By Dolly Denson
5
2424 ratings
The podcast currently has 103 episodes available.
Navigating the driving years can be hairy and scary no matter what, but here are a few tips to help you make it less painful!
Download my free Parenting in the Digital Age Resource guide! CLICK HERE or go to this link: https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources and be sure to opt in to my email list to be the first to know when my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course, your toolkit and roadmap for all things digital when raising kids today, is released!!
FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources
FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources
For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store
DIGITAL RESOURCE TOOLS:
Grab your Troomi phone today! Click here or use code BETHATMOM at https://troomi.com/ to grab $30 off your kid’s Troomi phone!
BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)
Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)
Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement
Align Your Life Wellness LLC: Consult options can be found here: https://www.bit.ly/alignoptions
MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:
Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!!
MOM HUSTLE TOOLS:
Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE
Functional Medicine University: CLICK HERE
Health/Wellness Partner opportunity!! Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness advocate with BODi: Email me at [email protected] for more info!
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES AND LINKS: https://www.linktr.ee/dollydenson
Full Transcription:
Speaker 1: (00:00)
Well it took me a lot longer to get to this episode than I expected, but we are at episode 100 that is a milestone. And today we are gonna just talk about briefly a few things that I found helpful and kind of things that I wish I would've done differently when taking my kids through the driving years and getting them their first car. Stay tuned.
Speaker 2: (00:25)
Welcome to your source for tips, tools and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age. Inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that Mom Flare. This is the Be That Mom Movement with
Speaker 1: (00:45)
Your
Speaker 2: (00:45)
Host Dolly Denson.
Speaker 1: (00:51)
Hey friends, did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids' smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep, easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the Bark app and yes, bark like a dog, bark, bark, bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month. You can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with Bark Today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. Okay, so before I get into the topic today, I just want to say that after recording the last episode that I published, I had a lot of hesitation about publishing it.
Speaker 1: (01:39)
And the reason for that was after reflecting on it for a little bit is that the impact of my legal case and how much they dug into my life, which I don't think I really mentioned in the episode, haunts me. They dug into every aspect of my life, listened to my podcast episodes, looked at things from my past like my little brother dying and the reason behind my, my podcast episodes and anything and everything you could think of, they asked me about, it shook me and it's been really hard to put myself out into the public again. I actually like cut back on how public I was about anything. So most people didn't know about us selling our house, didn't know about us moving into our rv, didn't know a lot of the things going on, and I even made all of my social media private for a little while too because it was so disturbing how much they were trying to dig things up so that they could avoid having to face the fact that they're wrong.
Speaker 1: (02:38)
So that's what's so infuriating about not having the due process that I'm legally supposed to have and that they could manipulate the process like they did because they know they're doing something wrong. . So just wanted to say that, that I considered not publishing, that I considered not continuing with the podcast, but ultimately then they win and I'm not gonna allow that. I have something to offer here. I have information that might be helpful for you. I went through some really hard times raising my kids and did it all the harder way as I've said before. And so I'm just gonna keep sharing that stuff and I hope you're here for it. Alright, so today's topic about taking your kids through the driving years, how scary is that? Have you already reached those years of them actually being behind the wheel and driving? Holy cow.
Speaker 1: (03:30)
For my three kids, each one was different. We did each one a little bit differently in how we had them train. The first one did parent taught, the second one did a driving school and then the third one did parent taught. And I don't know which way is better because each one of them, it kind of fit their personality. So the second born doing the one where she went someplace and was taught by somebody else, it was helpful for her to learn from somebody else than from us. And each one just, you know, was different in how they approach driving And it seems to me that kids, well at least one of my kids wasn't as anxious to get her license and and get going. And then the other one was like out the door the day she turned 16. So I was gonna say that kids are seem to be getting their licenses later and this and that, but that's not really true when I think about it because it just, it wasn't that way for each one of them.
Speaker 1: (04:27)
They just had different things going on and then also covid happening and all the stuff around that affected how we did things with the the youngest. But the biggest thing that I wanted to share, and this is probably gonna be a really short episode unless I kind of go off on a tangent, the biggest thing I wanna share is how we handled the cars. So with the firstborn, I was at that time I was driving my car for work and so we got her a car, we ended up buying her a new car and it wasn't planned to do that, but buying her the new car kind of like set the stage for the other ones, which probably wasn't wise on our part, but we just got a really, really good deal at the time. You know, this is way pre covid before everything blew up with the used car and new car market the way it is right now.
Speaker 1: (05:13)
But we ended up getting her a new car because it was like at the end of the month and they needed to move the cars, you know, move some of the cars off the lot. And so they made us an offer that was like less than what we were finding for the used cars. So we got her that car and to this day, I'm trying to think how many years it's been now, when did we get that for her? I guess it's been eight years and she still has that same car. So it's been a good car for her. Now when we decided to get the car that we did, what I did was I researched the safety ratings for different vehicles and I narrowed it down to three vehicles that had good safety ratings for teen drivers. It was important for me that you know, they had like the airbags and all the things and that had been found to be a, a good car rated for teen or inexperienced drivers.
Speaker 1: (06:05)
So that's how I found her car, the make and the model and how we started looking for it. We just didn't go out there and get any car that was a good price. We looked for one that had the good safety rating. Now by the time the second born got to driving years, the job I was in provided me a vehicle and so my car was just sitting in the garage and not being driven a lot. So I went ahead and let her use that car and that car became like the , the teen driver car. So she used that car until the younger one got to driving years and then it passed on to him and we got her her own car, which was the same make as the oldest ones. And then the youngest one drove in my car until he was ready to buy himself a truck.
Speaker 1: (07:00)
And when I stopped driving that car and was provided a car for my work, that car was at 110,000 miles. He just recently bought himself that truck. And so now the car, which is a Honda so it's like it drives forever and ever it seems it is now at 200,000 miles. So I stopped driving it at 110,000 miles the second born probably put a good chunk of that, those miles on it. And then he finished off using it for his first couple of years of driving and bought himself a new car around the time that he turned 18. So, or bought himself a new to him vehicle but having that car that wasn't a new car had some miles and was paid off, worked really well for us. So now that car that he drove has passed back to me, it's now my car again.
Speaker 1: (07:55)
It has 200,000 miles on it but it's still driving. We just had to get the air conditioning fixed because it went out right at the end of the summer and or I guess it was last month in September, but it's still driving. It has a little bit of like noises it makes and this and that, but it's still going. And so all of that to say, what I recommend is if you're not yet at those driving years, kind of look at what you're doing with vehicles for you and your spouse if you have one, and see if it's gonna come to a place to where you're gonna move into a newer car and then move them into your old car if that's possible. The other thing to say is the car that I drove that ended up being the second and third born's car for a little while, um, that one was also one that was rated high for safety ratings.
Speaker 1: (08:46)
The Honda c r v the only thing is and verify that now 'cause that could have changed. So don't take my word for that. But the only thing at the time when I was getting the firstborn, her car was at Honda CRVs, they hold their value a lot or at least they did. I don't know if they do now. And so it seemed like they were really high priced and we couldn't afford that. So second born ended up getting that one and the third born did too. So just wanted to share that piece of gotten past the teenage driving years wisdom to just give you a, a piece of information. The other thing is if you get a newer car and you finance it, get gap coverage. , I can't tell you how many vehicles we've had to have totaled or they've totaled them since we got out of those initial years and moved them into other vehicles and um, these weren't accidents that were their fault, it was them being hit by somebody else.
Speaker 1: (09:41)
So just so happened, I think we've had three totaled cars in the last year, so that's been a bit frustrating. But that first car we bought in the other one that was the teen driver car, neither one of those has had issues wrecks or anything like that. It was the subsequent vehicles that we got. So hopefully this helps you. I don't know what's spunky with my voice if it sounds a little funny right now. But hope this helps you and feel free to provide me feedback. Let me know how things have gone for you and I'll see you next time. Thanks for tuning in. Being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom
Speaker 2: (10:19)
Strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on
Speaker 1: (10:22)
Social and join Dolly's free community. Till next time. Holy moly, check this out. If you are a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact and will help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone. Check out [email protected]. Use code be.mom 10 for a discount.
Its been a while since I recorded an episode, because life was trying to shake me an break me, but I'm back to bring you more episodes!
Download my free Parenting in the Digital Age Resource guide! CLICK HERE or go to this link: https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources and be sure to opt in to my email list to be the first to know when my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course, your toolkit and roadmap for all things digital when raising kids today, is released!!
FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources
FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources
For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store
DIGITAL RESOURCE TOOLS:
Grab your Troomi phone today! Click here or use code BETHATMOM at https://troomi.com/ to grab $30 off your kid’s Troomi phone!
BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)
Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)
Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement
Align Your Life Wellness LLC: Consult options can be found here: https://www.bit.ly/alignoptions
MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:
Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!!
MOM HUSTLE TOOLS:
Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE
Functional Medicine University: CLICK HERE
Health/Wellness Partner opportunity!! Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness advocate with BODi: Email me at [email protected] for more info!
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES AND LINKS: https://www.linktr.ee/dollydenson
Full Transcription:
Speaker 1: (00:00)
Hello? Hello. Is this thing on? Yes, it is Dolly and I am the host of this Be That Mom Movement podcast and I am back to bring you some more episodes. It has literally been way too long, I think over a year since my last episode and I have gone back and forth about whether or not to record more episodes, go in a different direction, start another podcast. But I do think I have a lot to offer you still as a parent raising a kid in the digital age. And so I am gonna fire this thing back up. Stay tuned.
Speaker 2: (00:36)
Welcome to your source for tips, tools and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age. Inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom Flare. This is the Be That Mom Movement with your host Dolly Denson. So
Speaker 1: (01:03)
Yes,
Speaker 1: (01:03)
I am back to record more episodes. A lot has happened in my life and I'm gonna update you on a few things on our short little episode today. But um, just wanted to fire this back up and bring some more information to you. Lots and lots of things have changed in my life in the past year, year and a half. Some of you know some of that history. If you've listened to some of my last episodes, really rough times to go through in several aspects. And first of which I wanna mention is that my husband and I sold our house and we are living in an RV right now. We're stationary near his parents, but we decided that all the kids were outta the house and we didn't want the big huge house And all that came with it and trying to be honest about looking towards our future and what we want for ourselves and just decided that we were gonna downsize.
Speaker 1: (01:55)
There were some days that I thought we were super crazy as we went through this process. It did take us um, nine months, a little bit longer to sell the house, but ultimately now it has been, what has it been five months since we sold and started living in the rv. And there have been hiccups, there have been things we haven't anticipated that have been a little bit hard, but there's also been good things and my husband and I spending more quality time together and really seeing that we can live with much less and still be comfortable. So it's quite amazing to go from a four bedroom, three bath house to , a little bitty rv and our RV's not one of the smallest, it's, I think it's 35 or 38 feet, something like that set up nice so that we can live in it and have some comfort and that sort of thing.
Speaker 1: (02:49)
But definitely different than living in a house but definitely a change that we needed. So that's been the biggest change and that's been the biggest challenge with firing this podcast back up is not having my closet to record in that has sound cut out by the clothes and all of that. And one thing, if you've never been in an RV or lived or traveled in an rv, a lot of times the air conditioning is really loud when it's on. And we are in a very hot state during the summer and we also had a very hot summer. So that was one of the delays from starting this is I'm like, I can't record the podcast when all you can hear is like, I'm like in a winds tunnel when the air conditioning is going. So as of right now, this is middle of October, Texas has some cooler weather.
Speaker 1: (03:39)
I actually have the windows open right now in the rv. I don't have the air conditioning on. It was actually chilly this morning. It was like 43 when I got up. So it was a little chilly in the rv. So that's cut out some of the background noise. But I do have the windows open and sometimes you can hear road noise and different things that are going on at places nearby us. So apologize for that if the microphone does pick that up. Another change that I made was the filter that I put on my microphone. I had to change that out. I couldn't have the big pop filter thing that I had before because I have nowhere to store it. So I stored that and in the process of moving, found some cases to put my microphone in and my headphones in and I've kept them stored in our bedroom.
Speaker 1: (04:25)
Another thing that we've noticed with the RV is when it gets really hot, it's not real well insulated. They're made pretty cheaply. So in the Texas heat been a bit of a challenge. If you have stuff that's like on the edges of the rv, we don't have a lot of shade where we're at. So if you have anything that's like on the edge, it gets hot. And so for the longest time I had put my microphone in my headphones in a certain cabinet that was near the outside of the rv. And one day in the heat of the day I went to getting something outta that cabinet and noticed that they were both hot. So I didn't even know if they were really gonna work. Also didn't know if this new filter for my microphone was gonna work, but it sounds like it's cutting out some of the background noise and making it pretty clear.
Speaker 1: (05:07)
So lots of changes in that regard. And so that was kind of one thing that made me hesitant from starting this up again. But I keep having these things come up where I think I need to share that with people. as I have come off on the other end of raising kids in the digital age, my kids now are 25, 21 and 18. I had to do the math there and we have an empty nest . My youngest is at college and we survived. And I have a lot of insight to tell you about the decisions we made, the the hard road that we inadvertently took because we didn't know better and the beauty that came out of that. And yes, there was beauty that came out of that. So if you're in the thick of raising kids in the digital age, you know, if you've listened to some of my episodes that the digital stuff absolutely does have an influence.
Speaker 1: (06:04)
Sorry for the dogs barking. I do have two little poodles. That's another new thing that came about. Well one of 'em is one of my daughters. But staying with us for the time being right now helping her get through the potty train and all of that. But I have two poodles. Willow is the older one. She is a year and a couple of months. But we got her this month last year when we did get her, we actually were looking for a name, couldn't decide what name we wanted to give and searching different names. And one of the daughters commented on or suggested Willow. And I looked it up, I was looking at the meaning of the name and the meaning of the name is somehow related to freedom. And so once I heard that, I was like, okay, that's her name. . Like it's a given.
Speaker 1: (06:48)
And she is the sweetest dog. She is so chill and so smart. If you don't know poodles, if you don't know the poodle breed, they are absolutely so smart. She and she loves to swim. That's the craziest part. If you follow me on social media, you've seen it. But she wants to go swimming every day. Even now as we're getting colder, she doesn't get in the pool as much when the water's cold. What she does is she chases around the pool vacuum that we turn on and when the pool pumps are on. So , this amazing poodle came into our life a year ago. I wanted a poodle for the longest time I saw her picture. She was the breeder that my oldest daughter got her poodle from. And oh my god, I just fell in love. And you know, you know, having a dog, especially an inside dog, is a responsibility and is a lot of work.
Speaker 1: (07:38)
But she has fit right in. Like she has always belonged here and just to been the most amazing thing. I've never had a connection to a dog like I do with her. And I love the breed. I love that she's hypoallergenic and doesn't shed is one thing. The other poodle that we have, her name is Juniper and she's my second daughter's poodle and second daughter's working a lot and busy and away from home a lot. So she was being left alone a lot. And so she asked us to keep her for the time being and help get her potty trained and get into more of a routine. So that's what we've been doing and she's been doing great, but sometimes they bark in the background. So if you hear them, just consider it a hello from Willow and Juniper . So back to what I was saying about the digital influence.
Speaker 1: (08:23)
If you've listened to me from the beginning, this is gonna sound like so redundant in the thing that I've said over and over, but the digital imprint on our children absolutely has an influence. It is there if we're allowing our children to have any digital devices, have social media, that sort of thing. And it doesn't have to be that they have social media, like it can just be you're giving a device. But if we can provide guidance and pull back when we need to, you can come out on the other end doing well . And my family is proof of that. So I don't regret for a second the decisions that we made. And I'm just here to pass some of that along to you. Other things that have happened in our life, some of you know the history. I did an episode I believe, talking about how one of my gaps in episodes was because of being terminated from my job for not getting the, you know what?
Speaker 1: (09:13)
And I had a legal case going and that resolved in September and it resolved by them shutting down my side and my due process, very crooked process, very much controlled by them on the other side, my former employer and very pathetic in America. I won't go into much more details about that right now, but just understand I didn't lose, they never gave me a chance to bring the facts and my version of the story, they only allowed their version. They forced arbitration and they hired the arbitrator. He's pathetically on a top neutral arbitrator list, but yet didn't allow me to have my day. The lawyer that represented the other side, she actually has a podcast where she talks about how important it is for employers to have a conversation with their employees when they're granting accommodations in, in considering a religious exemption while she defended my employer.
Speaker 1: (10:12)
That gave me no conversation, gave me no reasonable accommodation. So this sort of thing really, really bugs me. 'cause I'm huge about alignment and my business, my health side of my business is called align Your Life Wellness. It's all about aligning your daily choices, your beliefs, your habits with where you want to go for your future. So I think it's sad and pathetic that we have people in America that are defending the practice that we saw, you know, roll out to America. I mean, if you're the person that wanted to get this injection and you did well with it, great kudos to you. But we have the freedom of choice in America and when we let the health freedom that we have go, then that's it. game over. Because the pharmaceutical industry, the health insurance industry, everything, all these corporations, all the three letter agencies, they truly are in bed together.
Speaker 1: (11:06)
It's not for a greater good. There are so many things about the pharmaceutical industry and about things that medical doctors prescribe to patients then this day and age that are harming health. There's so much that is not addressed, that's deeper root issues, that is harming health. And so if we have people defending this practice and this former employer of mine has gotten away with doing what they did to me while I am $20,000 plus out another brick in the wall, I think it's pathetic beyond reason that we have Americans walking around in America defending this practice from the supervisor that I had that implemented firing me to every single person that is a played a part in silencing me and not giving me due process. I think they're all pathetic and I think they lack discernment. They lack a connection to their gut and they truly don't deserve the freedoms that they are given because they are Americans.
Speaker 1: (12:04)
As you can tell, this is really a highly emotional topic for me and very frustrating because I worked hard. I have a pure heart and I have a right to my religious beliefs and I have a right to make the choices that I made. And no means no, I shouldn't have to ask permission. I didn't grant that they be able to make my medical decisions by choosing to take a paycheck from them. So I think it's sad and pathetic. This lawyer, this arbitrator, the supervisor that fired me, everybody involved that didn't turn in their resignation and leave, which a lot of people did, all of them pathetic. So that's all I'll say about that. And I apologize for going off on a little rant with that, but very, it has been a very difficult year because of that and all that I've faced. The next thing that I want to mention is just that you know that I have health and wellness side of things.
Speaker 1: (12:56)
My business called Align Your Life Wellness. I've done health coaching for years in the last three years. I have been working hard at learning more root cause, holistic health type approaches, and just finished a functional medicine practitioner certification. I have learned in the past two years how to do functional blood chemistry, can run multiple functional labs like a Dutch test, hair, tissue, mineral analysis tests, organic acids tests, those sorts of things. And then I also am launching consults where I do bio resident scans, which are highly, highly insightful and a great way to kind of look at things from another perspective, to help you to dig deeper, get to root cause issues, help your body to balance and be in a state of ease. So that is another part of what I do. And that was just my little pitch there. But the reason I bring that up here on the podcast is that I want to do, I've thought a lot about this, like either launching another podcast that's more health related or just doing some pop off episodes that just give you some tips for navigating this.
Speaker 1: (13:58)
And the reason why I think it could be pertinent for the podcast is because for me personally, having a foundation of habits, the main things, you know, moving your body purposefully, eating good, drinking water, those sorts of things helped me so much through my hard days. And if you've watched some of or listened to some of my episodes previously, I felt that that was a place where I, I had me , I had something to do when it was my hard days with raising the kids. And then it also became a place where I had some boundaries around that. And it helped me to have me, you know, to not lose me in motherhood. And then as I came to the empty nest, I feel like at least for me personally, that I've handled the empty nest better because I have my own foundation of things that are important to me, my own interest in things.
Speaker 1: (14:48)
I didn't give it all away to motherhood, if that makes sense. And then some more of the digging deeper things. And these things I talked about with functional blood chemistry and being a functional medicine practitioner and all of that. Those things I think are the wave of the future for health. I think that our old system, that what I call the mainstream system, is going to crumble to some degree. I think it has a place for acute issues and emergencies. But so many people come to me telling me they no longer trust their doctor. And you know, they want to look at this from another perspective. And the way that functional medicine comes to your health is to dig deeper into root causes. And then there's another thing under functional medicine called foundational medicine, which my focus on that as well is basically taking toxins away, looking at pathogens that are there and removing things, adding things in that may be depleted because of those things.
Speaker 1: (15:44)
Lowering your toxic load, reducing your exposure to things. And as you do those things, the body rebalances itself. So it's not a diagnose and treat type approach, it's more of let's see what's going on with your body and then let's provide some support to get the things out that are causing issues and to add things in that have been depleted and then see how things are recheck things and just kind of go from there. So highly, highly important to, for us to kind of switch and moved in that direction instead of always looking for a pill to cure every ill because so many of those are harmful. So I think they have a place in certain conditions and when we have certain issues, but we put too much faith in medical doctors and pharmaceuticals for health. They do not promote health and some of them actually cause harm and make things worse for you.
Speaker 1: (16:37)
And I'll leave it at that for this episode. And but considering doing some pop out episodes related to that sort of thing, or I might eventually launch another podcast if there's not a lot of interest on this one. So all of that being said, I'm excited to be back. I hope that you are excited to hear some more episodes. I'll probably try to keep most of these short and sweet because you're a busy mom and you're doing your thing and don't have a ton of time for stuff like this. I do still recommend things like Bart and Pinwheel, the pinwheel phone, Tru Me phone, gab phone, and and watch the TikTok watch all those things that I've talked about in the past. I still think they're all excellent things and my discount codes still work for them. So check those out in the show notes if you're interested in grabbing any of those.
Speaker 1: (17:20)
And then the course that I have talked about multiple times and never got published, I have it all ready to go, but I had a couple of modules at the end that I hadn't finished, which I think I have an idea what I'm gonna do for those and then I need to get that out into the world. I was just stuck on getting a sales page and then getting it published and then you know, everything under the sun fell apart for me in every realm of my life, in the past couple of years. So all that being said, excited to be here here. Hope that you are too, and I will chat with you next time.
Speaker 2: (17:55)
Thanks for tuning in. Being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.
Our phones and social media are ever-changing, so sometimes a privacy check up is in order. Check out today's episode for a few tips & a hidden threat!
Download my free Parenting in the Digital Age Resource guide! CLICK HERE or go to this link: https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources and be sure to opt in to my email list to be the first to know when my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course, your toolkit and roadmap for all things digital when raising kids today, is released!!
FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources
FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources
For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store
DIGITAL RESOURCE TOOLS:
Grab your Troomi phone today! Click here or use code BETHATMOM at https://troomi.com/ to grab $30 off your kid’s Troomi phone!
BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)
MSpy CLICK HERE (Use code BTMOM10 for a 10% discount on the 3 month package!)
Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)
Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Covenant Eyes CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Gryphon Router CLICK HERE
Circle Plus CLICK HERE (click link for $20 off)
Bark Home CLICK here!!
Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement
MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:
Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!!
Have a fitness routine that works for you but need to level up your nutrition? Ensure you get your daily nutrition with the powerful and unmatched smoothie called Shakeology CLICK HERE to learn more. (Available by itself or combined with what I like to call the Netflix for fitness/wellness library. CLICK HERE for the top options that save you $$$ when getting started with ALL the tools to get you that crucial momentum to make this a routine that sticks!)
Other supplements I highly recommend
(for informational purposes only, not medical advice, consult with your healthcare provider for questions and to get recommendations specific to your health conditions)
Concerned for toxin/mold/parasite exposure & how to support your immune system in today’s world? Consider a functional blood chemistry consult with me in my newly launched virtual practice at Align Your Life Wellness LLC. Together we will review your labs for patterns of stress and overall function, and then create a roadmap to follow to help you on a path to health and wellness. (These consults will not diagnose or treat, but will help you to identify where you might have imbalances that can be the precursor to dis-ease and health issues down the road.) Package options: https://www.bit.ly/alignoptions
Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)
My Soul CBD CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
MitoLife supplements CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by LIVE PRISTINE (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!) Use code BETHATOM for a discount! CLICK HERE
MOM HUSTLE TOOLS:
Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE
Podcast Pro University CLICK HERE to learn more about the top podcast course, created by Stef Gass, that will help you take that idea and passion to the next level with a podcast of your own!
Health/Wellness Coach opportunity!! Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at [email protected] for more info!
Full Transcription:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Unless you haven't been on social media at all, you probably have noticed in the past couple of weeks an explosion of concern and post going viral about privacy settings and the social media apps tracking you in your activity. So today we're going to just take that concern and open it up with some talk about privacy. And I'm just gonna give you a few tips on things to check for privacy settings in your phone and on these social media apps that you or your kids may be on. Okay, stay tuned.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Welcome to your source for tips, tools and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age. Inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that Mom Flare. This is the Be That Mom Movement with your host Dolly Denson.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Hey friends, did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids' smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep, easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the Bark app and yes, bark like a dog, Bark, bark, bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with Bar today. Use code, Be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. So welcome back to the Be That Mom Movement podcast. I'm so glad that you are here. Again, thank you so much for your support of this podcast and reaching out to me and telling me how much this has helped you, whatever episode it is that you're tuning into.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
So I hope today's episode will be another one that's gonna give you some peace of mind and help you have some tips and tools for you to manage the Wild Ride that is raising kids in the digital world. But wanna give you a quick disclaimer before I start and that is that Kids on social media is always a risk. So I will give you some tips of things that I find helpful, but I give that to you as an educational place. I in no way want to make you think that by just doing these things, that you're gonna keep your kids safe. There's always a risk, it's always changing. And so therefore it is something that I believe you need to approach with a layered approach, which is something that I talk about in my course that I'm about to release and I just want you to take these tips.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
But don't take them as an end all Beall. It is always evolving and changing and there's always concern and those that are out there trying to get to our kiddos are savvy and they will find a way. So if your kids are on social media, just please be vigilant and please set up a village and a layered approach to how you're monitoring and what you're doing. So on that note, I also wanna say that as my kids have gotten older and we've gone through the major things that we have that have brought me to make this podcast and be really passionate about this topic and to always kind of, you know, be listening and being out there to bring information to you, I just wanna say how important it is now that my kids are older and I can look back on those years how important it is to be very vigilant and also to not rush the smartphone and the giving of social media in those early years.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
The years where parents are giving it unsuspecting and not realizing how much of an influence it is. And the reason I say that is because each one of our kids, if you've listened to my story, you know this, but my kids are about four years apart each and the oldest did not have the digital things emerge and be as pervasive in her life until she was up into the high school years. The next one had it younger and then the next one had it even younger. And so I had the unique perspective of seeing how pervasive and influential that could be. And I also believe that there's a difference in genders and I've got two girls and a boy so I do and did see that there was the influence was different for each one of them. And it's different on the different apps as well.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
And if I had, like I've said before, a magic time machine, I absolutely would go back and change the decisions that I made. But the influence that is there, especially now, it's so very insidious and I saw a post today that talked about if your child is doing this and believing this, take their phone and all social media and digital access away for a month and have them work on just being themself without that outside influence of all of the, you know, talks of the time right now. And see if they still believe that. And the sentiment of that post without saying the specific topic that it was talking about is that so many of these things are so pervasive in our kids' lives now that they have trouble knowing what they actually think and what they actually feel and what their passions are because they're spending their lives distracted and it's sucking them away from the normal childhood milestones and things that we may view as play and you know, as just things that they do as a kid.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
But they're truly things that are meant to be there to help them in the stepping stone that help them to form into the adult they are meant to be and find the passions and the interest and the things that they're good at, their gifts are being stunted because they are not being allowed to have those things. So one of the best decisions that we ever made with our youngest was to pull the phone and all social media away. And now that he is 17, it is amazing the respect that he has for those apps. And yes, I've allowed him to be back on Instagram and TikTok and Snapchat now, but for years he was not on those things and didn't want to be on those things. But at middle school age I did let him have those things and it was not a good influence.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
And same thing for the girls. So while I talk about privacy checkup and things that you can do for your kids, I do want to stress that despite the, you know, the stigma of being that mom, it eventually will be a place of strength for your kid when you stand your ground, when you be the mom and when you be that mom that is vigilant and concerned about these things with your kids, a kid you not, the moms that are not vigilant about these things probably have no clue the influence and they will likely crash and burn like I did with my family and I did things the hard way. So be that mom and be that mom that shares with your mom friends about the influences about the things that you're learning. Share this podcast if you can leave me a review on the podcast cuz that will help it to rank higher with all the podcast things you know, so that it will be pushed up as something that's recommended so that more moms can hear this and get the tools and the confidence that they need in order to stand their ground to be the parent and to be that mom that is there being vigilant and not just letting the digital pervasiveness of our society raise their child.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
Okay, so I hope I've probably overstated that a little bit, but I hope that makes sense because I do want to talk about the privacy checkup, but I also do not want to in any way make it seem like this is an end all Beall and I definitely don't want you to take your guard down and someone out there wanting to do some type of negative influence on your child to get to your child. So that being said, let's talk about a couple of different aspects that I think will be helpful for you. So the first thing is phone settings. So if you or your kid has a smartphone, you know it's always being updated by you know, Apple or Android. So when you have an update I encourage you to go into the settings, you know, go into the update and see what's actually being updated and then go into your settings and check, you know, for privacy and for tracking and for things like that I recently updated my iPhone and you go to the settings page and go to the privacy and security and there one of the big things is location services.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
So especially for your kid, click on that location services and look to see which apps are allowed to see where they are. And this is very, very huge in terms of Snapchat specifically, I would make sure that for Snapchat that is turned off and you can also do this in the Snapchat settings as well. But, so look at location services, scroll down and look at the different apps and see what they have access to. And then under, let's see, where's it at on the iPhone there's a safety check now where you can manage who has access to like your location and different things like if you shared your location and the maps, this is a place where you can remove that sharing your location type thing. So lots of different options there to be aware of. But you can go through under privacy and security and just look at all the different options.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
And you can even do an app privacy report, which basically will tell you, I just did this recently. It will record data and sensor access and then app and website network activity and the most contacted, uh, most frequently contacted domains. And then it gives you information on when your location was reported and how often it's been used, what domains have been accessed, those type of things. So lots of information there in the smartphone. Again, not an end all Beall, but one of the biggest things probably would be the location services to check. Okay, so now that you've looked at your phone or your kid's phone, the next thing is the social media. And each one of these is different and is always changing, but I'm just gonna talk about Instagram, TikTok and Snapchat because those are the most common that our kids are on. But for Instagram you can go to like when you're on your profile page or their profile page, click on the three little lines at the top and then go to settings and then go to privacy.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
And there you can make them a private account, you can limit post with certain words, cannot be seen. You can make it to where their stories cannot be remixed or made into reals or shared all of those things according to what your preferences are. And then below the privacy setting there is a supervision setting. And so this one you can actually supervise a teen that has Instagram. So you just follow the prompts and it will have you and the teen set that up to where you can supervise who they're interacting with, what they're posting, what they're doing. So that is a new option that I uh, hadn't seen before. Maybe it's been there for a little while cause I hadn't looked at that lately, but that's definitely something to check out if you do have a teen that is on Instagram. The other thing that you can do with Instagram that I did years ago was to have my teens log in as another account.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
So when you click on your name, if you don't have more than one account, you can add more than one account onto your Instagram app and then click on your name at the top and you can add an account and then you can toggle back and forth between their account and your account. So in that, with that you can see their messages and their posts and all that they're doing. You can check who their followers are, who they're following and all of that. So that is what I did when mine were younger and I was wanting to monitor what they were doing. Okay, so then the next thing that I wanna talk about is TikTok. And TikTok is, and at the end of this, I'm gonna tell you the biggest thing that is a hidden threat for all of these that I want you to be aware of if you're not already.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
But TikTok is one of those that I think is a very slippery slope and I actually don't recommend that you have a child that's younger on TikTok because of the thing that I'm gonna mention as a hidden threat in a moment. But if you do have a kiddo on TikTok, if you do choose to do that, if you go to hold on, go to profile, go to the three little lines at the top, go to settings and privacy and then you can go to security and log in. I don't think that's it. Hold on, let me see. There is a privacy section and then there is age related settings for users and it may be because I, it knows I'm an adult account, okay, privacy there. So you can make it a private account and you can turn off where your account's suggested to others, you can turn off comments, allow or not allow mentions and tags and direct messages.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
You can put who their, their story is shared with who can do it you, different things like that. So has all of those. And then there's also a TikTok for younger users that you can set up. However, I don't recommend that, I honestly don't. If that is something that you want to do, that is an option as well for TikTok. So both ig, TikTok and Snapchat location services is huge, huge, huge. Make sure that you check that in settings and that it's not something that they have turned on. Okay, so then the last one that I wanna talk about as far as social media goes is Snapchat. And I don't even know if I have Snapchat on my phone. Snapchat is confusing to me, I've never been able to understand it but I know it is where kids communicate, it's kind of crazy. Okay, so the things with Snapchat is when you're in the, you can go to the settings, which is the gear icon and I kid you not, I do not know how to operate Snapchat very well and usually when I, okay, if you click on the page or it looks like you're gonna take, gonna take a picture, click on the little profile on the upper left and then click on the gear icon upper right and then scroll down to the who can section.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
Okay? So if you scroll down to privacy controls, it looks like they changed some of the names on it, but go to privacy controls and you can put who can contact you, view the story, see my location, see me in quick add and then the family center. So highly, highly, highly recommend that you check that if you have a kiddo on Snapchat. There has been instances where predators have been able to actually go to kids' houses to meet up with them. Drug dealers use Snapchat to reach kids and sell them drugs. And there's a very prominent person out there and I can't remember what her name is, first name's Laura, but her son actually got drugs through Snapchat. They were laced with fentanyl or something to that effect and it actually killed him, but it was through Snapchat that he was able to get the drugs.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
So Snapchat is another one that's like a black hole and very, very important that you turn off the location services and be very much open with your kiddo and communication and all of that. Okay? They do also have something in Snapchat called the Snap Map and that's where you can share your location with others and that can be set to ghost mode. So I recommend that you make sure your kids is, is set to ghost mode on that so that they cannot be located anywhere. Okay, I was just gonna say something and now I forgot what it was. Okay, I don't remember what it was, but my biggest takeaway for all of these is private account versus public account, their location settings and then monitoring. Oh and now I remember what it was. Okay, so a lot of times what happens with parents, and I think I've mentioned this in a recent episode, but a lot of times what happens with parents when the kids are younger and you give them the phone is there, it becomes, there becomes this tug of war between you and it creates this feeling of distrust and kind of like, you know, you're snooping and trying to figure out what the kid's doing cuz they're not telling you the truth.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
And there's a period of time in there in those years, I mean I, I can talk about this to some degree now because my kids have gone, all three have gone through that and I can remember how you're like, ooh, I don't know if it's puberty in hormones that is causing this change in their demeanor or if something else is going on. But just wanna say number one, keep the lines of communication open. Number two, if you have given them some type of digital thing and suddenly their behavior changes, follow your gut instinct on that, pull that thing away and see if you can try to figure out what it is. When I look back and I see some of the most dramatic changes that happened with my kids, it almost always coincides with something digital that I gave them and that maybe I needed to pull that away or provide more boundaries around its use.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
So looking back, I realize that now, but back then in the thick of it, I didn't realize that. So that's just a tidbit that you might, a gut instinct that you might follow is if you've noticed a change in their behavior, pull away from the digital things, yes, you'll get pushed back. You'll probably be, you know, really made out to be the bad guy and you know you're mean or whatever, but just trust beyond this and follow your gut instinct. And then if you set up some type of monitoring like bark, I know there's other things out there. Bark is the one that I know of that is so passionate about helping parents and is so proactive, but also is a place where you can put their system in place and it helps you monitor without always being in their business. So it gives you a place where you don't have to be snooping and wondering what's going on and creating this push pull, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (18:37):
So it doesn't create this kind of like animosity between the parent and the child because what I have done with mine when we were really in the thick of things, I just pulled, like we tried to do the thing where you know, okay, well we're only gonna do this, this, and this. And things didn't get better, they just kept getting worse. So they'd get better for a little bit and then they'd get worse again. So when we were really in the thick of it, I just pulled the phone in digital access and social media accounts and everything, I pulled it away completely and we kept it away for like months. I'm serious, like six months or longer before I gave the phone back. Like it literally was at a point to where I was like, okay, I don't know what else to do, but we are pulling this away until we regroup and figure out what's going on.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
So when I did that and then really put my foot down on all that stuff, it took that draw that addiction away and then he had to kind of find his own interest and it was kind of like we like cleared this fog and all of a sudden the, the kid that we knew before was back again. It was like, oh my god, he's back. Like he had gone away and he was lost in this fog and he didn't know how to handle it. And so what we were seeing with behavior and decisions and all of that was him not knowing how to handle the digital influence and stimulation and addiction that was happening. And we didn't know that that's what's happening because we as parents didn't grow up with those digital things at that age. So while , I certainly didn't, wouldn't want to choose the hard road for us, I'm so very thankful that we could get through that and that we have a medium like this, like this podcast that I can bring this out to people in the world.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
So I hope, hope, hope that this is helpful for you today to just kind of hear this and hear this from my heart. I always have to put a kind of a shade of, you know, not telling all the things for privacy of my children, but they know I do this podcast and they are very happy about the information that I share and they're all healthy and thriving and it's just amazing. But for whatever reason, the hard parts were a part of our story, but thankfully nothing tragic happened in our life. We were close, we were super really close. We were at a crossroads of, of a point where we might not have come back from it in certain aspects. So I know some people out there like that, Dr. Laura, that I mentioned, that her son got drugs on Snapchat and took them, they were laced with fentanyl and he died.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
Some are not as fortunate as we were to, you know, I followed my gut even when my husband was like, No, I don't think that's what's going on. I'm like, Oh no, something's going on. Like something is going on and I have to listen to this right now. And I was right. So thank goodness I followed my gut and for whatever reason this was our path and I absolutely love bringing this information to you. So I hope it's helpful. Now the last thing that I wanna mention is what I mentioned earlier about the hidden threat regarding all of these apps that I mentioned. And that is the popup targeted ads. I don't know how many parents I've talked to that have brought this up. And regardless of your settings, regardless of putting like their age and you know that you want this supervised option and this and that, the popup ads pop up on all the devices and they're often, or you know, a lot of times inappropriate showing pornography, showing words you may not want them to know, showing different things that they click on and it sends them down rabbit holes.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
TikTok, I for sure know, does it Snapchat? I for sure know, does it? I don't think Instagram's is bad, but I do think that they do have things that they target for kids. So like I said at the beginning, this is a way for you to do a privacy checkup if you do have kids on these apps. But do not let your guard down. Make sure that you have some type of layered approach in place. Get my Be That Mom Movement Method course as soon as it launches to give you some more tools and tips, more in depth guidance on these things. But just be aware that there's often those popup targeted ads and things that are inappropriate and that will often be the catalyst for clicking on things and going down and getting, you know, getting curious as kids do and going down rabbit holes that ends up exposing them to things that you may not have wanted them exposed to.
Speaker 1 (23:21):
So definitely be aware of that. Okay, so I hope you found this episode super, super helpful. I was gonna split it up into a couple of episodes, but decided to just give all the information now. So I hope you found it helpful. I hope that you have been using Bark. You can use my code, Be that mom for a discount. If you do not wanna go the social media and smartphone route, which I highly recommend being the way that you go until they're older, I would start with a pinwheel phone, Tru Me Phone, Gab, phone. They're younger. Use a gab, watch, you know, use a Tick Talk watch. One of those things. There's options out there. I wish I would've had them. So I think they are a gift to parents today as we're raising our kids in the digital world and trying to stay in touch.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
Okay, so thanks so much for tuning in and I hope you have a great day and a great week. Thank you. If you are needing a way to stay in touch with your kiddo, but don't quite want to give them a phone yet, check out the Tick Talk Watch. It is the best way to stay connected with your kid while keeping them safe and knowing exactly where they are. It includes streaming music, has an activity tracker has parental controls. You can text, you can call between each other and you can set up a place where you know if they go outside of a certain perimeter such as their school or your neighborhood. Check them out today and use code. Be that mom for a discount.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
Thanks for tuning in. Being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community. Till next time.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
Hey there, before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming, but if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my Fit Club community that will support you, guide you, and give you momentum and motivation to show up every day. Take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native kids.
A watch is a great first option for keeping in touch with your kids, but is the watch you gave them a portal to access pornography? Listen in to learn more!
Download my free Parenting in the Digital Age Resource guide! CLICK HERE or go to this link: https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources and be sure to opt in to my email list to be the first to know when my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course, your toolkit and roadmap for all things digital when raising kids today, is released!!
FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources
FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources
For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store
DIGITAL RESOURCE TOOLS:
Grab your Troomi phone today! Click here or use code BETHATMOM at https://troomi.com/ to grab $30 off your kid’s Troomi phone!
BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)
MSpy CLICK HERE (Use code BTMOM10 for a 10% discount on the 3 month package!)
Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)
Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Covenant Eyes CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Gryphon Router CLICK HERE
Circle Plus CLICK HERE (click link for $20 off)
Bark Home CLICK here!!
Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement
MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:
Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!!
Have a fitness routine that works for you but need to level up your nutrition? Ensure you get your daily nutrition with the powerful and unmatched smoothie called Shakeology CLICK HERE to learn more. (Available by itself or combined with what I like to call the Netflix for fitness/wellness library. CLICK HERE for the top options that save you $$$ when getting started with ALL the tools to get you that crucial momentum to make this a routine that sticks!)
Other supplements I highly recommend
(for informational purposes only, not medical advice, consult with your healthcare provider for questions and to get recommendations specific to your health conditions)
Concerned for toxin/mold/parasite exposure & how to support your immune system in today’s world? Consider a functional blood chemistry consult with me in my newly launched virtual practice at Align Your Life Wellness LLC. Together we will review your labs for patterns of stress and overall function, and then create a roadmap to follow to help you on a path to health and wellness. (These consults will not diagnose or treat, but will help you to identify where you might have imbalances that can be the precursor to dis-ease and health issues down the road.) Package options: https://www.bit.ly/alignoptions
Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)
My Soul CBD CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
MitoLife supplements CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by LIVE PRISTINE (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!) Use code BETHATOM for a discount! CLICK HERE
MOM HUSTLE TOOLS:
Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE
Podcast Pro University CLICK HERE to learn more about the top podcast course, created by Stef Gass, that will help you take that idea and passion to the next level with a podcast of your own!
Health/Wellness Coach opportunity!! Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at [email protected] for more info!
