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The Blackness
You can't escape it.
The likes of the United States of America masterminded the false flag “terror attack” on its own citizens in 2001 in order to deceive it's citizens into a police state to suit the New World Order;
Now, New York City preys upon its weakest and most vulnerable inhabitants via inhumane psychological terrorism, gangstalking, terror hacking, and other forms of psycholotical terrorism in order to maintain the inequivocal social and justice issues plaguing the united states of Asmerica; the globalization of a one-world government, and the continuation of the human slavetrae system from which the United states of america has built itself and has been thriving on, priding itself on being the strongest country in the world: However, it shall soon see its own de mise, with the importation of hundreds of thousands of non-natural citizens in an attempt to close the plummeting world economy, thereby once again prioritizing thousands of lives over the lives of the Indigenous and involuntarily Imported descendants of the AFRICAN BLACK american slaves
YOU'RE BLAAAAA—-
I get it. Shut up.
BLACK.
Please be quiet.
BLAC
shh .
B
please shut up.
I'm allowed to have an extreme distaste for impoliteness
Disgusting habits
Lack of hygiene
Honestly, I don't care what color you are
Stop disturbing the peace
NO JUSTICE NO–
SHUT UP.
Listen, I don't want to go through this again.
I'm not going to kill myself
Not today satan.
I have too much to–
Oh, really, I have nothing better to do than
Make money?
MAKE MONEY.
Broke ass bitch.
You realize, blacks
mexicans
Immagrants
poor whites
ugly /fat people
that you're all still slaves.
that the people telling you that “it's okay to not be ok”
Are the exact people making everything not ok
for profit.
Oh, but also if your family owned slaves and property from slavery you should have to give a certain amount of your income to re-allocate some of the resources you–
well , lets just face it
STOLE
YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
WASH YOUR FUCKING PUSSY.
(and also just
*coughing*
*toxcity*
*grossness*
getaway from me..
*coughing*
gross .
*talking on the phone at 5 am*
Mmmmmmmmmhmm
SHUT
Yo. Where are the indigenous people?
Dead.
or somewhere out there claiming to be 1/32.1/2th Cherokee and pretending not to listen to taylor swift.
I MADE IT.
I actually hate you.
I knew it was a set up from the moment i walked in the door.
There she sat, hunched over in the corner, almost hiding as if to try to surprise me.
But I had already been psychologically tortured with the permanant record of my own past with enough audacity that I understood that I was being provoked and manipulated;
And I was tired of it.
They all coughed.
They all wanted to have “random” “friendly conversations about my
Pedophile Wifebeater ExHusband.
God Help Him
(No, Seriously, help him)
Because— he tore my son away from me
and e
verybody in
Very racist, very right wing, very color-coded, colonized
Rural Alaska
Assured that i
(being a black woman)
was the problem.
–and you know what?
Perhaps I was.
WHAT HAPPENED TO FELEYSHA WILLIAMS.
Idk. she's probably dead or tweaked out somewhere.
I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU.
Ok. But you're ging to have to torture me consistently for at least a few weeks until we fight.
He deserves custody. You're crazy.
Cool. i don't want to spend the rest of my life arguing with someone who looks like someone who ruined my life trying to explain why it's salad until after puberty just to make sure his beauty doesn't ruin his life.
Because all he eats is processed foods and plays video games and watches anime anyway so,
Really it's a perfect world, for him.
He's a perfect boy.
I was told he didn't love me
Didn't want me
Didn't ask about me
And didn't need me.
So i left.
Well, no–
I tried to kill myself first (or did)
Whatever
Then I left.
No, actually i tried to stay and split custody down the middle so nobody would have to pay child support.
It wouldn't be fair to either of us, right, but:
So here I am trying to explain how
Yo, look.
I left my shit in a locked parked car in a parking lot
To push out a 5 minute shit
And when I got back
Everything was gone.
hm.
oh , you know what?
No, the car was still there.
The car was still there. Yeah.
That's good.
Yeah, I was real lucky for that,
cause
I lived in it.
hm .
Lucky for me.
AH, shit. It was a rental, though, so I still owe someone a lot of money
Interesting
For getting ROBBED.
So, here's the thing This:
BEING A DISGUSTING, OBNOXIOUS, LOUD, COUGHING, DRINKING, SMOKING, PIECE OF
Oh, that's what it is. It's my ex's energy.
That.
Doing the LEAST.
Doesn't even know what clean IS
so fucking fat he'll never see his penis EVER again
and anybody else who does
honestly
it's cool,
I just feel bad for her, honestly,
like ?
*gross pedophile wifebeater*
You can't just go around calling people pedophiles!
You can when everything they're obsessively sexually attracted to what looks like a kid
or sometimes IS a kid without him realizing that
Or
is when they're openly watching porn and masturbating
With a toddler.
Yes. that actually happened.
No, it didn't.
I saw you.
Well ,nobody will ever believe me, I guess because–
Because the first time he hit me,
I covered for him
But only I begged him to stay with US
THREE OF US
a two year old, a one month old
And me
the wife that was so paralized from depression
After learning that her husband
The only man she ever truly “loved”
had cheated
The.
entire .
time
So not only did I waste my time–
My body is ruined, and
I'MJUSTGOINGTOKILLMYSELF.
–not the thing you want to hear as you're trying to stop the blood from pouring out of your face.
My
whatever . fuck this story.
What why?
Cause it SUCKS.
PLUS
I'm apparently
“Very very bright”
Hm
And we're at the midsts of an
Environmental Crisis
*Multiple **Environmental*Crises
Just at the tip
Of another manipulated global disaster
Which has left most the population
Lazy and docile enough to not care
About anything
Anymore
I care about my son.
I don't care about your stuff;
And I didn't take anything from you
You gross, dirty, coughing ass, stinking pussy ass
Grotesque
Fuck it.
I just
don't
care
I have all my own shit.
Honestly,
I was just sick of beng reminded of this dumb sack of shit.
It wasn't real.
They were all actors
gangstalkers
undercovers
CIA agents
Welfare Office Workers
What?
Hey, look, just so you're aware
Being in the system actually technically on paper strips you of some of your basic human rights and decencies.
You are State Property.
Bought and Sold for the benefit of
The Highest bidder,
Who,
Never you mind,
Is of the highest power
In this predicament
H O W E V E R
I had finally been given an out;
An apartment, far away from the
Check it out,
I was being studied, provoked, recorded, questioned about a past I was only trying to forget and gulted over and over as if i had abandoned my child on purpose
No, son.
Daddy just has issues
And mommy has issues
And I'm really really sorry about this
But you're the most beautiful,
Wonderful,
Amazing
Person I've ever met in my life,
Bear(r)
And I'm proud to be your
FATHER.
huh . what. I'm a girl.
No. You're not; He's the girl.
Bitch ass babymomma .
Fuck it, just go be with ___ then.
Oh, amazing I love this one.
I never cheated
I just retreated
So I could repeat this:
“he cheated! He cheated”
“he beat me, he beat me”
“I hate him, I hate him”
My best friend was Annie
My Lover was Davies
–doesn't matter these days, though
same place
Salt Lake Saltair
It's been years.
You know how,
When you're a kid,
And you
[Get scraped]
Oh shit, I missed a –
A lot.
hm .
You ever have another kid pick your scab off for you–
Wayyyyy before it was ready?
YOu ever like–
You get it??
Yo, i get this is like government, public housing or whatever
IGNORANT BLACK WOMAN
Why does she have to be “ignorant” can't she just be
NO
Because she was
Extremely ignorant, this particular one,
and so are most of the other ignorant black people who work in social services because white people
a . wouldn't do it.
b . aren't equipped
Because the kind of black people you meet in a new york city homeless shelter are
—no , i'm not actually THAT racist—
just the
lowest quality people
[LCD]
Lowest Common Denomonator
She stole my ID.
Fucku.
So i'm a low quality people.
Yep. You suck.
Ok. I'm gonna go suck at Equinox for six hours.
Go, then.
Don't follow me.
But
We're watching you.
Someone's always watching me.
I'm famous,
But not rich
And every time i make any money my ex husband gets to buy drugs and ciggarettes with it.
CHILD SUPPORT
Before:
Literally doesn't answer phone for months.
Me: Thinking my child is dead because i can't get ahold of him, it's always winter in alaska and the roads are made of ice. Panic, fear, paralyzing depression
And when I finally DO get in touch;
It's because:
ACTUAL BEST FRIEND
I haen't heard from ***** at all but a little while ago some girl called me and was yelling at me accusing of cheating with him.
ME
AHAHAH
ACTUAL BEST FRIEND
AHAHAHA
US
LOL SKRILLE
wait , this is a different story
NO, it really fucking ISN'T.
SO
All my wages are garnshed to pay child support
I can't even TALK to my kid
and
Oh yeah.
I was only ever homeless in the first place because
This is where it happened:
BITCH
*throws fake house plant*
*RAGE*
RURNJRNH
*PUNCH to the FACE 1
This cannot be happening
*PUNCH TO THE FACE 2*
Wow, that really sounds like in the mov–
*PUNCH TO THE FACE 3*
HE'S NOT STOPPING, I GOTTA
*literally can't go anywhere, also being strangled*
so somewhere between punches 3 and 5
*FIVE PUNCHES TO THE FACE*
And I mean, he was winding his arm back and everything
Oh, it was weird how like my third roommate gave me almost the exact same injuries fighting over the thermostat.
I'm cold.
I'm hot
Well, yeah, you're from Peru and I'm from
LA
Alaska, so
I ean technically really neither of us are built for this but hey–
America needs corporate slaves so,
Welcome.
Yo soy triste.
Ay! Dios Mios. Ahora YO soy triste!
*crying*
Dios Mio
Anyway, they know you're like some kind of like–
Wizard, or like–
Wizardry's alright–
—Like a fairy–
I'm way, way bigger than any “fairies” i've seen
(and more powerful)
Some kind of like a
KEISHA THE ROADCOP
Why's she a road cop?
Idk. My brain backwards remembers her from that random McDonalds, though, when.
WAY, WAY BEFORE THAT:
(kinda)
This hasn't happened in a really long time
Staying up all night in ableton,
Then only for the day to come
To write and think about how
I've been fasting again,
but not on purpose
I've just been so stressed
Because all the bodies in my simulation are
inhuman , coughing
Keigha seemed human
Kinda
I loved her.
I love her.
I actually liked that one.
By that time it was obvious that it was all an inside job;
Each “roomate” i had been paired with had been given a specific list of buttons to push,
Things to talk about
Topics to discuss
But mostly–
Buttons to push.
