The Bible in Fewer Words

Well, this is it. We've finally made it to the end of the Bible!

In this episode we learn how the world will end. Satan will be locked up for 1000 years, then he'll be set free for a while. Gog and Magog will gather huge armies, who will be burned to death by a fire that God sends from heaven. And Satan will be cast into a lake of fire, along with everyone whose name isn't written in the book of life.

Then a huge cubical city 2400 kilometers on a side will come down from heaven. Those whose names are written in the lamb's book of life and have God's name written on their foreheads will live there.

When will all these things happen, you ask? Soon. Very soon, according to Jesus. These are his last words in the last two verses of the Bible: "Surely I come quickly. Amen. "

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In this episode we are introduced to the great whore who sites has fornicated with all the kings of the earth. Everyone on earth is drunk with the wine of her fornication.

And Jesus (disguised as a lamb) gets married.

After his marriage, Jesus rides into town on a white horse. He has eyes of fire, many crowns on his head, and a sword sticking out of his mouth. "King of King" and "Lord of Lords" is written on his thigh. He slaughters everyone with the sword in his mouth.

The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/308.html

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In this episode we learn who will be redeemed on the earth. It will be 144,000 male, Jewish virgins.

We are also told about a side of Jesus that is never shown in the gospels. The Jesus of Revelation slaughters people with a sharp sickle. The blood of his victims forms a pool 320 kilometers wide and two meters deep. It would require the blood of 32 trillion people.

After Jesus finishes the slaughter, God's angels pour out their vials and release seven more plagues on the earth. Painful sores, more blood and fire, and giant hailstones.

The survivors curse God and gnaw their tongues in pain.

The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/307.html

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The episode begins with the appearance of a pregnant woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet, and a crown of twelve stars. Then a ten-horned, seven-headed, red dragon appears, waiting to eat the baby as soon as it is born.

But a war broke out in heaven, in which Michael and his angels defeated the dragon and cast him down to earth, where he made war on the children of the woman (who grew wings and flew away).

Sometime later, the dragon gave his power to a blaspheming sea beast with the usual seven heads and ten crowns. Everyone on earth worshiped this beast. Only those who put the mark of the beast on their hand and forehead could buy or sell anything. And 666 was the beast's number.

The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/306.html

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After the sixth trumpet, an angel tells John to eat a book. So John ate the book, which tasted sweet but made his belly bitter.

Then two witnesses appear and and chaos ensues.

The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/305.html

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In this episode, Jesus (disguised as a 7-eyed, 7-horned lamb) opens the seventh seal, and seven trumpet-bearing angels appear. When the angels blow their trumpets, all hell breaks loose.

The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/304.html

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In this episode, the 7-eyed, 7-horned sacrificed lamb (Jesus) opens the first four seals, thereby setting loose the four horsemen of the Apocalypse to kill one-quarter of the humans on earth with war, famine, and beasts. Then an angel tells the angels at the four corners of the earth not to hurt the earth, sea, or trees until they mark 144,000 foreheads, 12,000 from each tribe of Israel.

The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/303.html

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In this episode, John of Patmos gets a peek at heaven, where a seven-eyed, seven-horned lamb appears who is able to open a book with seven seals. This is the lamb who has redeemed believers with his blood (Jesus).

The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/302.html

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Jesus writes seven letters to seven churches, encouraging them for doing the things he likes and threatening them for doing things he doesn't like. I

f they are good, he'll let them eat from the tree of life; give them a white stone with a secret name written on it; write his own new name, his God's name, and the name of God's city on their bodies; and he'll even let them sit with him and his father on his throne. Sounds like heaven to me!

The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/301.html

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The book of Revelation is the most controversial book in the Bible. It was one of the last to make it into the canon of scripture, and Luther very nearly threw it out.

It is the main source of predictions about the end of the world - all of which have failed, as will all future attempts using this bizarre book.

The first verse tells us that it was revealed by God to Jesus who told it to an angel who told it to John. Everything that is predicted in the book will soon happen. The author, John of Patmos, believed that the end was near and would happen in his lifetime.

The letter from God, Jesus, an angel, seven spirits, and John is to the seven churches in Asia, in modern-day Turkey.

Jesus shows up in the first chapter. His head and hair are as white as snow, his eyes are like flames of fire, his feet are bronze, and a two-edged sword sticks out of his mouth. He has the keys to hell and death. You'll know him when you see him.

The text and notes for this episode can be found here: https://skepticsannotatedbible.com/fewer-words/300.html

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