Full Transcription:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Giving a watch is oftentimes a great first step for getting your kid connected somehow when they're away from you, but are you giving your kid a watch that has a window into things that you don't realize they can access, stay tuned.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flare. This is the be that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Holy moly. Check this out. If you are a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest four dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact and will help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel, pinwheel.com use code be that mom 10 for a discount. So welcome back to the be that mom movement podcast. I'm so glad that you are here. Today's episode is gonna have some information that I really, really want you to hear. And if this does not apply to you, please share it with parents that may be in this situation because it actually really surprised me when I discovered it.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
And I just knew I had to make an episode today and get this out there to you as quickly as I could. So before I go into the content for today, just wanna say in full transparency that I am sitting in a hotel room right now, I honestly have a love, hate relationship with air conditioning units in hotel rooms. I'm usually too cold or too hot. And for this hotel stay I'm by myself. But if my husband was here, it would be even worse, cuz he likes it to be cold. And you know, at home I can't keep it cold because it, our electricity bill would be through the roof if we kept the house too cold. So when we're in a hotel room, he likes to keep it colder, but I've turned off the AC and ho I'm not gonna have any other background noise, but sometimes there is a loud car that drives by that you can hear outside.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
So if there is any background noise that you hear apologize for that, but this content is something that I wanted to get out to you. I am flying home tomorrow. And so I figured if I didn't record this today, it will probably be at least a couple of days before I get it recorded. And this information is something that every parent needs to know about. So what I wanna talk about is being able to access pornography through a smart watch. And the one that I tested because the one that I have is an apple watch and it was mind blowing when I saw that I could pull it up so very easily. I did not know that the apple watch had that capability. And if you're like me, not real tech savvy. So that's why giving kids the things is sometimes major challenging for parents like me and maybe you, because they are tech savvy and they are growing up with this capability.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
And so they are able to navigate this very quickly. And then the other thing is that when I saw a post about this and I was like, okay, I gotta figure out if I can really do this on my apple watch, I Googled it. And of course there's a website out there that tells you exactly how to get an internet connection on your apple watch and pull up a webpage. So it took me all of two seconds to do that. And then I followed those instructions. And before you know it, I was accessing pornography on my apple watch. Unbelievable. So the reason I bring this up is because this is something I recommend in might be that mom movement method toolkit that I'm getting ready to publish as an a very good first step is to start with a watch or a now I can't forget what they call, but they're like a little walkie talkie type device as a first step to stay connected with your kiddo when they are going to be away from you and not having to give them a phone that opens them up to all of the digital things and so many more struggles or like tugs of war with them in terms of how addictive the phones are and how much they can suck you in.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
You know, of course, giving a gab phone, a pinwheel phone, those type of things, and putting bark is certainly a good option as well. But if you have a younger kid that you're wanting to have a way to stay connected with them, a watch is a great, great option. And I see parents mention often that they're just gonna go ahead and give them an apple watch or, you know, give them one of the smart watches because it just makes more sense. They don't wanna do these other ones. Maybe the watches are a little bit too childlike looking for their kid or something like that. Well, this is a reason why I recommend that you definitely check out the watches that are available through those different options. And I'll go over those again in just a minute, but just to kind of hit this, the importance of this, they say that pornography is usually one or two clicks away for any child that is online.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
So regardless of what your feelings are about pornography studies have shown that kids exposed to it at younger ages, or just exposed to it in general, in the teen years that it can have an effect on them and the younger they are, the more of an effect it can have and also just creates a unrealistic idea of what sex is so highly recommend that you have some sort of layer or plan or filter something that limits what sites they're allowed to go to if they are allowed to go online by themselves, because it is a slippery slope and it's kind of a black hole. And if you have ever raised kids, through the middle school years, especially boys, one of them will hear about it. And before you know it, they're sending the link to everybody and before you know, it they're all looking at it.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
They're all curious and curious, killed the cat when it comes to a child that is growing up, you know, and learning like curiosity is completely normal for them, but with the digital things that their fingertips so readily, it can be so dangerous. And so what do I wanna say, like impairing on their development, stunting their mental development and possibly causing trauma by the things that they see. So what I found out today is that you can send a link to your watch by sending a text with the link to yourself, or having someone else send it to you or sending yourself an email with the link. So if you try to do this, you know, pull up, I didn't know any porn site except for I heard of porn hub. So I sent that to myself in a text and pulled that up immediately on my watch.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
I couldn't figure out how to do it from my watch. It had to be sent to my watch. And I tried to look for like a internet app, those type of things. And there isn't one that I could find. And according to the, the website that I found that had instructions on how to do this, there isn't an app for internet connection, but if you send a link, it opens up a hidden safari page. And then with that, it will open up whatever website it is that has been sent to you. So very, very important information to know if you have a kiddo that has a smart watch, I'm assuming the other smart watches out there are similar. Now the article or the social media posts that I saw about this, I forget what company was posting about it, but they said that they talked to apple.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
They called them and just acted as a curious parent. And they said that you can set up some type of firewall type thing in the screen time, parental controls. But when they tried to do it, they couldn't figure out how to block it that way. So it's possible that there's a way to block it or filter it through the parental controls also might be possible to put bark. You know, if you have bark on their phone, that might be able to monitor like them sending the text bark might pick up on the text and let you know that they sent this text that had porn in the link or something to that effect. So those are two things that could pick it up. If you're in the situation where you already have given them a smart watch, but I'm not one to say that, pull it all away and , you know, shut the world down and all of that, unless you're in an extreme situation and you need to regroup, you need to detox.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
There is a place for that. I did that with my own child and it was the best thing we did at the time, but it wasn't before we tried multiple things of communication talking, trying to, you know, kind of reroute things. And when we realized that wasn't working and things were really, really going south very quickly in that we were on the brink of a crossroads, that we weren't gonna be able to come back from easily involving much more than anything like pornography. We did pull back. We did cut off completely from all digital things and made very extreme actions in order to regroup detox, figure out what in the world was going on. But I don't think that that's necessarily always what you need to do. So I wouldn't panic yank the watch away and, you know, go run in whatever, but, you know, use your own judgment, your kid's personality and their temperament and all of that.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
But this is just knowledge for you to know of and for you to figure out how to move forward with us. But if you have not given a watch or if, you know, young moms that maybe in this situation soon where they're wanting to give a watch, I do wanna tell you that the watches that I know of that get the best reviews is the gab watch. And you can go to G wireless.com or use the link in my show notes. And there is a discount code. My discount codes be that mom, and that will give you a discount on that G watch. And then I don't see that pinwheel has a watch. I was looking, but it looks like the only thing they have right now is the phone. Now the tick talk watch. So T I C K T a L K, is the watch that I hear about as the one that most moms love.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
The, the one that most rave about is the tick talk watch for younger kids. And it comes like in a little case. So it's protected in all of that, but those are the ones that I would recommend. And I do have a discount code for the TikTok watch as well. I do recommend checking those out and starting with one of those. If you're going to do the watch route versus giving the smart watch in having the slippery slope of so many little caveats that you may not be able to monitor certainly is something that I think bar would probably potentially catch, but probably can't guarantee it. And that tends to be the case with apple, with most things. So that's why they say that apple or iPhones, aren't the best first phone for kids because they're not as easily monitored. I did give my kids an apple phone to start.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
And if I did it over again, my attitude at that time was, well, we have apple phones. It'll just be easier for us to all have apple phones. If I had it to do over again, I probably would start with an Android phone. One that I could monitor more and have very strict rules, all the things that I'm gonna share and might be that mom movement, method toolkit, and course so definitely recommend you check those things out and pass that along to young moms that may be approaching this as well as access it for yourself. If you are needing more guidance with this and resources and all the things to pivot and all of that because I know there is oftentimes a lot of pivots and it's different for each kiddo since I've raised three and each one was completely different on this path.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
So check out those options for watches, if you're in need of that. And definitely if you are in the place of already having, given a smart watch, explore this and see what, you know, the capabilities are on the watch that they have and keep the lines of communication open with your kiddo. And, you know, just decide what you think is best for you and your kid going forward. But I did wanna get this out to you because I could not believe it. I was sitting I'm in Boise, Idaho and was attending a conference. And as the conference was ending today and I was putting my stuff away, I was like, okay, I'm gonna go back to hotel room and record this podcast. And I sat down and tried to figure out how to send it, sent it. And so I am sitting there in the middle of the conference with pornography, playing on my smart watch.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Not that it had any sound, but I just could not believe what I was seeing. And it wasn't even just like anything mild, like the website pulled up and there's, I just scrolled. And there's all these people having sex all up and down as I scrolled. So yeah. Crazy stuff, definitely something I wanted you to know about. So please reach out to me. If you have any questions, please check out my show notes for all my links and all the discount codes that I have and keep your eye out for my course, that's coming out soon. That's gonna be your toolkit, your roadmap, a place for you to start and a place for you to pivot and figure out what to do next on your path to being that mom. All right. Have a great day. Thank you for tuning in Hey friends, did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids' smartphone and technology use.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom strong. Don't forget to leave a review connect on social join. Dolly's free community till next time.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
Hey there, before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up every day. Take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native kids.
Mental health issues and suicidal ideation is way more prevalent than most realize. Listen in for tips and resources! (Check out the show notes for more info!)
For warning signs of suicide, check out this article with the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention: https://afsp.org/risk-factors-protective-factors-and-warning-signs
Mental health and Suicide resources mentioned in the show:
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. https://www.afsp.org
Call or text 988 or text TALK to 741741.
Https://www.betterhelp.com
https://www.cerebral.com
https://www.opencounseling.com
Https://www.nami.org
Below are a few other hotlines and resources I found that you may find helpful:
Download my free Parenting in the Digital Age Resource guide! CLICK HERE or go to this link: https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources and be sure to opt in to my email list to be the first to know when my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course, your toolkit and roadmap for all things digital when raising kids today, is released!!
FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources
FREE DOWNLOAD: Digital Resources
For all my top tips & tools go to https://www.dollydenson.com/store
DIGITAL RESOURCE TOOLS:
Grab your Troomi phone today! Click here or use code BETHATMOM at https://troomi.com/ to grab $30 off your kid’s Troomi phone!
BARK subscription CLICK HERE (Use code BETHATMOM for 20% off & 7 day free trial)
MSpy CLICK HERE (Use code BTMOM10 for a 10% discount on the 3 month package!)
Pinwheel phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOMTEN for a discount!)
Gabb phone CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Tick Talk Watch CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Covenant Eyes CLICK HERE (use code BETHATMOM for a discount)
Gryphon Router CLICK HERE
Circle Plus CLICK HERE (click link for $20 off)
Bark Home CLICK here!!
Stay connected with the Be THAT Mom Movement via our channel in the Telegram app: Subscribe HERE or search for @bethatmom on the app. Or on social media via instagram https://www.instagram.com/the_bethatmommovement
MOM WELLNESS TOOLS:
Fit Club info: Being THAT mom isn’t easy, so prioritizing our own wellness is so important! Get tips and tools plus support to help you simplify and align your health/wellness through fitness & nutrition tools that will get you results and to be strong and energetic for your kids! For more info on these tools & the Align Your Life Fit Club, CLICK HERE!!
Have a fitness routine that works for you but need to level up your nutrition? Ensure you get your daily nutrition with the powerful and unmatched smoothie called Shakeology CLICK HERE to learn more. (Available by itself or combined with what I like to call the Netflix for fitness/wellness library. CLICK HERE for the top options that save you $$$ when getting started with ALL the tools to get you that crucial momentum to make this a routine that sticks!)
Other supplements I highly recommend
(for informational purposes only, not medical advice, consult with your healthcare provider for questions and to get recommendations specific to your health conditions)
Concerned for toxin/mold/parasite exposure & how to support your immune system in today’s world? Consider a functional blood chemistry consult with me in my newly launched virtual practice at Align Your Life Wellness LLC. Together we will review your labs for patterns of stress and overall function, and then create a roadmap to follow to help you on a path to health and wellness. (These consults will not diagnose or treat, but will help you to identify where you might have imbalances that can be the precursor to dis-ease and health issues down the road.) Package options: https://www.bit.ly/alignoptions
Paleovalley CLICK HERE (use code PVFRIEND15 for a discount)
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Magnesium Bicarbonate supplement by LIVE PRISTINE (the majority are deficient in magnesium AND if taking Magnesium, are taking a form other than this that is not bioavailable and readily absorbed!) Use code BETHATOM for a discount! CLICK HERE
MOM HUSTLE TOOLS:
Kajabi: The best platform to run your business with all the things in one place! CLICK HERE
Podcast Pro University CLICK HERE to learn more about the top podcast course, created by Stef Gass, that will help you take that idea and passion to the next level with a podcast of your own!
Health/Wellness Coach opportunity!! Focus on your own wellness through fitness/nutrition while inviting a few friends to join you and/or build your own brand as a wellness coach with Team Beachbody: Email me at [email protected] for more info!
Full Transcription:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The need for more prevalent and readily available mental health resources is I think probably we all can safely say at an all time high right now in this world in 2022. So today in memory of my little brother, I am bringing you an episode that is going to give you some pointers of different things, to be aware of, give you some resources that you can use, save them, have them in your back pocket. If you ever come to the point of needing them and pass them along to anyone and everyone that you know, so that we together can link arms and help this world with the mental health crisis that's going on right now, stay tuned.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the be that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Hey friends, did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kid's smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kid's activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. So if you hadn't heard my episode, I think it was a couple of times ago, I, or a couple episodes ago, I talked about what has happened over the past year for me and my family.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
And one of those things is that we lost me and my siblings lost our little brother to what seems to be suicide in August of last year. We just came on a year on the ninth. And I say that with a little bit of hesitancy, because we can't know for a hundred percent certainty, unless we find a note or something like that. But the circumstances surrounding it make it highly unlikely that it was an accident. What happened? It does seem like it was intentional, even though it's so hard to believe that he would do this intentionally and that all of us that loved him so much and miss him so much were there for him. But as I've researched more about suicide and the circumstances around it, and knowing people who have attempted suicide and weren't successful that I've spoken to, I do believe that when someone is suicidal and they get into that space, they, you know, you could call it like that dark place.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
They believe that the world would be better off without them. And they no longer can see clearly how much it's going to hurt the people around them. They actually think that the, the people that they love will be better off if they're gone. And so when you reach that place, it's a very scary and dark place, but it is often a place where you don't reach out to family and you make your plans and you go through with it. So it's hard as a survivor to fathom someone getting to that place, but it is a very real thing. And so what I wanna talk about today is just some awareness around suicide and mental health issues and concerns. And then I wanna give you some resources for you, for your kids, for family members, so you can pass them along. So please check out the show notes of my episode.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
I'm going to put links for all of these things that I have come across. A lot of them have telehealth services. Most of 'em I think are probably private pay, but they have telehealth services. Some of them are free. I shouldn't misconstrue that some of them are absolutely free, but some of the counseling services are telehealth readily available for you. And then there's also free resources as well. If you need someone to talk to, or you have a family member that needs someone to talk to, I do have a personal friend who works with some of these services and she, and has an education and background and psychology or psychiatry and counseling. And she recommended some of these to me as resources. So I do think they come highly recommended in that space. I am not however, any type of mental health expert. That is not what my background is as a nurse practitioner, but I am coming to you as someone who lost a family member to this who has close people to me that have attempted suicide and just have a real and raw pain that like I've said in regards to all of the struggles that I've had with my kids and the digital things, I do believe that struggles and challenges are put upon or are put upon our doorstep for us to use, to become stronger or to pay forward as a gift to others.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
Or at the very least, we have the choice to make them a place where we can serve where we can help others to prevent others, to have to have things as hard as, as we have, or to somehow help them to not be in the same place. So any family or friends out there that know my brother and disagree with me on this stance and sharing this stuff, I do apologize if I offend you or hurt you in any way, but this is just intended to be an educational perspective and a place to help people. So please realize that and forgive me for that. So a couple of pointers, I'm gonna try to keep this short and sweet because I know you're busy moms and you have things to do, but I do think this is very important, but first point is that suicide attempts and, and suicide being successful is way more prevalent than we realize mental health issues and people struggling with mental health is way more prevalent than we realize.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
We need to be talking to our family and our friends. We need to be doing face to face, intentional talking less of the staring at our phones and not being involved with our family and our friends. I can't tell you how much this past year has changed. My family, me and my siblings are closer. Me and my dad are closer on the anniversary of my brother's death. We all text and emailed each other to tell each other, we love you. We need to get together. Some of us don't live in the same, you know, state and part of the country, opposite parts of the country, actually. And so we're just trying to be more intentional about what we do and talking to each other and making sure that no problem out there, no issue in the world is ever too big for us to handle no judgment, no reason to be apprehensive about talking to each other.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
We are family. We are there for each other, and we will always make sure that we have each other's back. It's more prevalent than we realize. Talk to your kids, talk to your family. The second point I wanna make is that I believe a lot of the mental health issues and suicidal thoughts are perpetuated number one by the big, crazy world that we're living in right now. And all of the stuff we've had over the past two years. But number two is the interconnectedness of social media and all of the digital things like I've said before, an episode after episode, putting a phone or some type of digital connection into the hands of our children and allowing them to interact with it, consume it to all of that. Absolutely has an influence and absolutely is insidious. So be aware that when you allow your kiddo to have social media, to have like, be on Roblox or anything where they're interacting with other people, there is an influence there, there, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
Sorry. My, as a side note, my little, uh, apple watch keeps dinging and I can't figure out how to make it quit dinging. It used to never make noise. And now all of a sudden it makes noise and I can't figure out how to turn it off, like technologically challenged over here. But if you hear dinging, that's what it is. I've tried multiple times to turn it off my, as I should have just left it in another room. But anyways, all of those things do have an influence and they make, as far as in, from the perspective of, of a child, there's an influence in the brain there of chemicals and all of that, their thought process, their self-esteem, those type of things. And then also the feeling of not good enough of comparing themselves to others, of seeing other people being invited to things.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
And they're not all of that is there and is an influence. So it absolutely is something to be aware of when you are allowing the access to those things. And then the third thing, I guess I kind of already said this, but most aren't aware when someone else's they know is struggling. We absolutely were not with my brother. Like truly didn't know he had been serving overseas, both in the military and as a contractor for most of his adult life. And when 2020 hit, he was stuck over there and could not get back. He was a contractor. He wasn't active duty military at that time. And so the military would only prioritize getting the military back and the contractors were just left. And so he was stuck there for a good, oh, I don't even know. I think it was almost a year that he was there and that was a very, very hard time for him.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
He reached out to all of us at that time and we all stayed in, touched. I text him every week on the weekend to check in with him until, and that was like, he reached out to us in August and he was back on us soil in December. And when he was back on us soil, we kind of all assumed he was okay. I didn't check back in regularly. I actually hadn't talked to him in a while because he was busy with his family and I was busy with mine. So most people aren't aware when someone else is struggling, make sure you reach out, talk to people, be real, be honest. If you notice something's off with them, ask them all they can do is say, no, dude, I'm fine. That type of thing. And then the last point I wanna make is there is help out there.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
There's help out there. And I'm gonna list in the show notes, multiple options for you to look for resources. And I wanna hit on a couple of the top ones here that I'm gonna mention. These are a few websites that have resources for counseling. There's open counseling.com. There's better help.com and cerebral.com. All of those have resources where you can get in touch with them, someone like a counselor, or get help. Some of them will do prescribe medication and that type of stuff too. And then a couple of other resources for mental health. There is a website called NAMI N a mi.org. And I stumbled across this one in my research today called American foundation for suicide prevention. That one actually has local chapters and they do fundraising opportunities, different educational talks and things like that. So a place for you to get involved, if you have the passion and the desire to do that, and then the last place, and I'm gonna list some other things in my show notes that I'm not listing here, just some other things that I've ran across and might be helpful for you.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
But the other thing I wanna mention, and I wanna take a few moments to talk about. This is the new line. It's kind of like a 9 1, 1 thing, but it's 9, 8, 8. And it is for, to connect someone with a counselor. It is like, basically, if someone is feeling suicidal, they need to, to vent. They need to talk about what's going on. They're overwhelmed with their situation. This is a place where they will directly connect you with someone that can talk to you. Now, recently there was someone that posted that, um, this 9, 8, 8 number, when you text them, they were gonna send a cop to your home and they were gonna involuntarily detain you if you said you were suicidal. And so I researched that little viral thing thread that went through. I actually have a friend who works for the 9 88 counseling service. And she said they were bombarded with prank calls because they were trying to jam up the lines of this because they said, when you text this number, they get, they take you away and involuntarily detain you and all of this stuff.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
And it sounds crazy, but it really was kind of an emergent situation because the people that needed help couldn't get through because these people were jamming up the line. But what this service has said is that no, they do not call the cops and involuntarily detain you. The purpose of their service is to connect you with someone who can talk to you, who can help you to have a different perspective, help you to see the positive in your situation, help you to find the resources that you need to get out of that mindset and that idea of taking your life. And then if they feel like they cannot get you to the place of where you were like deescalated from that mindset, that idea that in having a plan, that type of thing, then they will call emergency services, but they are not able to like locate you by GPS.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
They don't know where you are. Exactly. Any type of that, any type of thing like that, they basically will call nine one, one or call law enforcement, give them your phone number, give them your name and any information that you have provided, but they're not there just to automatically take people out of their homes and, and voluntarily detain them. So I think that 9 88 number is an amazing resource. I wish we would've had it a year ago. I wish I would've had all of this information a year ago. And I wish I would have known that my family member was struggling and that my family member needed someone to talk to. So please take all these resources that I have mentioned and be very proactive with your family, with your kids. Know there's an influence out there, know that most people won't say that they're struggling talk to the people that mean something to you in your life.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
And I don't mean to minimize that, but talk to everybody, be aware that it's an issue, know that everybody out there right now is probably struggling to some degree and that we need to link arms and help each other. So check out the show notes for those resources that I mentioned, and please share those, save them, share them, pass that 9 88 number along, put it places, post it on your stories, on your social media, all of that stuff, and share that that resource is out there for anyone and everyone that needs it. Okay. So thank you so much for listening today. I hope this was good information for you and that someone out there can find this helpful and that you'll find the help that you need in your moment of crisis. If you ever get to that point. Okay. I was all wrapping this up and about to send it off to my editor and realize that I missed sharing with you.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
Probably one of the most important tools that you can have in place, if you are having concerns, when it comes to your kiddo and all the digital things, and that is adding bark to your village and what you're doing with your kiddo, if you're allowing them to have social media and a phone bark gives them privacy, allows them to have conversations and do their, you know, their growing up thing, but it monitors their conversations. Unless you're going into apps like Snapchat, that may have things set up to where you can't monitor their conversations. But in general, like if they're texting a friend or something to that effect, it's gonna pick up on keywords that might indicate there's a concern, something you need to talk to them about, and it will send you an alert and let you know of the things that it picked up on so that you can open up that conversation.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
So that has to be probably the best tool that's out there right now for us parents, as we raise our kids with all the digital things is to have something in place like that that provides them some privacy, but also picks up on the most important and most concerning things that sometimes can get missed, because I admit it's hard to decipher the moods and all of the things going on with our kids, you know, and they get annoyed with us when we ask too many questions and, you know, just the struggle of is it just normal puberty and growing up, is it just a mood swing? Is it something more that we need to be concerned about? That's really hard to decipher. And sometimes we can go down the wrong path and miss things because of just, you know, kind of the similarities of just normal growing up, along with something that might be going on with them.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
So when they're like closed up and won't talk to you, this could be a way for you to be alerted of things that are going on, that maybe they're telling someone else that they're talking to. And that way you can, um, you know, open up the conversation and have an awareness, talk to them about the things that you're concerned about and that type of thing. So, oh my gosh, I can't believe I almost left that off of this episode. It probably needed to be a much more extensive talk in regards to that. But when it comes to bark, like I've mentioned, like I have in the different little blurbs that I talk about on most of the episodes, you can use my code, be that mom and get a discount. I believe it still gives you 20% off and that's for life of your subscription.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
So if you have it for multiple years, when you renew, you still get my discount. So use code, be that mom, to get your discount on bark. If you don't already have that, they do give you like a seven day free trial. And they also are very responsive to having any tech diff difficulties. So if you're tech challenged, like I am, you can talk to them. Them they'll even get on a zoom call with you and help walk you through things. There are different limitations of different apps and different computers and different setups. So they can kind of walk you through that and help you to set up the most ideal setting. Nothing is a hundred percent nothing out there can possibly be a hundred percent because of the way the phones are, the way the apps are, the way kids are. So this is just one way to add a layer to help you out.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
Okay? So don't disregard that if you don't have bark yet, I don't care what type of device you're giving them bar can help you to some degree. And it has to be one of the best things out there, and they are available in more countries now. And I meant to look that up before I got on the episode, but it's not just the us. It's not just Canada. There are multiple other countries that they're available in now. So if you're listening from another country, look them up in the us. It's barked at us search for bark industries or something to that effect, bark parental controls, and you should be able to find a website for them. And then see if they're available where you are. If not, hopefully there's something comparable where you are. I do think that that is like an extra set of eyes and ears for us parents, as we're raising our kids, we can't be there all of the time.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
We have to, at some point, provide them some independence and there's a fine line between monitoring and it affecting their relationship with you if you're too strict for too long. So at some point you gotta kind of let the string out. In my opinion, let the string out a little bit, giving them a little bit more independence, but having a way to monitor and pull them back in if need be. Okay. So nothing's perfect. Like I said before, every child is different. So this is gonna look different for every child. Every situation certainly don't ignore your gut and pull back from all of it. If you feel like that is necessary until you figure out the root of whatever it is, that's going on, that's nagging at your gut. But I do think that bark is an amazing thing. Anything like bark is an amazing thing to provide some independence, allow them to get their feet wet into the world while also having that safety net that will help you to be your eyes and ears so that you're not like driving yourself crazy, trying to look through text and, and messages and seeing if they're deleting things and all of that stuff.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Okay. So I'm so glad I remembered to add that on. I hope you listened all the way to the end here. I think that was probably the best part of the episode, but thanks so much for listening. I am trying to put out more consistent episodes, but also kind of giving myself some grace with a lot of things that are going on in our world right now that I haven't mentioned here. So thank you so much for listening. Please check out the course that I have coming out. I've talked about it multiple times, but it is your place to have a roadmap and a toolkit to guide you on this path to give you resources and places to pivot. And then to just give you the layers that I highly recommend and think are essential as we let our kids out into the digital world. Okay. Thanks so much. Have a great day. Bye.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
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Do you cringe at the thought of funding your kid's college? Today's episode with Kara Walker highlights why and how this does not have to be the only way!