Look, if I commit suicide and anyone cares at all,
there are thousands of recordings
and writings
Which indicate
“she struggled greatly with mental illness'
Or how about
I suffer greatly from
My 3rd grade teacher was a classic closet racist.
I'm eight.
She's a huge, unmarried mormon white lady
And that's super unommon
(Even for the fat ones)
Fat people can have normal lives!!
Not really. That's a lie.
BODY POSITIVITY
no , you should be ashamed.
why .
Because ive literally been tormented my
ooh , also this
I've been tortured, taunted, and humiliated my entire life,
Made to feel lesser than,
And shamed repeatedly for not only my weight,
But my skin color– and that's a whole other thing.
NO.
Having a disability and being black are not the same thing.
NO.
It's not the same thing to “skinny shame” someone as it is to
=====
Look, you're looking for equality, right?
NO.
Why?
Because ME is not equal to HER.
Why not.
I surfer more–
–I work harder.
Oh, look, by the way,
I've finally figured it out that
YOU LIVE IN THE JUNGLE
WHAT'S A JUNGLE?!?!?!
YOU'RE FAT.
WHAT'S WHAT MEAN?!
IT'S BAAAAD. But here, eat this:
What is it:
It's hamburger helper
What's this gonna help?
Nothin.
THIRD GRADE TEACH
She's a very bright girl, she jut has trouble focusing.
BULLY
*passing note*
“Losser”
SHE SPELLED ‘LOSER' WRONG.
HOW AM I THE LOSER?
SHE'S NOT EVEN SMART.
*white passing, bilingual 8 year old*
[Some spanish shit, honestly i don't know what she said because it blew my mind that she did not look, and yet was
MEXICAN.
FIrst season:
Well, since even when I work full time and have two jobs I still can't afford an apartment, even if I DIDN'T have an eviction on my record,
oh .
Well, yeah;
I got fired from my job
I couldn't function.
Like, at all
I could still breastfeed, kind of
*ouch*
But that's it.
I just couldn't…
BENTLEY is a yorkshire terrier
*teacup
BENTLEY *is a Teacup Yorkshire Terrier
What about this other thing?
Which other thing?
Oh,
I mean, I'm not racist;
I don't care what color you are
Or where you come from
But act decently
-NOBODY wants to hear your phone conversations
NOBODY wants to wake up to the sund of your voice every day
(especially after the things you've said and done to them)
And
NOBODY
Wants to pick up your trash.
In fact,
If that were my job,
I'd have killed myself already bcause
Well. This Fucking Sucks. I quit.
YOU'RE THE DEVIL.
YOU LEFT YOUR FAMILY TO TRY TO BE A ROCKSTAR.
Actually, my family abandoned me and left me homeless when I started
Eating an all-organic (at first, raw foods) whole foods diet.
wtf.
This is salad, no dressing.
Yep.
For like–
Seriously my diet has been the most depressing thing about me ever since i've been maintaining my body.
See. You can quit heroin.
You don't NEED it to survive,
Unless you're Scribbly Pibbles
Aka
You know what? It's not funny anymore
Nevermind.
When your friends go out for ice cream
Ha
Or Pizza
Lol
Lets Get McDonalds.
OK, I guess i'll just starve, then.
I guess we could insert the scene with Raven Symone here then?
Which one?
Idk.
WHere is it.
Idk.
IT's buries. *buried
[buries]
Mm. Yummah.
WE'll find it.
I don't think we're gonna find it
Maybe Sonny has it.
Damn, fuck that
Or maybe Dillon?
[Dillon Francis is a very white man]
No, but–
I don't think it's safe to put any Disney or NBC shit in here cause it's like, you know
YOu know what?
[Censored]
Hey, yeah
I don't give a fuck about your shit
Like at all
But since you want a war
And i've been brushing up on all my
Office politics and
strategies
Then I guess since
*ONE ATTACK ON MY SOUL*
stop provoking me, satan
Do you think he actually controls demons,
or it's just the government is controlled by the white supremacists
And you're being set up to fail
A little of both,
It's like a roller coaster
Minus the plummet
Explosions
Co–
Look, I actually can't write right now,
I snapped.
What do you mean
I just snapped.
I can't sleep
I also just quit smoking weed. again
Well, why'd you start
Literally everyone around me for the last
Who fucking knows how long but–
Every single body around me starts
*coughing*
So maybe i must be the
toxin
This whole world just smells like poison
Why are you trying to sterilize me.
JOIN THE MILIT
NO. No guns.
What.
PEACE.
Beg your pardon.
NO, NOW i'M BEGGING,
ALL I REALLY WANT IS TO BE LEFT ALONE
It's me again
Get away from me you creepy ass nigga
hey , it's me again
stop being around.
Out of sight, out of mind.
You know, I was almost, almost
dead
Right
So after being tortured by the US government about being SUPACREE
Bruh, I'm telling you to quit provoking me.
You're everything that's wrong with the world.
Apparently, yeah
so i tried to change that
And by the time i do
I'm obsolete
TYLA, EVERYBODY!
The me that everyone loved.
The me that was perfect
The me with
Whatever she had to make her look like that
(Water, btw. )
No, we don't have water. You'll have to drink it out of the sink.
What.
*dirty, disgusting homeless shelter bathroom sink*
yeah , drink that.
IGNORANT BLACK WOMAN
AND DON'T FORGET
I'M BETTER THAN YOU
CAUSE I'M NOT HOMELESS
(Anymore)
Because the homeless system in itself is like a
big , bleeding, gaping wound of
systemic racism
Within itself
WHY ARE WE GIVING NON-CITIZENS SO MUCH MONEY?!
It goes back into OUR econ
NO, iT DON'T.
Half of it goes to
INT. THE NIKE STORE. DAY.
What up DJ!?
I fucking quit.
Trying to get a job as a DJ:
WHERE'S YOUR FOLLOWING.
They're not gonna follow me,
Because I wear clothes in my photos
And don't sell ass
YOU DON'T SELL ASS
no
I'd consider it.
Why?
Cause little white girls make more than black girls in porn because we're so
UGLY
Ok, look, just because i called you “ugly”
Only the fat ugly ones like me when i'm fat.
Ugly doesn't negate lack of beauty
Or skin tone,
To me
It's a vibe.
Woah.
Cool colors.
Woah.
What happened to Skrillex?
He died, i think, er like
Evolved, or something
Another Grammy
*instantly disappears into a dimension so high I could never even think to*
It's lonely at the top.
I'm not lonely, i'm sick of being punished for being born.
You're not being punished! That's in your MIND!
PATHOLOGICAL LIAR MOTHER/
PEDOPHILE WIFE BEATER EX HUSBAND
THATSALL IN YOUR MIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNDDDDD
BEFORE:
Torture–
–Ridicule–
-Trauma–
Abuse
NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS.
YOu know why?
CAuse they have the same problems.
We're all the same person except for
Skrillex, The US Government,
A couple of aliens
Whatever those to things are
Those guys over these
Wtf. I thought everything is everything.
NO, it's needs to split.
What do you mean
EVERYTHING IS
NOTHING
Oh.
There's Jimmy Fallon.
FUCK! Now I gotta exp
no , i don't.
I'm just gonna make music
which ,
Doesn't really make me enough money
But it's okay.
I'm sick of working for corporations that only see dollar signs
My employee number is my name
My coworkers are all weird, and dumb
and I work harder than everybody else
But for some reason when I match the pace of my peers
You have to go with the flow of traffic.
NEW YORK CATTLE PEOPLE
INSOMNIAC CATTLE PEOPLE
YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT.
NOTHING ON YOUR PLATE HAS EVER SEEN SUNLIGHT.
That's ok.
I'm an omnivore
No, it's not,
Because
The animal you're eating is a herbivore
He
or
“it “
You gotta castrate them
but he
NOT FOOD FOOD COW
Mo..00oo?
..
yeah , i don't know.
Well, what about you
SKELOCHICKEN
*FLl**dies*
hm.
CHINA
MORE HORMONES TO POI–
I MEAN
NUTRITION YOUR PEOPLE?
AMERICA
YES, PLEASE ADD MORE DEPRESSION.
CHINA
Ok.
AMERICA
THANKS
CHINA
Also we're infiltrating with the humanoid robot genetically modified satellite controlled robot people.
AMERICA
You can do that?
STOP ASIAN HATE.
*cough*
*robotic*
*nothin*
I don't hate you guys,but this is weird and kinda shocking.
Wtf are they doing with the asians
STOP ASIAN –
Nobody hates you, we just ant to know why
*HOSTILITY*
ok , this is weird.
CHINA
Hey, we've been on this continent awhile it's getting kind of crowded.
AMERICA
*hating all the colors but needing diversity to keep the corporate slaves from rioting*
lol . they won't riot. they're all drunk or medicated
IT'S OK TO NOT BE OK
…really?
Yeah.
Wow. ok. I feel a lot
That'll be $88.50
*sighs* ….ok.
*pays*
…per pill.
That's my whole–
It's okay!
It's not okay…
Well, that's okay, because it's okay to not be okay
*huffs*
Ok
IT'S OKAY! IT'S OK! INSURANCE!
It's ONLY a $100 copay!
What.
EVERY 30 DAYS. $100
Cause we need you to not be okay
Why
RICH ASSHOLE
So i can be extremely ok.
[beat[
….
*sighs*
*finds a penny*
I'll take that too.
*....*
what ?
I tried..
Alright, I gotta tie this up.
TIE THIS UP!? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!
I put all your shit in the trash.
Tie me up.
Okay, I like you
But I lie good
And i'm tired
With my eyes on
I got IONS on my filers
I got no mail
For the iron
I'm so tired
But man,
I've learned that
Sometimes, man
Well,
Just–
Live hurts
and if I swerve
And i die first
Cause this mind curse
Is my worst hurt
but ,
no
That's untrue
I got no son
I got no phone.
Got no baby momma, but my
Fire's lighting up an oven
For my bun, or muffin
I'm bluffin,
I'm stuffed but
God, I love these cumsluts.
[( Jimmy Fallon cannot participate in this project. )]
Well, why not?
Honestly, hon,
If i'm the mom in that one
Stumble upon this podcast on
stumble upon or tumblr,
Then i'm numb,
Bummed out for certain
the songs and curses,
verses make more sense than
anything
(and i mean anything and everything
Inside this simulation since
HILARY!
NO, DONALD TRUMP.
