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The 4 Saboteurs - Guilt
GUILT AS A SABOTEUR
In the final episode of this 4-part mini-series about Saboteurs, Emma tackles the issues surrounding guilt. We all experience guilt in varying ways, it is how we deal with it that determines whether we let it sabotage us or not.
The series
PERFECTIONISM
IMPATIENCE
ISOLATION
GUILT
Listen in to the full mini-series to find out how to take action against these saboteurs and achieve the life you truly want and deserve.
KEY TAKEAWAYS
Guilt leads us to feel less than, to feel insecure, not enough and guilty;
Everyone has an Inner Critical Voice. This inner critic can become louder as you become more anxious, which only makes the problem worse as you are likely to perpetuate whatever destructive cycle guilt drives you to - eating, drinking, drug taking, shopping, sex/porn, gambling....or just feeling crap about yourself;
This Inner Critical Voice is actually part of our "fight or flight" response and is about keeping us safe, we need to understand this to alleviate it!
When your inner voice says something you immediately take notice but it’s important not to believe everything you think;
Become an observer of your thoughts, this requires practice but can be very helpful. You can then learn to respond in the correct way rather than reacting in an impulsive way;
The Chimp paradox states that the part of your brain identified as ‘your chimp’ kicks in 5 x faster than your logical brain. You need to train your logical brain to calm down your chimp;
Practice observing your brain and finding it "fascinating" - "that's fascinating, that I am having that reaction/thought now!", then separate yourself out from the chimp, understanding that you don’t have to react to it. Regular meditation practice can help with this;
Being able to detach yourself is part of a mindfulness or meditation practice;
This will help take your anxiety down and will mean you are operating at a lower, calmer level, and not activating your chimp so often!
Feeling guilty about other people
People Pleasing is one of the worst Sabotaging behaviour to come in under the 'Guilt' heading. You want to do something for yourself and then somebody else wants something from you and you say yes, putting yourself second. You will feel resentful if they are not properly appreciative of your sacrifice, but who actually ruined your plan for yourself? You did!
You had the opportunity to say no but said yes because you wanted to keep the other person happy;
It's unlikely the other person didn’t realise the sacrifice you had made, and in reality they would probably have preferred you gave yourself the time to do what you wanted to do originally, and would be horrified if they knew you had given up something important to you, for them! Because let's face it, THEY probably wouldn't do it for you, or anyone else!
Other people making you feel guilty
This is when you take on responsibility for someone else’s feelings. Sometimes it's all you taking on that responsibility, WITHOUT BEING ASKED, but sometimes you are being manipulated, the person knows exactly which buttons to press to make you feel guilty about their life - can you tell the difference?
You cannot be responsible for someone else's happiness. Stand strong in your own space. and SHOW them how to be happy by doing it yourself;
We feel guilt whenever we feel we are being selfish but what if it’s NOT selfish? Appropriate self-care results in you being a better mother, partner, daughter, worker, friend. When you fill yourself up first, you've got more to give!
BEST MOMENTS
‘The understanding that if you’ve looked after yourself you’ve got more to give’
‘A sister who is an absolute ninja about making you feel bad’
‘Practising non-doing and letting your thoughts just drift in and out, just observing them’
‘Should and shouldn't equal guilt’
‘Think to yourself – ‘I don’t have to react to it’
‘Regular meditation practice can help with this’
‘In one ear and out the other’
‘When your inner voice says something you immediately take notice’
‘It is a blunt instrument’
VALUABLE RESOURCES
www.bodymindandspirithealing.com
www.amazon.co.uk/Chimp-Paradox-Management-Programme-Confidence/dp/009193558X
www.eating-freely.com
ABOUT THE HOST
Emma Murphy MIACP, BA (Hons) Psych, PGDip Counselling & Psychotherapy, Certified Disordered Eating Practitioner (NCFED UK), FETAC Trainer, Certified Self-Love Coach and all-round Good Egg.
Likes old rock music, eating food and being outside in the sunshine. Has a Boxer called Boots and a Jack Russell called Millie, both rescues. Married with a cute but pain in the arse 13-year-old daughter. Either she’ll grow out of it or I’ll therapy it out of her!
I now train other therapists in my Disordered Eating program – Eating Freely – for Binge Eating, Emotional Eating and Bulimia. If you are interested in learning more about this specific area of my work, visit www.eating-freely.com.