Kara Walker graduated from college debt-free, and is now on a quest to help other students do the same with her podcast, "Money and Mental Peace," and her upcoming course "The Debt-Free College Blueprint"!
She is a twenty-something Christian entrepreneur, amateur snowboarder, and recovering
over-achiever. Kara enjoys goal-setting, budgeting, and living a debt-free lifestyle, and wants to help YOU do the same!
To check out Kara’s podcast, MONEY AND MENTAL PEACE, please CLICK HERE!
For more info on Kara’s course, The Debt Free College Blueprint, CLICK HERE!!
Download my free Parenting in the Digital Age Resource guide! CLICK HERE or go to this link: https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources and be sure to opt in to my email list to be the first to know when my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course, your toolkit and roadmap for all things digital when raising kids today, is released!!
FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources
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Full Transcription:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So besides navigating all the digital things with our kiddos, another thing that ranks way up there in terms of stress is trying to figure out how to fund our kids' college education. Well, if you have been of the mindset that debt and college education must go hand in hand today's episode is going to give you some tips and tools to where that maybe may not have to be the case. Stay tuned.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom FLA. This is the be that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Hey friends, did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids' smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. So welcome back to another episode of the be that mom movement podcast today's episode is going to be a special one. I'm bringing to you with a special guest that I think is gonna provide you with a lot of good information as you go forward into the college years and all of that with your kiddos, and really give you some pointers for thinking through things before they get to that college age.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
So this recording is being done in a different location than my normal one. So please forgive me if there's any background noise, but thank you for being here. Let me just real quick introduce Kara and then I will bring her on and we will get started. So Kara is, uh, graduate of college where she managed to graduate debt free and is now on a quest to help other students do the same with her podcast. Podcast is named money and mental piece. She also has an upcoming course called the debt free college blueprint. She's a 20 something Christian entrepreneur in amateur snowboarder and recovering overachiever. She also enjoys goal setting, budgeting and living a debt free lifestyle and wants to help you do the same. So I hope that you will check out the podcast in its entirety today and then check out her podcast and her upcoming course that is being released as we speak, and definitely use all the tools that she shares.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
Cuz I think this is really valuable stuff. And I will say as the parent of three kids with two of them now through college, I definitely do it. Didn't do it, the debt free route. And I would definitely go back and use some of these tips if I could. So like I always say sometimes we just gotta take the hard road with things, but I'm hoping that this will help you not have to take as much of a hard road. So stay tuned and
here's Kara. Okay, well today I am bringing y'all a special guest and like I mentioned, she has a specialty that I think is going to speak straight to your heart. So with that introduction, Kara, tell me a little bit about yourself.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
Thanks so much. Yeah, I'm Kara. I, I guess you guys know, I graduated from college debt free. I am kind of a nerd on things like personal finance and you know, Marvel movies and whatever else and joined snowboarding, whatever. However, after I finished college, I didn't wanna work for anybody else. So I started my own business stuff and now I have all this podcast and everything, and I really just have a passion for if I can help get students through college debt free, but also with like spiritual health, right. And mental health intact, cuz it's money and mental peace. Then I just feel like afterwards after graduation they can just launch into life wherever God is leading them to the point of, you know, perhaps not having to take a job just for money, but instead for to pay loans back, but for purpose or the next step they're going into, you know, it's just, it's just a fascinating thing. And I also just wanna tell parents about this because there's so much out there that just is not shared in the general realm of college and paying for college. That pretty much anyone can graduate from college debt free if they had the information. So that's just, that's my interest and things that I work on.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Okay. So I, to totally love that because I know the burden of coming outta college with some debt for myself, but much more. So with my children, my two that I have a 24 year old and a 19 year old and the 19 year old went to a college that was five times the cost of the 24 year old because she was in a specialty culinary school. So finished quickly, but definitely had to take on debt, but we were much smarter about our spending and stuff like that. But I do think that's so important. What you mentioned about coming out and being able to kind of pursue your life's passions versus just getting a job because you have that bill to pay. So I just really kind of love that you are here today and that we can share this.
Speaker 3 (05:31):
Thanks. And, and not that you can't have a life's passion with also a job that earns enough money. I think it just gives freedom. It gives more options.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
Right, right. I totally get you. And I think there could be a balance there where you have a little bit of debt, but you're not like, you know, buried for your entire lifetime type thing. so, all right. So tell me a little bit more about like, what things do you, uh, recommend or what kind of red flags do you have people look for or whatever it is that you feel is most helpful when you're going on this path?
Speaker 3 (06:03):
I love that. You, you say it like that because it just gives it just it's wide open. Let's see. Where do we wanna start? um, let's start at the beginning. Okay. We're gonna start at the beginning. I'm gonna imagine your kids are coming into even like middle school, age or something. And you're like, college is so far away, but like we can get started now. I'm not trying to pressure you. I'm trying to give hope on ideas. Okay. But starting at the beginning, I think is it's stuff like we're gonna tie in college and, and financial mindset as well around digital stuff. Right. I mean, that's what we talk about or you do on this podcast. So as your kids grown up, but they're still like, I don't know, 10, 11, 12, or whatever. Obviously there are certain age appropriate, um, times to discuss money just like age appropriate times to use a phone or, you know, get on.
Speaker 3 (06:54):
It depends on if you want your kid on TikTok or not. But I just hear that so much in life. That's one of the things I name I used to be on it. And then I was like, Nope, I just there's too much. And I just got off, uh,
too addicting. So basically kids usually exemplify what they see. So, I mean, there is a step on like, what's your mindset around digital usage? What's your mindset around money. And is it, is either of them a crutch or are they owning you or are you using them as a tool? Which is great and also some fun, right? I mean, like we go see a movie and get ice cream. You gotta pay money for that. But I think there's like not only, I think we're in the mindset zone, it's like having age appropriate conversations with your kids around money, but in like fun ways, like they're 11 and you're like, Hey, if you got a million dollars, what would you do with it?
Speaker 3 (07:44):
You know? And that launches like some fun conversation. And then, you know, depends on how, like I'll probably be that parent someday who talks with their 11 year old about compound interest because I'm a nerd, but like you do it in a fun way, you know? Like, like if you had a million dollars now, you know, if you did a few things, you could have 5 million in 20 years or something and you know, just like getting a mindset. So I think there's, there's lighthearted conversations around money as just like, however, there
would be conversations around digital usage and not like lecturing, but like interacting and talking. Right. So I think that is a start. And I think that also ties into you as a parent. It's you have a budget? Is your money kind of working for you or are you stressed out? You know, I don't, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
I can't make that decision factor in what you're doing right now, but personally I love going through the Dave Ramsey plan because that really helped me feel like my money was working for me. And I have that financial piece. So just to throw an idea out there, but let's talk about what they might be, uh, soaking in, what, what content they might be soaking in around money and college and stuff. You know, it could be younger than this, but middle school, high school beyond. Right. So there's a couple angles I think to this around money by itself could be anything from like, you gotta be rich to be happy. I mean, there's some of that too. I think the opposite is also pretty detrimental. And often I think more in some Christian circles of like money is the root of all evil. Well, let's be clear here.
Speaker 3 (09:19):
The verse is the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, not money in and of itself. And it's the love of money is an idol over God. So it's like, I personally, I graduated debt free. So I was able the next month after graduation, I was able to start a business and start investing. So by the time I'm 30, I'll have, I don't know exactly, but I'll have somewhere in five figures saved for retirement already with no loans and no like debt and whatever. And that's just like, because I'm, I was excited about that. Like my parents are good with money, but I'm like fanatical, you know what I mean? Like, just because it's interesting to me. So I think there's kind of that like, just conversation around trying to get back to where my train of thought was going, oh, like you don't have to have money to be happy, but also you don't have to not have money to be pious. You know, I think you gotta be careful with that because there are so many people that are godly, Christians who are wealthy, who use their money for such good. So I encourage that. I mean like build wealth for the kingdom, why not? And I think kids might be having a couple angles on that coming from the digital realm, depending on what they're listening or church, you know, like, so you just gotta be aware. I think in other,
Speaker 1 (10:36):
I was gonna, I was gonna say that the, uh, kind of the root of social media, what I see is that it's not, it's not coming from a good place of self-talk and self-esteem, and it's very influential in the negative realm,
you know, like if, if you're not aware of it. So I like that how you have that, that focus around the kind of the self-talk around money, it's your attitude around money and what you think of it, whether it's good, whether it's evil, you know, mm-hmm, the more that you are, have an abundance mindset
around it, the more you're gonna have that kind of be attracted to you too. So I agree the, the social media aspect of it is that everything's kind of negative and dark and all of that. That's, you know, my take on that, you know,
Speaker 3 (11:17):
It's definitely on social media and I think it's also what parents, what kids see in their parents. If y'all, if the parents talk about money and their tense, even their body language that can stress them out about money too. I'm not saying, I mean like nowadays gas and groceries and whatever, like it's understandable that you can be tense around money and your kids need to learn that too. But I think it's just like, there's a mindset on like making sure kids know both sides, right. I just,
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Yeah. Yeah. Like it's a, it's a mindfulness it's, it's becoming more aware that these things are powerful mm-hmm and that they do have an influence, very, very subtle things that parents do, kids will pick up on, you know? And that's the same thing or like your behavior with digital things, you know? And what I always talk about is like set the example for what you wanna do with the digital things. So parents talking about, talking about money and always being negative about money or fearful about money definitely wears like rubs off on them. So yeah, I
Speaker 3 (12:08):
Totally, oh, I feel like everything you probably say about digital things. Everyone listening just apply it to money too. It's just like the same idea. And for example, math, I know we're not here to talk about math, but there is whatever study done. Sometime I'd have to look it up that like, like kids whose parents just hated math and were stressed with math and whatever. Like there was just conversation in the home like, oh, you're going to math class or math homework. Like, I don't wanna help with that. Like oftentimes the kids weren't that good at math. And it was just like a stressor, you know? Maybe not always, like, we're not, we're just going generalization here, but at math, you know, money digital, like I just feel like it's, it's just all entwined
Speaker 1 (12:49):
I totally agree.
Speaker 3 (12:51):
Yeah. So also, if we're talking about what kids are soaking in digitally through the internet, social media around college, there are many angles, right? It's like, first of all, like you gotta go to college. Like that's one, and I'm here to tell you I work in this realm and I 'em. And I wanna tell you, college is unnecessary. It can be great. Let me, you know, listen to the key words I'm saying it's not necessary, but it can be
fantastic. So like I'm not against college, it's just not necessary. Especially if your kid is just like, has no idea what's going on or wants not what's going on, but like what they wanna do. And now to be honest, I didn't know what I wanna do when I got started, but I did have a dream of having a degree. So I went very slowly step by step without loans.
Speaker 3 (13:33):
So that if I stopped, I just, I was out some money, but I mean, I didn't have loans to pay back, but like, especially if someone's heading to, you know, I'm going extreme here, but like Harvard, they don't know what they're gonna do. And it's all that money. Like it's just, it's not necessary. There's so many trade schools and just starting a business and just hustling. I don't mean like, to not have good mental health hustling, never sleep, but just like getting on trying things, you know, it's, I think that's one angle to talk with your kids about. And then also like if they're gonna go to college, let's say, let's say they realize college is not necessary, but they wanna go to college. Like, that's awesome. Pretty much. They're gonna hear that. The only way to do it is to have rich parents or have loans.
Speaker 3 (14:18):
And I'm just here to tell you like that is legitimately not true. and there's anything from grants and scholarships that make sense. But like anyone listening did, you know, there are ways to get free classes and really cheap textbooks and to get paid, to take notes and to do stuff on your own timeframe and just all sorts of things. And so that's is connected. What I talk about in my podcast, and I don't know how deep you want me to go in here. Cause we're also kind of like in college slash digital realm. But for example, especially if your kids are in middle school, but high school too, like, no, you can start early. There's a website called homeschooling for college credit and you might not be a homeschooling family. It doesn't matter. It's just, it's the website, because the idea is if you're homeschooling your kids, whatever you have been studying, once you're finished with it, they can go take a test like a club test DSST other types of classes and test out of it.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
If they pass it, they get three to six college credits. Like that's the concept and, and homeschooling for college credit, it lists, lists out different types of credit based on transferability. So obviously some won't go to every school, but if you kind of lean on the ones that have really good transferability, then you can know where to go. And honestly, there were some times I took a few tests when I tested out of things that didn't transfer, but I was like, I'm just out a hundred dollars. Like it's fine. I mean, a hundred dollars does sound a lot, but like I got six credits for college several times for a hundred dollars. That's insane because a credit hour by itself isn't even a hundred dollars anymore. So, and then, so these are just some, I have a lot of other tips, but this is just like the big thing.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
If some student, if a student of yours is in public school, you can do that too. It just, it would be when they're not in school, go take a test. And if you guys are taking clap tests, which is college level examination program, there's a company called modern states that if you do the study guide through them, they reimburse you. They give you a voucher. So you can get a year or two of college for free by just testing out of classes like that is, that is one of my, like, I mean, we have a lot we could talk about, but that is kind of like a main thing. If your kid aren't kids in, even starting in middle school, high school, beyond that, there are ways to, what do they already know? What do they just study in school? Go try to take a test on it. If they don't pass, you know, either you get reimbursed by modern states or they're out a hundred dollars, but compared to college, like, I don't know. I think that's awesome. So there's just a couple angles to like what you can do. And also knowing that college is not necessary and student loans are not necessary. I think that's the key word is unnecessary. So yeah, those are my thoughts around that whole realm.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
Okay. Yeah. And I love that I'm of the same mindset that, you know, I think college is a great thing to do, but there's a lot of different ways to slice it now, you know, and like I talk a lot about digital safety and all of the influences of the digital things, but also all like to highlight how much of the world it has opened up to be able to have the internet and the opportunities that are out there. And I tell my kids, you know, like definitely have multiple streams of income, different things that you're passionate about. Don't rely, um, especially now do not rely on one employer to provide all of your livelihood and, you know, and explore all your passions, have a side job, you know, or side business doing this thing that you love to while you're also working to do this, you know, to bring in another stream of income. But I do think that the internet, the portability of our phones and all the different platforms that are out there now is just makes it to where you don't necessarily have to go to college. But also it, you know, if that is something that you're set on doing, there are ways like you've mentioned to cut the cost in different places mm-hmm love, or don't
Speaker 3 (18:12):
Go to college and start a podcast, like, like, you know, dinos what I'm talking about. There's definitely some business connection in that, but go ahead.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
yeah, yeah. For sure. So, yeah, so I love the different things that you mention and, um, what I've done with my son, my, our youngest, my two girls that are older, they, um, they think that he's just got the best of all worlds because of right before 20, 20 different things that happened with him, we pulled him out of regular school and we put him in an online school. And then after that, we now have him in a Christian, dual enrollment place. And so he is basically going to college and high school. He's got, gonna have like two semesters, if not more of college credit already under his belt. And most of it I think is gonna be able to be transferred. There's a couple classes I don't think well, but he's, so he is coming out of high school with all this college credit already.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
And the fact that we pulled him off all the digital things and, you know, really kind of set him down and had him do this from home to focus on school and all of that. He's very, very aware of what he wants to do going into college. So he knows what he wants to do. He knows what the, the job opportunities are afterwards for that realm that he wants to go into. And I think if we hadn't done the things that we did, where we pulled him back and had him do online school and, you know, focus more on that in high school, he would be going into college completely. Like, I don't know what I wanna do. I'm just gonna go .
Speaker 3 (19:37):
Yeah. And how you said, I do mention that in my, my course and stuff, dual enrollment and also middle colleges, dual enrollment is with another school. Middle colleges are like, you actually go to the college campus and just do high school there and college there. So those are fantastic opportunities.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
Yes. Yes. I think that's, it's such a plus to have that as an opportunity. Now, I hadn't never heard of the homeschooling for college credit thing. Where do you get more information on that? Is that, did you mention a website? Yeah,
Speaker 3 (20:04):
It, it is literally called homeschooling for college credit.com.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
Oh, okay.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
Yeah. And it's cool because the person who, um, leads it up is a, an advisor at a college at Excelsior college, which Excelsior is one of the big three who accept almost unlimited credits. There's Excelsior, uh, Thomas Edison, state university, and then like charter Oak. I'd have to look up the name, but basically I've had some friends, couple people who have like, just tested out of a load of classes. And of course it takes a certain student to want to test out a bunch of classes too, but test it out of a load of classes, just transferred everything and got their bachelor's for like $3,000. You know, it's just like, it depends now it might not work if they're going into chemistry and they need a lab right there. But like this person wanted to go to law school. So he got just like a political science degree.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
Quick one, he graduated at, he was homeschooled, graduated at 19 with a bachelor's and just spent a few thousand dollars on it, a whole legit bachelor's. And then he went to law school and he was like the youngest in law school, you know, at Michigan state or something like, like there are ways to do it. It obviously probably wouldn't work for an engineering student who needs the labs, but just, there are options of schools that accept almost unlimited transfer credits. But I just wanted to tell you that. So you knew that this website was from someone who knew what they were talking about. It's a, it's an advisor at a college at Excelsior college who deals with like all this stuff. So yep. Just homeschooling for college credit.com.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
Okay, cool. Yeah. There's so much that, like some of these things you mentioned, I didn't know about, I definitely knew about clip. I did that in my own high school. I mean, in my own college. So I did know about that, but I did know about that modern state. You said that was that modern states.com. Is that what you said?
Speaker 3 (21:50):
Yeah, I believe so. Let me look it up right now in case the website is different modern states.org.org.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
Okay. Mm-hmm okay, cool. So that's where you can get reimbursement.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
Yep. Yep. A year or two of college for free. If you just wanna go all in cuz club tests are a little bit more in like the first year, like prereqs, there are also D SSTs, which used to be just for military, but now our first civilians and those are up to higher levels sometimes cuz people in the military sometimes would just be testing out of classes to get a degree while they're in the military. So DSTs are a little higher level and
those are still really cheap, but they're not covered by modern states. I took a few of those and I still
think it was like a hundred dollars a test. Yeah. And then there's some other ones that are just less known. That's why that homeschooling for college credit lists a whole bunch of type of testing.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
Okay. So this is totally awesome. I'm loving this. Okay. So I think this will be great information for all of the moms that are listening. So let's see. So I'm gonna go back and look at what we've talked about and see if there's any questions that I have. So we talked about kind of like at the beginning, when they're younger age appropriate discussion, talking about the, what ifs and all of that around money, just the basics of compound interest and what you do with the million dollars lighthearted conversation. And then you talked about your, what they're consuming about money, self talk around money or attitude around money and what that conveys to them. And then just knowing that college is in an absolute must, but to explore different options and kind of what they, what they wanna do. And that it's not an end all be all with college, but definitely if wanting to go, then we have all of these options that we just talked about. Okay.
Speaker 3 (23:37):
Yeah. That
Speaker 1 (23:40):
I took notes so anything else you wanna share with me? I know that you have your podcast and then all of this information here at the end, um, you go into more detail about that. So I'd like everybody to reference your podcast. And tell me again what the name of it was.
Speaker 3 (23:55):
It's called money and mental peace. There's really a connection. I think between feeling financially peaceful, like knowing you're not, might not be wealthy, but like knowing you have college paid for or the next semester or your budget or gas money, you know, and I think it really ties into mental piece. Cuz we do talk a bit about my experience of anxiety in college and such. I'm not like a licensed therapist. It's not like diagnosing things. It's just conversations around how I handled. I, I, how I, how an overachiever like me was able to graduate debt free honors, but also not have a total mental breakdown. Although there were a lot of tears. So I mean like there's a bit of both. So it's money and mental piece. We talk about all that stuff kind of all together.
Speaker 1 (24:39):
Awesome. Okay. And then you have a course on presale right now and getting ready to launch. Tell me more about that.
