeared healthy outside, but remained broken inside.

Frankly, I am still very early in my deconstruction journey, and I don’t believe I have actually unpacked all of the questions and hurt that have lead to where I am today; but this podcast is part of my attempt to understand all of the things that have lead me here--and to discover what comes next.

The life and writing of John Lewis has become a great source of inspiration for me. In his book, Across That Bridge he wrote a powerful statement that I feel speaks to what I have been experiencing, and what I see as my path forward. He writes, “Don’t close your eyes because you are afraid of what you will see. Be honest in your assessment. Transformation and revelation require an adjustment from what we know to what we know can be.”

So join me as I reopen my wounds and ask uncomfortable questions about the church in America on my personal path to healing and pursuit of a deeper understanding about what it means to know and follow Jesus.