This week John and Hans usher in the Christmas season by ascending to the penthouse suite with 1988's definitely-a-Christmas-film Die Hard and then plummet out the window, screaming and flailing to the depths of rickety Anna Nichole-Smith vehicle 1996's actually-not-a-Christmas-film-and-barely-even-a-film-at-all Skyscraper.

Is this film as morally bankrupt as it is financially bankrupt?

Where do these goons shop for their duds and are they having a Christmas sale?

And what the holy living shit is going on with that guy's trousers?!

Find out on TALES FROM THE CHRISTMAS CRACKER!!!

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