CONTACT METHOD
https://www.facebook.com/[email protected]
View all episodes
By Emma MurphyGUILT AS A SABOTEUR
In the final episode of this 4-part mini-series about Saboteurs, Emma tackles the issues surrounding guilt. We all experience guilt in varying ways, it is how we deal with it that determines whether we let it sabotage us or not.
The series
PERFECTIONISM
IMPATIENCE
ISOLATION
GUILT
Listen in to the full mini-series to find out how to take action against these saboteurs and achieve the life you truly want and deserve.
KEY TAKEAWAYS
Guilt leads us to feel less than, to feel insecure, not enough and guilty;
Everyone has an Inner Critical Voice. This inner critic can become louder as you become more anxious, which only makes the problem worse as you are likely to perpetuate whatever destructive cycle guilt drives you to - eating, drinking, drug taking, shopping, sex/porn, gambling....or just feeling crap about yourself;
This Inner Critical Voice is actually part of our "fight or flight" response and is about keeping us safe, we need to understand this to alleviate it!
When your inner voice says something you immediately take notice but it’s important not to believe everything you think;
Become an observer of your thoughts, this requires practice but can be very helpful. You can then learn to respond in the correct way rather than reacting in an impulsive way;
The Chimp paradox states that the part of your brain identified as ‘your chimp’ kicks in 5 x faster than your logical brain. You need to train your logical brain to calm down your chimp;
Practice observing your brain and finding it "fascinating" - "that's fascinating, that I am having that reaction/thought now!", then separate yourself out from the chimp, understanding that you don’t have to react to it. Regular meditation practice can help with this;
Being able to detach yourself is part of a mindfulness or meditation practice;
This will help take your anxiety down and will mean you are operating at a lower, calmer level, and not activating your chimp so often!
Feeling guilty about other people
People Pleasing is one of the worst Sabotaging behaviour to come in under the 'Guilt' heading. You want to do something for yourself and then somebody else wants something from you and you say yes, putting yourself second. You will feel resentful if they are not properly appreciative of your sacrifice, but who actually ruined your plan for yourself? You did!
You had the opportunity to say no but said yes because you wanted to keep the other person happy;
It's unlikely the other person didn’t realise the sacrifice you had made, and in reality they would probably have preferred you gave yourself the time to do what you wanted to do originally, and would be horrified if they knew you had given up something important to you, for them! Because let's face it, THEY probably wouldn't do it for you, or anyone else!
Other people making you feel guilty
This is when you take on responsibility for someone else’s feelings. Sometimes it's all you taking on that responsibility, WITHOUT BEING ASKED, but sometimes you are being manipulated, the person knows exactly which buttons to press to make you feel guilty about their life - can you tell the difference?
You cannot be responsible for someone else's happiness. Stand strong in your own space. and SHOW them how to be happy by doing it yourself;
We feel guilt whenever we feel we are being selfish but what if it’s NOT selfish? Appropriate self-care results in you being a better mother, partner, daughter, worker, friend. When you fill yourself up first, you've got more to give!
BEST MOMENTS
‘The understanding that if you’ve looked after yourself you’ve got more to give’
‘A sister who is an absolute ninja about making you feel bad’
‘Practising non-doing and letting your thoughts just drift in and out, just observing them’
‘Should and shouldn't equal guilt’
‘Think to yourself – ‘I don’t have to react to it’
‘Regular meditation practice can help with this’
‘In one ear and out the other’
‘When your inner voice says something you immediately take notice’
‘It is a blunt instrument’
VALUABLE RESOURCES
www.bodymindandspirithealing.com
www.amazon.co.uk/Chimp-Paradox-Management-Programme-Confidence/dp/009193558X
www.eating-freely.com
ABOUT THE HOST
Emma Murphy MIACP, BA (Hons) Psych, PGDip Counselling & Psychotherapy, Certified Disordered Eating Practitioner (NCFED UK), FETAC Trainer, Certified Self-Love Coach and all-round Good Egg.
Likes old rock music, eating food and being outside in the sunshine. Has a Boxer called Boots and a Jack Russell called Millie, both rescues. Married with a cute but pain in the arse 13-year-old daughter. Either she’ll grow out of it or I’ll therapy it out of her!
I now train other therapists in my Disordered Eating program – Eating Freely – for Binge Eating, Emotional Eating and Bulimia. If you are interested in learning more about this specific area of my work, visit www.eating-freely.com.
CONTACT METHOD
https://www.facebook.com/[email protected]