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In this deeply personal and reflective episode, I share my journey of how childhood wounds shaped my adult relationships—and how I learned to break free from painful patterns.

I revisit the book Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood, which first opened my eyes over 20 years ago to the impact of childhood dysfunction on love and relationships. That discovery led me to ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families) groups, therapy, and an initial sense of healing. But marriage and the challenges of family life reawakened old traumas, plunging me into over a decade of chaos, fear, and emotional pain.

I describe how my inner world was split between two selves: one desperately longing for love and safety, and another terrified of the pain that love brought. This painful push-and-pull cycle left me dependent on my partner’s moods for a sense of security and worth.

What changed everything was an awakening—through spirituality, self-development, and meditation—that shifted both my relationship and my understanding of love. I realized that the emptiness inside, the “black hole” of unmet childhood needs, cannot be filled by someone else. Instead, healing comes from giving ourselves what we lacked: love, compassion, acceptance, and forgiveness. As we do this, the walls built from past beliefs begin to dissolve, and relationships naturally transform.

The episode also connects back to my earlier discussion on “addiction to chemical patterns in relationships” but expands with new insights on how childhood traumas create both a longing and a block to receiving love. I encourage listeners to explore their earliest relationships with parents, to identify their own “black hole,” and to begin the inner work of healing from within.

Finally, I share the importance of awareness, stillness, and self-love, and I invite listeners to join me in an upcoming conversation with coach Bryan Power, who will guide us deeper into understanding attachment styles and how they influence our connections.

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