–but the conundrum comin up under
A microscope such as this:
My husband's a public figure
And this girl keeps saying *nigger*
Like the problems in the world aren't getting bigger
–so this ring around my finger,
Shall protect us from this singer,
God help her–
I hope my son never reads this…
But Jim,
The Executive Decision has been made!
She's insane! Crazy!
Abandoned her own baby for fame;
adjacently;
The Fame Game was made to be played by
Players and families
[The Wealthy and Super Elite]
Oh, you're not ugly cause you're black, just–
*splits*
*scratches humungous crotchel*
Uh…
Yeah, Ok. No.
So is this like a PSA on mental illness?
Idk. did i survive this?
Suicide.
God, why do i
Did I write this?
I might have
Something like it
But i died again
I've been inside my mind,
I lied again
I have no one to confide to cause
Okay: So every one with blue eyes has given me this sort of pain, specifically
* racism *
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
* deception
*manipulation
*dishonestly
*mistrust
I'm 8,
My third grade teacher is just
WAITING for me to fuck up
Speak out of turn
One time, she gave a soda to every person on my row
Everyone but me
Didn't explain it,
nothing.
Just
“This row wins!”
(Except for Cree)
And didn't say shit; didn't explain anything, just.
–and we're all 8,
so
lol nobody's saying shit in here but apparently that mental scar stayed buried until today,
While i'm just sitting here trying to explain why,
Something i've always found so pretty
I don't hate white women.
All of my best friends (almost)
Have been white girls
Which is how I know
*she doesn't know what she wants*
blue eyed people are aware that their eyes are a mutation/adaptation specifically meant to aide in survival by reflecting light.
I … ok, go on.
So it's not like, they're evil for it
White supremacy getting ahead entirely, so much so that the reigning world power has lost touch with reality so much that it's 8 billion inhabitants are literally dying inside out of anxiety
because we've built a dystopian society where it makes more sense to poison yourself repeatedly than to actually be a human and evolve
–Evolution is a group effort.
So yeah,
S
Fuck it
The celebrities are up here in sodom and gamora or whatever and half of the politicians are in there with them, but the truth is that while the rest of us fight over something that's technically only been programmed to exist
(there's enough food in the world, guys.)
–MAYBE NOT ENOUGH WATER THOUGH.
SUPACREE
That's why you're trying to make me CRY?
They're psychic tears!
BUT WHERE DO THE TEARS COMEFROM.
HEAVEN.
Literally.
Nowhere you can see or ever reach because
DEMONS AREN'T REAL. YOU'RE CRAZY.
Wtfever I was raised in the united states of america where GOD is implicated on all of our currency as if it's no curse of blasphemy within itself– blasphemy which WE made up just to control people because
well , apparently all the people
–all the people–
the big ones, the little ones,
The fat one e the short ones, the girls and the boys
–are still going to keep making more peopl e
Somethings will never change.
Boys will be boys.
My ex husband may not actually be satan himself;
You know, cause satan can't stay in one place
SATAN ISN'T REAL
Ok.
Are we seriously going to sit here and pretend like nobody has ever read a history book in their life
YES
EVIL EXISTS.
IT ALWAYS HAS.
It's not in your head!
You're not okay!
You were brought here,
Amost entirely with the purpose
Of servitude
(most of us)
Living beneath some of those who have
never known
The pain of poverty
the grief of homelessness
The cruelty of racism
REVERSE RACISM IS REAL.
OH REAALLY?????!!
NIGGER.
CRACKER.
Which one do you want to eat?
Neither, honestly, I'd just-
Oh my God, he's up!
Like a glass of
Oh My God! My God! He's Alive!
TYLA
I got it!
JIMMY FALLON
Water.
Wtf is Jimmy Fallon doing in a coma.
IDK cause who the fuck just beat the shit out of JImmy Falon?
I'm assuming it's not his
Could actually be–
Babymama.
hm .
…Unless it was.
Into a coma?!
“Why Women Kill”
Oh, I get it. They're trying to see if i' P m violent.
At this point
________LINES
____________________- BEING _______
___________CROSSSS
ok , i fuked skrilex.
I KNEW IT.
I TOLD YOU.
See, look this is not
It's not
Like, it doesn't have to be special or anything, i just–
Need it.
SKRILLEx/SONNY
…I beg your pardon?
SUPACREE
Please, don't beg…
SKRILLEX
*face*
SUPACREE
I mean–
SKRILLEX
*squints*
Unless you're into that, or something. I don't know!
“I don't know”
SKRILLEX
So wait, you're a fan.
[Apparently, or obviously, cause, I'm honestly getting this play by play, here, finishihg writing story in a stream of consciousness–]
(or unconsciousness)
Oh! That's MY coma! Nice!
Damn. Wtf.
[--like in real time–or, like,
was, before I got distracted thinking about
Shit, I got so much stuff I gotta do.
[INSERT CELEBRITY APPEARANCE HERE]
Well, perhaps this is one of them.
Holy shit, I'm acid.
What.
How did that happen so fast it's only been like
What?
Well, how long's it been?
I don't know, now well, where'd she go.
It's Over.
What?
It's gone.
Just let me go
ok .
Just let me go.
ok .
Just let me go.
What if I just JUMP UP
NO.
Don't do that.
The kit is stronger than you, Jimmathin.
“Jimmathin”!”
What, you wanted
KING JAMES
Fine, I'll write it.
What.
What is this.
This is just like
Woah
[Art]
Wow.
Yeah.
There's a lot.
A R T
JIMMY FALLON is a
Are we going this?
How else am i supposed to explain
“ I L L U M I N A T I
Look
I'm you.
ok .
You're me.
alright.
[Young Gods] Wrking title
Didn't they aready do this–
Or something like this?
Yes, but I wrote it first.
TV
Come and Get it!
RAP WORLD
UNH
YOu'RE A LOSER
UNH
IMA NIGGA SO WHAT
UHHHH
Shut up, drake
UNNNNHHH
I'm gonna call you up
UN
That's enough
OOOOHHHBIIIIRRRRRRRRRR
That's it. You're done.
WASTED.
YOU DON'T WANNA BLACK BOY
I GOT LOTS OF BLAC GIRLS
WHITE GIRLS
MOLLY, ROCK
WHITE GIRL,
WHITE GIRLS
CHINESE EYES
I LIKE HER
THIGHS
Sunni, shut up
In UNISON
Sep: I MADE IT!
EARLIER:
SEP, FROM UNISON
Gimmie a dollar.
….okay, but I only have one dollar.
Jimmy Fallon
ILLUMINATI
Please explain this.
JAMES FALLON is a simple man.
IS HIS NAME JAMES?!
I don't know, but who names their kid
JIMI
Oh, no, that's like,
Like you know,
JImi Hendrix
aww , i loved that baby…
I love babies.
I love her.
aw . this is
WRAP IT UP
This is a lot of stories, okay, but mainly how somehow I got
T R A U M A (D)
Whait, where's Dillon Francis?!
Who the fuck cares.
Wake up.
For waht.
I gotta get waisted.
You mean *wasted*
Shut up.
Wait so like, DIllon and CC are like
Together?
DJ*
Oyeah. DJ. DJ the DJ
[DJ the DJ]
[BJ the DJ]
ok , that was also, like, first season
YOu're right, Justin, this is getting Meta.
I'm not Hustin, I'm Rick.
What.
I'm Rick.
No, no you're
RICK SANCHEZ
IT'S ME. i'M BACK. i”M THE REAL RICK SANCHEZ.
well la-teee–
UNITY
You forgot about me, didnt you?
UNITY!?
That's why everyone is assimilated.
Damn, you're really good a dissociating?
Would you rather I not be?
CUT BACK TO:
Homeless shelter: The Reject Pile, The literally runoff of the
World.
Right.
The broken, forgotten women that.
Woah, her whole face was FUCKED UP.
She went back to him
NOOOOO
(but like, that was me)
Whatever. If you don't have kids, run!
Fuck it, if you have kids, run
just run at night and do it
Quickly
Just get out.
Quietly
Shhh.
Wait, isn't it just as bad the other way around?
What? Huh *still fucked up*
You're high right now?
No, i”m not high
I mean
I Am
I mean, I wanna get FUCKED UP.
What are you saying?
What i'm saying is;
I would get high on anything else but life right now
why
Cause i wanna die
so die
i can't
why
otta solve this
what .
Why i can't die.
You WHAT?!
I CAN'T DIE!
US GOVT
It's true! We tried like three times already.
This can never lead back to us
Did they give you a script!?
Brings up random story from childhood even i forgot about.
So you want me to drink water out of this
*basically a toilet*
Actually, the toilet might have been cleaner if she wasn't such a
WHORE.
What.
She was a whore.
I kind of figured.
Why?
By the way the toilet smelled when she used it
*sniffs* ok. This is everybody.
This is a lot of everybody.
This is everybody,
But then everybody left,
Then more people came
And everybody came back.
This is everybody.
This is too many
*blacks*
WHAT?!
Look, like i said, it's not racism that diversity is getting more important than just hiring 7 white people and 1 or two of the rest of us for coloration and entertainment
Cause even god knows
Sadistic white supremacists love watching
Everybody else kill each other over
Things they already have.
WHITE SUPRMACISTS
Oh shit, it's the guys from Equinox.
(it is, in fact, those guys)
Wait. did i never finish my story about
so what was the whole thing about
BODY SHAMING IS WRONG.
Bruh whatever the whole earth is a body and what “our”*coughs* species has done to it is pretty much the most shameful thing literally ever because we're mostly all racists kind of in one way or another or have judgements and intolerances – but
*coughs*
What?
Why are we treating Anxiety as a mental illsness?
Cause it's in your head?
SYNETHESIA
No, this shit it
*Skrill
Fuck it
P H Y s I cAAlLLLLLLLLLL
Whats wrong with him
I don't kno w
please eat, would you.
lol . no.
How long is this fast
[LOUD MOTORCYCLE/SATAN]
*stomach blowing bubbles of acid before its even audible in my ears*
ow .
*coughs*
ok , ow.
*coughing*
Ok, ow.
What if, that gross,
Scary, evil coughing thing that's following me is just
JIMMY FALLON.
STOP FOLLOWING ME.
YOU FOLLOWED ME HERE.
PLEASE, OH GOD, OH MERCIFUL GOD IN HEAVEN.
What? God's not in heaven right now!!!
SHE'S NOT?! WELL, WHERE IS SHE?
GONE.
GONE WHERE , GOD CAN'T be GONE. GOD IS GOD.
MARK
LUKE
JOhN
PETER
….ok, this is getting strange.
KING JAMES
Finally, Jesus.
