It's not bad enough that I dont have any topics before wasting a day of my life talking; now Im going to give you a preshow featuring my famous "Ex with a toaster" story, and why Im not talking about current events.

 Then, find out what I spent the past 15 years thinking about putting in my mouth.

And then I screw up my ad. The same ad I do every episode. For my own product. This is the sort of attention to detail that keeps me in business and you guys just keep coming back for it.

I also F*ck a lot. Which is weird with the little asterix in it.