The Birth Ease Podcast

In this special replay episode honoring Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month,  Michelle and two student filmmakers, Taylour Marks and Candace Williamson, discuss their debut documentary film, a deeply flawed system, the disparities facing black mothers, and perinatal loss. Black women are twice as likely to experience a miscarriage than other races. African Americans infants are 3.8 times as likely to die from complications related to low birthweight, have 2.3 times the infant mortality rate, and in 2017 had over twice the sudden infant death syndrome mortality rate as non-Hispanic whites.

 Their film, In Between US  is an intimate portrait of black motherhood, a deeply flawed system and the complicated beauty of life. The story was born from the alarming statistic that black women are three to four times more likely to experience pregnancy related mortality than white women in America. If it’s not about money, education, or pre-existing conditions, then why are black mothers and their babies still dying at higher rates?

"There is so much power in your voice, and you have the right to speak to up. You have the right to share your story. And when you do, it really brings people together."—Candace Williamson

"I think that it is really important that we start prioritizing mothers. The first steps are to validate the feelings and the stories of these mothers by showing them that they aren't alone. There are so many other mothers that are going through the exact same thing. ...And we should trust black women and what they have to say and their feelings and their pain. So I think it is a three-step process of listen, share, and trust and then make change off of what you have represented."—Taylour Marks

 {This episode originally aired in June 2020 as episode 040.}

Resources:

https://inbetweenusdoc.wixsite.com/mysite

https://blackmamasmatter.org/

https://4kira4moms.com/

https://sistersinloss.com/

https://rtzhope.org/grieving-black-parents

https://www.birtheaseservices.com/loss-support

About Candance Williamson & Taylour Marks:

Candace Williamson is a Broadcast Journalism Student at the University of South Florida. Ever since the age of 6, Candace knew she had a passion for being anywhere near a camera. She has written and directed a number of broadcast stories and documentaries all with a message of hope and love. Her work has been shown across the globe from the Cannes Film Festival in France to the Geelong International Festival in Australia. Candace hopes to continue her journey as a documentary filmmaker to tell stories that become catalysts for change.

Taylour Marks is an honors Telecommunication Student at the University of Florida.  As a writer, photographer, and multimedia journalist, she takes joy in telling the stories of others and empowering the public with information.  Taylour has experience working with photo, print, and broadcast journalism.  She has been recognized by BBC World News and the Aisthesis Undergraduate Honors Journal for accomplishments in photojournalism.  Taylour aspires to one day work as a local news reporter or a documentary storyteller.

Connect with Candace:

Twitter:  @heycandacemae

Instagram: @heycandacemae

LinkedIn: Candace Williamson

Website: https://heycandacemae.wixsite.com/mysite
 

Connect with Taylour:

Twitter:  @taylourmarks

Instagram:  @taylourmarks

Facebook:  @TaylourMarksNews

Connect with Michelle Smith:

Website: BirthEaseServices.com

Facebook:  Birth Ease Baby Loss Support,  Birth Ease,   The Birth Ease Podcast

Instagram: @birtheaselosssupport,  @ birtheasemichellesmith

YouTube: Birth Ease

LinkedIn:  Birth Ease Michelle Smith

Pinterest: Birth Ease

Show: Birth Ease

In this special episode honoring Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, Michelle has the privilege to have a conversation with Diana Kelley, the director of Infants Remembered In Silence © (IRIS) a 501(c)3 Nonprofit organization that she founded in 1987, following the full-term stillbirth of her son. Together they discuss how the care parents experiencing baby loss receive has become more compassionate throughout the years and the extreme value having someone to sit with us in our grief and give space for the power of silence. Diana shares sage advice for bereaved families, how IRIS's services have grown and evolved over the last 33 years, and IRIS's project to invite cities across the nation to light up buildings, statues, and monuments on October 15th in honor Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day. Thank you cities of St. Cloud and Orlando, Florida for your support! 

We invite you to share photos of your cities remembering our babies gone too soon. We would be honored to have you tag is on Facebook and Instagram @birtheaselosssuport and @Infants Remembered in Silence 

"Well, it used to be that people thought that you're not going to remember if you don't get to see, hold, and touch. We discovered that wasn't real. Then we discovered that people forget, and even if they can't communicate with you very well, their body still remembers. They still know themselves that this is when my child died passed away. And I think that is something that is really hard to comprehend.  But at a certain point, your thinking changes from being, "I am never going to be able to forget this. This is a huge impact on my life." to things changing to where you're afraid you're going to forget it and then it becomes your mission to make sure others don't forget."—Diana Kelley

{This episode is dedicated to the Smith babies. You are forever safe and loved within our hearts.}

About Diana Kelley:

Diana Kelley uses her personal and career experiences to help grieving parents through their birth process and in the years of grieving that follow the death of a child. Diana provides grieving parents with the support they need when their life seems unfair and more than they can handle.  As a bereaved parent herself, she knows how grief can affect every aspect of one’s life, as well as the lives of their loved ones and friends.