Well, when does Jesus get here, then.
Later.
LATER:
Can I go now?
No
What did you say was the
Do you even read what you post sometimes?
No, I mostly just write it then forget it exists
What, really?
Yes. So by the time you're reading this.
It may have been years.
Oh shit, this show's still on.
Yeah.
That's fucking nuts.
Yeah.
This shit gets craaaaazzy.
my fans
Yo dude, I had one roommate that might have been
whatever, you had to have heard my podcast if you know anything about
[PASSWORD]
You want me to kill myself?
*indifference*
WHAT DO YOU WANT
…
…..
……
Why?
Why WHAT?
Why are YOU not fuckked up on that couch somewhere, or like, dead?!
Technically, I am!
What?
This is a homeless shelter!
Yes, obviously, however:
Go on.
Everyone here is sad.
Correct.
Everyone here is broken.
Yes.
Everyone here has been hurt–
probably
Beaten–
Yes,
Some of us
Reviled.
YO.
Thisfuckedup.
I gotta get out of here.
Damn, so like, you pay child support and everything–
But you don't even get to see your kid?
And when you do it's on his terms,
Because of nepotism
And the assumption that
as the bi-racial half of a bi-racial relationship,
It must have been you that fucked up
So much so
That you deserve that
And no matter what you do is wrong
How was I wrong?!
Your pussy stinks.
That's it?
Yep.
You have mental problems.
But my pussy clean. *shrugs*
Anyway.
Maybe I should be meditating
I am META - TATING.
Duh.
INDIGEIDIOTS
AHAHAHA . GOOD ONE.
SHAQ
AHAH
Not right ow dude.
SHAQ
Why not me?!
Because, dude, we have like one scene together, and i'm terrified of you.
SHAQ
I am picking you up now.
no , no, shaquille o'neal
yes , actually–
wait , what's your name again
S U P A C R E E
n..o…
YES. THERE SHE IS
WHERE IS SKRILEX
SHAQ
UP.
Why does he sound so dumb?
Cause he's BIG.
So that means he' dumb?
NO, but I also can't afford another celebrity appearance unless,
Pasqualle
PASQUALE ON THE BEACH
Why is it–
BECAUSE
[PASQUALE ROTELLA is on the beach.]
PASQUALE
No.
AWW, COME ON.
PASQUALLE
NO, SUPA U
Who is that? !
PASQUALE
SHUT UP.
Woah, okay, ouch.
PASQUALE
You just said ***** 147 times.
NO.
but
NO. U.
What
BE
U.
(lmfao why does he have that like mirror thing white people in the
When is this
Forever
Lmfao you're trying to fry yourself a sunburn tan with a giant mirror.
BLUE EYED MOTHERFUCKER
No, i'm *** staring in mirror intently***
Wow, your eyes are really pretty
MEANWHILE
[DILLON FRANCIS is about to DIE.]
oh, you again.
ohFUCK.
[But his eys are really pretty]
*glamour*
Damn.
Wow.
She has a baby!
wait , WHAT.
CUT TO:
Wait, Dillon Francis is having a baby?!
YES.
WHEN?!
[NOW)
WHENEVER.
DAMN.
[BEAT]
WIBEATER
You rang?
NO.
Hahahahaha42055555555555fucku.
Whatthefuckishappeningritenow.
I GOTTA GO.
JUST BEAT IT, MICHAEL JACKSON.
The silhouette of SUPACREE bedazzles as she dances
C'ESME'T
KATEY SAGAL
Are we back to me yet?
In a minute.
Broh you have all these rich people mad deep in their feelings.
I guess.
(I am their feelings)
It would be great if they were mad deep in their pockets for [The Festival Project™]
Why.
Excuse me.
Why would anybody do that,
When for the last
[However]
15 Minutes
RANDOM NON COINCIDENCE
Your 15 minutes is up.
That's impossible, because I'm living in a homeless shelter.
Which is where you deserve to be.
Huh.
For being born.
Excuse me?
Everything you've ever done.
*breath, walk talk*
Is wrong
(I Am.)
HOLD ON JIMMY, DON'T LET GO
I might let go.
DON'T.
Lol
This kite just might be stronger than you, Jimmy Fallon.
I hate this guy.
What is he?! Japanese!
(Ive often wondered, not worth knowing, though, cause what's about to happen is)
T H E W I N D
IIIIIII
Please don't cry
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
plase dont
Nono
Nnnnnnssssssnsnsnsnsnsnfnffn
V.O.
Poor Little Jimmy Fallon…
W I N DS
FFFFFFFUUUUUUUDNDNDFFFFFFFF
I AM DEFINITELY STRONGER THAN THIS KITE.
No. no, you are not
Wouldn't it be it's “the wind” “the wind is stronger than me”
No, Jimmy Fallon
James
Shut up–
It's the KITE
DIRECTOR
That's the line! Got it?
And if you break fourth wall,
When we're live, or just– ever again,
WHAT. could be jimmy fal0n sure.
Namesake police talkin bout:
If we can put ot AI Michael Jackson,
God rest his soul, which reminds me,
After this scene, put the one with
[The Soul Kitchen]
I'M A MAN!
T H E W I N D
AAAAAAAAAAA–
*sniffles*
oh , maybe not.
hm.
JIMMY FALLON
*sigh of–
T H E W I N D
SSFFFLLAAAAAAAAAAACHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
KITE: BLOOP.
x_x
DEATH.
NO SHAQ! Put me down!
SHAQ
You can DOWN when the BASS is ALSO THERE.
SUPACREE
No, you don't mean–
SHAQ
We WILL drop the bass.
SUPACREE
Put me down! I'm a grown ass woman!
SHAQ
*purses*
SUPACREE
I am NOT a tiny person.
SHAQ
I know: I'm married to one.
SUPACREE
I know, i know. the entire world cringes about it, however, congratulations on your happy
SHAQ
DUBSTEP.
SUPACREE
NO, NO DUBSTEP
SHAQ
DUBSTEP.b
SUPACREE
OH, GOD, NO, PLEASE
SHAQ
Maybe a little rap
SUPACREE
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Andy Sandbourg.
Uh, ok, wait, whose
THE LONELY ISLAND
WHEN WILL THE BASS DROP?!
(When will the bass drop?)
–When will the bass drop
OH. That's why that island is lonely.
YES.
DO. NOT.
UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES
Ok
DROP THIS BASS.
Ok.
I”ll be right back.
Ok.
[beat]
[another beat]
[some tension]
[space]
[more tension]
[The lights cut
CUT TO:
JANET JACKSON bursts through the panoramic window.
…
You are not Dillon Francis
FIGHT
Wait, fight w–
JANE JACKSON
Alright you!
HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?
lol ‘Jane Jackson?'
You know, just in case she didn't want to commit, but you know
Janet Jackson was one of the first ones to approach me to show interest about this project.
IT'S ALL FACETIOUS LIES.
(t's not tho, i'm bein 100% honest and truthful bout everything, so .)
LIE
what .
LEARN HOW TO LIE.
Excuse me?
or , hey, listen:
You can tell the truth, but at least be funny.
This is funny.
*homelessness*
*niggers*
STOP SAYING THAT.
Isn't it weird how the word almost only offends white people now cause
Cause we're all capitalists.
Capitalists.
People that believe in money.
Oh.
AS GOD.
oh .
YOu have none.
oh .
YOU are the devil
ugh GROSS. You'RE BROKE.
What.
GET OUT.
What
We don't need you here. We need people to hit the workforce, buy things, and never complain unless it end in
ME
MAKING
MONEY
Ok, fine, so like I just was saying.
JANET JACKSON
WHERE'S MY BROTHER?!
WHEVER HE IS! I DON'T KNOW!
[I'm getting really tired so i'm not going to describe in full brutal detail how Janet Jackson is whooping–
Who is this
Is whooping this other character's ass right now.
Wait, Whoopi.
Fuck. You saw it.
Yeah, You're Whoopi Goldberg!
WhattheFUCK.
But you're als Janet Jackson!
I Am.
WHY?!
Look, I didn't know you were a channel, alright
EARLIER:
CUT SCENES FROM A VERY BRUTAL BATTLE
SAY UNCLE
NNNNOOO____YuuuurrrrJANETJACKSON
SAY UNCLE
Control, Janet Jackson
Seriously?! You picked that song for this montage?!
it's!
SAYUNCLE
UNCLESAMWANTS–U–TO WIN
THIS FUCKING BATTLE—YAGH–
JANET JACKSON
SAY
UNCLE
JUNGLE
OH SHIT.
Hold up.
Okay, real quick.
Remember those people in the jungle that don't know their in a jungle
DANE COOK
WHATEVER, I'M NOT DONG THIS PROJECT.
IT'S TOO LATE, YOU'RE IN.
DANE COOK
OK.
But i'm gonna make you forget about it
For like a really long time
Ok
Until you forget who I am at all.
Alright.
Many, many lifetimes.
Go on.
Until I find you again.
And you WILL.
And i WILL. AND WHEN I DO
I AM NOT DOING THIS PROJECT
I am SO not-famous I have almost been
FORGOTTEN.
Forgotten at
FORGOTTEN AT ALL!
And I will not
AND YOU WILL NOT KNOW ME.
ok .
…ok.
So.
So….
kite.
kite.___________________________________________________FL|| IIII IIIII YYYYY AAA |||||||
UNCLE– UNCLE–UNCLE
JANET JACKSON
NOW SING ABC by THE JACKSON 5!
WHAT?!
SING IT.
UNCLE. UNCLE!!!
I WANNA HEAR A SONG.
Damn, Janet Jackson still got it.
WHOOPI GOLDBERG
What gave me away?
Your left hook.
Still got it.
I know.
Even in the wrong body, now look.
If I'm not Michael Jackson
Could never be
Neither could you
O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
lol she's not gonna do this movie.
She might. she's friendly.
besides.
ABC…
KEEP GOING, BUT BETTER
EEEEASY AS 1-23…UNCLE!
THERE'S NO UNCLE IN ABC!
Do you think we're at a feature yet?
Notquite
Why, how oong's a feature?!
Till it isn't.
Right., so
Look, obese americans
I know its hard to face the facts–
Or anything at all, because, you know
“I'm going to start eating right–
….later”
and nobody's judging you at all, actually because.
That was me.
(Is still me)
When i'm eating
food , which was my
Adderall.
What.
You needed adderall. Youe entire life and never got it.
Yeah I know.
Because you're black.
Maybe that's not why.
What do you mean.
