“The BDSM Test” is infamous in the kink community and beyond. Since 2014, thousands have proudly posted results like a badge of honor on FetLife profiles. We use it as a roadmap, educational tool, and kink negotiation starter. It’s even gone vanilla as the focus of social media challenges and pop magazine writeups.

But is this kink subculture phenomenon all it's cracked up to be? While some find it helpful & validating, many say it’s othering, stigmatizing, and normalizes red-flag behavior disguised as “kink.”

Midori & kinky therapist Joe Zarate-Sanderlin join us on ep 192 to deconstruct the BDSM test question by question + explore its wider impact. Why don't we scrutinize it the same way vet other educational sources? Who wrote this kink test, why, and what are they using the massive amount of data they’re collecting about our deviant desires for? Turns out, it’s a bit of a mystery…

 

Midori Bio

“Your Fairy God-Auntie of Kink. Exploding Expectations. Challenging Conventions.”

Trailblazing educator, sexologist, artist, and irritant to banality, Midori founded Rope Dojo and ForteFemme: Women’s Dominance Intensive. She penned the first English instruction book on Shibari, “Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage” in 2001, paving the way for the popularity of rope. Dan Savage calls her the “Super Nova of Kink,” while others affectionately call her Auntie Midori for her cool, tell-it-like-it-is, funny, reality-based teaching. She is also the author of “Wild Side Sex,” “Master Han’s Daughter,” and “Silk Threads.”

Education, Coaching, Private Learning & Art: https://planetmidori.com. Special membership perks! Learn, laugh, and enjoy her special online classes, events, and art at www.patreon.com/PlanetMidori  where she is working on her next shibari book!

 

Joe Zarate-Sanderlin Bio

"Joe Zarate-Sanderlin, an Assigned Male at Birth non-binary person (pronouns: they/them/theirs), came of age in the New York City kink scene in the late 1990s and early 2000s and they have connections in the Boston and San Francisco kink communities. They are a California Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a private practice in San Francisco where they specialize in working with gender, sexuality, and relationship diversity. They teach several courses at Golden Gate University and were recognized as an Outstanding Adjunct Professor for 2022. They provide training and consultation regarding Talking to Clients about Sex, Gender in Psychotherapy, Open Relationships, BDSM Relationships, and other topics. In addition to private practice, their clinical experience includes being supervised by Dossie Easton for two and half years plus volunteering at a Catholic school for three years, a continuation high school for one year, and at a low-fee clinic for four years.  They worked for the Burning Man Emergency Services Department for ten years, both in the Nevada desert and in the streets of San Francisco. In their spare time, they ski, coach and referee soccer, brew kombucha, dance to 80s music, and parent elementary-aged old twins."

 

Episode 192 Links

• Midori Twitter https://twitter.com/PlanetMidori
• Midori Instagram https://www.instagram.com/planetmidori/
• Midori Newsletter https://www.fhp-inc.com/newsletter
• Midori class/event calendar http://www.FHP-Inc.com/classes
• Midori’s Patreon https://www.patreon.com/PlanetMidori/
• Joe Zarate-Sanderlin Twitter https://twitter.com/jzsmft
• Joe Zarate-Sanderlin Website http://www.jzsmft.com/
• Joe Zarate-Sanderlin Email: [email protected]
• Joe Zarate-Sanderlin  GGU Presents: Empathic Communication https://tinyurl.com/GGU-Empathy
• Joe Zarate-Sanderlin Gender Inclusive Language https://tinyurl.com/GGU-Gender
• Joe Zarate-Sanderlin Rebel Therapist: Express Yourself https://rebeltherapist.me/podcast/93
• The BDSM Test http://BDSMTest.org
• @FocusedOnInfinity “Welcome to America” https://www.tiktok.com/@focusedoninfinity/video/7113012283181190442?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc&web_id=6901962179530294789
• @MargaretCho “Don’t Be Scared” https://www.tiktok.com/@themargaretcho/video/7112909096608730410?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc&web_id=6901962179530294789
• TASHRA -THE ALTERNATIVE SEXUALITIES HEALTH RESEARCH ALLIANCE https://www.tashra.org/
• CARAS - The Community-Academic Consortium for Research on Alternative Sexualities https://www.carasresearch.org/
• Sexual Health Alliance Kink Informed Certification Program for Therapists & Care Professionals https://sexualhealthalliance.com/kink-informed-certification-program
• Romancing the Shadow: Challenging Limiting Beliefs Through Kink- Midori https://zippermagazine.com/challenginglimiting-beliefs-through-kink/

Additional Links

• ZipperMagazine.com https://zippermagazine.com/
• Zipper Magazine Instagram https://www.instagram.com/zippermagdotcom/
• Zipper Magazine Twitter https://twitter.com/ZipperMagDotcom
• Zipper Magazine Facebook https://www.facebook.com/Zipper-Magazine-113123824749292
• Zipper Magazine Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxFDRtDhukxyQ_9t-Xfo2-w
• Open Deeply Podcast http://opendeeplypodcast.com
• Sunny Megatron TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sunnymegatron
• Ken’s charity DnD game Mondays 4pm-7pm PT https://www.twitch.tv/thunderpantsacademy
• American Sex Podcast Discord Community http://bit.ly/discordasp
• American Sex Podcast Patreon http://patreon.com/americansex
• Kink Academy Online BDSM Learning Library http://bit.ly/kinkacademy
• Sunny’s Free Kink Negotiation & Scene Planning Mini-Workbook https://sunnymegatron.gumroad.com/l/negotiationwb

 

Episode 192 Sponsor & Affiliate Discount Codes/Links

*by using our links & codes you can help support our work while saving a few bucks too—win/win!

• 15% off AND free shipping when you go to http://LikeAKitten.com/sunny OR enter code SUNNY at checkout

• Get up to 2 free months of podcasting service with Libsyn using this link https://signup.libsyn.com/?promo_code=SUNNY or use code SUNNY

• Hot & Healthy Erotic Humiliation recorded class https://gum.co/humiliationclass
• Prostate Play for Beginners (recorded class) from Sugar Baltimore https://www.sugartheshop.com/prostate-milking-for-beginners.html
• Sunny & Ken’s classes on Kink Academy http://bit.ly/kinkacademyelectric & http://bit.ly/kinkacademyhumiliation

• 10% off American Sex Podcast & Sunny Megatron merch with code SUNNY (t-shirts, mugs, phone cases & more) http://bit.ly/sunnyshirts
• 15% off your order at Lovehoney when you use this link http://bit.ly/lovehoney15 This link can be a little wonky and does not keep tracking cookies. If the discount does not show up in your cart (or disappears after you shop around on the site), access the site with that link again. Your items will still be in your cart & the discount will appear)
• 15% off everything at Lelo.com with code SUNNY
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• 15% off most items from Stockroom https://bit.ly/sunnystockroom15 with code SUNNY

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–Submit your BDSM & sex advice questions by email to [email protected]

–To support American Sex podcast, please visit http://patreon.com/americansex (plus you’ll get all episodes early, secret episodes, bonus stories from guests, on-air shout-outs, stuff in the mail & more!)

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Sunny & Ken, xo!