Speaker 3 (24:46):
Oh yeah. It's called the debt free college blueprint. Thank you for asking. Honestly, I still just refer people to the podcast. It's just free, free content, free, whatever. And I do talk about the course, if you wanna know where it is on the podcast, but it's like strategies and accountability and conversation about more in depth, like step by step, like how I graduated debt free and even advice on looking at a, a school coming up, looking at how to do FAFSA, how to get paid, to have jobs where you're essentially paid to do your homework or take notes. Or I had a job where I just was paid to take out. Cause I worked at a gym that was not busy. Like, you know, just like hacks there's conversation about handling grants versus scholarships. We talk about dual enrolled versus middle college. It's just, I, I just feel like it's the
, it's this big ameba of just all of the different angles of college without loans. And we talk about each of the things in depth and I do have like a presale going on now. So y'all can look at the info on the podcast if you want. And I'd love to love to have anyone. And we also have a free Facebook group, like there's a ton of free stuff. So thanks for asking.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
Sure. That it sounds awesome. And that sounds like exactly what I needed years ago. for all of my, my stuff and my kids. I was actually pretty handy with when I was in college, but this was in the nineties. So I know that it's a lot different now, but could have definitely used some of that information. So it sounds like it's an incredible resource and I'm so glad that you have that. So definitely recommend checking that out for all the moms listening so that you can get all the tips and things that you can from Cara, because she's walked the walk. So
Speaker 3 (26:31):
Thank you. And can I say your student going into college? If they have such a healthy interaction with all everything, digital, the internet, everything that won't significantly boost their mental health, mental piece, to be able to handle figuring out how to pay for college or just handle anxiety or depression while in college, because of like, if they have a healthy interaction with social media and whatever, how much more that can boost their success. So I commend you on your plan and goal and purposes and everything. Any mom listening to like wanna have that because that's such a foundational thing. And just maybe if it ties into money, you know, their kid can be in college and have it paid for and also like not be freaking out so that would be nice.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
Yeah. And you know, I really think that does go hand in hand, like my own experience with my son is that he, you know, we crashed and burned with my kids with all the digital stuff. That's how my podcast came to be. You know, I've walked that walk completely in doing it all the hard way. Um, I won't say the wrong way because I think that there were gifts in how we did do it and that it is guided him to where he is now, as well as my daughters. They just weren't as immersed into the digital things because of their ages. But um, for him, he had a hard, hard road, but you know, where he is now is amazing because of his college credit he has already gotten. And then his attitude around money, he actually is working a full-time job. He's a, he's going into his senior year of high school.
Speaker 1 (27:58):
He's working a full time job that he does in the mornings. He gets himself up, gets himself off to work while he at 6:00 AM he's home by 12 or one, he has more money in savings than all the rest of us now. And he has a plan for when he goes away to college and where he wants to go, how he's gonna help us pay for things. And he was telling me yesterday that he is gonna start paying for his own gas, cuz he doesn't think it's necessary that we pay for his gas. And so , so us pulling him off the digital things and then helping him have a healthy relationship with that, to where he's not immersed in all of the social media and it didn't suck down his self-esteem. I mean it started to, and we pulled him back once we realized what was going on, but it definitely has had a, a definite dance with the money mindset.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
And I have my own background of being very poor as a kid and being very fearful around money. And so I've had to, um, work on my, my money talk and what I do and say around them. And even now with, um, over the last six months, I've had a lot of changes with my employment, my income streams, all of that. And it's hard for me to not say that stuff out loud, like I'm, I'm fearful of it. And then I reign it back in and I'm like, wait a second. Let's look at the big picture here and look at what's going on. And we've had all these things come into play right when I needed him to. So I felt like I'm being supported and guided on my path, but so I've had to filter the money, the money talk's and really relearn that for myself. But I absolutely see that in him that with that healthy relationship of the digital things, he didn't get sucked down that mindset and he is very focused, maybe too focused on, on, uh, earning money
Speaker 3 (29:38):
Now he's excited. It sounds like he's like, I can see my mind's not entrenched in what this influencer is doing. And so I can see like if I have this money, what I can do with it and what good too. Like anyone listening also, if you interact with ne with your kids around what, when money is stressful, that's a good learning experience too. So anyone listening who's done that. Like you don't have to always be happy about money all the time. Cuz that can be probably a, a bad, extreme too. But like if your kid, whoever, whatever kid's listening and in yours, yours sounds, your son sounds like he's gonna be a millionaire someday. And I, and I know that that's not like the end all of life, but like that can be a great thing and you can really give and serve if he knows what he's doing, has the steps handle of money.
Speaker 3 (30:21):
If he say able to graduate debt free or with not much and pay it off fast, start investing in his first job. By the time he retires, there are four OHK millionaires that they didn't go in some big extreme investment. It's just that. And let's clarify a millionaire as people's assets. So it's also their house, whatever. It's not that they're earning a million a year. So your son sounds like he is on board. And I like what the sisters were like, he's got a good set, like a good plan ahead. And isn't that sometimes what comes with the younger kid that like you learn and then it gets to that point. So I commend your parenting. Good job. That's awesome.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
Thanks. Yeah, he definitely, uh, got the, the short end of the stick in other realms, but you know, it all balances out in the end and it's just amazing. The, the like 180 that he's done and you know, some of it is just him exploring it himself. And I'll tell you that when he's always been a little entrepreneur, but when he was probably around like seven or eight, we, we were doing the Dave Ramsey thing and we got the little kids kit where they, they do like a chore and they get money. We could not continue that because that little entrepreneur was finding other things to do around the house so much so that we couldn't, we didn't have any money left to pay him. he was so mad at us because we had to cut him off cuz we're like, we don't have enough money to give you, like, now you're gonna have to do dishes just because it's your, your, your job here as a, as a kid in our house. But, um, but he's always been an entrepreneur like that. And so I think he felt really stifled by that, but we're like, okay, we need you to get income from elsewhere because we don't have the extra money to give you right now.
Speaker 3 (31:55):
that's great. I mean, I don't know. I don't know what your situation was and what age range, but even shoveling snow in the winter and raking leaves in the fall. Like there's just so many cool options. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:05):
Yeah. Very true. Very true. We were just like, okay, gotta go earn money from gram grandma or something like that now, because we don't have the funds to give you the extra stuff, but he had that drive so early on. And so he's, and I do think the digital things distract what I've said in multiple of my, my podcast episodes is that they divert and almost it's like the kids don't ever find their focus and their purpose because they're so distracted by all the digital things that, you know, they're sucked down these RO these places. And then if you let them stay there, they never find their full potential and they'd never find their focus. And so I think that us pulling him off of that, it definitely helped him to refocus. And it just so happens that he's always been a little entrepreneur. So he's well, on his way, he's talking about, he might do a taxidermy training on the side.
Speaker 1 (32:55):
So he has a taxidermy business along with going to college and this and that. So he's, I think he's gonna be great. And that's why I say that. I don't think that the mistakes that we make and the hiccups that we make as parents, like even the money mindset and all of that, somehow if we can just help our kids learn to stand upon those challenges and use them as strengths later on, instead of them being a roadblock, then that's what you know, where life is found. And all of our, our focus and everything is found is by using the struggles to create the strength. So that's love it. I totally agree. Yeah. Um, so anything else you wanna share with audience or with me?
Speaker 3 (33:36):
It reminded me when we were talking, it reminded me of a couple things. If that's cool. If we're talking about just incorporating this mindset or money or conversation in everyday life, Dave Ramsey now has a board game called act your wage. I'd have to look again. I think it said it's for ages eight and up. I don't, I'm not sure I got it for Christmas. I'm such a nerd. I'm like, I want this game, but it's like, you can do it as a family. And the idea is you have to go around the board and handle like paying for like everyday life and like utilities and whatever. And also you have to pay off your debt, but it also has like, kind of like in game of life, something happens like a tree fell on your car. Like, what do you do? And whoever wins is whoever like pays off their debt first or something, well, it'd be great to teach your kids.
Speaker 3 (34:18):
Why don't you not even have debt? And then you don't have to do this, but it's a cool way to handle money and like have a family game night. So I wanted to throw that out there. and also anyone, I just have been notified of another, like, I love the idea of killing two birds with one stone. When you make money. Like when I was a note taker, I was already in class taking notes and then I got paid to give my notes to another student who needed help just like that. There are also dog walkers now like wa or rover.com where like, I, I talk about how exercise is great to help with mental health. I'm not a fitness like podcast, but I just mentioned that you can do that while walking a dog and getting paid. Like there are so many, I just encourage anyone listening with their kids, but even with their own life, if you wanna side hustle, just be weird and unconventional, unlike, I don't know when you go get groceries, you could also be a grocery shopper for someone else and get paid to drop groceries off at their house.
Speaker 3 (35:13):
Like there are there's stuff like that. Now that's called using these apps and the digital age as a resource, as a tool for your benefit for other streams of income, but not letting it suck you in and the negative. And if you don't mind, I'll leave. I'll leave this podcast with one of my favorite Dave Ramsey quotes, which is like I'm budgeting. Tell your money where to go, instead of wondering where it went and so I think that's what we're doing with both. Anyone listening with your kids with college, having a plan on where the money is gonna go instead of finishing and being like, I thought I had $50, what happened? All I did was go to the fair while the fair is gonna suck up $50 fast. I just encourage you guys just like digital usage. It's a tool and it's entertainment, but only to a point that it serves you and not that you end up serving it. And that is just like money. And if you have debt, the Bible says the borrower slave to the lender. I'm not saying I hate people of debt. What I'm just saying is knowing that that's more of you serving money than money serving you. And so I just wanna tie that into digital responsibility and I think it all goes together. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (36:24):
Awesome. Thank you so much for all of that. I love that. Definitely gonna check out that Dave Ramsey game and then all of those different options for making money. I think that's definitely something worth mentioning. And then I love that quote. So appreciate you coming on today and all of your wealth of information.
Speaker 3 (36:42):
It was so fun. I love this kind of stuff now.
Speaker 1 (36:44):
all righty. Thanks so much. Thanks. Okay. So I hope that y'all enjoyed all of those tips that Kara has shared. And please check out in the show notes for her podcast link, as well as the link for her course. And I just can't emphasize enough how valuable this information is that she shared with us. And it is definitely information I wish I would've had before. I got my kids going through college. I still have one to go and I'm definitely gonna use some of these tips as well as the things me and Kara already discussed that we are working on with my youngest, but live and learn is what it is. But I hope that you can use this information. Thanks for tuning in today. Holy
Speaker 4 (37:25):
Mo, check this out. If you are a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet. Check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest four dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact and will help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel, pinwheel.com. Use code B that mom 10 for a discount.
Speaker 2 (37:56):
Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.
Life got in the way, but we are bringing this podcast back to life! Tune in for updates on where I've been, how I'm using that to move forward, and what is next!
Sidenote: If you are someone who has been suffering from injury from the topic I discuss, please connect with me for resources that may be helpful for you!
Download my free Parenting in the Digital Age Resource guide! CLICK HERE or go to this link: https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources and be sure to opt in to my email list to be the first to know when my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course, your toolkit and roadmap for all things digital when raising kids today, is released!!
FREE DOWNLOAD: Tips for using Bark + Digital Resources
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Full Transcription:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Oh, holy cow. I don't know if you've missed me or not. Maybe you haven't, but I have not been here in a little while. I have not done any new episodes since January and today is the day that that is going to change because I know that moms out there, kids out there, we need digital guidance, digital roadmaps, digital safety. And so that's what my podcast is all about. And so I'm relaunching this today. We are getting back into things and I am back, stay tuned.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable, real life. Proud to be that mom flare. This is the be that mom movement with your host Dolly Denson.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Okay. It has been a minute since I have done any episodes and I have a reason for that. And I'm gonna explain a little bit of that for you, so you can understand where I have been and some of the lessons and all of that. And then I'm gonna talk today just briefly about where I'm going with the podcast. So you'll know what is up and what's next. So first off, I just wanna give you a little bit of a heads up that. Yes, I am still very much a promoter of the dumb smartphones that I mention over and over again. And I am very much a fan of bark still. They are all doing really well and helping kids and families so, so much. So if you are in need of some way to set up some boundaries for your kiddo and know what's going on, of course I recommend bark to help with that top notch, best option out there.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
If you're not in the United States and don't have that option, I do have some other things listed on my website and in the show notes. And then of course the dumb smartphone that are available all have perks to them. And it just depends on which one you prefer. The Tru me phone is one that I did in episode on believe it was toward the end of December, beginning of January, where I interviewed the CEO or the co-founder of Tru me. And then there's the pinwheel phone and the gab phone. And they all have features and options that are awesome and great, and definitely a step up from giving our kiddos access to the entire world through a unmonitored smartphone. So still highly recommend all of those things. I also have my be that mom method course like on the brink of coming out, but , I need to make a few tweaks.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
I was going through it last night and because I have had a delay with life getting in the way, like majorly over the last year, there's a few things I just need to update and I wanna make sure it is the most relevant thing that you can follow because it absolutely is made from my heart and is exactly what I wish I would've had back when I was like, I know I need to be doing something, but I don't know what this is, what this is gonna be for you. It is a roadmap, it has tools. It has resources. It is going to be a gift to you. Just like all of these other things that I mentioned on my podcast and give you discount codes for this is going to help you with navigating the things, help you with redirecting and pivoting when you need to.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
And all of that. So stay tuned for that. I promise it will come to life. I just, you know, I've said it before that when you have something amazing, you're trying to do some change. You're trying to make something you're trying to put out into the world that is going to make such an impact. It is no doubt that life and obstacles are gonna get in the way to try to stop that from happening. And that's my belief as to what keeps getting in the way to where I can't get that launched, but I promise you it is coming and it's going to be amazing. So stay tuned for it and share it with your friends as well, because it definitely is something that I have made and put so much work into to make sure it's exactly what you need when you give your kiddos phones and all of the things.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Okay. So that being said, I wanna go back for a second. I wanna explain a few things that have happened in the last year that kind of got in the way of doing my podcast episodes and staying on my mission for helping you with all of the digital things and give you a bit of background on that. Also how those things have been somewhat of gifts to help me now, and then where we're going with the podcast, a few episodes I have coming up and all of that. Okay. So thank you so much for being here. Thank you for tuning in my podcast has still been ranking high in, in a couple of different countries. And a couple of the episodes are like off the charts with listens. So I know you're out there. I know you're listening. I know you need this stuff. And when I kept seeing that pop up in my email that it was ranking high, that certain episodes were getting a lot of listens.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
I was just like, oh, holy cow, I need to get this going again. But the truth is that when this is what I always say, like in my fit club and with the girls that I help with health coaching with fitness and nutrition stuff is a body in motion, stays in motion. A body at rest stays at rest. And that is so true when it comes to something like this. I have tried to record this I'm back episode. Multiple times kept having things get in the way the last time I came and sat down and I was like, okay, I'm going to do it. I could not find the adapter thing that I need to go from my microphone and my headphones to my laptop. And I looked everywhere and it was like, I only had this little bit of time to get this done.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
And my window of time closed because I couldn't find the darn adapter. It turns out it was laying on my desk, but my desk is a complete mess. And so it was covered up by some papers and it took me like a month after that to find it after I'd already ordered a new one. So anyways, I have tried to record it, but I will say that life got really, really hard for me in 2021 and coming into 2022. And it's one of those things that when everything was still moving and going, I could somehow put some of the hard parts of that to the side. Sorry, I have dinging going on here to the side and in not really deal with them, you know, not face them head on, I need to turn off my notifications here. So you're not here in my dinging.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
And so, and I can't figure out how to do that here. So anyways, I wanna tell you a couple things that happened for 2021. So, you know, I launched my podcast in, in March of 2020. I had weekly episodes from March of 2020, all the way to the first week of January of this year, I was going on two years, straight of weekly episodes, very passionate, very focused, but in 2021 life took a turn for me in a couple of ways. One was in my background as a nurse practitioner, I started noticing patterns of health conditions and people that got the thing, the thing that's being pushed around the world, pushed on everyone with the claims of safe and effective. If you do not see the reality of the thing that's happening with that, for some people I know while it could in overall be rare in the number of people that have gotten the thing compared to the number that are having adverse effects.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
If you have not seen that from your vantage point, I ask you, I plea with you to try to open up your heart and your mind to the fact that maybe your vantage point, hasn't given you this observation. But for me personally, I have observed heart wrenching and very concerning observations. I don't know if I just said that redundantly, but I worked with a population of people who were older typically like in their fifties, up until their nineties. And they were the age group that was pushed to get it from the very beginning. Yes, go get it. You're gonna be able to get your life back, go out there and get it. You need to get it right away so you can be safe and you can save your life. Well, what I started to see in this age group was a pattern of certain things happening, all kind of subtle, well, not all subtle.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Some of some people had strokes, heart attacks developed AFib. One lady had three brothers, all die of heart attacks within a week of getting their second thing. And so there were more dramatic ones that didn't seem as, as deniable, but other things, more subtle memory issues, a weird anemia that kind of has the same pattern regardless of who the person is and how it develops and what things they do to, uh, detect it and figure out what the cause is. Can't find a cause, put them on iron, that type of thing. So I started seeing these patterns of different things at the same time that I was not getting the thing at first, because I had just had COVID. I am someone who comes from a background of vaccinating. All of my children, I got a flu shot every single year. I had no reason to distrust the whole agenda of everybody getting a vaccine, because it's what we do and it's to keep the world safe, but I could not deny what was happening and what I was seeing in this population of of a hundred percent getting the thing.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
And this did not align with what I was supposed to do with my job. And therefore, one of the things that happened in 2021 is that I was terminated from my job because I would not get the thing that I'm seeing a bunch of people harmed from. And I apologize if that is disconcerting to you, if you were of the mindset, that it is safe and effective for everyone. And that we have nothing to be concerned about. Maybe that people like me that don't wanna get it or selfish or ignorant or anything like that. But I assure you where I come from is a place of examining all sides. And I did not want to be in this place. I did not want to lose a job I had had for eight years and was the best company I ever worked for, but I could not deny what I was seeing and the people that are being harmed by it.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
So I ask if you are of the mindset that I'm in the wrong, I ask for you to give a little bit of grace, give a little bit of understanding, take a step back and try to understand that someone else might see it differently because they have a different vantage point. I've had friends and family deny my vantage point. I've had friends and family block me, unfriend me, completely vanish from anything that I can connect with them on because they don't understand my vantage point. But let me tell you, it's the most hurtful thing in the world to have worked in this industry for as long as I have, and to suddenly see things differently because I wasn't afraid to ask questions because I wasn't afraid to say when in the world, why are so many people coming up with these same issues? Why is this same pattern happening over and over again?
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Why is it that I go to work? And it's like Groundhog day when they tell me about a weird anemia that started, and it started a couple weeks after the second thing that they got and that they can't find anything, you know, it's the same. It was the same scenario over and over again. I don't know how other nurse practitioners and clinicians out there are not seeing this or not speaking up. I don't know how that is possible because it is blatantly obvious to me. And so if you were of the mindset that you do not understand this, I just ask that you try to dig into your heart and your mind and open it a little bit. And let's get back to the police of collaboration of conversation and of realizing that we as one person in this world may not know everything. And unless we are in the same position as the person that has that viewpoint, we do not get to have an authoritative stance on what they're saying.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
I hope that makes sense. this episode has been something that I have like gone over and over in my mind, whether or not I would share this part of it, but it is me. And it is a part of what has happened over the past year. And I, as a healthcare provider, cannot stand here and say that these things are safe and effective. 100%, there's too many unknowns. And there are too many reasons for us to be concerned for me to say, blanket, this is what it is. Okay. So that is one thing that happened over the past year is that I was terminated from my job for making observations, for being a healthcare provider with due diligence and with wanting to simply decide for myself what was best for me. And all of that being said, the majority of the people that I have seen that are getting the thing, not the, the pokey thing, but the infection are the ones that have had the pokey thing.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
And so it is just undeniable to me that I don't know what the agenda is here, but it's certainly not the ones that we were used to before 2020, when we actually did things for the, the sake of the patient, the decision was always theirs. We gave them informed consent. And at the end of the day, whether they denied the treatment or accepted it, it was still their decision. I don't know how we got to a point to where that is not okay, but that's where I still am because I was trained in evidence. I was trained in due diligence and I was trained in informed consent. So I think that's all I'm gonna say in regard to that, the next thing I wanna share is that I told you back in August, that my brother had suddenly and tragically died. My little brother, I have two brothers and we've come to put some pieces together to where it appears that it may have been, his death may have been intentional, that it may have been suicide.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
There's no way for us to know 100% without a doubt, but just putting the pieces together of how everything played out. That's what me and my siblings believe happened. And so my point of sharing all of this with you is because in December things really came to a head for me when we realized that along with being terminated from my job. And it's kind of like one of those things where when you have a, a safe, a piece, a sense of safety, when you have security and safety, even when things were kind of difficult, you can keep going. And it was in that time where I really felt like the bottom fell out of my life and everything just really seemed really hard and a lot to deal with. And so what I did at that time was I took, I decided to take a couple weeks away from the podcast and from the other things that I did, I took a trip to Alaska and my sister lives in Alaska.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
And so I went to visit her in the wintertime. I'd never been to Alaska in the winter. So it was just, you know, something that I wanted to do and just to take some time away. And I took that time and it was the most amazing trip, just spending time with her. I was only there for five days. It wasn't long enough at all for the amount of travel time it took to get from where I live to where she is, but we had the most amazing experience together. And we felt the presence of our brother there with us. And like I've told you in regards to my podcast and how it all came to be. I think that there's gifts in life's struggles, in life's challenges, in life's obstacles. And I have found so many gifts in this struggle, and that is why I wanted to share the real and the raw of what has happened for me.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
And why I've been absent is because I know that every single one of you that has a child that you are contemplating or have given a smartphone, a digital device, some kind of contact digitally, and you've noticed that there's an influence and you're trying to figure out how to navigate it. And there's so much gray space. There's so much like, you know, like, I don't know what to do. I don't wanna be the mean mom, the bad mom that mom, I want them to be happy. I want them to be able to do things. They're always mad at me. You know, all of those things, it's hard, it's hard right in that space. It's hard. And my kids now are 17, 19 and 23. I've walked this space and I have . I was of the generation of parents that it all emerged while my kids were in those middle school years, and the impact was astronomical.