Maybe that's not why. Maybe when
Look, my mom wasn't going to take me to a doctor for focus issues,
I would cry and cry when my dad would leave.
It's probably for the best that I stay away,
I'm a psycho now.
I might killl you.
I would like that because I just can't seem to.
CAPITALIZE. CAPITALIZE OFF THIS PROJECT!
HOW?
SELL YOUR ASS.
WHAT? No that's
(Only Fans)
What.
Look, you can't just BE a DJ: You can, but you're gonna need like, 3 other jobs, and some hustles and shit, cause everybody else.
How come.
Because, dumbass , you're not Skrillex;
Or whoever he sits with.
[TINA FEY Is a whatever. ]
What does this mean
I don't know.
By the way, nothing's making me “do this”
It's called “automatic writing”, it's some kind of extraterrestrial psychic shit,
I don't know.
My pain unlocked all my colors, and well.
KITE.
____________________________________________________________________KE$HA
Now I'm God.
Wait, How long's a feature?
OOOOOOIOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH, WE'RE HALFWAY THERE.
OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH
30 ROCKEFELLER PLAZA, MANHATTAN, NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK.
So dumb the state has the same name as the city
I kno
So dumb
Bro could you imagine being like a comedian or like an actor during the like
“The Good Old Days”
I swear I'm about to stop
Don't stop.
SAY, IS THAT A
wait , i think i feel a song coming on
Oh yeah, i hear it…
Something like
Fuck
How to tell an obstacle
From a crossword,
Or draw slung crosses on awkward
Wax polished
silver scratched ponds
On the surface or
Then it all starts picking up
When i turn on my pic or sing,
I turn to write and this
Motorcycle wants to eat me from the inside out
Cause the man who rides it
Got nothing on to watch on his instagram stories
No only fans models
Just hot soft porn
And he's so far from a microphone
–but far at all
Cause i started to talk, then
The car alarms going off
all i got a words, really
The music is gone
A couple albums coming,
The old stuff I made on my long journey
being homeless
with no son
Long sauna jaunts
(and I mean)
Sometimes from Sunday to Monday
And monday would have come and then gone,
Before I could come home
Cause there wasn't one
Only a sauna, at my job
Well, one of them
The other's across town and,
I might just make it in time
(i won't though)
I spent my first check on a bike
(my mom lives across town, but she don't even know i'm
Homeless;
Nevermind,
She knows this,
She's just
Preoccupied with
THE BLACKEST THING i'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.
That's a person, not a thing.
No, you made yourself a thing
THEY. made you a thing. To THEM. but when they walk away–
I'm a man.
–The world's yours.
You are not my kid.
I get that.
It's the prettiest day New York City has Ever seen
Oh shit, this is fucking IT.
This is theMOVIE.
DILLON FRANCIS
GOOD. CAUSE I'VE. HAD IT.
ST. JIMMY
Oh, shit.
I better run.
Wait, Greenday is in this?!
Everybody's in this
IAMBIC!!!!
(it's a rock opera)
Yeah God.
Speaking of THE ROCK
DWAYNE JOHNSON
YOOOOOOOOO.
Wtf.
Whatthefuck.
WHY YES, I AM A WHAT THE FCK.
CUT TO BLACK:
[The Festival Project ™]
{Enter The Multiverse}
[The Festival Project.™]
COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT, INC. circa 2018- 2024 | ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©
-Ū.
“”
AFTER DA CREDITZ
LOL WHAT CREDITS,
I'm streaming this
EDITORS
OH YOU WILL SEE THESE CREDITS.
these are insanely creative credits.
TINA FEY
(But way less cute)
What color is that,
What is what
Your hair now
Is it like
MELISSA MCCARTHY
clover….
“It's Honeydew Blondi
What
“Honeydew Blondike”
*blonde-like, but
Holly. Which one?!
Honeydew Blondish.
Well it's weird.
You're fucking weird.
Wait have you ever actually met Tina Fey
*unruly, wild shit*
Oh yeah, that bitch is crazy.
LIZ!!!
GET BACK HERE.
Uh.
HOLLY ROBINSON PETE
No, officer Hanson
Detective
You were demoted.
I wasn't demoted.
You know what.
I was SHOT,
CAPTAIN HOFFS is being haunted by her best friend's from back in the day; they are ghosts. She is the last surviving
CAST MEMBER
Look, what character am I supposed to be.
lol WHATEVER YOU WANT
what would you call this?
Your “sexy” passenger?
No, Dexter…
Or, is it
MICHAEL C. HALL
I don't know. I think that's for you to decide
No, dude, the whole point of the festival project is sometimes—
It doesn't
…
Zzz
Wait, what happened.
skrillex left the chat.
Hm. I wonder where he went.
THE B- SIDE
FINALLy, the BEYONCÉ PART
HAVENT YOU BEEN PAYING ATTENTION?
THE WHOLE THING IS
“THE BEYONCÉ PART”
Because
GOD
BEEEEEYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
*Beyonce, being Skrillex*
[expletive]
Ohhhhhhhh, that's how she got the accent over theeeeeeeeeeeeee
—————eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeé
matter.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_aLRVCa76U
The Blackness
You can't escape it.
The likes of the United States of America masterminded the false flag “terror attack” on its own citizens in 2001 in order to deceive it's citizens into a police state to suit the New World Order;
Now, New York City preys upon its weakest and most vulnerable inhabitants via inhumane psychological terrorism, gangstalking, terror hacking, and other forms of psycholotical terrorism in order to maintain the inequivocal social and justice issues plaguing the united states of Asmerica; the globalization of a one-world government, and the continuation of the human slavetrae system from which the United states of america has built itself and has been thriving on, priding itself on being the strongest country in the world: However, it shall soon see its own de mise, with the importation of hundreds of thousands of non-natural citizens in an attempt to close the plummeting world economy, thereby once again prioritizing thousands of lives over the lives of the Indigenous and involuntarily Imported descendants of the AFRICAN BLACK american slaves
YOU'RE BLAAAAA—-
I get it. Shut up.
BLACK.
Please be quiet.
BLAC
shh .
B
please shut up.
I'm allowed to have an extreme distaste for impoliteness
Disgusting habits
Lack of hygiene
Honestly, I don't care what color you are
Stop disturbing the peace
NO JUSTICE NO–
SHUT UP.
Listen, I don't want to go through this again.
I'm not going to kill myself
Not today satan.
I have too much to–
Oh, really, I have nothing better to do than
Make money?
MAKE MONEY.
Broke ass bitch.
You realize, blacks
mexicans
Immagrants
poor whites
ugly /fat people
that you're all still slaves.
that the people telling you that “it's okay to not be ok”
Are the exact people making everything not ok
for profit.
Oh, but also if your family owned slaves and property from slavery you should have to give a certain amount of your income to re-allocate some of the resources you–
well , lets just face it
STOLE
YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
WASH YOUR FUCKING PUSSY.
(and also just
*coughing*
*toxcity*
*grossness*
getaway from me..
*coughing*
gross .
*talking on the phone at 5 am*
Mmmmmmmmmhmm
SHUT
Yo. Where are the indigenous people?
Dead.
or somewhere out there claiming to be 1/32.1/2th Cherokee and pretending not to listen to taylor swift.
I MADE IT.
I actually hate you.
I knew it was a set up from the moment i walked in the door.
There she sat, hunched over in the corner, almost hiding as if to try to surprise me.
But I had already been psychologically tortured with the permanant record of my own past with enough audacity that I understood that I was being provoked and manipulated;
And I was tired of it.
They all coughed.
They all wanted to have “random” “friendly conversations about my
Pedophile Wifebeater ExHusband.
God Help Him
(No, Seriously, help him)
Because— he tore my son away from me
and e
verybody in
Very racist, very right wing, very color-coded, colonized
Rural Alaska
Assured that i
(being a black woman)
was the problem.
–and you know what?
Perhaps I was.
WHAT HAPPENED TO FELEYSHA WILLIAMS.
Idk. she's probably dead or tweaked out somewhere.
I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU.
Ok. But you're ging to have to torture me consistently for at least a few weeks until we fight.
He deserves custody. You're crazy.
Cool. i don't want to spend the rest of my life arguing with someone who looks like someone who ruined my life trying to explain why it's salad until after puberty just to make sure his beauty doesn't ruin his life.
Because all he eats is processed foods and plays video games and watches anime anyway so,
Really it's a perfect world, for him.
He's a perfect boy.
I was told he didn't love me
Didn't want me
Didn't ask about me
And didn't need me.
So i left.
Well, no–
I tried to kill myself first (or did)
Whatever
Then I left.
No, actually i tried to stay and split custody down the middle so nobody would have to pay child support.
It wouldn't be fair to either of us, right, but:
So here I am trying to explain how
Yo, look.
I left my shit in a locked parked car in a parking lot
To push out a 5 minute shit
And when I got back
Everything was gone.
hm.
oh , you know what?
No, the car was still there.
The car was still there. Yeah.
That's good.
Yeah, I was real lucky for that,
cause
I lived in it.
hm .
Lucky for me.
AH, shit. It was a rental, though, so I still owe someone a lot of money
Interesting
For getting ROBBED.
So, here's the thing This:
BEING A DISGUSTING, OBNOXIOUS, LOUD, COUGHING, DRINKING, SMOKING, PIECE OF
Oh, that's what it is. It's my ex's energy.
That.
Doing the LEAST.
Doesn't even know what clean IS
so fucking fat he'll never see his penis EVER again
and anybody else who does
honestly
it's cool,
I just feel bad for her, honestly,
like ?
*gross pedophile wifebeater*
You can't just go around calling people pedophiles!
You can when everything they're obsessively sexually attracted to what looks like a kid
or sometimes IS a kid without him realizing that
Or
is when they're openly watching porn and masturbating
With a toddler.
Yes. that actually happened.
No, it didn't.
I saw you.
Well ,nobody will ever believe me, I guess because–
Because the first time he hit me,
I covered for him
But only I begged him to stay with US
THREE OF US
a two year old, a one month old
And me
the wife that was so paralized from depression
After learning that her husband
The only man she ever truly “loved”
had cheated
The.
entire .
time
So not only did I waste my time–
My body is ruined, and
I'MJUSTGOINGTOKILLMYSELF.
–not the thing you want to hear as you're trying to stop the blood from pouring out of your face.
My
whatever . fuck this story.
What why?
Cause it SUCKS.
PLUS
I'm apparently
“Very very bright”
Hm
And we're at the midsts of an
Environmental Crisis
*Multiple **Environmental*Crises
Just at the tip
Of another manipulated global disaster
Which has left most the population
Lazy and docile enough to not care
About anything
Anymore
I care about my son.