Diana became involved in Childbirth Education following the birth of her first child in 1981. By 1984 she was a Certified Childbirth Educator working in her local hospital with hundreds of families each year and training/certifying new instructors. In 2012, after 31 years, she left the organization to expand her teaching and certifying instruction with Infants Remembered In Silence © (IRIS) a 501(c)3 Nonprofit organization that she founded in 1987, following the full term stillbirth of her son. 

Today IRIS services include: Bereavement Support Materials and Burial Clothing Sets designed by Diana and several other IRIS volunteers. (These Clothing Sets fit infants from 10 - 42 Gestational weeks and include matching blanket and hat, along with everything needed to work directly with the child in the hospital and funeral home settings). IRIS offers Support Group Gatherings, Special Events including the October 15th Memorial Service at the IRIS Office - in front of an Angel weeping over an empty cradle – a bronze, life-sized statue, arranges for countless buildings, monuments, bridges, etc. to be lit for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day,  Holiday Service of Remembrance and more. These supplies and countless other resources, including the book, Sharing the Tears by Diana Kelley, are available on the IRIS website. 

Diana services as the executive director of IRIS. She lives in Faribault MN along with her four surviving children and one grandchild.  

Connect with Diana Kelly:  

 Email:   [email protected]

Website: www.irisRemembers.com

FB Business Page:  https://www.facebook.com/InfantsRememberedinSilence

FB Infants Remembered In Silence Private Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/163068716993

Angel of Hope Central Florida: 

Facebook:  @AngelofHopeCFL

Website: https://angelofhopecfl.wordpress.com/

Connect with Michelle Smith:

Website:  BirthEaseServices.com

Facebook:   Birth Ease,   The Birth Ease Podcast,  Birth Ease Baby Loss Support

Instagram:    @birtheasemichellesmith,  @birtheaselossssupport

YouTube:    Birth Ease

LinkedIn:  Birth Ease Michelle Smith

Pinterest:  Birth Ease

Show:  Birth Ease

In this very personal episode, Michelle and Susan Dascenzi have a conversation regarding the multitude of losses the pandemic has brought us. They discuss how the strong emotions and overwhelm people are experiencing globally are due to grief. Susan shares what can happen if we push our feelings aside as we work to get back some normalcy. Together they dig deep into the places that we may not even realize that what we are experiencing is grief, where we may be in grief overload, the differences between emotions and feelings, Michelle’s own grief, why we can have a difficult time supporting one another as we mourn, and tips to walk with the grief.  {This episode is dedicated to Sherry Kramer. }

“It’s so many little pieces that we give insignificance to, but they all are a part of it.”—Susan Dascenzi

About Susan Dascenzi: 

As a Licensed Psychotherapist and Spiritual and Emotional Resiliency Coach, Susan L. Dascenzi bridges the gap between the East and West, Heaven, and Earth. She is an author, Speaker, Podcast Host, and the Health and Fitness Category Director for Podcast Magazine. Susan has invested the last 27 years guiding her clients in recognizing how their past negative conditioning creates their present and future and stops them from stepping into their infinite possibilities. As a highly regarded human behavior and emotions expert, she has become known as “The Possibilities Curator,” and co-authored an Amazon Ranked #1 International Best-Selling book alongside Neale Donald Walsch and Marci Shimoff.

Connect with Susan Dascenzi:

Website:  https://www.susandascenzi.com/

Facebook: Susan Dascenzi

Twitter: susandascenzi

Instagram: @sdascenzi1

LinkedIn:  Susan Dascenzi

Podcasts:  The Spiritually Expressed Human    Kick Your Buts

Resources:

https://hbr.org/2020/03/that-discomfort-youre-feeling-is-grief?

Connect with Michelle Smith:

Website:  BirthEaseServices.com

Facebook:   Birth Ease,   The Birth Ease Podcast,  Birth Ease Baby Loss Support

Instagram:    @birtheasemichellesmith,  @birtheaselossssupport

YouTube:    Birth Ease

LinkedIn:  Birth Ease Michelle Smith

Pinterest:  Birth Ease

Show:  Birth Ease

Listen in as midwife Elena Rosa shares with Michelle the history and benefits of Arvigo Techniques of Maya Abdominal Therapy. Together they discuss how each person's reproductive journey is their own, how the state of fight or flight affects the body, the connection between the heart and the uterus, deep healing, and following the lead of your heart. 

