You start to see with your ears and listen with your belly.
That's how my first guest, Kate Schmieding, describes what happens when you turn 40.
Forty is your sixth sense — you begin to recognize what you already knew but can now KNOW. Really know.
In this conversation, Kate and I talk about:
→ Friendship in your 40s (her 3-strikes rule, why reciprocity matters, how to stop forcing connections that aren't reciprocal)
→ Being cool because you're YOU (not performing, claiming who you've always been, "I recognize the cool in me as the cool in you")
→ Creative work without overnight success (Kate writes pop culture poetry — staying in the "low hum" instead of chasing viral moments)
→ You're not a late bloomer ("I've been blooming this whole time, my friends. I just haven't given it a name.")
→ Doing things because you WANT to (not because you're supposed to — this is your permission slip)
→ The midlife squeeze (parenting, work, everyone depending on you — and how to navigate it without losing yourself)
ABOUT KATE:
Kate Schmieding (rhymes with meeting) is a writer, poet, creative leader, joiner, hand-raiser, and hard-conversation-haver. She writes pop culture poetry, and her work studies the intersection of the mundane and the meaningful. She is the Creative Operations Director for NYS. Kate loves the 5 Ps: people, poetry, pop culture, push-ups and parmesan. She's also one of the most generous friends I know.
Find her on Instagram: @kateschmied | @pop_culture_poetry
SUBMIT YOUR WISDOM:
Submit your voice to Portal & your words might just anchor the next episode of the podcast.
Send your wisdom here: the40portal.com/submit
IF YOU'RE IN THE MIDLIFE SQUEEZE:
Work. Kids. Aging parents. Everyone depends on you. You've fallen to the bottom of your own list.
Your 40s can break you or they can shape you.
I'm gathering a small group of women in the Hudson Valley this June for The Portal Retreat | June 17-19, 2026.
Three days to write and tell your own portal story. To do this inner work in community with other women who are deeply committed to the bit of becoming themselves.
Space is limited. A few spots left.
Learn More → https://www.the40portal.com/retreat
🎙️ Subscribe: Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube
📧 Substack: https://substack.com/@the40portal
🌐 Website: the40portal.com | catherinezack.com
📷 Instagram: @the40portal
CREDITS:
Host: Catherine Zack
Guest: Kate Schmieding
Editor: Ruwantha Gunasinghe
© 2026 The 40 Portal.
00:00 Welcome
02:44 Meeting Kate
06:24 The 3-strikes rule for friendship
11:46 What friendship is actually about in your 40s
18:23 Who are you without job titles and accomplishments?
22:39 Writing poetry at 40 (alchemy and magic)
28:17 Holding yourself so you can hold others
33:54 "I'm cool because I feel like myself"
41:45 Not being an overnight success
44:57 "I'm not a late bloomer—I've been blooming the whole time"
49:35 Reciprocity
52:46 The 40 Portal notebook origin story
58:00 Kate's poem: "40 Is Your Sixth Sense"