I don't care about your stuff;
And I didn't take anything from you
You gross, dirty, coughing ass, stinking pussy ass
Grotesque
Fuck it.
I just
don't
care
I have all my own shit.
Honestly,
I was just sick of beng reminded of this dumb sack of shit.
It wasn't real.
They were all actors
gangstalkers
undercovers
CIA agents
Welfare Office Workers
What?
Hey, look, just so you're aware
Being in the system actually technically on paper strips you of some of your basic human rights and decencies.
You are State Property.
Bought and Sold for the benefit of
The Highest bidder,
Who,
Never you mind,
Is of the highest power
In this predicament
H O W E V E R
I had finally been given an out;
An apartment, far away from the
Check it out,
I was being studied, provoked, recorded, questioned about a past I was only trying to forget and gulted over and over as if i had abandoned my child on purpose
No, son.
Daddy just has issues
And mommy has issues
And I'm really really sorry about this
But you're the most beautiful,
Wonderful,
Amazing
Person I've ever met in my life,
Bear(r)
And I'm proud to be your
FATHER.
huh . what. I'm a girl.
No. You're not; He's the girl.
Bitch ass babymomma .
Fuck it, just go be with ___ then.
Oh, amazing I love this one.
I never cheated
I just retreated
So I could repeat this:
“he cheated! He cheated”
“he beat me, he beat me”
“I hate him, I hate him”
My best friend was Annie
My Lover was Davies
–doesn't matter these days, though
same place
Salt Lake Saltair
It's been years.
You know how,
When you're a kid,
And you
[Get scraped]
Oh shit, I missed a –
A lot.
hm .
You ever have another kid pick your scab off for you–
Wayyyyy before it was ready?
YOu ever like–
You get it??
Yo, i get this is like government, public housing or whatever
IGNORANT BLACK WOMAN
Why does she have to be “ignorant” can't she just be
NO
Because she was
Extremely ignorant, this particular one,
and so are most of the other ignorant black people who work in social services because white people
a . wouldn't do it.
b . aren't equipped
Because the kind of black people you meet in a new york city homeless shelter are
—no , i'm not actually THAT racist—
just the
lowest quality people
[LCD]
Lowest Common Denomonator
She stole my ID.
Fucku.
So i'm a low quality people.
Yep. You suck.
Ok. I'm gonna go suck at Equinox for six hours.
Go, then.
Don't follow me.
But
We're watching you.
Someone's always watching me.
I'm famous,
But not rich
And every time i make any money my ex husband gets to buy drugs and ciggarettes with it.
CHILD SUPPORT
Before:
Literally doesn't answer phone for months.
Me: Thinking my child is dead because i can't get ahold of him, it's always winter in alaska and the roads are made of ice. Panic, fear, paralyzing depression
And when I finally DO get in touch;
It's because:
ACTUAL BEST FRIEND
I haen't heard from ***** at all but a little while ago some girl called me and was yelling at me accusing of cheating with him.
ME
AHAHAH
ACTUAL BEST FRIEND
AHAHAHA
US
LOL SKRILLE
wait , this is a different story
NO, it really fucking ISN'T.
SO
All my wages are garnshed to pay child support
I can't even TALK to my kid
and
Oh yeah.
I was only ever homeless in the first place because
This is where it happened:
BITCH
*throws fake house plant*
*RAGE*
RURNJRNH
*PUNCH to the FACE 1
This cannot be happening
*PUNCH TO THE FACE 2*
Wow, that really sounds like in the mov–
*PUNCH TO THE FACE 3*
HE'S NOT STOPPING, I GOTTA
*literally can't go anywhere, also being strangled*
so somewhere between punches 3 and 5
*FIVE PUNCHES TO THE FACE*
And I mean, he was winding his arm back and everything
Oh, it was weird how like my third roommate gave me almost the exact same injuries fighting over the thermostat.
I'm cold.
I'm hot
Well, yeah, you're from Peru and I'm from
LA
Alaska, so
I ean technically really neither of us are built for this but hey–
America needs corporate slaves so,
Welcome.
Yo soy triste.
Ay! Dios Mios. Ahora YO soy triste!
*crying*
Dios Mio
Anyway, they know you're like some kind of like–
Wizard, or like–
Wizardry's alright–
—Like a fairy–
I'm way, way bigger than any “fairies” i've seen
(and more powerful)
Some kind of like a
KEISHA THE ROADCOP
Why's she a road cop?
Idk. My brain backwards remembers her from that random McDonalds, though, when.
WAY, WAY BEFORE THAT:
(kinda)
This hasn't happened in a really long time
Staying up all night in ableton,
Then only for the day to come
To write and think about how
I've been fasting again,
but not on purpose
I've just been so stressed
Because all the bodies in my simulation are
inhuman , coughing
Keigha seemed human
Kinda
I loved her.
I love her.
I actually liked that one.
By that time it was obvious that it was all an inside job;
Each “roomate” i had been paired with had been given a specific list of buttons to push,
Things to talk about
Topics to discuss
But mostly–
Buttons to push.
Look, if I commit suicide and anyone cares at all,
there are thousands of recordings
and writings
Which indicate
“she struggled greatly with mental illness'
Or how about
I suffer greatly from
My 3rd grade teacher was a classic closet racist.
I'm eight.
She's a huge, unmarried mormon white lady
And that's super unommon
(Even for the fat ones)
Fat people can have normal lives!!
Not really. That's a lie.
BODY POSITIVITY
no , you should be ashamed.
why .
Because ive literally been tormented my
ooh , also this
I've been tortured, taunted, and humiliated my entire life,
Made to feel lesser than,
And shamed repeatedly for not only my weight,
But my skin color– and that's a whole other thing.
NO.
Having a disability and being black are not the same thing.
NO.
It's not the same thing to “skinny shame” someone as it is to
=====
Look, you're looking for equality, right?
NO.
Why?
Because ME is not equal to HER.
Why not.
I surfer more–
–I work harder.
Oh, look, by the way,
I've finally figured it out that
YOU LIVE IN THE JUNGLE
WHAT'S A JUNGLE?!?!?!
YOU'RE FAT.
WHAT'S WHAT MEAN?!
IT'S BAAAAD. But here, eat this:
What is it:
It's hamburger helper
What's this gonna help?
Nothin.
THIRD GRADE TEACH
She's a very bright girl, she jut has trouble focusing.
BULLY
*passing note*
“Losser”
SHE SPELLED ‘LOSER' WRONG.
HOW AM I THE LOSER?
SHE'S NOT EVEN SMART.
*white passing, bilingual 8 year old*
[Some spanish shit, honestly i don't know what she said because it blew my mind that she did not look, and yet was
MEXICAN.
FIrst season:
Well, since even when I work full time and have two jobs I still can't afford an apartment, even if I DIDN'T have an eviction on my record,
oh .
Well, yeah;
I got fired from my job
I couldn't function.
Like, at all
I could still breastfeed, kind of
*ouch*
But that's it.
I just couldn't…
BENTLEY is a yorkshire terrier
*teacup
BENTLEY *is a Teacup Yorkshire Terrier
What about this other thing?
Which other thing?
Oh,
I mean, I'm not racist;
I don't care what color you are
Or where you come from
But act decently
-NOBODY wants to hear your phone conversations
NOBODY wants to wake up to the sund of your voice every day
(especially after the things you've said and done to them)
And
NOBODY
Wants to pick up your trash.
In fact,
If that were my job,
I'd have killed myself already bcause
Well. This Fucking Sucks. I quit.
YOU'RE THE DEVIL.
YOU LEFT YOUR FAMILY TO TRY TO BE A ROCKSTAR.
Actually, my family abandoned me and left me homeless when I started
Eating an all-organic (at first, raw foods) whole foods diet.
wtf.
This is salad, no dressing.
Yep.
For like–
Seriously my diet has been the most depressing thing about me ever since i've been maintaining my body.
See. You can quit heroin.
You don't NEED it to survive,
Unless you're Scribbly Pibbles
Aka
You know what? It's not funny anymore
Nevermind.
When your friends go out for ice cream
Ha
Or Pizza
Lol
Lets Get McDonalds.
OK, I guess i'll just starve, then.
I guess we could insert the scene with Raven Symone here then?
Which one?
Idk.
WHere is it.
Idk.
IT's buries. *buried
[buries]
Mm. Yummah.
WE'll find it.
I don't think we're gonna find it
Maybe Sonny has it.
Damn, fuck that
Or maybe Dillon?
[Dillon Francis is a very white man]
No, but–
I don't think it's safe to put any Disney or NBC shit in here cause it's like, you know
YOu know what?
[Censored]
Hey, yeah
I don't give a fuck about your shit
Like at all
But since you want a war
And i've been brushing up on all my
Office politics and
strategies
Then I guess since
*ONE ATTACK ON MY SOUL*
stop provoking me, satan
Do you think he actually controls demons,
or it's just the government is controlled by the white supremacists
And you're being set up to fail
A little of both,
It's like a roller coaster
Minus the plummet
Explosions
Co–
Look, I actually can't write right now,
I snapped.
What do you mean
I just snapped.
I can't sleep
I also just quit smoking weed. again
Well, why'd you start
Literally everyone around me for the last
Who fucking knows how long but–
Every single body around me starts
*coughing*
So maybe i must be the
toxin
This whole world just smells like poison
Why are you trying to sterilize me.
JOIN THE MILIT
NO. No guns.
What.
PEACE.
Beg your pardon.
NO, NOW i'M BEGGING,
ALL I REALLY WANT IS TO BE LEFT ALONE
It's me again
Get away from me you creepy ass nigga
hey , it's me again
stop being around.
Out of sight, out of mind.
You know, I was almost, almost
dead
Right
So after being tortured by the US government about being SUPACREE
Bruh, I'm telling you to quit provoking me.
You're everything that's wrong with the world.
Apparently, yeah
so i tried to change that
And by the time i do
I'm obsolete
TYLA, EVERYBODY!
The me that everyone loved.
The me that was perfect
The me with
Whatever she had to make her look like that
(Water, btw. )
No, we don't have water. You'll have to drink it out of the sink.
What.
*dirty, disgusting homeless shelter bathroom sink*
yeah , drink that.
IGNORANT BLACK WOMAN
AND DON'T FORGET
I'M BETTER THAN YOU
CAUSE I'M NOT HOMELESS
(Anymore)
Because the homeless system in itself is like a
big , bleeding, gaping wound of
systemic racism
Within itself
WHY ARE WE GIVING NON-CITIZENS SO MUCH MONEY?!