Speaker 1 (16:38):
And so the reason that I share this is because I walked all of that, but I found a gift in it. I found the gift in it that I could pay it forward to you on this platform. And so I share about my path in 2021, seeing what I did in the clinical world, along with the loss of my brother, who we had no idea he was struggling. And so this is gonna be a topic of some of a podcast going forward. And it's definitely gonna be something I'm gonna dive deeper into because I think this is the gift in what we have gone through is that we had no idea he was struggling and it's taken a lot to face that he could take his life and that we didn't know. And so I want you to know that there's gifts in your struggle, and there's also whispers or God winks that are giving you hints of what to do.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
Next. You are here listening to this because it is not an accident. And because there's an intuition, there's a nagging in you. That is saying you need to do more, that you need to offer more guidance. And I want you to know that me talking it's about such a raw thing of losing my brother and us, not knowing, and I'm sorry for the sniffling and all of the noises in this episode, but us not knowing that he was going through the struggles he was. I want to use that pain to help you to talk to your children right now, we are going through such a hard period in this world. No matter where you are, the censorship is unreal out there. The influence, the things that are being pushed on us, the mindset what's true. What's not what we're supposed to believe. What we're not supposed to believe.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
What things are put out to divide us. This is intentional. It's an, and I think it's an attack on our children. And so I want you, if you take anything from this episode today is to talk to your children like point blank, let them know how much they're loved. Let them know that no matter how hard something seems or how deep they feel like they are into something that you are always their safe place to land and that no matter what they are valued, and they will be missed. We miss Tony so much. And he had a son that he left behind, and it's so hard for us to fathom how he could have been struggling. So very hard that he could leave him by choice. But I know when someone gets in that dark space in that place, that sometimes they feel like the world would be better off if they're not here or the struggles seem too hard.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
So please, if anything, from this episode, I want you to take this opportunity to talk to your children, talk to them about the things that are hard right now. Talk to them about the things that are bothering them. Talk about the things that are being pushed on them in their beliefs, and then make sure you are keeping some type of monitoring on what they are consuming. If they are on tech talk, if they're on Instagram, if they're on Snapchat and you are not in some way monitoring what they are consuming there, I promise you they're being influenced. And they are being, you know, pushed into certain mindsets, certain beliefs, conditioning that certain things are okay. And that may not be exactly what you want them to be believing and moving towards. So that was my major mission for this episode. And it's been really hard for me to sit down and record this.
Speaker 1 (20:26):
And I know I may have turned some people off and I know this is all stuff that is really controversial, but everything that I share and everything that I do is the point of it is to share the gift in it. And if I can help at least one person to not be in that dark space, then that has helped me in finding some purpose in the pain around all of we have been through with the loss of my brother. And like I said, we can't say for certain 100% that it was not an accident, but everything points to the fact that it, it was not an accident. And so I hope if my brother is listening and I have this wrong that somehow he will let us know that it was an accident. But like I said, it doesn't seem like that was the case.
Speaker 1 (21:16):
So thank you so much for listening today. I don't even know if I hit all of my points on my little outline that I had made before I started recording, but I feel like what I shared is what I wanted to share. And so I hope it helps you talk to your kids and please have some guidance around the digital things. My roadmap is coming, the course that I'm making. And then the other things that I have coming up are I have a couple interviews lined up that are gonna be topics such as like helping, uh, kids with college debt and how to have a plan around that. Someone else reached out to me that talks a lot about self- esteem for girls. And then my best friend, she has twins and she is trying out the pinwheel phone and the Tru me phone with her twins each has a different phone so that she can compare all the aspects of that.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
And I may even bring her girls on an episode so they can share their perspective of using the dumb smartphone and how it's helped it help them, their frustrations around it, those type of things. So those are a few things that I have coming up. I hope you'll continue to listen. And if you have any questions about anything I've shared today, please reach out to me. And I hope that there's an understanding there. If you aren't understanding my viewpoint, if you could open your mind and your heart for that, because it's hard for me to share this because I know how much I've been kind of gaslighted. I don't know if that's the right word, but there have been quite a few people who don't understand my viewpoint. And it's so hurtful for me when a lot of them don't work in any type of healthcare, how they can't consider my viewpoint. I don't make things up. And I was never an anti-vaxer or anything like that before this all started. I'm still not, it's still up to you, but I make the personal decision for myself. And I don't think I owe anyone an explanation of that. And shouldn't be forced to get something that I know is not effective, um, that has tons of unknowns and all of that. Okay. So thanks so much for listening, chat with you next time.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.
EMF radiation exposure & our kids' digital devices is the topic of this interview with Defendershield founder, Dan DeBaun. Tune in to hear his top tips and tools!
Check out all that Defendershield has to offer for your kiddo HERE!!
Download my free Parenting in the Digital Age Resource guide! CLICK HERE or go to this link: https://www.dollydenson.com/digitalresources and be sure to opt in to my email list to be the first to know when my Be THAT Mom Movement Method course, your toolkit and roadmap for all things digital when raising kids today, is released!!
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Full Transcription:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So the topic of my podcast is often about how to help you be proactive as a mom when giving your kids digital things and helping to guide them in that world. That is what the podcast is founded on and what it's all about. Well, today's episode, we are going to go into another realm of this whole thing around the digital stuff that I've never dived into before. And I'm so excited to bring you an expert in this field to help you get on the top of this too. All right. So stay tuned.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flare. This is the be that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Hey friends, did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kids' smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about. Start at a small fee each month. You can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. Okay. So today I am so excited to bring you an interview or a conversation that I had with an expert in the field, around the exposure of our kids, to what our devices are putting off.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
I'm talking about how they communicate with the world and get all of their information that has to come from somewhere. And when it is collecting information, we are inadvertently being expos to electromagnetic frequency radiation. So today I am talking to the founder of defender shield. His name is Daniel Debaun, and he is an internationally recognized expert in EMF, radiation, EMF, shielding, and EMF related health issues with a special focus on the effect of exposure from mobile devices, such as laptops, tablets, and cell phones. His concern regarding the health impact of EMF emissions grew from over 30 years of engineering experience in telecommunications industry, he has had a variety of executive positions in multiple large businesses, such at and T and bell labs in various other things. He's been the co-author of a book called radiation nation, the fallout of modern technology. And he is the CEO of defender shield, which is the world leader in EMF radiation protection solutions.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
So I'm so very excited to invite him onto the podcast today. He shares so much valuable information to help you take these nuggets and use them for your kids. Like seriously, make sure you listen to this entire interview and in our convers, and at the end, he gives some very useful nuggets, very useful tips that you can take today to help make sure that your kid is minimizing their exposure to the things that our devices are inadvertently putting out, whether we are aware of it or not. Okay. I hope you find this so very valuable. I absolutely did, and I am so very excited to bring it to you. So stay tuned. All
Speaker 3 (03:45):
Right. So I am so excited today to be talking to Dan with defender shield, and I am really kind of amazed that I have not explored this topic on my podcast yet, and it's very important. So I'm have you here today. Dan, tell me a little bit about yourself and what brought you to this space.
Speaker 4 (04:04):
Well, Dolly, thanks so much for inviting me. I'm excited to chat with your, uh, your listening audience, uh, about a subject that's really fairly controversial and really understood. And so we have an opportunity today to sort of chat about that, to help people understand this space. I started in telecommunications 30, 40 years ago. I, I actually wrote the technical standards and, and did the testing on telecommunications equipment for years and years and years. So about 10 years or so, 15, maybe close to 15. Now my sons were visiting me. They had their laptops on their, my wife says that can't be good for you. I want grandchildren. And she was implying that there was an emission coming from a, from a laptop that, that, um, affected the male sperm. Um, and I said, look, I've been doing this stuff for many, many years. There's no way the power levels are gonna have any sort of impact to the human body.
Speaker 4 (05:05):
But then I thought about it a tiny bit. I had never looked at the research side of, uh, the medical research side about these kind of exposures. And even back then, Dolly, it was true that after three or four hours, it's potentially true up to 25 per center of the mill sperm became became immobile. So we, we knew from that study work, that it, it actually can affect you. And then of course, other data that I was stumbling, of course, stuff I've never looked at before seemed to verify that there are potential concerns that we should have as parents and users of these technologies. I built a laptop shield for my sons, cuz I'm actually a mechanical engineer. Although I'm an industry, I spent an electrical world and I built a shielding device for my kids. And um, by the way, Dolly, I, I still don't have grandchildren, but uh, , that was the whole purpose of starting this journey. so that's how I got started. And, and, and once I had a device to protect, I started building other devices that were sort of using the same technology I had and then, and my son and I wrote a book radiation and the purpose of it was so people could read it and, and sort of make decisions about, about this controversial space themselves. So that's actually how I got started.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
Uh, it's really interesting. And isn't it crazy that it's kind of like we won't have anything on our radar until someone makes a comment or, or, you know, just kind of spikes your interest on something and then it takes you down a rabbit hole of exploring that a little bit. Oh yeah.
Speaker 4 (06:43):
I mean, I used to worry about electronics interfering with electronics. I never worried about electronics interfering with the human body, but after my wife's comment, she had an intuition which is actually pretty accurate and it did start a journey that, uh, didn't intend, but certainly have embraced over the last 10 years.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
Yeah. Yeah. Wow. That's amazing. So your book is called radiation nation. The fallout of modern technology is that like on Amazon Barnes and noble, those type of places.
Speaker 4 (07:12):
Yeah. Amazon it's like one of the best sells on Amazon. Uh, it's like interesting how, you know, um, there this, he hemp up interest in trying to understand this space and we wrote the book that, that, that was really intended to try to let people understand what it is, what science says, so they can make their own choices and, and it's been fairly successful fortunately for us.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
That's awesome. So kind of to, as a baseline, just if you can explain, like in layman's terms, what, like, for someone, you know, I hear things about 5g and I'm like, is that 5g in my phone? Is it 5g someplace else? Like just an understanding for the general public, what should we know about like EMF, electro magnetic, frequency, radiation, and 5g and all of that.
Speaker 4 (08:04):
Okay. So my wife was commenting on the laptop that my sons were using and it was the wifi. It's the connection to the router. That is a transmitter and it is being transmitted from the, a laptop to the router. And it's a power, there's a certain amount of power being trans. You can't see it, you can't smell it, you can't touch it, but it's actually there and it's making a connection. And, and so when you have a device like that, what it transmits out of the device in all directions within that room and keeps on going into the other rooms, those can go up to almost 2000 feet. It's fairly, they can go fairly far and it's called an omnidirectional signal. It goes every way you are using it. Well, that's true for, uh, cell phones, tablets, anything that's using Bluetooth, wifi or cell tower connections are transmitting power with a cell phone.
Speaker 4 (09:07):
You have the generations of cell phones, the first, second, third, and fourth generation. And then as you pointed out, you have a fifth generation, the fourth generation up to the fourth generation, those signals that you use for your cell phone, they can go actually up to five miles. So there's enough power to get five miles and it's going in all directions. And, and so that's the fundamental characteristics of technology today, and we're putting it very, very close to our body. And then here comes 5g, which is fifth generation next generation technology, which what's really interesting about that. Dotty, it's not introducing a lot of it is not introducing new connections from a cell phone to a cell tower. A lot of it are all what's referred to as sub gigahertz. It's like the speeds are not that fast. Uh, but, uh, uh, the speed of the frequency rate is, is around one gigahertz.
Speaker 4 (10:08):
It's, it's a, a, um, a wave that moves in the air and, and it's moving at a rate of one gigahertz, um, roughly, um, three feet in milliseconds and it gets to the cell tower with 5g. The other part, which is really the more controversial part of it is that there's new rates that are being introduced much, much higher speeds. And that's where science is getting pretty concerned because we've never had these really, really, really fair speeds in our environment. And that's really what you hear about in the controversial space. Most of what you have in the 5g today is not out there is, is the stuff we've seen all along is coming out of our cell phones, no different than it has been in the past, but it's when it's the small cell site, the, the cell tower right in front of your house, that's about 15 feet high or less. And it's transmitting at much, much higher, fast 23, giggers, uh, 60 gig it's 90 gigahertz. They're really, really fast rates. And that's where the controversial lies that is producing broadband services to the house at speeds, UN uh, haven't been available in the marketplace and now is, and that's where the controversial lies.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
Okay. Wow. So that's interesting. That makes it makes sense more. So what are the, you mentioned the thing about the sperm count, what are the health effects and the things that are known
Speaker 4 (11:43):
Over? So it varies substantially some research scientists that do the work, talk about the danger potentially can lead to, uh, cell damage D DNA damage cell damage, and Dr. Powell, for example, or Paul, however you wanna announce it. He talks about the cell breaking down and becoming potentially a tumor or a non-cancerous or cancerous tumor. That is the been reinforced by study work for the national toxicity program, which is the federal government study coup several years ago, with 25 million they spent, and they found that the epidemiology study that found frontal lobe cancer and heart cancers related to ex exposures, statistically significant changes. In other words, the populations were big enough that we could conclude from the epidemiology study, that there could potentially be that danger with that kind of exposure valley. Those are the, uh, those are the most extreme, uh, and, and are not the things so much.
Speaker 4 (12:56):
We find in the human body with kind of exposures every day. However, something like 20% of us or so were actually impacted in very different ways. There could be neurological impacts, physiological tingling, a of the eyes, uh, ring, uh, the tinnitus, the ringing in the ears. You may be tired, depressed, fatigued. You may have memory loss. So these are varying degrees of exposure, which influences the, the body. And in fact, some argue like in the classroom, there's so much wifi in the classroom today that it it's like millions of, um, of times more than it was 50 years ago. And, and that constant increased invisible power level in the classroom is, uh, potentially impacting, uh, our kids. Uh, um, and so that's the controversy you hear about that is the power that's found within the classroom. Now that's a constant seven, eight hours that they're exposed and there's, you know, maybe depression, anxiety, stress of independent of the schoolwork that's itself.
Speaker 4 (14:12):
And, and so there's that kind of thing that impact the human and, and by the way, do believe it or not, it's, it's like more women than men, which science has not been able to, to, uh, define why, but we know that roughly 20% of the human is impacted by the exposures to cell phones and laptops and wifis. And it, it it's, um, a growing component because maybe our environment is growing and, and of that 80% of women that are affected, you know, you may have a headache, uh, all day. And, um, that's because it could be true. You're sitting next to a router all day. So all of a sudden these technologies we have around us, you just have to be aware of those things around you and the potential influences that may have on, on, on you and your kids.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
So it's not like, um, I mean, it's just kind of like most other things like in moderation and being aware.
Speaker 4 (15:15):
Yeah. I it's like the world health organization who considers, uh, RF signal the signal from a cell phone to the cell tower as a two B carcinogenic. That, that means that it's a potential cancer. So it's not like the world's avoiding it. They're beginning to understand it. And many argue that it'll become a probable carcinogenic the next round with the hook. So it's not like nothing's happening, but it is a controversial space. And it's more are our environment today. And, and 20% of you are influenced, uh, in a negative way.
Speaker 3 (15:58):
So interesting and something we just so much need to be aware of as they ramp up the power of our phones and all of that, all you, you know, like before I was aware of all of this, I would just think, oh, wow, a faster phone, you know, remember this and stuff like that. Like, yeah,
Speaker 4 (16:14):
We're, you know, AEC actually dial, that's a really, really good point. We've had electronics around us for long, long amounts of time. But think of this as only the last five, 10 years, we have all this electronic stuff, you in our pockets, you know, you had a mainframe computer down drive a hundred feet in a building you had that had huge power levels of exposure. It didn't matter because I wasn't in the room now that is in my computer, on my laptop, same power levels, same computing capacity, and it's sitting on my lap. So it, it is, that's why it's sort of, of our, our technology. Our environment is changing along with the technology exposures there's potential impacts to the world health organization. I, I mentioned it's a, a possible carcinogenic. Uh, so is gas when you smell gas, that odor it's a, um, is so an organic material smell and that's considered a two B Cogenic as well. So if you have a wifi in your room and you have a, a gasoline 55 gallon drum gasoline open and spewing the volatile organic compounds into the room, there are equivalent in terms of what the world health organization defines.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
So really it's just about being aware of it, being an influence, and then being able to kind of have it in moderation and not, you know, always have it, you know, like on your chest or in your pocket or on your lap, that type. So
Speaker 4 (17:49):
Absolutely does. In fact, giving you a description of it, what would you do? You'd put a top on it and you take the gasoline and you put it in the other room. That's what you'd do. And the same thing with a router. Uh, you, you don't need it in the same room as you are. All you gotta do is figure out what room it can be in. That's relatively safe for your right.
Speaker 3 (18:09):
Okay. So then let's take this a step further when it comes to kids. So I'm a big proponent of them not having their phones in their bedrooms and all of that. I mean, it's not even the, not just the phones, but like now we have like the Amazon echo devices that they have as their alarm clock in their bedroom and those type of things. So it's really about an awareness that, that does, Haveit something. And so maybe it needs to not be on their nightstand at night and maybe they need to not have it someplace right. All of the time.
Speaker 4 (18:41):
Okay. So, uh, uh, let's chat a little bit about that. There is a federal communications commission standard. It was generated about 30 years ago, and it's describing what the power of a signal between a, a, a cell phone and a cell tower. So the federal government does define the standard. It was over 30 years ago, and I remind people over 30 years ago, if I had a cell phone, none of my friends had it. So I wasn't very much on it very, very often. So all the transmit power levels were, you know, at that time there wasn't much of it. So that standard sort of was okay, well, the standard was established by the FCC looking at six foot male military. And they established that if a signal penetrates one to two inches and it heated up less than two degrees, the power level would have to be no more than 1.6 Watts.
Speaker 4 (19:46):
Just remember 1.6 Watts. And, and so, and why heating ? Well, the RF signal that you have from a cell phone is a microwave signal. You know, a microwave works at two, three gigahertz, and a cell phone is about one gigahertz. And when you put a piece of meat in the oven and the, and you turn the microwave on it, it heats up the water between the cells, the cells oscillate, they heat up and therefore cook. Well, that's what the standard prevents in theory, that it can only heat up more than two degrees because it's a thermal signal. Okay. How many people does that represent in our population? About 3%, we have smaller men, smaller women, young kids. They were never exposed to these kinds of things early on in their lives. And all of a sudden your children at six year old are getting a cell phone to call chat with grandma.
Speaker 4 (20:46):
And so the standard that was developed 30 years ago to protect the user represents protection for about 3% of the population. What does that mean? Well, again, the cell phone standard protects, uh, six foot male from one, two inches penetration into the head us year, old child. It goes completely through their head. There is no resistive path for that signal. Good. Remember it's not object signal. It's not just connecting to the cell tower. It's also going through your head. And so now you have a six foot child, a six, a six year old child. That's using a phone fairly regularly, unlike you and me when we were growing up and it's going completely through. So what's the implication. We really don't know cause phones have not been around that long at this kind of pervasive use. And so the standard is not been updated by the FCC.
Speaker 4 (21:43):
And it, it, there is a lot of Contra from the medical community and the FCC actually, to the extent, uh, Dolly, that they actually went to, uh, a court. They had an appeals court in Kennedy and, and Dr. Deborah Davis, a couple of scientists, they, they bought a court case to the FCC and the FCC see lost in court because they actually didn't evaluate modern science to understand where it really was and how much impact it really had on the human. So the FCCS been pushed back to look at it. So we know for sure, as I said, it represents 3% of the population, and we have a lot of I, a plethora, thousands and thousands and thousands of studies that show potential concerns. And so even the FCCS been pushed back to start looking at it. So for all of us, all of that means is you have to be aware of what you're using and, and how you're using it. And how much time are you using it and, and know your environment.
Speaker 3 (22:51):
Oh, very interesting. I mean like the gist of it is there are concerns. We don't know exactly what act, but for a small body and a small child, we know it's not a positive thing most likely. Right.
Speaker 4 (23:03):
And, and right. We, we don't know. Uh, I mean, honestly don't know, like we were talking about five to G you know, most of 5g is gonna be fine. It's sort of the same as everything, not fine. It's still the same as everything else has been for us, but the stuff in front of your house, that 23 gigahertz, if someone tells you a scientist tells you that it's dangerous, they don't know what they're talking about because there's no studies that characterize what the danger could be or not be. It's just different. If, if you are an informed researcher, you may think there could be comparisons to the current technologies being used to that new, but we really, as you just pointed out, we really don't know. And so that's where question becomes important. Right?
Speaker 3 (23:54):
So to then tell me what you have created with your company defender shield, as far as like what products you have and how that can help parents out there with devices.
Speaker 4 (24:04):
Well, I, I mentioned to you about my son's using a device. I created called a defender pad, and it's a bunch of shielding technologies. We put in into a platform to prevent the signals from passing from the device to the human. We have cell phones, shielding devices, we blankets, we have pregnancy, uh, protection. Why do I say pregnancy protection? There are some scientists that say when a, a young woman, 12 years old puts a, a cell phone in her back pocket, the signals strong enough to influence the egg, maybe potentially mutate the egg. And so when a child puts it and, and it, she becomes, uh, married. And once kids, there's a potential for that mutated today to be influenced in the child if a child's born. So there's that kind of concern. And that's why I begin looking for, we know from a study in San Francisco that at high levels of exposure to first trimesters, uh, you are three times more likely to miscarriage in that first trimester with those I elevating, uh, conditions.
Speaker 4 (25:20):
So you have to be aware of those. And that's why the, the protection for the, uh, for the, uh, pregnant woman, uh, we have pouches, we have, I have earbuds I'm using right now as we are chatting. And I actually created a, uh, a device in which I convert the, the electrical signal and I put it into, uh, an acoustical connection. So I have no emissions at all, uh, at the head level. So that was another one of the devices. Uh, we, we came up with that would, it's not much, let's put it this way. When you have a, a cell phone directly to your head, a as we we've talked about it, there's a potential that it can influence the frontal lobe cells. If you have it, one who feet away, 80% of that danger is gone by four foot, 98% is gone. So we have devices when you choose to pick something close to your body, but you don't need it close to your body.
Speaker 4 (26:21):
If you are taking a, a cell phone and you put it four foot or more away, a laptop, four foot, or more way, you are actually fairly safe. And, and it turns out that if you have a laptop, not in your lap, on your desk and you use to need the net connection to it, you really don't need any device protection, because all you're doing is moving that signal. That would be the wifi signal to the router, and you're eliminating it by connecting it. So there are ways of mitigating potential dangers by simply managing your environment. In fact, Dolly, I often talk about it as, uh, bees in the room. If you are aware of where the bees are, they're the transmitting power levels, and you begin turning them off or moving them away. You reduce exposure in general, one B won't kill you a thousand will.
Speaker 4 (27:15):
And all you have to do is think about where those bees are in the room and just turn 'em off and move 'em away. And you're pretty safe, very actually by simple management of your time. Another thing is, it's not just, um, the closeness, uh, how close you are to the device. It's how much you use the device. If you are using a, a device, a couple of minutes a day, a cell phone, till you had a couple minutes a day, it was unlikely that it'll ever impact you. If you are using it heavily more than an hour to two every day in 10 years, you are two to three times more likely to have frontal cancer, believe it or not. And so the duration of use of the technology is also important. So let me get back to other of things we have, we have blankets that are for, for moms that wanted actually, it was a baby blanket originally, but well, a lot of adults choose it, believe it or not. We have the earbuds adult headset, uh, headset to that are acoustical pouches, blankets, uh, devices that you can, we have a whole bunch of products, all designed to protect you. If you choose to have a device next close to your body for an extended period of
Speaker 3 (28:34):
Time. Okay. I love that kind of that summary in your, um, points about being four feet or more away connecting laptop to an ethernet cable and than the duration that you're using, the, the device, those are three really good things that parents can use as a strategy for mitigating the exposure. Right? Um, in addition to the tools that you, that
Speaker 4 (28:58):
Val, let's say, you're taking your child in a stroll, in a stroller, don't put your cell phone in the back of the divide of this stroller. That's close to your child's head. So keep it in your, not near your, your body, but in your, as a wallet or in, in your, anywhere other than the child's back. So that's a simple thing you can do and keep the child protected. And you still have the device available in, in, uh, to be used when you want to mm-hmm
Speaker 3 (29:29):
. So then you could also like your, like the pouches and things that you have, you could certainly use one of those.
