That Got Me Thinking

Ellie Newman speaks with Deborah Burns, Media Industry Leader and author of Saturdays’ Child: A Daughter’s Memoir, in this episode of “That Got Me Thinking” a thoughtful and thought-provoking podcast. Listen as the conversation turns to the complexities of a fascinating mother-daughter relationship and the universal truths revealed.

The question Deborah has struggled with the majority of her life is, “Am I enough, because I’m not that?” “So if I’m not that, and that’s what I’m supposed to be, she must be disappointed in me and that’s why she’s so elusive and if only I looked more like her, then she would really love me?” Realizing those are the kinds of things that get tangled up because of the unrelenting power of the word enough.

Looking through the window of the relationship with her mother and the intertwined stories of her family members, Deborah unravels the myths of her unconventional, glamorous, bigger than life mother. Asking, “Is it me? Is it her? Is this normal? Is it right?”

As a child, Deborah would sit on the long orange Chesterfield sofa in her living room, positioned so she had a sight line straight to her mother’s bedroom and when the door finally opened, so did her world. Deborah tells us, “My naturally intuitive nature honed razor sharp at her feet helped me to thrive in the grey uncertainty of her love.” Now, as a successful mother, career woman and author, the question on which Deborah has honed her razor sharp attention is, “Do you make your child feel like a priority and fully loved regardless of how much time you are able to spend with them?”

https://skirtingtherules.com/about/

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Ellie Newman interviews award-winning journalist and conversation expert Celeste Headlee in this episode of “That Got Me Thinking” a thoughtful and thought-provoking podcast. Listen as the conversation turns to how to have conversations that matter.

Celeste Headlee’s TEDx Talk sharing 10 ways to have a better conversation has over 20 million views to date. Through her work, she has learned the true power of conversation and its ability to both bridge gaps or deepen wounds, and she sheds a much needed light on the lost and essential art of conversation. Celeste provides simple conversation hacks to lessen conflict and increase empathy and connection.

As human beings, the number one need we have is belonging. It trumps everything else including spirituality, morality and all kinds of other needs. Once we are fed and sheltered, to belong to a community and have social relationships is what matters most. So imagine the effects of deteriorating relationships, loneliness and social isolation due to a lack of quality conversation. The UK has gone so far as to appoint a Minister of Loneliness, since the consequences of loneliness are equal to smoking 12 cigarettes a day or being grossly obese, degrading your internal organs and taking years off your life.

Celeste tells us, “People seem to be making a virtue out of not listening to people they disagree with…Listening to someone doesn’t mean agreeing with them. The purpose of listening is to understand not endorse.” And, “Human beings work best together. We are a collective intelligence, not an individual intelligence. So improving the way we talk and listen is going to make the world better.”

You are missing out if you are not listening to other people’s stories. Intrigue, murder, love, heartbreak and more are sitting right next to you. So, in Celeste’s words, “Start listening and prepare to be amazed.”

http://www.celesteheadlee.com

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Join host Ellie Newman as she interviews thought leaders across the globe in the thought provoking podcast, That Got Me Thinking. In this episode Ellie is joined by litigator, divorce mediator and Breaking Free: A Modern Divorce Podcast host, Susan Guthrie. Listen as the conversation turns to mediation and the skills needed to stay together or successfully break apart.

Susan Guthrie, Esq. with Rebecca Zung, Esq., is the host of a fresh inspirational podcast for anyone contemplating divorce, going through divorce, or healing from divorce. And she is changing the face of divorce. She tells us, “It ain’t your momma’s  divorce no more, and you can move forward in a better way.”

Whether it be self-advocacy or negotiating skills, being supported and building up self-esteem and empowerment to create a level playing field for negotiations, and dealing with the fears around finance and divorce. Through mediation you are coming to the table moe confident to be able to be successful and make good decisions.

Susan Guthrie encourages clients to “Play out the movie.” Playing out different scenarios to see how it may work for you and discover possible solutions to achieve what you want to achieve for the future. Avoiding agreements that don’t have true foundation because they weren’t built on mutual understanding- thereby deteriorating the process and the relationship. You want an agreement you can both live up to, building up trust and integrity within the relationship rather than perpetuating the deterioration.

In Susan’s words, “You can put this all behind you. You don’t need lawyers and mediators to run your life or be a part of your life on an ongoing thing. You can do the work in the process and move forward.” And Susan shows us how.  She is truly transforming people’s options and the experience of divorce.