It goes back into OUR econ
NO, iT DON'T.
Half of it goes to
INT. THE NIKE STORE. DAY.
What up DJ!?
I fucking quit.
Trying to get a job as a DJ:
WHERE'S YOUR FOLLOWING.
They're not gonna follow me,
Because I wear clothes in my photos
And don't sell ass
YOU DON'T SELL ASS
no
I'd consider it.
Why?
Cause little white girls make more than black girls in porn because we're so
UGLY
Ok, look, just because i called you “ugly”
Only the fat ugly ones like me when i'm fat.
Ugly doesn't negate lack of beauty
Or skin tone,
To me
It's a vibe.
Woah.
Cool colors.
Woah.
What happened to Skrillex?
He died, i think, er like
Evolved, or something
Another Grammy
*instantly disappears into a dimension so high I could never even think to*
It's lonely at the top.
I'm not lonely, i'm sick of being punished for being born.
You're not being punished! That's in your MIND!
PATHOLOGICAL LIAR MOTHER/
PEDOPHILE WIFE BEATER EX HUSBAND
THATSALL IN YOUR MIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNDDDDD
BEFORE:
Torture–
–Ridicule–
-Trauma–
Abuse
NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS.
YOu know why?
CAuse they have the same problems.
We're all the same person except for
Skrillex, The US Government,
A couple of aliens
Whatever those to things are
Those guys over these
Wtf. I thought everything is everything.
NO, it's needs to split.
What do you mean
EVERYTHING IS
NOTHING
Oh.
There's Jimmy Fallon.
FUCK! Now I gotta exp
no , i don't.
I'm just gonna make music
which ,
Doesn't really make me enough money
But it's okay.
I'm sick of working for corporations that only see dollar signs
My employee number is my name
My coworkers are all weird, and dumb
and I work harder than everybody else
But for some reason when I match the pace of my peers
You have to go with the flow of traffic.
NEW YORK CATTLE PEOPLE
INSOMNIAC CATTLE PEOPLE
YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT.
NOTHING ON YOUR PLATE HAS EVER SEEN SUNLIGHT.
That's ok.
I'm an omnivore
No, it's not,
Because
The animal you're eating is a herbivore
He
or
“it “
You gotta castrate them
but he
NOT FOOD FOOD COW
Mo..00oo?
..
yeah , i don't know.
Well, what about you
SKELOCHICKEN
*FLl**dies*
hm.
CHINA
MORE HORMONES TO POI–
I MEAN
NUTRITION YOUR PEOPLE?
AMERICA
YES, PLEASE ADD MORE DEPRESSION.
CHINA
Ok.
AMERICA
THANKS
CHINA
Also we're infiltrating with the humanoid robot genetically modified satellite controlled robot people.
AMERICA
You can do that?
STOP ASIAN HATE.
*cough*
*robotic*
*nothin*
I don't hate you guys,but this is weird and kinda shocking.
Wtf are they doing with the asians
STOP ASIAN –
Nobody hates you, we just ant to know why
*HOSTILITY*
ok , this is weird.
CHINA
Hey, we've been on this continent awhile it's getting kind of crowded.
AMERICA
*hating all the colors but needing diversity to keep the corporate slaves from rioting*
lol . they won't riot. they're all drunk or medicated
IT'S OK TO NOT BE OK
…really?
Yeah.
Wow. ok. I feel a lot
That'll be $88.50
*sighs* ….ok.
*pays*
…per pill.
That's my whole–
It's okay!
It's not okay…
Well, that's okay, because it's okay to not be okay
*huffs*
Ok
IT'S OKAY! IT'S OK! INSURANCE!
It's ONLY a $100 copay!
What.
EVERY 30 DAYS. $100
Cause we need you to not be okay
Why
RICH ASSHOLE
So i can be extremely ok.
[beat[
….
*sighs*
*finds a penny*
I'll take that too.
*....*
what ?
I tried..
Alright, I gotta tie this up.
TIE THIS UP!? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!
I put all your shit in the trash.
Tie me up.
Okay, I like you
But I lie good
And i'm tired
With my eyes on
I got IONS on my filers
I got no mail
For the iron
I'm so tired
But man,
I've learned that
Sometimes, man
Well,
Just–
Live hurts
and if I swerve
And i die first
Cause this mind curse
Is my worst hurt
but ,
no
That's untrue
I got no son
I got no phone.
Got no baby momma, but my
Fire's lighting up an oven
For my bun, or muffin
I'm bluffin,
I'm stuffed but
God, I love these cumsluts.
[( Jimmy Fallon cannot participate in this project. )]
Well, why not?
Honestly, hon,
If i'm the mom in that one
Stumble upon this podcast on
stumble upon or tumblr,
Then i'm numb,
Bummed out for certain
the songs and curses,
verses make more sense than
anything
(and i mean anything and everything
Inside this simulation since
HILARY!
NO, DONALD TRUMP.
–but the conundrum comin up under
A microscope such as this:
My husband's a public figure
And this girl keeps saying *nigger*
Like the problems in the world aren't getting bigger
–so this ring around my finger,
Shall protect us from this singer,
God help her–
I hope my son never reads this…
But Jim,
The Executive Decision has been made!
She's insane! Crazy!
Abandoned her own baby for fame;
adjacently;
The Fame Game was made to be played by
Players and families
[The Wealthy and Super Elite]
Oh, you're not ugly cause you're black, just–
*splits*
*scratches humungous crotchel*
Uh…
Yeah, Ok. No.
So is this like a PSA on mental illness?
Idk. did i survive this?
Suicide.
God, why do i
Did I write this?
I might have
Something like it
But i died again
I've been inside my mind,
I lied again
I have no one to confide to cause
Okay: So every one with blue eyes has given me this sort of pain, specifically
* racism *
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
* deception
*manipulation
*dishonestly
*mistrust
I'm 8,
My third grade teacher is just
WAITING for me to fuck up
Speak out of turn
One time, she gave a soda to every person on my row
Everyone but me
Didn't explain it,
nothing.
Just
“This row wins!”
(Except for Cree)
And didn't say shit; didn't explain anything, just.
–and we're all 8,
so
lol nobody's saying shit in here but apparently that mental scar stayed buried until today,
While i'm just sitting here trying to explain why,
Something i've always found so pretty
I don't hate white women.
All of my best friends (almost)
Have been white girls
Which is how I know
*she doesn't know what she wants*
blue eyed people are aware that their eyes are a mutation/adaptation specifically meant to aide in survival by reflecting light.
I … ok, go on.
So it's not like, they're evil for it
White supremacy getting ahead entirely, so much so that the reigning world power has lost touch with reality so much that it's 8 billion inhabitants are literally dying inside out of anxiety
because we've built a dystopian society where it makes more sense to poison yourself repeatedly than to actually be a human and evolve
–Evolution is a group effort.
So yeah,
S
Fuck it
The celebrities are up here in sodom and gamora or whatever and half of the politicians are in there with them, but the truth is that while the rest of us fight over something that's technically only been programmed to exist
(there's enough food in the world, guys.)
–MAYBE NOT ENOUGH WATER THOUGH.
SUPACREE
That's why you're trying to make me CRY?
They're psychic tears!
BUT WHERE DO THE TEARS COMEFROM.
HEAVEN.
Literally.
Nowhere you can see or ever reach because
DEMONS AREN'T REAL. YOU'RE CRAZY.
Wtfever I was raised in the united states of america where GOD is implicated on all of our currency as if it's no curse of blasphemy within itself– blasphemy which WE made up just to control people because
well , apparently all the people
–all the people–
the big ones, the little ones,
The fat one e the short ones, the girls and the boys
–are still going to keep making more peopl e
Somethings will never change.
Boys will be boys.
My ex husband may not actually be satan himself;
You know, cause satan can't stay in one place
SATAN ISN'T REAL
Ok.
Are we seriously going to sit here and pretend like nobody has ever read a history book in their life
YES
EVIL EXISTS.
IT ALWAYS HAS.
It's not in your head!
You're not okay!
You were brought here,
Amost entirely with the purpose
Of servitude
(most of us)
Living beneath some of those who have
never known
The pain of poverty
the grief of homelessness
The cruelty of racism
REVERSE RACISM IS REAL.
OH REAALLY?????!!
NIGGER.
CRACKER.
Which one do you want to eat?
Neither, honestly, I'd just-
Oh my God, he's up!
Like a glass of
Oh My God! My God! He's Alive!
TYLA
I got it!
JIMMY FALLON
Water.
Wtf is Jimmy Fallon doing in a coma.
IDK cause who the fuck just beat the shit out of JImmy Falon?
I'm assuming it's not his
Could actually be–
Babymama.
hm .
…Unless it was.
Into a coma?!
“Why Women Kill”
Oh, I get it. They're trying to see if i' P m violent.
At this point
________LINES
____________________- BEING _______
___________CROSSSS
ok , i fuked skrilex.
I KNEW IT.
I TOLD YOU.
See, look this is not
It's not
Like, it doesn't have to be special or anything, i just–
Need it.
SKRILLEx/SONNY
…I beg your pardon?
SUPACREE
Please, don't beg…
SKRILLEX
*face*
SUPACREE
I mean–
SKRILLEX
*squints*
Unless you're into that, or something. I don't know!
“I don't know”
SKRILLEX
So wait, you're a fan.
[Apparently, or obviously, cause, I'm honestly getting this play by play, here, finishihg writing story in a stream of consciousness–]
(or unconsciousness)
Oh! That's MY coma! Nice!
Damn. Wtf.
[--like in real time–or, like,
was, before I got distracted thinking about
Shit, I got so much stuff I gotta do.
[INSERT CELEBRITY APPEARANCE HERE]
Well, perhaps this is one of them.
Holy shit, I'm acid.
What.
How did that happen so fast it's only been like
What?
Well, how long's it been?
I don't know, now well, where'd she go.
It's Over.
What?
It's gone.
Just let me go
ok .
Just let me go.
ok .
Just let me go.
What if I just JUMP UP
NO.
Don't do that.
The kit is stronger than you, Jimmathin.
“Jimmathin”!”
What, you wanted
KING JAMES
Fine, I'll write it.
What.
What is this.
This is just like
Woah
[Art]
Wow.
Yeah.
There's a lot.
A R T
JIMMY FALLON is a
Are we going this?
How else am i supposed to explain
“ I L L U M I N A T I
Look
I'm you.
ok .
You're me.
alright.
