Chaos felt familiar because it mirrored your childhood emotional environments. Criticism, neglect, mocking etc.

We talk about how familiarity is not compatibility although it may feel like it. The cost of not stopping the cycle and choosing toxic/abusive partners. How we choose chaos because it’s all we knew growing up.

It is not about intelligence or ignorance, it’s about poor programming as a child. It depend on the severity of childhood trauma. We can all have some type of childhood dysfunction as no family is perfect, but there is childhood trauma that leaves some at a higher risk for abuse later in life.

Take Away

Practical step: Write down what felt “normal” in your first relationship

Reflective question: What did I confuse with love because it felt familiar?

There’s always a seed where chaos and confusion start. For me it started in childhood with codependency with my caregivers. That later carried on into my romantic relationships. Today I share a brief part of my life as a teenager where the seed began in choosing abusive unhealed men in my life.

If this resonates with you I encourage you to subscribe and to share with with someone else who might relate and feel a piece of belonging on their healing journey OR to begin their own healing journey.

Blessings!

Hi, and welcome to the Billie Cedillos podcast. I want to thank you for joining me today, and I have a special word for the woman who feels unseen. Let me remind you, dear soul, that you are not invisible, even when your prayers feel like they echo back in silence, even when you pour yourself out, and no one notices, God does. 
God sees you, beloved. And the Bible says in Genesis 1613, you are the God who sees me. That wasn't spoken by a woman on a mountaintop. 
It was spoken by a woman in pain, overlooked, and pushed aside. And God met her right there. Beloved, let me remind you. 
If people missed you, it doesn't mean you were unworthy. If someone walked away from you, It doesn't mean that you were not loved. If you were overlooked, it doesn't mean you were forgotten. 
And if you were silenced, it doesn't mean that you are insignificant. God sees the tears you cried alone. He sees the strength it took for you to get back up today. 
He sees the parts of you that no one has clapped for. And here's a holy truth. Being unseen by people often means you're being hidden by God. 
For healing, for protection, and for preparation. Your story is not over, beloved. Your value is not up for debate. 
Your presence matters, right here, right now, just as you are.

"I grew up in a home where love came with strings, where boundaries were blurred, and where chaos was... familiar. It shaped how I saw relationships, how I responded to conflict, and how I measured my worth. Ilearned early that keeping the peace sometimes meant ignoring my own truth. "it meant serving others and meeting their needs and abandoning myself. Codependency is not a badge to wear though, as a codependent, control was at the forefront of our relationships too, not to hurt someone like a narcissist does, but to "fix" or "rescue".

And this podcast is about the moment clarity replaces confusion.

Here, we talk about trauma, healing, relationships, and faith — without minimizing the hard parts or spiritualizing pain.

This space is for women who loved deeply, ignored their instincts, and are learning to trust themselves again.

Because when you know…

you don’t go back.

Welcome.”

Hi and welcome! I’m Billie Cedillos.

This podcast is about the moment clarity replaces confusion.

Here, we talk about trauma, healing, relationships, and faith — without minimizing the hard parts or spiritualizing pain.

This space is for women who loved deeply, ignored their instincts, and are learning to trust themselves again.

Because when you know…

you don’t go back.

Welcome.”