There's five days left until I leave for California. I'm feeling like it's kind of like bipolar Meets World. I'm hoping to go for quite a few months. And when I get back, I was thinking that maybe I'll continue to wander a little bit, I'm not sure. When I get back, I want to bring ecpr here. And I also want to come continue with a low stress lifestyle in order to maybe come off my medications, I don't know. And perhaps with the help of EMP, or q 96, which is pretty much the same product, just called different names. And I got an email from the truehope people today, and they make that product. And there was a study done on their product. And I didn't read the study, but I read the abstract. And it said that I had 15 months of taking MP, as well as medication for psychosis. People that took the MP as well as the medication, got to reduce their meds a bit and also experienced less symptoms. And there wasn't really a difference until the 15 month point. And then there was even more of a difference and a benefit at 24 months. And I don't know how much they were taking and what medication they were taking and blah, blah, blah. But I will only been taking this EMP one a day for a month and a half. So I have a ways to go before it has an effect. At least with the protocol they used that I don't know. But I do know somebody who sells q 96. And they emailed me yesterday, and I had emailed them a while ago. But they finally got back to me yesterday. And I could have called them today, but I didn't. So maybe I will tomorrow and have a conversation because they might know a little bit about using it to come off lithium. And they did mention that usually, a person has to come off lithium very quickly when taking higher doses of EMP. So that's not something I'll do right now, because I'm leaving in five days. But when I get back, it's definitely one of my goals. And I had a crisis recently while taking lithium. So trying to come off of it. Maybe I'll have a crisis. But I have, I have the many way while taking it. So maybe it's not really benefiting me anymore. I don't know, we'll see. But for now, today, I picked up my lithium for my trip. So lot of lithium. And I was thinking about if I'm able to come off lithium one day, it would be a fun little ritual to go up to house ion springs, which is a lithium spring has a high level of lithium and dump the little capsules, open them up and then just dump them into the spring because we don't want to waste the lithium. And it'd be kind of fun to just give it back to the earth where it belongs and absorb it in proper doses by sitting in the spring. And so today I was doing some packing pretty much just throwing stuff in a corner. And I have to decide what to take. And I'm trying to decide which pair of rollerblades to take with me. I could take with me, my my hip nose gates, they're a little bit heavier. They have this fancy thing where you can take the blade off, I won't take it off but you can actually take off the wheels and then walk around. And considering that I'm not driving. These might be handy to have to actually skate around and maybe pick up something to eat and be able to do that very conveniently. Or I could take my kind of stylish K two skates, they have some really good bearings in them, some pretty good wheels. So I have to think about that. The hypno skates are also easier to pack, because I can take the wheels off, and then squash them in my bag a lot easier. And if I was driving down, I would take my mini trampoline and jump on the trampoline on the beach. But I'm not, I really feel like I have to mentally prepare for this change because I won't be working in mental health. Maybe I'll be talking about something totally different in my videos, I won't be connected with my community, I won't be connected with my family. And I feel a little bit afraid. But I also have this feeling that once I get there and see the sun and the beach and get settled that I'll feel perfectly fine. So I have five more days. And I feel like I need around a day total for packing and moving stuff around in my place in case it gets rented out. And tomorrow, I'm going to go spend time at the clubhouse hopefully all day. See people I really feel like I miss people right now. Don't really like being alone. And I want to spend a day with my family. So that's two days. Probably a full day for just last minute stuff. And then I have two more days of time. Today I did a bunch of laundry. I got a few things from the grocery store and got a coffee from Tim Hortons so I could roll up the rim, but I didn't win. And I need one more sticker for my McDonald's coffee card. And I saw a McDonald's cup on the road when I was driving. I thought it was funny because if I would have pulled over there was probably a sticker on it. But I didn't. Because it was sort of in the middle of the road. And that would have been really weird. But I thought there it is, there's my sticker. And I have to decide if I'm going to bring things like my hairdryer and my hair straightener. Or if I'm going to go curly while I'm down there. And if I'm going to bring my vitamins or just buy them when I'm down there. I think I'm going to go for packing lighter. And I've been writing in this notebook, but I've been writing stuff and I feel weird about crossing the border with it. So I'm gonna bring a blank notebook. And hopefully I remember to go back to this notebook when I get home. Or maybe it won't matter by then I feel sort of like, with my forgetfulness, being away for an extended period of time. I'll come back and I'll just forget everything. And maybe I'll feel kind of lost and and that could be a good thing. I was thinking about how do you really cool too. When I do get a place to live, make part of it appear center of some kind. Because I have a lot of different things and stuff and I kind of want to share them. So be cool to make it a library with different resources and other things where people can come and that way. It's like starting a little community or something. Because I've also thought about living with roommates or I'm not sure what to do because the trouble is, I'm vegetarian and I don't like the smell of cooking meat all the time. And so I am a little bit picky those ways and so it might be difficult to have something like that but and then I do want to work on the peer respite or the Dream Center stuff. I just feel like I'm gonna forget everything. But I guess that's what's cool about talking about stuff on video is that I've talked about it with myself already. Maybe this next phase, or this next bit is about looking for that which I've talked about, instead of sitting here talking about it, living it out. And I really hope I can trust that. Because right now, I have this comfy little place, and I don't like noise. But technically, I could move my comfy little place to another comfy little place and continue to be comfy. I guess I worry that when I come back, I'll just create this comfy little place again, and I looked over at the clock