Divorce in a Better Way

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Would you like to be happier? What are the obstacles that keep you from the happiness you deserve? Where does happiness live and how do you find the address and move in?

The first step to finding happiness is probably understanding the misconceptions that abound. Then we can get down to business: accept painful emotions, focus on quality relationships, exercise, show gratitude and simplify our lives.

Tal Ben-Shahar is a happiness expert. He is the New York Times-bestselling author of Happier and Choose the Life You Want. He taught two of the three most popular courses at Harvard, “Positive Psychology” and “The Psychology of Leadership.” He knows happiness, and he understands well the troubling paradox. Those actively pursuing happiness and thinking about it consciously tend to be less happy. Yet research shows increased levels of happiness has benefits for being healthier, more creative, experiencing better relationships and making our time here on earth a heck of a lot more enjoyable. So, maybe the answer is found in how we are thinking about it and the manner with which we choose to pursue it. We can actively seek and pursue happiness, we just need to do it in indirect ways. And, luckily for all of us, these indirect ways are charmingly and effectively illustrated in Tal’s new book, Short Cuts to Happiness: Life-Changing Lessons from my Barber.

http://www.talbenshahar.com/

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Today, we face so many challenging paradoxes on our individual, and collective, Hero’s Journey. Being spiritual beings in a complex physical reality can be daunting even in the best of times. So Marc Lesser, the Zen Guy, who has an MBA from NYU, Cofounder of the Search Inside Yourself Leadership Institute and was the CEO of three successful companies, has stepped up to be our guide with lessons from his life, Google, the Tassajara Kitchen and a contemplative practice for much more than inner peace.

Trying to make sense of his father’s manic depression and understand the complex workings of our minds. Marc realized he’d been asleep in many regards, and he desired to wake up. He was inspired by Maslow’s  idea that one could develop oneself to be highly self aware, emotionally intelligent, joyful and feel the full spectrum of emotions. And he set off on his Hero’s Journey to live a more conscious, authentic and evolved life.

It can be uncomfortable to recognize that our values and aspirations are not in alignment with the way we are living and that we are not realizing our full potential. We can look away, pretend, defy or we can pay attention and develop an even greater level of self-awareness and success. “In every moment you are choosing.” Marc believes, “Learning to look directly at what is, as much as possible, even when we don’t want to, is a powerful skill that challenges us, changes us and transforms our lives.”

Marc Lesser

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Better Apart: The Radically Positive Way to Separate will transform your divorce and level-up your life. Gabrielle Hartley is an attorney, mediator, consultant and author, with Elena Brower, she gives you the roadmap for navigating all of life’s most challenging transitions. With clarity, grace and self-determination you can turn the typical trauma of divorce into a positive, life transforming experience. Looking at separation in a new light, she has developed five simple and effective steps anyone can take to maximize the experience of divorce, visualize your best possible future and then go and create it.

The way that you choose to separate has a ripple effect that impacts not only you, your partner and your immediate family, but your extended family, friendships and beyond. Learn how to take control and improve the process and outcomes for everyone.

By following Hartley’s five practical steps you can change your mindset and your life. “It’s about launching your life in a way that you may never have thought possible before.” You are setting the stage for responsiveness rather than reactivity. By learning to take care of yourself and take control of your situation, you can change the narrative of your experience from one of failure and powerless victim to an amazing experience of growth and transformation.

“Act the way you wish to think and your mindset will actually shift.” Why not make each moment as fulfilling as you can? Be your best self, rooted in who you truly are, move forward and be as happy and as whole as possible. 

https://gabriellehartley.com/

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Michael Wall, PhD, is a senior writer at Space.com and author of, Out There: A Scientific Guide to Alien Life, Antimatter, and Human Space Travel (For the Cosmically Curious.) And when asked about the possibility of Earth’s inhabitants venturing into infinity and beyond (assuming our Universe is flat and not spherical, that is) he offered the optimistic thought that it would definitely be possible with a single caveat, “I know we may have sublimated ourselves to virtual, or digital, meat sacks by then… forgoing our fleshy, hairy selves.” But we could do it. Which leads one to wonder, what does it means to exist.

Our Sun is halfway through its 10 billion year life cycle..We are becoming more bionic everyday. Will we become fully bionic, or upload our consciousness into digital machines?  This is Us, now, but who will we become?

