Working on a project with another person is difficult. And parenting is pretty much the biggest project you will ever do! Throw in past wounds, different families of origin, and influences from different communities and two spouses are bound to disagree on a lot of it. How can we make sure that parenting doesn't take our marriage down?

Remember that one day your kids will leave your home and you will still have your husband. He will be your longest, closest relationship in your family. Don't let different parenting styles jeopardize your relationship with him!

Sometimes we think that our friendship with our husbands is the cherry on top of our marriage. The "would be nice" to have. But if you talk to couples who have had long (and happy) marriages, they often refer to their sense of humor and friendship being the key ingredient. Being friends and just spending time enjoying your spouse may be what you need to keep your marriage running so that it can withstand even hard times!

How do we do this?

Resources mentioned in the episode:

Marriages can be the greatest joys! They can also bring the greatest pains. This episode speaks to those whose marriages are in a hard state. Some resources to consider:

No podcast will be able to speak to your specific relationship, but this episode passes on some wisdom that teaches to keep the grander vision of your marriage in mind as you tackle difficult seasons and to remember to forgive as Jesus forgives. Our goal is not the perfect marriage, but holiness and eventually Heaven!

Action item for all listeners is to commit to praying for all marriages sometime this week! Even if you aren't currently struggling, someone you know is. Let's pray that God strengthens our bonds and sanctifies us through our relationships.

Communication is a HUGE topic, but let's go through a few basics:

My husband and I have formed a few rules whenever we're in a fight that have helped us from going too far and taking a disagreement to a big, personal hurt. You may like to use these rules too, or you may find some yourself. The easiest time to identify what your specific rules are is [unfortunately] after a particularly bad fight. Looking back together, try to identify when something got too personal or mean in the fight and when it turned from productive conversation to harmful. PLEASE try to REFRAIN from blaming or accusing. The point is not to start a new fight, but to share with your spouse how something made you feel. Look at #3 above!

If the pain point you identify is something that has happened before and that you know is very painful, you may want to agree that it is off-limits. Make your rule specific enough so that you would know if this rule is broken in the future. Knowing that it is a rule may help jolt you out of a bad situation in the future. When a rule is broken, agree to take a breath, apologize, and work on communicating a different way. The person who is affected should make efforts to forgive and let the offender try again.

So without further explanation, here are our rules:

More wisdom to be found at the Gottman Institute:

https://www.gottman.com/about/

And check out wisdom from Doug Hinderer:

https://www.happymarriageforlife.com/about

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wr2PuvQFLTA&t=2225s

Let's kick the marriage series off with a fun one! Let's talk temperaments! This is one of the oldest personality tests out there, and it is based more on NATURE than on NURTURE. In fact, often when investigating what temperament you are, you are supposed to think about how you were as a child. As we grow, we tend to develop habits, grow in virtues, and learn how to soften out some of our less desirable attributes, which can mask our natural tendencies. If you haven't ever looked into your own temperament, check out this quiz:

https://www.temperamentquiz.com/

You will likely be given a primary and a secondary temperament. If your husband can also discover his temperament, it could be fun for you to compare and contrast your natural reactions to life events, and to see how you handle your life and relationship together.

If you would like an overview of the temperaments, here's a good one in the context of faith:

https://spiritualdirection.com/2019/03/18/the-four-temperaments-and-the-spiritual-life

Lastly, if you'd like to learn more, I recommend the books by Art and Laraine Bennett. The Temperament God Gave Your Kids has helped me on MANY occasions! These go through many fun combinations of spousal temperament combinations and parent-to-kid combinations! Even if you don't feel completely understood by any singular temperament, it's food for conversation, and that can be really helpful! Here are some ideas for fun discussion with your husband.

Conversation starters with your husband about temperaments:

Let's begin a new series on MARRIAGE!

This episode sets a perspective for the rest of this series by:

I can't wait to go through this series with you! Please join me every week so we can grow in love for our husbands and ultimately, God!

Remember: This series will go through many topics that pertain to marriage and will compile "best practices" from research, experts, marriage counselors, and personal experience, BUT it cannot replace good, personal counsel. If you are having major marriage issues, please still listen! But also, seek out professional help from someone who will help you fight for your marriage.

If you are not sure where to start, check out Hearts Renewed: a marriage transformation program at https://www.heartsrenewed.org/

Before next week, think about:

Join next Tuesday, May 28th for a new series all about... MARRIAGE!

I hope you join me for all kinds of topics concerning marriage, including: communication, friendship, parenting, finances, and more! See you here next week!

For the last episode of this series, Marci Combo and I discuss what prayer looks like for each of us. We answer a couple of questions that listeners have asked about: how our relationships with each person of the Holy Trinity (God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit) work in our prayer lives, and what our daily prayer routines tend to look like.

We also touch on topics that haven't yet been discussed in this series including: the sacraments, praise and worship, the value of friends who are like-minded in faith, parts in our lives where prayer has been more difficult, and more! We hope you enjoy this candid conversation!

After this episode, The Better Part will be taking a break! Keep subscribed to this podcast, and look forward to the next series coming up in a couple of months. Follow @thebetterpartpod on Instagram to be kept up-to-date on when and what that series will be! Can't wait to see you then!

Please share your feedback for future episodes and series through this form: https://forms.gle/Wb1svgcskrxQaCoP8

Whether we show up nice and neat or as a big ol' mess, God is 100% present to us! Reflect about how He loves us despite our mess and then join in for another led meditation.

This meditation comes from the book An Introduction to the Devout Life by St. Francis de Sales. It prompts you to consider how you were created fully by God and not by your own doing. The world would have gone on without you, but God deemed to create you out of love for this time in particular. In gratitude, we offer our praise and thanks to Him and apologize for when we forget this fact!

This amazing book has more wonderful meditations as well as simple, short chapters that can prompt your heart toward God. I receive absolutely nothing if you buy this book, I just truly think it is wonderful! Check it out here: https://a.co/d/fSr2kp5