"And just thinking about the grief and what we're told how we're supposed to be as women, what we're supposed to accept, what we're supposed to receive, what we're not allowed to stand up for, what we're not allowed to make boundaries for. You know, what we allow to happen to us because we feel like we're powerless. … But just processing what boundaries we're encouraged to have, but we're not encouraged to have. Like we're not allowed to speak up for ourselves. Like what we allow into our space, what is forced into our space. What is what we are allowed to grieve over. You know, there's so many things that we hold onto in our bodies."—Elena Rosa

About Elena Rosa, LM:

Elena is a practicing licensed midwife, an Advanced Arvigo Practitioner, and a retired licensed massage therapist based in Central Florida. As a woman of Puerto Rican descent who has lived throughout the Northeast and Southern regions of the US, Elena sees herself as a US citizen by birth, but a global citizen by responsibility.

Elena feels there is no more profound challenge than the mastery of self. The pursuit of the limitless is one of personal growth and spirituality…cultivating self-care, self-awareness, and self-love. Elena had an interest in indigenous medicine since childhood. Elena has sought out personal mentors from North and South American traditions and Tibetan Buddhism. Having participated in countless prayer and meditation ceremonies and her own deep work has provided humility, depth, space for healing herself and others, and an ongoing practice of peacemaking.

Most of all, she is the proud mother of a sweet girl who has taught her more about what her body and her heart are capable of than anyone she has ever met. Pregnancy, labor, and motherhood have brought no shortage of lessons in accepting all expected and unexpected challenges. What these experiences taught her is that she is an informed woman who knows her body, and she has all the information she needs to make the right decision for her and her child. This affirming gift is Elena’s wish for every family she serves.

Connect with Elena Rosa:

Website:  https://mykindredmidwife.com/

Facebook:   Elena Rosa

Resources:

https://arvigotherapy.com/

Connect with Michelle Smith:

Website:  BirthEaseServices.com

Facebook:   Birth Ease,   The Birth Ease Podcast,  Birth Ease Baby Loss Support

Instagram:    @birtheasemichellesmith,  @birtheaselossssupport

YouTube:    Birth Ease

LinkedIn:  Birth Ease Michelle Smith

Pinterest:  Birth Ease

Show:  Birth Ease

Listen in as Michelle and Jen dig deep into the impacts of the Coronavirus pandemic, the dynamics of blended families, her homebirth, bonding, and breastfeeding. They discuss the importance of finding good lactation support, oral motor issues in babies and children, thrush, the sexualization of breasts in our culture, and why it is vital for each family to find what works best for them regarding the feeding and care of their children. 

"There's so many factors and layers that are out of our control that at a certain point you have to learn to let go — not stress about it. And that's the biggest take away I've had. [...] And I realized that whatever will be, will be. You know, obviously there are certain precautionary measures I take. But I am not going to sit and worry myself to death, because that isn't going to help anyone."—Jen Torres

Connect with Jen Torres

Website:  jentorresgroup.com

Facebook:  JenTorres Group

LinkedIn:  Jen Torres

Instagram:  @jentorresgroup

Resources:

https://thenursingnurseibclc.com/

https://www.beckmanoralmotor.com/

Connect with Michelle Smith:

Website:  BirthEaseServices.com

Facebook:   Birth Ease,   The Birth Ease Podcast

Instagram:    @birtheasemichellesmith

YouTube:    Birth Ease

LinkedIn:  Birth Ease Michelle Smith

Pinterest:  Birth Ease

Show:  Birth Ease

Listen in as Byuanni and James recount their experience of giving birth at the beginning of the Coronavirus pandemic. They explain the ways that the unknowns of COVID-19 brought additional stress to their first pregnancy and birth, as well as how they navigated an unexpected induction of labor, an epidural headache that was discounted as normal by hospital staff, and a strong bout of baby blues once their baby was born. Together, they share with Michelle the different factors that were positive game-changers in their experience.

"It was terrifying. Especially because at the time that I was approaching labor, we weren't even sure if they were going to allow our partners into the hospital. That to me was my biggest fear, just to imagine going through something so, in a way, traumatic. It's a big thing in your life.  And not to have someone who you can just hold their hand or just feel some type of comfort, and you will be surrounded by strangers, that was my absolute biggest fear of all was to be by myself." —Byuanni

Connect with Michelle Smith:

Website:  BirthEaseServices.com

Facebook:   Birth Ease,   The Birth Ease Podcast

Instagram:    @birtheasemichellesmith

YouTube:    Birth Ease

LinkedIn:  Birth Ease Michelle Smith

Pinterest:  Birth Ease

Show:  Birth Ease

Listen in as Jenn Fong, IG @preggotoparent, shares with Michelle her experience of giving birth during the COVID-19 pandemic. Together they discuss how this pregnancy differed from her first due to Coronavirus, her birth story and what helped her to create a peaceful birthing experience despite the pandemic and an unforeseen event impacting her birth, and what has helped her manage her postpartum with a new baby and a two year old. Jenn shares tips for expecting families and how placenta encapsulation made a difference for her postpartum.