And are we alone? “Out There” takes us on a interstellar ride from our, not so humble, beginning to the potential end of our Universe. We travel from microbes to black holes, through inflation theory, time travel and massless particles to the privatization of the quest to find life in our Galaxy and beyond.

13.8 billion years is a lot of time, and ample opportunity, for life to get going and even spread, Fermi’s paradox questions why we haven’t yet confirmed a visitation form an alien craft, heard any signals or found alien microbes, or have we?!!!

Have we been looking for the wrong type of signal. Maybe laser flashes and radio signals are not ET’s preferred method of communication. Or, maybe they don’t care about us, or don’t want to be found. Or, just maybe, we are in constant communication. Maybe the neutrino ghost particles streaming through us all the time are actually alien communication – a trillion messages streaming through our bodies every second.

And, is it wise to draw attention to ourselves? Stephen Hawking did not think so; he believed it was irresponsible to advertise our existence to those who may be much more advanced than we are. Alien abduction and invasion, has it happened? Would we recognize “intelligent” alien life, and is it possible we are already living with it?Is the bottle neck for survival behind us or ahead? Could there be a possible shadow biosphere, multiple realities? Did we descend from Mars through Panspermia? And is The Hulk tougher than Conan the Bacterium?

www.OutThere

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So what the heck does extra virgin olive oil really mean? Is it true that salt and time makes Prosciutto di Parma a healthy ham? Can it be that watching Italian lettuce grow is an amazing lesson in pride, mastery, bounty and purpose. And is a sense of connection, comfort and grounding best found in a great plate of pasta?

Mary Ann Esposito, author of Ciao Italia: My lifelong Food Adventures in Italy, has the answers we seek. Ciao Italia caps off a dozen previous cookbooks and her hosting the longest running cooking show in history…PBS’ Ciao Italia. Esposito’s book is a force of history, care and geography. It illuminates why what we put on our tables, and in our mouths, matters so very much. Written and lived with reverence, joy, humor and attention. She combines a culinary guidebook with a travel adventure  leading us to a sense of belonging and helping us to answer the critical question of where we fit in. By connecting us to place, tradition and the joys of cooking, Eposito demonstrates the results of a life lived with reverence. And it just may be a deeper sense of reverence that will be our saving grace.

Through the magic of cannoli, the queen of Sicilian desserts, and a perfect San Marzano tomato, Mary Ann Esposito makes the Italian experience possible for us all.

https://www.ciaoitalia.com/

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Surrounded by lifestyle and self-help porn, and a constant pressure to thrust forward, our coping mechanisms utilize all our available energy. However, if we can learn to meet life where it is from an open aspect, our energy is freed up. When we are in “go mode”  getting things done, we use our energy reserves and squeeze energy up and forward – clenched jaw, tight shoulders, headaches, buzzing in the head, while the lower body is parked and literally not turned on.

Listening to Michaela Boehm talk about her recent book, The Wild Woman’s Way: Unlock Your Full Potential for Pleasure, Power and Fulfillment is like a warm hug, a clever cup of tea and a sprinkle of magic dust that will make everything more than okay. Her book explores the plight of the modern woman, urging all of us to notice our “textures” and recognize our “flavors” rather than molding ourselves into someone we are not. She teaches simple techniques; so we can avoid caving into outside pressure and become who we are truly meant to be.

Michaela Boehm is convinced that sexual attraction is easy to find and shares the specifics on how to individuate and create that often elusive sexual spark on demand. Relationships, sex, pleasure activities, community, sensuality, enjoyment and even creativity are heightened.

Boehm deftly explains the simple science around losing sexual attraction when there is a loss of polarity and erotic friction, and the critical distinctions between compatible relationship and sexual attraction. Relationship is based on commonality and sameness; strong sexual attractions is based on polarities.

Through awakening our natural sensing instincts that have accounted for our survival since the beginning of mankind, we become relaxed. Merely by becoming aware of the parts of the body that are habitually clenched, based on science of energy distribution, electrical energy becomes available. Utilizing somatic movement modality that’s designed to release old patterns and trauma in the body in a non force way, allows the body to do what it’s meant to do naturally when not being blocked.

Michaela Boehm knows you can’t force being by doing and she provides the pathways to connecting with our deepest expressions of ourselves and living the most meaningful lives.

https://www.michaelaboehm.com/

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