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The Anxious Avoidant Trap
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The anxious avoidant trap can feel like love at first because it’s intense, familiar, and weirdly predictable. Then you blink and you’re stuck in the same loop: one person reaches for closeness, the other pulls away, and both walk away feeling unseen. We sit down with associate professional counselor Mariana Bohn to unpack why that push pull dynamic happens and what it’s really protecting underneath.
We get practical about the difference between anxious attachment and avoidant attachment, including what each person is trying to secure: reassurance versus reliability, closeness versus independence. We also zoom in on nervous system regulation and the somatic signs that your body is sounding the alarm, even if your face is “cool.” Racing heart, spiraling thoughts, urgency, shutdown, and that impulse to text 20 times or disappear for a week are not character flaws. They’re learned survival strategies tied to attachment wounds and early relationship experiences.
From there, we challenge the chemistry myth. Not every spark is a green flag, and calm is not the same as boring. We talk about what secure attachment can feel like in real life, how internal narratives like “I’m too much” or “I’m all alone” drive conflict, and why change takes practice in a safe relationship, often with a therapist who understands attachment and can help you build new patterns through neuroplasticity.
If you’ve been chasing, running, or calling it passion while you’re exhausted, this one will land. Subscribe, share it with a friend who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find these conversations.
To learn more about the work Mariana does at Rise Therapy Center, check her out at:
https://www.risetherapycenter.com/mariana
Thank you for tuning into And Still WE Rise! If you would like to learn more about me or the work our practice is doing, feel free to follow us on Instagram at:
@atltherapygirl and @risetherapycenter
Or check us out at www.risetherapycenter.com
Disclaimer: And Still We Rise is meant to provide perspective and meaningful conversations around mental health topics. It is not meant to provide specific therapeutic advise to individuals. If anything in these podcasts resonates, ASWR recommends consulting with your individual therapist or seeking a referral from your primary care physician.
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By Cristine SeidellSend us Fan Mail
The anxious avoidant trap can feel like love at first because it’s intense, familiar, and weirdly predictable. Then you blink and you’re stuck in the same loop: one person reaches for closeness, the other pulls away, and both walk away feeling unseen. We sit down with associate professional counselor Mariana Bohn to unpack why that push pull dynamic happens and what it’s really protecting underneath.
We get practical about the difference between anxious attachment and avoidant attachment, including what each person is trying to secure: reassurance versus reliability, closeness versus independence. We also zoom in on nervous system regulation and the somatic signs that your body is sounding the alarm, even if your face is “cool.” Racing heart, spiraling thoughts, urgency, shutdown, and that impulse to text 20 times or disappear for a week are not character flaws. They’re learned survival strategies tied to attachment wounds and early relationship experiences.
From there, we challenge the chemistry myth. Not every spark is a green flag, and calm is not the same as boring. We talk about what secure attachment can feel like in real life, how internal narratives like “I’m too much” or “I’m all alone” drive conflict, and why change takes practice in a safe relationship, often with a therapist who understands attachment and can help you build new patterns through neuroplasticity.
If you’ve been chasing, running, or calling it passion while you’re exhausted, this one will land. Subscribe, share it with a friend who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find these conversations.
To learn more about the work Mariana does at Rise Therapy Center, check her out at:
https://www.risetherapycenter.com/mariana
Thank you for tuning into And Still WE Rise! If you would like to learn more about me or the work our practice is doing, feel free to follow us on Instagram at:
@atltherapygirl and @risetherapycenter
Or check us out at www.risetherapycenter.com
Disclaimer: And Still We Rise is meant to provide perspective and meaningful conversations around mental health topics. It is not meant to provide specific therapeutic advise to individuals. If anything in these podcasts resonates, ASWR recommends consulting with your individual therapist or seeking a referral from your primary care physician.