and next week, at this time, exactly 555 on Thursday evening, next week, I'll be in California getting off the train at my store, I want to step off the train life is going to be totally different. And that place is definitely higher energy level. So I think they'll automatically be at this higher resonance. And here's the abstract that paper was talking about. adjunctive treatment of psychotic disorders with micronutrients. I typed up a document of alternatives and options talking about safety, and respite and groups and different things. And I hope to work towards creating some of that when I get back. But maybe I won't even feel like I resonate with mental health anymore, I'm not sure. And when I go to California, I hope I don't have so much mental health on the brain, I hope that I can release that and just, just be and I wonder if I'll get a chance to have conversations with myself or fob having enough conversations with others. And also, I don't know if we'll have to make audio instead of video because I don't know what the Wi Fi is like down there. I have pretty fast Wi Fi for uploading these and transferring them and things like that. So we'll see what it is that I can do when I'm down there might have to make shorter videos, and longer audios, or just shorter videos. I'm not sure I was making more notes after my last video. So maybe I'll talk a little bit about them. I was talking about how when the brain switches to perception mode instead of remembering mode, thought mode, it's running on light. Light is the fuel and light is the nutrition as opposed to sound, old sounds. Which is all brain cells vibrating and resonating together. On the brain cells run on light, new light. Then the brain cells grow and then they produce new sound and the new sound is in order to share that light with others or make it so others might be able to see that too or see that way too. Or see not really see that per se but just see for themselves because once the seeing for oneself process begins and never ends. And then a person doesn't need self help books and all that because one can see. And the ego is a soundscape of brain degeneration mainly Because it's stuck in old sound, so it's not growing with the new light that's coming in to be perceived. I feel like when we are in touch with perception, we speak as the brain and as perception, instead of as ego thought, and all the games of all those sounds that we've been programmed with. And I'm wondering what sounds can be created, so that other people can create their own sounds, new sounds, the sound of seeing. And in that way, seeing and listening are the same thing. They're both frequency and vibration. So we see light, and it's faster. So it's like this flash of insight. And then it takes a little bit of time for the words to form kind of like when we see lightning. And then we have to wait a little bit for the thunder and the thunder is just not one loud boom, it's usually some crackles. And it's sort of unfolding. It's almost like a sentence. It's not just one letter. So it's the mathematics of light. byte produces sound when we see its visual mimetics. And I was thinking about how if we produce healthy sound based on perception, instead of having these old stale sounds in our head. And if we produce healthy light, as in the light coming out of our eye, which is clear, which is not judging, but open and receiving, which it needs to be in order to actually produce these sounds just like lightning, the light hits our eyes, and then the words form like thunder, and then we can roll them out. And we don't have access to this world of light this insight, if we have these old, stale sounds in our mind, because the light coming in wants to produce new sound. But if it's clogged up with old sound, there's no space for this new sound to arise. we're so busy, reading recombining old abstractions that we don't have space for the new sound. And it's sort of an epi perception, it's perceiving. Whereas perceiving through the ego is sort of like endo perception, because we're perceiving just what's percolating inside. And I've often wondered, if there were less human beings on the planet, and the earth started restoring itself? How would the animals come back? The ones that are extinct, and it came to me that we're actually consciousness around which matter organizes itself. So the consciousness of those beings of those creatures is still around. But there's no environment for them to live, it was destroyed. So then they can't actually come back. But if the environment was such that they could, they would likely re materialize and be there. I don't know if that's true. But it gave me some hope that that could be possible, because I imagined that one day that Earth will regenerate. And how will those animals come back because the animals are needed just as much as the environment. And consciousness organizes matter, and it gestures matter, and it moves matter. And I was pondering about if consciousness, each organism has a certain amount of consciousness, whether it's a fly or human. And a human consciousness comes with a certain amount of matter. So we all share the same amount of matter each, but it could be additive. And so when one person passes on, that consciousness goes on to the next so that matters never destroyed, as in physics, but now that there's way too many humans on the planet. The consciousness has weakened in a way and it's not taking hold in the brains the same way. Because of that, And then if a person is born, say, artistic, it's almost like they come with less matter because they're going to be moving less in the world. They, they live in this very narrow sphere of physical reality, because of their limited ability, supposedly, apparently to us to function. So in a way, they almost have less matter. This is not scientific at all. And the thing too, is that as less consciousness is in the other elements, or other creatures of the guys fear, and more of it goes to humans. it narrows that too, because of the fact that the diversity is lessening, so there's not the proper balance. So human consciousness is not taking hold, because it's actually there's just way too many of us. And so they experience less of this world of matter because of their inability to communicate, and they can't communicate because they don't have the same level of consciousness embodied. And consciousness is communication. And we're not in communication with Gaia, we're just mainly in communication with our own thought games. And in terms of the non judgement, can we look with equal light at equal light, we all have the same light in our eyes. And I was also thinking about how the brain is a mirror. And so what do we want to see in that mirror? And so if we're being altruistic, we're activating our mirror neurons, and we're seeing that in the mirror of our brain. And that could be why that's one of the fastest ways to be happy is to do something for other people.

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