Editor’s note: We’re grateful for all our listeners. We’ve been offering some added “perks” for paid subscribers, and we have realized that most if not all of those subscribers pay because they want to support our work, not because they get exclusive access to content. So we are experimenting with making all of our content here available to all subscribers. Thank you, thank you, thank you, and if you find value in what we do, please share us with others and upgrade your subscription as you see fit with our deepest gratitude. We are making this change as we complete our tech move completely into our space here on King’s Chronicles.
This week I recorded a shorter solo episode — not filler, not a placeholder — but something I believe we genuinely need to talk about.
In the cultural, social, and political climate we’re living in right now, assumptions are doing real damage. We react quickly. We interpret confidently. And we rarely pause long enough to ask whether what we think we heard is actually what was said.
In this episode, I share a simple puzzle that got me — and yes, even fooled me — along with a personal story from a recent interview that illustrates just how powerful (and costly) our hidden assumptions can be.
It’s not abstract. It’s not academic. It’s practical.
If you’ve ever:
* Reacted strongly and later realized you misheard
* Assumed someone’s intention… and been wrong
* Held back your voice because of what you thought someone meant
Then this one’s for you.
Listen in. I think it may shift the way you experience your next conversation.
Resources Mentioned
* Butterfly Copywriting (Val Roskens Tews): https://donnking.com/butterfly
* My books (including Creating While Caring): https://donnking.com/books
* The puzzle image referenced in the episode (if you can’t see it where you’re listening to this, go to https://donnking.com/104)
BONUS CONTENT
1. The Big Takeaway
The most dangerous assumptions are the ones that feel obvious — because once something feels obvious, we stop questioning it.
Awareness creates choice. And choice is where alignment begins.
2. Bulleted Summary
* Our brains are prediction machines. We complete stories automatically.
* Visual and emotional framing guide interpretation more than we realize.
* Even expertise in communication does not prevent assumptions — it may simply make us faster at making them.
* Most conflicts are not about what was said, but about what was inferred.
* The same words, interpreted differently, can create entirely different lived experiences.
* Slowing down to clarify intent is not weakness — it is precision.
3. Practical Tips
* When you feel a strong reaction, ask: What part of this is observable fact, and what part is my interpretation?
* Replace “I know what you meant” with “Help me understand what you meant.”
* Before withdrawing or escalating, pause and ask: Is this inferred or confirmed?
* Notice emotional certainty. The stronger the certainty, the more valuable the pause.
* In meetings or difficult conversations, clarify intent explicitly rather than assuming tone.
4. Quote to Ponder
“The most dangerous assumptions are the ones that feel obvious.”
or
“The goal isn’t perfection. It’s awareness. And once you have awareness, you have choice.”
5. Article Version (Blog-Style Episode Write-Up)
The Assumption You Didn’t Know You Made
In this solo episode of The Alignment Show, I explore something deceptively simple but profoundly consequential: the assumptions we don’t realize we’re making.
In a world moving at high speed — culturally, socially, politically — we’re reacting quickly and interpreting confidently. But how often do we stop to ask whether what we believe we heard is actually what was said?
A Puzzle That Revealed More Than I Expected
I came across a graphic showing two people trapped on a rope bridge between two tigers, with sharks circling below. The caption read:
“Every problem has a solution — how can both escape safely?”
Most of us instantly assume “both” refers to the two humans.
So did I.
So did Lizzie — my name for ChatGPT.
And that’s what made it fascinating.
The question never specified “both humans.” It simply said “both.” One commenter pointed out that after the tigers eat the humans, the two tigers both escape safely.
Dark? Yes.
Accurate? Also yes.
The lesson wasn’t about survival tactics. It was about how quickly our minds fill in missing meaning.
Why Even Experts Get Caught
I’ve spent a lifetime teaching communication — framing, ambiguity, inference. And I still made the assumption.
Knowing how assumptions work doesn’t prevent them.
Our brains are prediction machines. We don’t just receive information. We complete it. That’s how we function efficiently.
The problem arises when we mistake completion for certainty.
A Real-Life Example
After recording an interview recently, my guest and I were chatting casually. She has a European accent and has lived in the U.S. since 2008.
I told her I loved her accent.
She told me that for years, when people said that, she assumed they were mocking her.
Same words.Different assumption.Different experience.
Because she believed the comment was sarcastic, she became hesitant to speak up in meetings. Her participation changed. Her confidence shifted.
Nothing external changed.
Only the interpretation.
That internal story shaped her lived reality.
Where Assumptions Hurt Most
We rarely announce to ourselves, “I am now assigning motive to this person.”
We just feel hurt.Or dismissed.Or defensive.
And the feeling feels justified because the story feels obvious.
But what if it’s filled in?
Most arguments aren’t about what was said. They’re about what was inferred.
When we respond to our interpretation instead of observable fact, clarity disappears.
Moving from Awareness to Agency
So what do we do?
First, accept something uncomfortable: education doesn’t make us immune to misinterpretation. It just gives us tools to recover faster.
Second, pause.
Instead of:“I know what you meant.”
Try:“Help me understand what you meant.”
Instead of:“Obviously this is about…”
Try:“Is this what you’re saying?”
Clarification is not weakness. It is precision.
The most dangerous assumptions are the ones that feel obvious.
Awareness is the first step.
But awareness is not the end goal.
The end goal is agency.
When you recognize that you are completing the story, you gain the ability to question it.
Is this observable?Or inferred?
Fact?Or interpretation?
That single pause can be the difference between withdrawal and participation… conflict and clarity… silence and voice.
And that is where alignment begins.
Your Turn
* Where have you recently discovered you were responding to a story you completed rather than a fact you observed?
* What’s one conversation where a small pause could change the outcome?
* Have you ever realized you misinterpreted someone’s intent? What shifted once you saw it?
If you get value from the show, consider supporting us in one of the following ways.
You can make a one-time contribution or sign up for regular support through Buy Me a Coffee.
You can also subscribe on Substack for free OR upgrade to a paid subscription. Your support helps me continue helping you and others, and thank you in advance! All subscribers now receive the following:
* The “Big Takeaway”
* A bulleted summary of the episode
* Practical tips from the episode
* A quote to ponder
* Prefer text? We turn each podcast into an article.
Plus, Founding Members receive ebook copies of all my books as well as a sponsorship message on the podcast at least once a month.
That’s our way for saying “thanks for the support!”
King's Chronicles is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kingschronicles.substack.com/subscribe
