Today we are talking to Katie Dalebout from the "Let It Out" podcast and book.
I give you an update on the last 6 months of my life and how I'm finally feeling creatively inspired again.
This podcast is for anyone who is dealing with comparing themselves to others, dealing with feeling uninspired when it comes to your work and Shine Theory.
We talk about:
-What inspired Katie to begin her podcast.
-How her podcast has evolved since she started podcasting in 2013
-How to deal with competitiveness in blogging and creative endeavors.
-What is Shine Theory?
-Why comparison brings you down.
-Why you should reach out to people you admire.
-How helping people you admire will benefit you in the long run.
-How you can get inspiration from other people and why that's okay.
-How journaling can help you work through comparison from her book on journaling, Let It Out. (Exercise below!)
-How being present helps you stop playing the comparison game.
-Why we feel jealousy and what those feelings mean.
-How to use journaling to work through things you are dealing with.
-What spurred the change in name from "Wellness Wonderland" to "Let It Out"
-Davida's episode of "Let It Out": https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/let-it-out-katie-dalebout-previously-wellness-wonderland/id669216566?mt=2&i=1000380376550
-What podcasts Katie is listening to
-The Cookbook Deal: https://itun.es/us/3DiThb.c
-What books Katie is reading
-What healthy habit Katie can't live without
-Who Katie looks up to in business
-What Katie would tell her 17 year old self
-What Katie hopes her 50 year old self tells her.
Follow Katie:
Website: http://katiedalebout.com/
Podcast: https://itun.es/us/2824N.c
Book: http://amzn.to/2lSNCCA
Facebook: http://Facebook.com/thewellnesswonderland
Twitter: http://twitter.com/katiedalebout
Instagram: http://instagram.com/katiedalebout
Shine Theory: http://nymag.com/thecut/2013/05/shine-theory-how-to-stop-female-competition.html
NO. 18
THE WAY OUT OF COMPARE & DESPAIR: “Concern Yourself with You”
When I was a kid, my mom would constantly tell me something that sticks with me to this day. It became a mantra I used in elementary school, carried on to high school, and still use today well into adulthood. When I found myself constantly making choices based on other kids, my mom would say to me, “Concern yourself with you.”
Comparison is an easy trap to get caught in. With the advent of social media long after my mom first uttered the epic “Concern yourself with you” mantra, I wonder if perhaps she was predicting what was to come in an era where comparing yourself to other peoples’ highlight reels is easier and more addictive than ever.
Have you ever gone on a social stalking binge of someone, and next thing you know you’re so far down their Instagram feed that your thumbs hurt from scrolling and you pray they won’t slip and accidentally double-tap a photo, “liking” it and revealing how deep into their past you’ve scrolled? (Um, yeah . . . clearly that’s too specific to not be an autobiographical example.) Anyway, after talking with countless people I realized I wasn’t alone, and this comparison game is rampant.
I found myself giving the same advice to my friends and clients that my mom gave me long ago.
This tool guides us to take my mom’s advice and quit the compare-and-despair game we so often default to. Whether it's a mentor, a guru, a celebrity, your accomplished friend from high school, or your ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend, comparing yourself keeps you stuck and makes you feel less than.
Conan O’Brien once said in a commencement speech at Dartmouth that comedians of his generation desperately wanted to be the next David Letterman. He remarked, “It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique.” I found that to be a deeply profound lesson of authenticity. We have to concern ourselves with our own truth, and not try to emulate anyone else’s.
The bottom line is that whenever you’re comparing yourself to others, you’re not concerned with you. The interesting thing is, the more you are yourself, the more attractive you become. This tool guides you to instead use who you’re comparing yourself to as a guide for something you want more of within yourself, which probably isn’t being fully expressed.
Directions:
• Step 1: Make a list of the people you most
compare yourself to. Then examine how you’re
separating yourself by answering these two
questions for each person on your list (if there
are several people, choose just one or two for this
exercise today):
a) Are you making yourself “more special”
or “better” than those you are comparing
yourself to? If yes, move on to Step 2.
b) Are you making yourself “less special” or
“worse” than those you’re comparing yourself
to? That is, are you regarding them as better
than you or more special by either idolizing
them or feeling jealousy toward them? If yes,
move on to Step 3.
• Step 2: Answer the following questions in your
journal if you answered “yes” to question (a)
above:
• What is it within you that feels insecurity around
this person you’re comparing yourself to?
• What is it within you that makes you feel like
you need to perceive yourself as better than
him or her?
• In what ways are you both equal?
• How can you see him or her with love instead?
When you’re done, move on to Step 4.
• Step 3: Answer the following questions in your
journal if you answered “yes” to question (b)
above:
• What are the specific qualities or attributes
that you find most inspiring about this person
you’re comparing yourself to?
• What is he or she mirroring back to you
regarding qualities that are within you but are
perhaps unawakened?
• How can you look at him or her as a positive
example of inspiration?
• How can you embrace ways you are unique
from him or her and love those qualities about
yourself?
• In what ways are you both equal?
• Can you find common humanity with him or
her?
• Step 4: Now concern yourself with you. Write a
sentence about yourself in the third person as
if someone else were admiring you. This is your
time to toot your own horn, which may feel
uncomfortable. It does for me, but I’ll take one
for the team and give you an example: “Katie is
an awesome podcast host, really kills it on the
ukulele, knows how to write a mean journal
prompt, and has an adorable little dog.” See
there, that wasn’t so bad—give it a go!
• Bonus step: Tweet your 140-character horn toot at
me (@katiedalebout)! I want to see how awesome
you are.
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