Speaker 4 (29:37): Yeah. Right? Exactly.
Speaker 3 (29:38):
Exposure while you're on your walk, Dolly.
Speaker 4 (29:41):
We, we were talking, I just remembered there was some other question about sleep. You were talking about a, and so let's talk about that because that's important be because kids are going to bed with these, uh, I'll, I'll give an example, um, by telling you a story, I was on a, a podcast and I was talking to this person, very, very bright person. And I said, your bedroom's a sanctuary. There should be no transmitting signals in that room. Uh, all devices, even in, in the case of a cell phone, I, I don't even recommend you've put it four foot or more way, get it out of the room. You don't need it in that room, eliminate all those kinds of things. And the person was very nice. And, uh, she said, well, you know, like that's good coaching. Uh, I'm, I'm sure that, uh, my husband and I, we have our phones in our room.
Speaker 4 (30:38):
And, well, thank you so much for letting us know about three or four weeks later, she calls me up and she said, I didn't believe a word. You said the way she would describe me. She says, I didn't believe a word you said. And I said it in the RF signal influences the head. It influences the sleep. Um, and so like, you have to get in the pattern, taking these things outta your room, because it disrupts the, my, uh, the, uh, me toin that's being generated throughout the body. And she said, my husband and I are now sleeping throughout the night. We simply took the laptops. Or in fact there was the phones out of our rooms. The other dimension of that discussion I had with her was simple. When you look at a, um, a lap, a laptop or, or tablet, when you're sleeping, before you go into bed at night, there is a blue light.
Speaker 4 (31:26):
You may have heard of this Dolly, a blue light blue light is part of the spectrum of sunlight, right? It's it's believe it or not visible electromagnetic radiation. That's what it is. It's visible. The blue component is very high on the spectrum of light and very, very close to what what's known as ionized radiation, x-ray radiation. That's roughly where it is. And it is the part of light that actually helps you go to sleep or stay awake. In other words, blue light is the trigger in the back of the eye. The crypto pro is a protein in the back of the eye that turns the on and off switch for a melatonin. And so when you are looking at the screen at 11 o'clock at night, and you've decided to go to bed, the melatonin hasn't been turned on because you had the blue light penetrating your eye and the switch hasn't turned off.
Speaker 4 (32:26):
And so believe it or not, it disrupts the, the, uh, the pattern of sleep only because it delays the melatonin and, and, and the, and the potential, uh, deep sleep and everything. The, the sick nature of our 24 hour cycle. Is it being impacted when you are actually looking at that blue light at night, before you go to bed? So it's a combination of removing products and watching how the technology you're using is impacting, uh, the, the sleep pattern and other ways. Um, so it is a, it is no question, very important for sleep that you really pull tablets, laptops, cell phones out of your sleeping area. Particularly if it's close to you, you do not wanna do it. Cause it is disrupting your sleep pattern.
Speaker 3 (33:17):
So will the, you have like think guys saw him on your website, the blue blocker glasses. Oh
Speaker 4 (33:21):
Yes. Did they actually, yeah, actually, that's why I did it because people were like, during the day, you're not gonna not use a screen. And it is only the blue component of the signal of the, of the light that you're worried about. So we have filters that we put on that takes that signal out, and we have a light 50% shielding and another one that's 99% shielding. And that's why we did it because people who want to read at night, they can go with the, the shield 99% shielding, and they actually have no impact to sleeping pattern as a result
Speaker 3 (34:01):
Of that. Okay. So then that would be a good alternative if they need
Speaker 4 (34:05):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. If you wanna do it, you can take that precautionary measure.
Speaker 3 (34:10):
Okay, cool. The other thing I wanted to go back to was on the earbuds. So kids are, you know, like all crazy about their AirPods and things like that. Is there anything that can be put on AirPods specific that helps to block it? Or is it just kind of a lost cause with those
Speaker 4 (34:24):
the, the answer is no, but, but let's talk about it because this is pretty serious, in my opinion. And I, I hate to talk about this detail, but, um, a, a cell phone, as I mentioned is 1.6 Watts per kilogram. That's the maximum amount of power, a Bluetooth signal, which is used to communicate to the earbuds is dot three Watts. It's five times less, the power level, five times less, the power level. So it's safer to some extent, but not necessarily the safest. And the reason why is because you have Bluetooth is a signal that goes from the, the device, your cell phone to the earbud. And then many of these devices communicate between each other with Bluetooth. And it turns out that.one.one, watch 15 times the power level of a cell phone can influence the frontal lobe cell and mutate the cell. It's not like it's not completely safe. It is from science. We have some data, not that much, but some data has indicated that kind of potential danger and have identified.one Watts as all it takes, which is really not much power at all. So in my opinion, dot dot, you do not want to use those devices. Uh, you, you just yourself needlessly. And if you had a standard peer earbuds, that's fine. Would that a wire, if you wanna do an improvement to that use acoustical connections like I designed and also was all in a market, other places.
Speaker 3 (36:14):
Okay. Yeah, that was gonna be, my next question was the difference between the wired ones and the wireless ones, cuz like all of the iPhones. Now you have to use an adapter in order to use the wire ones cuz they don't have a Jack anymore.
Speaker 4 (36:28):
I know it's like crazy. It was good for business, I guess,
Speaker 3 (36:31):
I guess so. I mean I have my own pair of AirPods that I bought years ago before I realized that as any, I just didn't really, you know, it was always kind of like one of those things like surely they're protecting us and wouldn't put something out that's gonna cause this harm. But it's, it's clear that there is exposure there and every kid ha seems to have those in their ears when they're walking around. So
Speaker 4 (36:53):
Dolly actually you bring up a really good point. One of the things I always say is you have the architect and you, your own destiny, you can't rely on anyone to keep you protected the FCC. They didn't intentionally. They certainly did not intend to create a standard that was 30 years later. Not as protective as it should be. They didn't do that. But that's a consequence when, when I smoked cigarettes 12, when I was 12 years old, many, many, many years ago, you know, I, I was a big man and believe it or not, even back then science knew about the link between cancer and smokey. How many years later did it take for us all to know that you shouldn't smoke over 30, 40 years ago, right? Trans fats, you know, there was a lowly biochemist 30 years ago. He said, it's not the cholesterol in the eggs that are killing us. It's the trans fats were used in the Cookoff French fries. It's Cogenic and how many years did it take for that to be banned it band in the us now it's been that way for two years, but we knew 30 years ago that it was potentially dangerous from a science perspective. I don't see this as that much different. It's a technology that we created in our environment, which is really, really good for us in so many different ways. It, it changes our lives, but it also introduces the concerns that we should be thinking about.
Speaker 3 (38:22):
Right. So cigarettes are a prime example of that and they're still out on the market, even though we know that you're right,
Speaker 4 (38:27):
Exactly. It's obviously I don't smoke anymore. I haven't for 40 years. So
Speaker 3 (38:34):
Yeah. So, okay. So I think you have given some really, really valuable tips on navigating this because technology's not going away. There's advantages to it. Like we're here connected right now because of it. So I think this is really good starting point for parents to just be aware of this and to help try to mitigate the risk of the exposure because you know, we're not gonna get the devices out of these kids' hands and no,
Speaker 4 (38:59):
No. Hey Ali, in fact, you reminded me when you mentioned that when we had the defendant pad, I wasn't really thinking we're gonna create other product lines. And then I read an article one day that these parents bought a, uh, their six year old daughter, a cell phone. She kept on pushing, pushing, pushing. And a year later after they got her, she, she passed away from, uh, front lo cancers. And I said to myself, I know I can stop that signal. I did it with the defender head and I said, look, we're not gonna throw away our technology, but we have to find a way of maybe making it slightly safer if you think it's endangering. And that's when I adopted the technology from one device to another simply because I'm not gonna throw my cell phone away. But at that time, believe it or not, I never had a cell phone close to me. I was just, I never did. But now I will, because I know I'm protected with a shielding device. So if you're gonna use it, watch your time, your distance and duration, uh, as well as the shielding, uh, if, if you choose to have devices long, extended period of times, close to your body. Awesome.
Speaker 3 (40:13):
Thank you so much for spending the time with me today. That's the, the, you just summarized it all with time, distance, duration and shielding. So yeah. Yep. Um, I really, really appreciate your time and your expertise and really taking the time to explain all this. And I think that all of the parents out there are really gonna benefit from this. So thank you so much for putting your passion into something that can help people. Well,
Speaker 4 (40:35):
Thanks so much daddy for invite. I mean, I, I really did enjoy this. I always, I, I think our goal in life is to try to help people understand what decisions they need to come up with. And, and that's what I consider pretty important for us to do so. And I think you do as well. So thank you so much for the work you do as well.
Speaker 3 (40:55):
Yes. You're welcome. Thank you so much. We just have to kind of join hands and, and move forward and, and create your own destiny like you said, so. Yep.
Speaker 4 (41:03):
Yeah. Whether you we're architects of the, our own destiny, don't let wait for anyone else to help you.
Exactly.
Speaker 3 (41:11):
All right. Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (41:15):
Thanks for tuning in being that mom is isn't easy, but together we can be that mom strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.
Speaker 3 (41:28):
Hey, if you are a mom that has a lot on your plate, like I do, and you struggle with
Speaker 1 (41:33):
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Full Transcription:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I've said it once I've said it twice, I've probably said it a hundred or maybe even a thousand times since I launched this podcast a year and nine months ago. And that is that all of the options that have come out in the last couple of years to help parents navigate this wild, wild west of the digital world and all the things are true gifts to us parents. And as if everything that's out there, isn't awesome enough. We have a new option for the dumb smartphones. Like, yes, I am not kidding. Knock your socks off. This is incredibly exciting. So for this episode, I have an interview with the founder of this new phone, and you are going to want to listen to this state to
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life, proud to be that mom layer. This is the be that mom movement with your host Dolly Denson.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
So yes, I am not kidding. You are not gonna wanna miss this interview. This is for a new company that has created what I call a dumb smartphone, but this one, an extra feature that makes it not so dumb. The company is called Tru me, and I will leave it to the founder to explain the meaning behind that name, which is pretty awesome and gave me kind of chills because it's exactly the things that I talk about all the time, but yeah, it grows with you and it kind of fills that app that a lot of parents have told me about. And then I hear complaints about when it comes to the dumb smartphones that they are great for when they're younger and as they get a little bit older, but there's kind of a gap there where you're not quite ready to give them access to all of the things, but they're kind of outgrowing that phone.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
So one creates a little bit of a bridge there gives you much more control and kind of lets you guide them into what I've referred to before is the deep blue sea of all of the digital things. So I think you are going to absolutely love this as a new option for your kiddo. And if you have younger ones to start them out and help guide them and teach them healthy habits around tech. Okay. So I won't delay any further in introducing the founder of Trumie who is bill Brady. And I will let him explain who he is and what's he about and all of the things around this phone. And before I shift over to that, there is a link in the show notes to grab this phone with a $30 discount and you can also go to their website directly and use my code, be that mom for that same discount. So check it out in the show notes or use the code at checkout. Be that mom. Okay.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
All righty. So today I have bill here with me with Trumie wireless and I am so excited to have you join us today. So tell me a little bit about yourself, about your family, wherever you wanna share with me and what brought you to create the Trumie phone.
Speaker 4 (03:21):
Hey, thank you, Dolly. Great to be with you. So yeah, my name is bill Brady and uh, I'm the co-founder and CEO of Tru me wireless. That's actually not my most important job. my most important job is I've been married for 20 years and have a wonderful wife named Heidi. And we've got five kid. Our oldest is 17 and our youngest is five. So we are ourselves right in the thick of all of these questions surrounding kids and technology. And what do you do? And when we can empathize with every other family in America, that's dealing with the same things. So we, uh, uh, yeah, we've been involved in, in Tru me for the last year and a half. Uh, I've actually been in this space of technology for kids for about three years and originally got into this effort to try and find better solutions, safer solutions for families, for families actually stemming from 20 years to I've spent in the marketing world.
Speaker 4 (04:22):
Even going back to my time as an undergrad student in university, I was concerned about what I called the dehumanizing effects of technology. And, and so picture that, you know, 20 years ago or 25 years ago for that almost that was before everyone one had cell phones and it was certainly before smart phones. And it was certainly before social media, but as, as a marketer who uses all of these tools, I've watched with a high level of conscientiousness about what does technology really do to us. And as I became a dad was even more are concerned and sensitive about, Hey, you know, I don't want to give my kids too much too soon and just have them be living life on the screen instead of living life in real life. so that that's really where this all, uh, where this all started.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
Awesome. Um, so just outta curiosity, where does the name truly come from?
Speaker 4 (05:23):
Our mission has everything to do with helping kids accomplish their full potential. We want kids to have, you know, energetic, confident, vibrant lives, where they can really become all that they want to be, where they can find their true selves if you will, or they're true me. And we took that concept and, and put a little bit of an invented, spin on it and call it true me. So there's layers of meaning there. Wow.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
I love that. Um, any of the ones that have listened to me on my podcast for a little while, know that I, I say this all the time that I feel like the digital space and the digital world that we allow our kids to be in is like robbing our kids of their full potential. It's a distraction. And it's like hindering their exploration of the world and all of that, and being able to find their true self. So cow, I love it. ,
Speaker 4 (06:18):
That's awesome. And you know, you, you touch on a really important point there and it's a fine line. You know, certainly if kids only live virtual lives where robbing them of everything that you know is beautiful and good in the world that the world has to offer and the depth of the true depth of human relationships. On the other hand, there are aspects of technology that are great. You know, the, the fact that my kids can, you know, have a, a video conference with their grandparents, wonderful. They live on the other side of the country. Recently, my kids did a tour of Jamestown with a doc who had been working at Jamestown for two decades. And it was so good that they felt like they were there and they had this great positive experience with history, you know, so there are some wonderful aspects of technology, but when it gets into just this default for life, you know, if that's all they're doing at the expense of being side and being in nature, playing face to face with friends, and you know, that that's where we really get into problems. And certainly with, you know, all the dangers that come with social media, for example, you know, there's a, uh, some, some, some very obvious things to watch out for there that we try and keep our kids away from.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
Totally agree. Wow. That is awesome. Like you are like right on the same wavelength as me, when I first discovered that there were, what I call 'em is, I don't know if I've said this to you yet. What I call them is dumb smartphones. Have you heard, heard them referred to that? That, in that sense? Yeah.
Speaker 4 (07:54):
It, this certainly this, this, uh, category I've heard that what we've built is, is, is very, very flexible. So it's, it's probably less dumb than, than some of the other things out there, but definitely a limited, a limited experience smartphone. Yeah, for sure. Okay.
Speaker 3 (08:11):
Yeah. So we'll, let's dive into that a little bit. That was my next topic was let's talk about the actual phone, what features it has, how does it work and how is it different from the other ones on the market that are kind of aiming for that same goal of, of limiting access to the entire
Speaker 4 (08:26):
World? Yeah. So there's kind of a, if you think of, of the spectrum of options out there for parents, when it comes time to get their child a phone, you know, on, on one end of the spectrum, you have what I call the wild west, you know, it's get your child a $1,200 iPhone. It does anything and everything. It could probably launch a space shuttle if you wanted it to . And, and we know, we know now, you know, there's an increasing conscientiousness about the dangers of just wide open access to the web, all the, the content that's there. Certainly the, the, the, you know, pornographic and violent content, most people would agree. We don't want our kids near that stuff. There's also, however, you know, the dangers that are inherent in things like social media, we, where you've got this intense comparison culture that robs kids of their self-esteem and their confidence, social media is where you've got predators and bullies hanging out.
Speaker 4 (09:26):
And again, as parents we're learning, Hey, it's not worth the risk of, of immersing our kids in that stuff. On the other end of the spectrum, as an extreme, you've got some options that are completely limited to talk and text only, and particularly for younger kids, Hey, that's a great starting point. And, and I agree, you know, you, you don't need to give a seven or an eight year old, anything more than basic talk or text the challenge with, with some of those solutions though, is that they don't grow with the child. And as, as we were starting, Tru me, our goal was to create an operating system where you could give a younger kid a very limited experience, but then graduate them into increasing levels of responsibility and functionality based on real needs and based on their individual personality and maturity. So that's what we've done.
Speaker 4 (10:23):
Our, our phones, our Samsung devices, quality devices, the kids are, are happy to use. And the in dependable devices that parents don't have to worry about getting fixed all the time. And we've on those devices, we've put what we call our kids smart operating system. And, and that's exactly what it does as I described it. It gives parents the ability to custom fit that device with some very, very easy, intuitive controls, custom fit it for an eight year old or a 10 year old, or a 12 year old, or even a 14 year, 15 year old. It, it would still be relevant to them and the needs that they have for school and for their hobbies. That is awesome.
Speaker 3 (11:02):
So as far as like how it grows with them, I saw on your website that it has a parent portal and then GPS locator and safe listing is where they can, you can put in, who can contact them and versa. Right?
Speaker 4 (11:18):
Yeah. And that was, that was very important for us based on feedback. We'd heard about, you know, other solutions out there, you know, picture giving your, your child something that's completely locked down to talk and text, but if anyone can talk or text with your child, then it might not be as safe as you think it is. So, so when, as we were building Tru me, one of the things that was really important for us was to build this concept called safe listing, where you can, you can set that up with different, different levels of, of security, but make it so that the child can only talk or text with the, the people that you designate for a young child that might be 10. But then, you know, as that child grows, there might be 30 or 40 contacts, or, you know, 75 or a hundred contacts for an older child. You could, you could elect to remove that safe listing all together. For example, I have a 15 year old daughter and she knows what to do. If she gets an unintended call, she's not gonna get pulled into something dangerous at this point. You know? So in her case, I have the safe listing turned off for my 12 year old and younger absolutely. That safe listing is turned on. Okay. I will
Speaker 3 (12:33):
Of that too. How about with, so with the safe listing, like texting, only the people that are on the list can text them. That's
Speaker 4 (12:40):
Correct. Even, uh, even in group text. And that was one of the things that we had to build, you know, brand new functionality for. There was no existing mobile device management platform that, you know, would prevent having a, a safe, listed text contact, not be able to pull in, you know, additional people to a group text that was a way to get around that, that function. So with our safe listing, even in group text, you've gotta be on that list in order to have a conversation with, uh, with
Speaker 3 (13:12):
The child. So then how would it work? Like say that they have a group of like five friends and they have, you know, the, the access to the entire world phones and they try to send a child with this phone, a text. And some of those people aren't on the list is the entire text
Speaker 4 (13:27):
Blocked. Yeah. So the, the, the, you know, my child, they would not get the text, the rest of the group would, but my child would not get the text from that person that was, uh, who's not on their list. Okay. So like,
Speaker 3 (13:42):
If the, the main person that's sending it is on the list and then the other people are not, it would just be blocked completely.
Speaker 4 (13:48):
I mean, if I'm, I'm not sure I understand completely the question, but yeah. If, if a person that my child has on their list has started a group conversation, but they've invited people that are not on my child's list. My child would not be able to send a receive with the people, not on the, not on the approved list. Something that's really important to note though, too. And this is a, this is an improvement we've made as we've gone. We quickly realize that there are situations where kids do need to have immediate act us to a person that might meet might not be on their list. So for example, my 12 year old daughter was going to babysit for a family who does, who didn't have a home phone. And, and that family said to her, Hey, take our cell phone number so that if you need to contact us, you can, and if we need to contact you, we can obviously that's important.
Speaker 4 (14:35):
Right, right. so we did set up, you know, again, just with making it as user friendly is absolutely possible. We set up a way where my daughter can add a, add that phone number herself in real time, and have it be available for the next 72 hours without my having to approve it. That's one of those security levels for a younger kid. You can have it set, so they can't have any access with that person until it's approved. But, uh, yeah, for that, that tween group we've found it's important that they'd be able to have immediate access. They've they've got, had some judgment, they know what to do and what not to do, but, but still have that, that ability to, to keep the overall approval in, in my parent portal.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
Okay. I like that, how it kind, I mean, it all kind of grows with them then, you know, like the features of it in the parent control.
Speaker 4 (15:28):
Another, another example of growing with is being able to add internet access, you know, for my, my eight or nine year old, they probably don't need the internet. But once my kids are getting into fifth grade and sixth grade, certainly by seventh grade, you can't do schoolwork without the internet. Like that's just not the way our schools run anymore. And so what he developed was what we call our kids smart browser, where you can give children access to this browser. And in the parent portal, you designate what sites are available to them and picture the awesome conversation you get to have with your kids. You know, we, we've designed all of this to encourage a, a Cooper collaborative relationship where you're sitting down with your kids and saying, Hey, help me understand what you need. Here's where I'm turning on the kid's smart browser. What are the websites that you would like access to?
Speaker 4 (16:25):
And then as a, as a parent, you can look at those sites with your kids and, and make sure that you feel good about them, and then put them on that list. Then when your child is using their phone and they open the browser, they see a dropdown menu with all those sites that were designated in the parent portal. And that's the O those are the only sites they have access to. There's not even a place to search for anything else. There's no search bar. You literally can go to the sites that are in that dropdown menu. So you're able to create a completely safe internet experience for your child, as opposed to just saying, no, we don't do the internet. You don't need the internet on your phone. That's just not practical that that's for, for a, a growing kid. That's not practical for the needs they have for school and for healthy high.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
I totally agree with that. And that's really kind of the drawback of some of the other options that are out there right now is the, you know, you reach a point to where I've got a, uh, my best friend has twin girls and they're just turned 13 and they both have one of the other options out there for dumb smartphone. , they're just like, please, can we have a regular phone? And I can't wait to tell her about this as her next step. Cause I don't think they're ready for the entire world yet, but they'll pay for something for a graduation. So to speak.
