Katie (Birth Mom) returns for a follow up episode!

In our last episode, (S3 E3), Katie shared her story of being a teenager and placing her son for adoption. She went 50 years before sharing her story out loud. Many of her closest friends and family first heard about her experience as a birth mother via The Absolute Love podcast episode!

After sharing her story, Katie FOUND HER SON! The two were reunited and have joined the podcast today TOGETHER to talk about their different experiences with their shared adoption story.

Listen today to hear about Katie's (Kate) search for her son and the months since the reunion with Jim!

Meet Katie, who surrendered a child when she was just 16 years old. Now Katie reflects on who her son might be as a 50 year old adult.

Katie shares with deep emotion how she recalls the experience of her pregnancy, the circumstances that led to her being sent away to relinquish her beloved child and the weight of keeping the secret for the majority of her life.

Send out hope that Katie's son finds his way to her. She is ready.

To understand Katie's experience further, please read The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler and American Baby by Gabrielle Glaser. The historical context helps understand what Katie went through. 

Jess is a birth mom who placed a child for adoption...twice. Her first experience with adoption resulted in a closed adoption due to the adoptive parent's choice. Her second placement after an assault has led to an open adoption with her daughter's adoptive family.

Jess is a Michigan native with part of her heart in Louisiana. She is an adoption professional, dog mom of 2, coffee and wine lover and a Disney super fan!

In this episode we discuss:

Mental health and counseling/therapy and the work of Ashley Mitchell.

Living normal life after placement.

The PACA

Ethics

“Failed adoptions”

Fetal memory.

Courtney Tiera is an adult educator, speaker, birth mother and author.

In this episode, we discuss:

The concept of worthiness and how it influenced her unexpected pregnancy and her choice for adoption for her now adult son.

Adoption as a parenting decision.

Ambiguous loss in adoption.

Choosing adoption as a black woman, and the nuances in the African American community.

Courtney says, "I didn't meet another birth mom until my son was 18. So that was 18 years of 'I know other people do this, but I'm alone' so now to be in this world where birth moms are supported and loved...it has made me a better person being able to hear the stories of what other people are dealing with. It allows empathy."

Find more from Courtney: ⁠⁠Worthy!: A Book for Kids of All Ages by Courtney Tierra Cook | BookBaby Bookshop⁠⁠

⁠⁠The Worthy Reminders (@theworthyreminders) • Instagram photos and videos⁠⁠

Lori joins us to share her experience as a Freshman in college finding out she was 22 weeks pregnant and ultimately choosing adoption for her daughter. 

Lori's experience was driven by the grief and shame of "unwed motherhood" that dominated culturally during the time she experienced her unplanned pregnancy. She was offered only a closed relationship with her daughter as that was the norm at the time. For many years, her pregnancy and adoption choice were kept a secret. In this episode, Lori talks about years of feeling deep shame and unworthiness of relationship with her daughter. 

She is now a social worker and an adoption professional who coordinates retreats for birth mothers because of her own experience having her life changed by her first Birth Mom retreat experience nearly 22 years after placement.

Lori says: "I went to a retreat and for the first time in all of those years I felt completely comfortable, completely safe, talking about my adoption without having to filter my words to protect the feelings of other people, because I knew that everybody else in that room when I started talking about it they were going to understand because they were like me." 

"The world expects great moms to analyze the needs of their children, figure out the best plan for meeting their needs and execute that plan. And that’s what I did. So if other women did that through parenting their children and making good parenting decisions and they were great moms…then I was a great mom too because I had done the same thing just on a different path."

In this episode we discuss:

Disenfranchised grief in adoption

SOLACE boxes

Post Placement Support for birth parents

The power dynamic between Birth Moms and Adoptive Moms

Gatekeeping

Find more from ALA www.absoluteloveadoptions.com

Find more from Lori

Tammy and her husband began as foster parents with no intention on adopting. That is, until they met their daughter Taylor (Season 2, Episode 3) and her 2 younger siblings. In this episode, Tammy re-lives the time in her life when she met Taylor and the highs and lows of parenting children from hard places. 

On Today's episode we are chatting with Paige who is an adoptive mother of two. Her children, both adopted transracially and domestically are in open adoptions with their Birth Parents. Paige is the owner or Love Grown Adoption Consulting and has a passion for educating families who are preparing to adopt. On this episode, we talk about: 

As mentioned, the voice of transracial adoptees are the most valuable in learning about transracial adoption. Here are some of our favorites:

Hannah J Matthews

Torie DiMartile 

April Dinwoodie: Born in June, Raised in April Podcast

Angela Tucker

History of Transracial Adoption:  Somebody's Children- the Politics of Transracial and Transnational Adoption by Laura Briggs 

"The Checklist" blog by ALA

Michelle is a Birth Mother and author of Delivered: My Harrowing Journey As A Birthmother, two journals for birth mothers, and two nonfiction books part of a Both/And series: Both Darkness and Light, and Both Then And Now. Her new book Both Cleaving and Cleaving will be released April 25, 2022! Michelle is also the author of this birth mom manifesto that is now being included in our SOLACE gift boxes for Birth Mothers.

Michelle placed her son for adoption as an infant. They had no contact until recently, largely stemming from Michelle's feelings like she didn't deserve a relationship with him (which she talks about in this episode). After placing her son, Michelle spent much of her career working as an Adoption Specialist and providing Options Counseling to expectant mothers. As an adult, Michelle's son is now an active part of her family and together they have nurtured a beautiful relationship.

In this episode we discuss:

Support Groups and what birth mothers need post placement.

Resentment and feeling someone made you place your child for adoption. 

Guilt and shame when choosing adoption.

OPTIONS COUNSELING! Absolute Love is launching a course for professionals  about Options Counseling, and Michelle conducts Options Counseling regularly as part of her job. Much of our discussing is about how to do this well and some of the challenges and experiences encountered when working with women considering adoption. 

Resources mentioned:

Bill for options counseling

On Your Feet Foundation

@fromanothamotha 

@hopeobaker

Today’s guest is an incredible 21 year old adoptee, Taylor. Taylor was placed into foster care when she was 7 and adopted at age 12. In our conversation she shared about her life in an unstable home where drugs, alcohol and neglect forced her into the role of parent to her younger siblings, the fear and uncertainty during the years in foster care where she dreaded a possible return to her birth family, her discovery over time of how her experience in a dysfunctional home have contributed to anxiety and her social relationships and nurtured her now strong motivation to help children in hard places.

On this episode we story tell with Becca who adopted her son at birth through domestic adoption.  We chat about her about fertility treatments, deciding to adopt as a single woman in her 40’s, judgement and fear in the adoption process, openness, transracial adoption, and ongoing commitment to open mindedness and growth for herself, her child and her family.

After adopting, Becca opened RG Consulting to help prepare families for adoption. She recently expanded her program to include a nonprofit branch, Back To The Roadmap Fund, in which she awards grants to applicants who have lost money in the adoption process due to disruptions. Back To The Roadmap Fund is hosting their annual adoption symposium on November 20th, 2021 and as always, it is a powerful day with expert speakers in the adoption community. Get your ticket here: bit.ly/adoption-family-symposium