It sucks that my first episode back is all about how I found myself entangled in an emotionally abusive and manipulative relationship. As I listened through this episode, I realized there is so much more I wish I could have said/conveyed about how I was feeling, what went down, and how paranoid I became over the course of our relationship. To be completely honest, I am scared about the content of this podcast going live and getting back to him. However, the entire point of this episode is to remind you to NEVER fight fear on fear. The only person who has the ability to lay anything you are going through down on their own accord is YOU. This is a reminder to myself as well - I will not walk through this life immobilized by fear. There is nothing this person can do that will shake more or push me from going after my desires. I have taken the steps to make sure he does not have direct contact with me anymore, but I know in my heart that this story is important for people to hear. If you have been in a similar situation/are in a situation, I hope this episode can bring some form for connection and peace for you. Even if you haven’t been through something like this before, I always come from a place of openness and love - I do not share my experiences to “ruin” other peoples lives. I share MY experiences because this is something I LIVED THROUGH. Women have always been told that we should “keep quiet” and make sure not to ruin the lives of men. I will NOT stay quiet about my experiences, things that I lived through for the past 5ish months. You should not either - your voice has power and you have no idea the change that can come about from you sharing your experiences.

As for the actual content of this episode, I talked about how we came to be a couple, the first time he accused me of cheating on him, the Mexico story, the second time he accused me of cheating on him, our breakup, and then his attempts to ruin our mutual friends’ professional and personal lives.