Speaker 4 (17:44):
That, that's the right. That's the right paradigm. We do the same thing with apps actually, you know, know, I, I'm not ready for my kids to have the entire app store at their fingertips. And as a parent, I don't have time to go and, and vet every single app out there that my kids might want. So what we've done at Tru me is, again, it goes back to that great parent portal that we've built, we've curated and vetted a suite of apps that are available for, to, for parents to put on the phone. There's no app store on the phone. So the kids don't see an app store of any kind, but inside the parent portal, I can look at apps for school, for hobbies, for music, for creativity, for spirituality, all those different categories. And then I literally just go click, click, click, click, choose the ones I want.
Speaker 4 (18:34):
And in a matter of minutes, they appear on the phone. And what parents love is that if we have put those apps in our collection, they can have a high degree of confidence that we've, we've gone through the vetting process to make sure there's no inappropriate content and there's no back doors for creeps to, to get at your kids. Some of those apps include, you know, the most popular digital classroom apps, a Google classroom, canvas, Blackboard Skyward. We've got apps from music streaming in there, apple music, Spotify, Spotify, kids, iHeartRadio, family, Amazon music. So if you're comfortable and some parents aren't some parents aren't, and it's your choice. If you're comfortable with your kids having access to a, a streaming service, then they get to in, you know, have that on their phone.
Speaker 3 (19:24):
Okay. That's awesome too. everything about this has been awesome so far. How about, uh, the other thing I wanted to know was for when they're younger, if you have the choice, does the par is the parent portal set up to where you can say what they have access to at certain times of day, like putting it in modes for like study time, that type of
Speaker 4 (19:42):
Thing. Yeah. The way we've built that right now is for any function or any app, you can, you know, build the window of time when that's available. So for example, we have a daughter who loves, loves, loves audio books. There there's an app on the phone called Libby where she can, you know, get digital audio books from the, from the library. Well, without a restriction on there, we would be wrestling with her all day all on that. So we have it set up. So that app is only available after school. And it turns off before she goes to bed, otherwise she would stay up all night, you know? So you can, you can set that kind of functionality with any app or, or frankly, any function, including the calling and texting. Okay.
Speaker 3 (20:28):
How about, what are the options for like the plans and, and the type, the, the, like the, is it the same phone for all the plans and you just choose the different plan that you pay
Speaker 4 (20:37):
For. That's exactly it. So we have a, a couple of, of Samsung devices, the Samsung galaxy, a 12 and the Samsung galaxy, a 32. Those are the two phones that we've started with. They both have phenomenal cameras. The one has a 16 megapixel camera and one has a 48 megapixel camera. The reason we, we wanted to do quality devices like that is cuz pictures matter to kids. If they're gonna take, if they're gonna take pictures, they want them to be good. They want them to be good quality. So we we've gone that route and, and used good devices, not expensive devices, but enough quality that the, the, the picture quality isn't compromised when it comes to the plans, you, you know, first you choose your device and then you choose which plan you want. Unlimited talk and unlimited basic is 1495 a month. So very, very affordable.
Speaker 4 (21:31):
If you wanna change that to group text and picture texting the cost increases to 1995 a month. And if you wanna add the kid smart apps and the kid smart browser, it goes to 24 95 a month. And those are all truly on unlimited plans. We're not just pooling, you know, pooling a, a big block of minutes and data and hoping it's gonna work out. It's truly unlimited for every user. And those include calling to Canada and Mexico as well. So, uh, great plans at a, at a very affordable, very affordable price and phones. Uh, I should mention, you know, the, the ones, uh, a hundred and seventy nine ninety five, and the second one is two hundred and seven seventy nine ninety five. So again, we've tried to keep those at, uh, at prices that make sense for kids. I've never thought it was a good idea to get my kid a $1,200 phone. I just don't think it's necessary. kinda
Speaker 3 (22:27):
Crazy that, that, and the only, that was the only option when my kids were young.
Speaker 4 (22:32):
Yeah. thank goodness. There are more options
Speaker 3 (22:34):
Now. Thank goodness. Holy cow. I truly, I always mentioned this on my podcast that having these options is truly such, like, I call it a mother's gift, but a parent's gift. Yeah. Because it's just, there's so much out there. And unfortunately my kids minor, my youngest is 16 and my oldest is 23. They were in this middle school age when none of these things existed. So, okay. I'm so thankful for for the next to have this option. that's great. So I think I've covered all of my questions that I had for you. Is there anything else you who thinks pertinent for us to talk about or anything else you wanna share?
Speaker 4 (23:13):
Yeah. I just, I just think of the whole philosophy behind, you know, kids and safe devices. You know, this, this might be another place where, where we're different from some of our competitors. I think kids are inherently good. They're parently. They, they wanna do what's right. They wanna be successful. It's our job as parents to guide them and to give them some guardrails when they, when they need the guardrails. But I I've always thought that that approach of just saying to a, a, a child, Hey, I'm locking you down to talk and text only kind of sense the wrong message. You know, it, it almost feels like a lack of trust to me. And I think the phone has, yes, of course, it's gotta keep them safe today. That's a given, but it's also gonna prepare them for the future. It's also gonna give them access to good content content that would help them in school content that would help them develop healthy hobbies.
Speaker 4 (24:11):
And certainly by the time they leave phone home, they've got to be disciplined, responsible users of technology, cuz technology will be part of their lives. So I think we do them a disservice. You know, if we say, Hey, I'm locking you down to talk and text only. And as long as you live in my house, that's all you're gonna have. I don't think that's the right way to go. So we, we, our goal was to, to create a, a positive, healthy relationship between kids and parents give the kids the guardrails, they need give them technology that's per to their age, but you've gotta help them develop, you know, some of that discipline and responsibility on their own, all, all the while, keeping, keeping them away from the pornography and the predators and stuff. But they've gotta learn how to use apps and learn how to use the web.
Speaker 3 (25:00):
I totally agree. Like it's just kind of setting them up for success versus sending 'em down the dark. Like I call it the deep blue sea often, like sending them out into the deep blue sea without any flotation device. Never taught them how to swim, but yeah, go out there and then I'm gonna be mad at you all of the time for, you know, not knowing what you're doing.
Speaker 4 (25:21):
It's a good, good analogy.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
Yeah. So was there anything in your, if you're willing to share any of this, was there anything that happened with your kids that made you more aware that brought you to the awareness of the threat? Or was it just that past experience that you had that you mentioned? Yeah,
Speaker 4 (25:37):
We've been, we've been very, very fortunate in, in that we haven't had any of the, the really, you know, the really dangerous stuff happen with our kids. Partly because we were always very cautious. You know, we, we didn't, we didn't just say, Hey, here's your, here's your wild west phone? You know, we were, we've always been pretty de uh, deliberate about it. I've had numerous friends and especially while I've been in this space, numerous friends, tell me just some harrowing stories of sit situations. Their kids have gotten into some extremely dangerous situations in a, in a, you know, in a couple cases I've said to my friend, Hey, you know, forgive me for if this is too personal, but why on earth did you not have that phone locked down with the right parental controls? And on more than one occasion, the person has said to me, I thought I did.
Speaker 4 (26:27):
You know, and some of the controls that have been available to this point are so hard to use so complicated, so hard to stay on top of that. Parents don't know what really is set up correctly or not. Or in some cases, the kids are so smart, they get around the controls. And, and for that reason, we didn't build truly as a piece of software that just gets added to the phone. It's the operating system itself. You cannot, you know, a kid cannot can't get away from it. They can, they can reboot the phone. They can go on and off different network works, whatever they want to try, that operating system is always there. And so we we've built it with that level of, uh, conscientiousness, you know, hearing some of the, the other stories that are out there. So
Speaker 3 (27:12):
That brings up another question I wanted to ask you is about like the parental control apps that are out there that are real popular. Uh, I don't see that one of those would even be needed. Is that something that's an, an option that can be added to it or do y'all have that capability on it? You know, like the ones that monitor what texts are going out and kind of tell you what the kids have been doing as far as activity goes.
Speaker 4 (27:32):
Yeah, great question. And there are some good apps out there. They're not infallible, uh, but there are some good, you know, good apps for most, you know, for a lot of situations, our goal was to, to make them less needed. So for example, with, uh, with our operating system coming very, very soon, uh, in our next big release, you'll be able to remotely monitor all of your kids' texts, right? In the parent portal. You won't have to say, Hey, let me look at your phone and look at your text. All of that monitoring will happen right in the parent portal with some pretty advanced functionality, as that gets built out, you know, for alerting parents to potential problems and, you know, inappropriate language or inappropriate pictures or language that sounds like, Hey, this could be a bully or a predator, that kind of thing. And of course, that's something that's gonna, you know, improve as we continue to build it over time.
Speaker 4 (28:25):
But the first release of that is coming very soon. And, but you know, the other side of that is the need for monitoring. Everything goes down dramatically. If your kids are only talking to people that you've decided that you trust. And if they're only going to websites that you have pre-approved, I mean, just the whole need goes down dramatically. That's not to say that in the future, we won't have some kind of a, a, a partnership with, you know, with one of those companies, uh, you know, we may, we may do that at some point, but, uh, certainly right now the need doesn't exist. Like it, like it does if you're on another phone. Right, right.
Speaker 3 (29:01):
I get that. So when you, like, when you're gonna, so right now the parent portal doesn't have where it shows the text, did you say you're y'all are adding that?
Speaker 4 (29:10):
Yeah. That'll, that'll, that's coming in our next release, our next, uh, big release of the software. So, uh, literally a matter of weeks.
Speaker 3 (29:18):
Okay. And then with that, you can basically just see like a running list of what their conversations have
Speaker 4 (29:23):
Been running list. And then, you know, we're gonna add some filters that allow you to see, Hey, your kid talks to these people, here are the top five people they talk to the most. And if you wanna dig down on any of, one of those people, just click that. And they're the text with that person in particular, you know, you'd be able to see in that dashboard, Hey, here are the text messages that were flagged for potential inappropriate language or bullying language. All of that will be there. And also note that in, in the parent portal, you'll see everything. Whether or not a, a text has been deleted, it's still showing up, you still see everything it's all collected there. Okay.
Speaker 3 (30:05):
So then you're hitting some of the high points of things that I often mention as places where things slip through. And that's like, yeah, the sheer volume of text that can go through between people, a parent can often miss the conversation or, you know, something that they should be you aware of. And then the, like just the filter of the conversation. So that's good that y'all have that in the works and, and plan for that. Cuz I know I missed things that I shouldn't have missed, but it was because now it has been because of one of those filter systems being put on my son's phone and being able to be alert of things. Now it picks up silly things like his conversation with his grandparent and you know, who's gonna bring the gun and other things like that. But you know, like when they're gonna go hunting and stuff, that sounded really bad. Yeah. But you know, like when, um, they're talking about stuff that I'm aware of now, but it'll pick up on little things like that, that yeah. In the context of being with a friend, maybe something that I wanna know about, so sure.
Speaker 4 (31:05):
Yeah. Yeah. And better, you know, better that you get over alerted than under alerted, you know, better that you better to have a false negative than a, you know, a missed, a missed positive.
Speaker 3 (31:16):
Yes. All right. Well, I think that's everything that I had enlisted that I wanted to ask you about. Anything else you can think of that you wanna share? No,
Speaker 4 (31:25):
I think that's it, you know, happy to, to invite people, to come check things out. We do a lot on social media, uh, in a lot on our blog by way of, you know, trying to help parents really get through some of these questions that they have, uh, relative to parenting around technology. So on our website, it's Tru me.com T R om i.com go to our blog there and you'll find a lot of great content to help with some of these questions. And then on, uh, Instagram and Facebook, we are at Tru me wireless.
Speaker 3 (31:57):
Right. Awesome. Well, I appreciate you coming on today and sharing all of this with my audience. I think this is gonna be super valuable and I'm very excited to get this out into the world into more hands of parents so they can help their kids be their true selves. That's really awesome. Thank you so much.
Speaker 4 (32:15): Thank you, Dolly.
Speaker 2 (32:18):
Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.
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Full Transcription:
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Christmas time is upon us. And chances are you have some sort of digital thing that you're giving your kid or that your kid is going to receive this Christmas season. Am I right? My guess is I'm right. I know it will be for my kids. And so today I wanna talk about three of my top survival tips as you enter the digital frontier this holiday season and beyond stay tuned.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned to in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flare. This is the be that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Hey friends, did you hear is an app that will transform the safety of your kids' smartphone and technology use? It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kids' activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a, some mall fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. So before I get started on today's topic, I have to say something that I needed to say a couple of episodes ago. Like holy cow, I am going on two years of having this podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
I launched it March of 20, 20 days before the big lockdown around the world. And all of the things that have come to be since then, it has been a lifeline for me in of like a mega storm that I had in my own life, trying to figure out all these digital things that happened about six months prior to launching the podcast really longer than that. But that was when things really came to a head. And it's amazing to me, as I am recording this episode, it is likely going to be episode 91. So I'm going on a hundred episodes. And that's typically about one episode a week for a while there I was doing two episodes on some weeks, but I just couldn't keep up that pace. So I've been doing one episode. I know other podcasts that launched around the time I did like shot off to the moon and had mega growth.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
And mine has been more slow and steady, but it is what it is. It's been a place for me to come and pay forward. Some of the struggle that I had as I tried to figure this out and also to pay forward what I see going on in the digital world and what I know being a mom that has kids that are kind of on the other side of those years, that are so very critical for their development. And the fact that I kind of took the hard road on all of that. like, I seriously, seriously did. And you've heard me say it before, but it's like my kids, I think as all of us, when we have struggles, when we have hard times that ultimately if we can see them as a gift and as a place that we are, are being challenged into creating something from that struggle, that it's not an all for not thing.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
And so the fact that I took the hard road, just because I was that first generation of parents as smartphones emerged, and all of the things came to be the fact that I can pay this forward is a place for me to help with my healing and a place for me to give myself grace and forgiveness, knowing that it wasn't all for not. And I know it isn't all for not, but you know, it's just one of those things as a mother where we have guilt and it's hard to move past some things that we may have done more out of ignorance than any thing else, but we wish we could get a do over on. And this is one thing that I have wished many times that I could get a do over on, but at the same time, I wouldn't be sitting here today talking to you if it wasn't for all that I went through when I did.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
So holy cow, 91 episodes, that is so amazing. It's sometimes I'm like, I don't know what I'm gonna talk about next week. And then I just start looking through things. And I see parents that are struggling and are in a place like I was, and it, you know, the topics come and they kind of like roll with the times and the tides and the things that evolve. And I, I do think that this digital world is just ever evolving and changing. And it's one of the most important things that we can do is get a handle on this so that we can help guide our kids. And so that it's not someone else that's out there influencing our kids and molding them into the person that they're going to be while we unknowingly gave them these digital things. And didn't realize that the impact that they would have.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
So thank you so much for being here and for listening, if you are someone who has listened since the beginning of my podcast, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart, your support has been amazing. And I truly do come, come to this each time I sit down to record and truly try to think through the things that are being talked about and the things that are out there and to come at it from a perspective of how I have seen my kids evolve through the times. So I hope you find this helpful and you'll continue to keep coming back. So let's talk about three top survival tips that I have come up with for this digital frontier of this holiday season. These are things that I truly take to heart and I'm using for my own family. And so I hope that you will utilize these in whatever way, shape and form.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
They are helpful for you. Okay? So if you're still shopping, these things are going to be helpful for you too. So my number one survival tip is to keep, keep some things dumb. What does that mean? That means don't make them all, something that is smart and interconnected and going to connect them to the outside world. So the first survival tip is to keep some things dumb. Do you know what I mean? Like everything has to be interconnected. Not everything has to have an internet connection, a wifi connection, be able to connect to all the friends, be able to look up the internet, be on the internet, be able to tell you what the weather is. Be able to tell you what packages were delivered to your house today. be able to be your alarm clock, be able to be your everything. Like we don't need everything to be interconnected.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
And I don't know about you, but I am frankly, a little bit terrified with how interconnected things are such as a post. I saw the other day, where it was a kid that was tweeting from their, a refrigerator because the parents had taken all of the electronics away and they were trying to get word out to the world that they had no electronics, that they couldn't tweet and that they were tweeting through the smart refrigerator that they had. Like, I know there's a time and a place for things to be connected. And that it's a wonderful thing in several instances, but in the hands of our kids, not everything needs to be connected. So let's keep some things dumb that they get. Okay. So if you're listening to this before Christmas or before a birthday, keep some things dumb, look for some toys in different things that don't have an net connection and aren't connected to all the things.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Okay. I hope that made you chuckle. It made me laugh when I was writing it. okay. So number two, keep the big picture in mind. And now this is kind of one of those things where I want you to think about like before giving a gift, think about it in terms of this is a gift that I'm giving you, but if you can't handle it, then I'm taking it back. That type of thing. So what I mean by this, there's three things that I'm talking about. When I talk about keeping the big picture in mind, anytime that you give any of the digital things, how they interact with it while respecting the boundaries that you were putting in place, whatever those may be is going to determine how you proceed in the future. So if you give a gab watch or a TikTok watch or a gab phone or a pinwheel phone, you know, all of the different things.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
If you give a smartphone, if you put bark on a smartphone and you find they've disabled, it, whatever it is, that's digital. Even if it's something simple as a gaming console or, you know, some other digital thing that you've given a handheld digital device, and you find that they are breaking your rules, your boundaries, or whatever it is that you are setting in place, then that's where you need to rethink what's going on. So that's number two tip under this one is if you get push back, that means you push back because you are the parent. Okay. So look at the big picture of when you're getting push back, what is it that is causing that pushback? It is it the draw and the addiction of the digital thing that they are doing? Is it just them not being able to handle the influence of that thing?
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Is it that maybe you need to re-look at how you have it set up for them to play that to where it's, it's more clear when the time is up for that. Look at the big picture with that pushback means you push back as the parent and figure out what is going on there and why you're getting push back. And then my third tip under this category is to balance the non digital things with the digital things. You have to find a balance for that. If you have any kid at OS that have been in the gaming world, or had like interaction with digital things for a prolonged period of time, and you notice that there are attitude issues, there are, you know, just something going on, where they are, are not doing their normal things. They've lost interest in extracurr activities. Their personality seems different.
Speaker 1 (11:00):
They are constantly wanting to get done with it, with whatever family thing you're doing so they can get back to their game. All of those things are clues. Like I said, in one of my previous episodes in the last couple of weeks, all of those are like a, what I wanna call it like a, a shout out, a cry for help. They are trying to tell you that they are not handling the digital influence well. And so it's important to balance the non-digital things, the things that don't have that immediate dopamine release that immediate reward center being stimulated in their minds when they're playing them, it's an important for you to balance those things. So set up boundaries in place to where they are not only doing digital things and that they do have to do non-digital things in the world, too. Okay. So those are the three things that I recommend in terms of keeping the big picture in mind.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
Now, my third survival tip for the digital frontier. This holiday season is preserve their, I am enough view of the world. If you've listened to some of my episodes, you know what I'm talking about. But like I have said many times before when we give them the digital things, when they learn about different things that are out there combined with their normal curiosity, their normal hormonal changes their normal development through puberty. When we give them this vehicle to where they can compare themselves to other, where they can go down rabbit holes of comparison and of learning new things of curiosity, that they start to think they are not enough. And when this is at an influential age, this creates a imprint on their mind, on their self-esteem to where they are not enough because they are comparing themselves to other things. So what I recommend that you do, and I have three tips under this category.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
Two is to have an open conversation about comparison. So if you are going to give them that smartphone or something to, or they have access to other things out in the world, have an open conversation about comparison and how pictures can be edited and filters can be used. And social media is a highlight real and is not the real world is not reflective of people's entire lives and likes and comments and things on their posts do not equate to their self worth and how you know, how valuable they are in the world. And you know, all of the things that surround that the second at tip under this category is to keep a close tie on social media. If you are giving a smartphone or giving them access to social media, have a very, very close eye on that and what they are doing on there, I would highly, highly, highly recommend delaying that as much as you can, then keeping a really close tie to them and what is going on, what they're seeing, what they're doing, who they're interacting with.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
Some of this is a black hole that you will not be able to control completely. So just be aware of that and be willing to do the work. If you are going to allow these things, be willing to keep that conversation open. If it's a younger kiddo, I, of course don't recommend it. I've made all the mistakes with this, but if you can have them have their login on your phone for certain apps, like some of them don't allow you to have more than one phone logged in, but other ones do have their login and go through their information, go through their messages, go through all of their things and have guidelines for if they post when they post and those types of things. And then my final tip for this is get your hand ends on my, be that mom method course when I get it published in it, I have a roadmap and I have tools for you as this journey evolves for you in this digital frontier that I'm talking about.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
As it evolves, this method that I have set up, it's gonna help you to evaluate new devices, games, all of the things. And it's gonna give you different tools to help you with navigating this with your kid. Okay? So let's go back and recap, cuz I kind of blurred some of those together. I think, to where I wasn't real clear about what I was saying. So top three tips or to keep some things dumb, keep that big picture mind and then preserve their, I am enough view of the world. If you are allowing them to have outside access to the world through various things and outside interaction with friends and other people out in the world. Okay? So with the, keep some things dumb, not everything has to be connected, you know, so interconnected to the world under keep that big picture in mind, think about how they interact with their digital things and respecting your boundaries.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
Pushback means you push back as the parent, not meaning that you fight with them, not meaning that you start from a police of being suspicious or all these restrictions in place. But I, what I mean is be aware that when you get pushback, that means something. And so I encourage you to dig deeper and figure out what's going on there and then balancing with non-digital things. So they are doing some things that are not stimulating their mind, digital dig, can't talk, oh, digital it, okay. Not being stimulated with the digital things. Let's just change the word altogether. Maybe that wasn't even a word. And that's why I can't say it. And then the preserving, the I am enough is just opening up up that conversation about comparison and keeping a close watch on social media. And grad might be that mom movement method course when I get that up and running.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
And I, my apologies for talking about that forever in a day and not having it out yet, but it is what it is. Life keeps getting in the way and I promise you, it's going to be amazing once you get your hands on it. Okay. All right. So I hope that you grasp these survival tips that can use them, this digital frontier, the digital things are not going away. And I think they can be fun and they can be productive in all of that. If we just have some of these guidelines in mind. All right, thanks so much for tuning in. If I don't get into your ears in the next couple of weeks, have a Merry Christmas and a happy holiday season with your family. If you do celebrate that, I hope that you find peace and joy and love and all the things that you're hoping for through this season. All right. Thanks so much for listening.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
Thanks for tuning in being that mom in isn't easy, but together we can be that mom strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
Hey there, before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more or present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up every day. Take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native kids.
The podcast currently has 103 episodes available.