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Even the flu can't stop Toni from hopping on to celebrate a rare Arsenal win at Anfield, while Chelsea comfortably handle a spiralling Man United, Brighton beat Man City and Harry Kane wins the men's Ballon d'Or!
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It feels like it's all over for Michael Carrick at Man United as we break into the whiskey, Spurs smack Chelsea, Unai Emery gets one over City and we chat about logging into urinals
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Man United's dreadful start to the season continues as Lisandro Martinez gets candid, Arsenal edge out Forest, the Seagulls continue to soar, and Real Madrid get compared to the Nazis by Javier Tebas
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Liverpool crumble in Man City's first game post-charges, Man United and Spurs torture everyone, Arsenal survive Leeds and Sean Dyche is selling us condoms
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The extent of Man City's fraud is revealed, a Portugal manager has finally stood up to Ronaldo, England dismantle Croatia, we wonder if Vini Jr has been abducted by aliens, and most importantly, Tommy is visited by a dog
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Just when we thought we were gonna have a quiet international break, Man City are found guilty on almost all charges levied against them, Man United's financials paint a bleak picture, Andros Townsend's been flattened by a roller, and Mauro Icardi is at it again
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Arsenal get well and truly pecked by the Seagulls, Chelsea disappear into the Premier League's Bermuda Triangle, Man United struggle yet again, and Man City play out an instant classic!
The falconers are also once again up to no good
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The refs take centre stage once again as Man City beat Man United, Hull scratch up Chelsea, Spurs still can't score, and Toni makes his claim for a crown! We also bring on a special guest to answer for Liverpool's transfer sins
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Arsenal lay down a marker as they beat high-flying Chelsea, Ainsley Maitland-Niles scores the goal of his career, the WSL kicks off, and Toni seeks funding to get himself over to Stockley Park to have a word with the refereeing union
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Liverpool drop more points, Newcastle brush aside Spurs, Chelsea look like a good time, and it's the Bruno Fernandes show yet again! Elsewhere, Matteo Guendouzi's inciting riots and a Mussolini is once again spotted in Rome!
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