I used to associate codependency with words like weak and broken. Two things I worked hard not to be.

I still can’t articulate a proper definition for codependency but what it looked like in my life was a desire to meet the needs of certain people over my own needs to the point that it affected my self-care, my identity, and my self-worth. My happiness felt contingent upon meeting their needs even if they were unspoken or unreasonable.

The journey of breaking free from codependency has been uncomfortable. It has been difficult to get this honest with myself and others. It hasn’t been an easy journey, but I now see codependency as a gift. It’s a little yellow flag that tells me when there are more places to heal, to communicate my needs, or to be kind to myself. It’s helped me find the courage to be my authentic, beloved self.

These days, like most working people, in any given work week, I spend over 20 hours on video conferences. During COVID, my church went to online services and zoom small groups. Conferences and celebrations we’d planned as in-person social gatherings became virtual events. Working parents are suddenly having to homeschool over video conferencing platforms.

No matter what your season of life, we’ve all had to adjust to interacting with other people digitally. From having to keep your 6-year-old engaged on a web call while you are working to getting used to seeing yourself on camera.

Video calls have limitations with ramifications for our social interactions. For example, it’s tough to read body language, and so it’s harder to pick up on how people feel. Also, according to the University of Berkeley, the science of touch shows us that we humans crave physical contact, which neither video conferencing nor social media can provide.

It only took me a few months of shelter in place orders for me to reach a breaking point. I was burnt out from being on video conferences most of the time whether it was for work or for social reasons. I was weepy and snotty which is not a good look for video. I had to get it together!

One of the gifts of COVID-19’s forced isolation has been finding and owning more of my voice and identity. This empowerment was reinforced by the awakening of racial injustice to our American consciousness. Race is complicated in America. Especially for those of us in the "other" category. In this episode, my friend Mikaela and I, both mixed, discuss how our racial identities were formed and what impact the events of 2020 have had on our identities.

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As we record this episode, we are 24 weeks into the COVID-19 lock down. In Los Angeles, gyms, restaurants, and salons are closed. My job which consisted of traveling, going to meetings, and being out in front of clients, shifted to working from home 100% of the time. Join my friend Mikaela Clark and I as we unpack what this isolation felt like and how once I leaned into the solitude, I was able to connect to a deeper, more authentic part of myself. This episode will encourage you to utilize the isolation to find the essence of your true self and not just who you are in relationship to other people. 

Here are the links for this episode:

CLICK here for full show notes and transcript of this episode.

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