“It's just a reminder, that we all need to give ourselves grace during this weird, unique period. I think, you know, a lot of people are grieving their missed vacations or their postponed weddings, or unfortunately, not being able to attend a funeral. It has just been so crazy. I read this amazing quote that said, 'We are all in the same storm. We may not be in the same boat, but we are all in the same storm.' " —Jenn Fong

Connect with Jenn Fong:

Instagram:  @preggotoparent

Connect with Michelle Smith:

Website:  BirthEaseServices.com

Facebook:   Birth Ease,   The Birth Ease Podcast

Instagram:    @birtheasemichellesmith

YouTube:    Birth Ease

LinkedIn:  Birth Ease Michelle Smith

Pinterest:  Birth Ease

Show:  Birth Ease

Listen in to the second half of Michelle's conversation with Barbara Decker, one of the pioneers in the childbirth education movement. With a half-century of experience, Barbara explains that babies are looking for a trusting relationship with their parent. A parent's job is to respond to their baby. Babies need a healthy attachment figure to be able to build a healthy psychological and emotional journey. Barbara shares that almost half of all pregnancies are unplanned or unwanted. Yet, parents can repair the relationship with their baby at any point in pregnancy.  Barbara shares fascinating information regarding babies' awareness and consciousness in the womb. 

"This [early nurture period] is critically, critically important for society as a whole and the health and the humanity that we are trying to bring into the world. When parenting in the womb becomes a normal phase, a part of, having a baby, we can change society as a whole."—Barbara Decker

About Barbara Decker:

Barbara has been a childbirth educator for over 48 years. She’s a doula,  a HypnoBirthing ®Practitioner, PALS supporter and Mentor, PALS Northwest Hospital Ambassador, and an avid supporter of APPPAH  (Association of Pre and Perinatal Psychology and Health) as membership and Mentor for the PPNE (Prenatal and Perinatal Educator Certification Program) course.

What brought Barbara to the field of Prenatal and Perinatal Psychology was the knowledge she received after reading The Secret Life of the Unborn Child by Thomas Verny. That was almost 11 years ago and since that time has received certificates as a Prenatal Bonding Facilitator with B.O.N.D. The Greatest Pregnancy Ever.com program, trained for two and a half years, with Dr. Gerhard Schroth in the Prenatal Bonding (BA) Program (Only 12 trained to facilitate in the US.), and was one of the first graduates of the APPPAH PPNE Program. Her passion for educating parents on the importance of the preconception/gestational period led her to write a new paradigm in childbirth education - EmpoweringPregnancy.com. She has lectured throughout the United States, in India, and in Mexico on the need to teach these classes. It is imperative that we educate our birthing families on the intelligence of the baby growing in the womb. Our babies need to feel loved during the pregnancy, mothers need to manage their stressors in a safe way, and this program offers the tools to build a healthy relationship for the whole family. 

Parents that have attended the program feel that they are better prepared for their pregnancy, more bonded and attuned to the baby inside, plan for more natural births, an improved relationship with their partners, and feel more prepared for the postpartum experience. When you parent a baby in the womb, you know how to parent when the baby arrives. Attachment improves with a more conscious awareness of the needs of our babies for healthy minds and bodies. Pregnancy complications are lessened and parents make more informed choices in birthing facilities, practitioners, and interventions. It is time to empower our families with the knowledge that Emotional Intelligence is formed from conception through the nine months after the birth. Let’s put the brakes on the violence in this country and “Build Babies, Not Jails”. (Article written by Dr. Thomas Verny, JOPPPAH 2011)

Connect With Barbara Decker: 

Website:  www.soulofbirthing.com

Website:  www.empoweringpregnancy.com

Email:  [email protected]

Resources:

APPPAH

Dr. David B. Chamberlain

Dr. Thomas R.Verny

The Primal Wound

Connect with Michelle:

Website:  BirthEaseServices.com

Facebook:   Birth Ease,   The Birth Ease Podcast

Instagram:    @birtheasemichellesmith

YouTube:    Birth Ease

LinkedIn:  Birth Ease Michelle Smith

Pinterest:  Birth Ease

Show:  Birth Ease