[Young Gods] Wrking title
Didn't they aready do this–
Or something like this?
Yes, but I wrote it first.
TV
Come and Get it!
RAP WORLD
UNH
YOu'RE A LOSER
UNH
IMA NIGGA SO WHAT
UHHHH
Shut up, drake
UNNNNHHH
I'm gonna call you up
UN
That's enough
OOOOHHHBIIIIRRRRRRRRRR
That's it. You're done.
WASTED.
YOU DON'T WANNA BLACK BOY
I GOT LOTS OF BLAC GIRLS
WHITE GIRLS
MOLLY, ROCK
WHITE GIRL,
WHITE GIRLS
CHINESE EYES
I LIKE HER
THIGHS
Sunni, shut up
In UNISON
Sep: I MADE IT!
EARLIER:
SEP, FROM UNISON
Gimmie a dollar.
….okay, but I only have one dollar.
Jimmy Fallon
ILLUMINATI
Please explain this.
JAMES FALLON is a simple man.
IS HIS NAME JAMES?!
I don't know, but who names their kid
JIMI
Oh, no, that's like,
Like you know,
JImi Hendrix
aww , i loved that baby…
I love babies.
I love her.
aw . this is
WRAP IT UP
This is a lot of stories, okay, but mainly how somehow I got
T R A U M A (D)
Whait, where's Dillon Francis?!
Who the fuck cares.
Wake up.
For waht.
I gotta get waisted.
You mean *wasted*
Shut up.
Wait so like, DIllon and CC are like
Together?
DJ*
Oyeah. DJ. DJ the DJ
[DJ the DJ]
[BJ the DJ]
ok , that was also, like, first season
YOu're right, Justin, this is getting Meta.
I'm not Hustin, I'm Rick.
What.
I'm Rick.
No, no you're
RICK SANCHEZ
IT'S ME. i'M BACK. i”M THE REAL RICK SANCHEZ.
well la-teee–
UNITY
You forgot about me, didnt you?
UNITY!?
That's why everyone is assimilated.
Damn, you're really good a dissociating?
Would you rather I not be?
CUT BACK TO:
Homeless shelter: The Reject Pile, The literally runoff of the
World.
Right.
The broken, forgotten women that.
Woah, her whole face was FUCKED UP.
She went back to him
NOOOOO
(but like, that was me)
Whatever. If you don't have kids, run!
Fuck it, if you have kids, run
just run at night and do it
Quickly
Just get out.
Quietly
Shhh.
Wait, isn't it just as bad the other way around?
What? Huh *still fucked up*
You're high right now?
No, i”m not high
I mean
I Am
I mean, I wanna get FUCKED UP.
What are you saying?
What i'm saying is;
I would get high on anything else but life right now
why
Cause i wanna die
so die
i can't
why
otta solve this
what .
Why i can't die.
You WHAT?!
I CAN'T DIE!
US GOVT
It's true! We tried like three times already.
This can never lead back to us
Did they give you a script!?
Brings up random story from childhood even i forgot about.
So you want me to drink water out of this
*basically a toilet*
Actually, the toilet might have been cleaner if she wasn't such a
WHORE.
What.
She was a whore.
I kind of figured.
Why?
By the way the toilet smelled when she used it
*sniffs* ok. This is everybody.
This is a lot of everybody.
This is everybody,
But then everybody left,
Then more people came
And everybody came back.
This is everybody.
This is too many
*blacks*
WHAT?!
Look, like i said, it's not racism that diversity is getting more important than just hiring 7 white people and 1 or two of the rest of us for coloration and entertainment
Cause even god knows
Sadistic white supremacists love watching
Everybody else kill each other over
Things they already have.
WHITE SUPRMACISTS
Oh shit, it's the guys from Equinox.
(it is, in fact, those guys)
Wait. did i never finish my story about
so what was the whole thing about
BODY SHAMING IS WRONG.
Bruh whatever the whole earth is a body and what “our”*coughs* species has done to it is pretty much the most shameful thing literally ever because we're mostly all racists kind of in one way or another or have judgements and intolerances – but
*coughs*
What?
Why are we treating Anxiety as a mental illsness?
Cause it's in your head?
SYNETHESIA
No, this shit it
*Skrill
Fuck it
P H Y s I cAAlLLLLLLLLLL
Whats wrong with him
I don't kno w
please eat, would you.
lol . no.
How long is this fast
[LOUD MOTORCYCLE/SATAN]
*stomach blowing bubbles of acid before its even audible in my ears*
ow .
*coughs*
ok , ow.
*coughing*
Ok, ow.
What if, that gross,
Scary, evil coughing thing that's following me is just
JIMMY FALLON.
STOP FOLLOWING ME.
YOU FOLLOWED ME HERE.
PLEASE, OH GOD, OH MERCIFUL GOD IN HEAVEN.
What? God's not in heaven right now!!!
SHE'S NOT?! WELL, WHERE IS SHE?
GONE.
GONE WHERE , GOD CAN'T be GONE. GOD IS GOD.
MARK
LUKE
JOhN
PETER
….ok, this is getting strange.
KING JAMES
Finally, Jesus.
Well, when does Jesus get here, then.
Later.
LATER:
Can I go now?
No
What did you say was the
Do you even read what you post sometimes?
No, I mostly just write it then forget it exists
What, really?
Yes. So by the time you're reading this.
It may have been years.
Oh shit, this show's still on.
Yeah.
That's fucking nuts.
Yeah.
This shit gets craaaaazzy.
my fans
Yo dude, I had one roommate that might have been
whatever, you had to have heard my podcast if you know anything about
[PASSWORD]
You want me to kill myself?
*indifference*
WHAT DO YOU WANT
…
…..
……
Why?
Why WHAT?
Why are YOU not fuckked up on that couch somewhere, or like, dead?!
Technically, I am!
What?
This is a homeless shelter!
Yes, obviously, however:
Go on.
Everyone here is sad.
Correct.
Everyone here is broken.
Yes.
Everyone here has been hurt–
probably
Beaten–
Yes,
Some of us
Reviled.
YO.
Thisfuckedup.
I gotta get out of here.
Damn, so like, you pay child support and everything–
But you don't even get to see your kid?
And when you do it's on his terms,
Because of nepotism
And the assumption that
as the bi-racial half of a bi-racial relationship,
It must have been you that fucked up
So much so
That you deserve that
And no matter what you do is wrong
How was I wrong?!
Your pussy stinks.
That's it?
Yep.
You have mental problems.
But my pussy clean. *shrugs*
Anyway.
Maybe I should be meditating
I am META - TATING.
Duh.
INDIGEIDIOTS
AHAHAHA . GOOD ONE.
SHAQ
AHAH
Not right ow dude.
SHAQ
Why not me?!
Because, dude, we have like one scene together, and i'm terrified of you.
SHAQ
I am picking you up now.
no , no, shaquille o'neal
yes , actually–
wait , what's your name again
S U P A C R E E
n..o…
YES. THERE SHE IS
WHERE IS SKRILEX
SHAQ
UP.
Why does he sound so dumb?
Cause he's BIG.
So that means he' dumb?
NO, but I also can't afford another celebrity appearance unless,
Pasqualle
PASQUALE ON THE BEACH
Why is it–
BECAUSE
[PASQUALE ROTELLA is on the beach.]
PASQUALE
No.
AWW, COME ON.
PASQUALLE
NO, SUPA U
Who is that? !
PASQUALE
SHUT UP.
Woah, okay, ouch.
PASQUALE
You just said ***** 147 times.
NO.
but
NO. U.
What
BE
U.
(lmfao why does he have that like mirror thing white people in the
When is this
Forever
Lmfao you're trying to fry yourself a sunburn tan with a giant mirror.
BLUE EYED MOTHERFUCKER
No, i'm *** staring in mirror intently***
Wow, your eyes are really pretty
MEANWHILE
[DILLON FRANCIS is about to DIE.]
oh, you again.
ohFUCK.
[But his eys are really pretty]
*glamour*
Damn.
Wow.
She has a baby!
wait , WHAT.
CUT TO:
Wait, Dillon Francis is having a baby?!
YES.
WHEN?!
[NOW)
WHENEVER.
DAMN.
[BEAT]
WIBEATER
You rang?
NO.
Hahahahaha42055555555555fucku.
Whatthefuckishappeningritenow.
I GOTTA GO.
JUST BEAT IT, MICHAEL JACKSON.
The silhouette of SUPACREE bedazzles as she dances
C'ESME'T
KATEY SAGAL
Are we back to me yet?
In a minute.
Broh you have all these rich people mad deep in their feelings.
I guess.
(I am their feelings)
It would be great if they were mad deep in their pockets for [The Festival Project™]
Why.
Excuse me.
Why would anybody do that,
When for the last
[However]
15 Minutes
RANDOM NON COINCIDENCE
Your 15 minutes is up.
That's impossible, because I'm living in a homeless shelter.
Which is where you deserve to be.
Huh.
For being born.
Excuse me?
Everything you've ever done.
*breath, walk talk*
Is wrong
(I Am.)
HOLD ON JIMMY, DON'T LET GO
I might let go.
DON'T.
Lol
This kite just might be stronger than you, Jimmy Fallon.
I hate this guy.
What is he?! Japanese!
(Ive often wondered, not worth knowing, though, cause what's about to happen is)
T H E W I N D
IIIIIII
Please don't cry
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
plase dont
Nono
Nnnnnnssssssnsnsnsnsnsnfnffn
V.O.
Poor Little Jimmy Fallon…
W I N DS
FFFFFFFUUUUUUUDNDNDFFFFFFFF
I AM DEFINITELY STRONGER THAN THIS KITE.
No. no, you are not
Wouldn't it be it's “the wind” “the wind is stronger than me”
No, Jimmy Fallon
James
Shut up–
It's the KITE
DIRECTOR
That's the line! Got it?
And if you break fourth wall,
When we're live, or just– ever again,
WHAT. could be jimmy fal0n sure.
Namesake police talkin bout:
If we can put ot AI Michael Jackson,
God rest his soul, which reminds me,
After this scene, put the one with
[The Soul Kitchen]
I'M A MAN!
T H E W I N D
AAAAAAAAAAA–
*sniffles*
oh , maybe not.
hm.
JIMMY FALLON
*sigh of–
T H E W I N D
SSFFFLLAAAAAAAAAAACHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
KITE: BLOOP.
x_x
DEATH.
NO SHAQ! Put me down!
SHAQ
You can DOWN when the BASS is ALSO THERE.
SUPACREE
No, you don't mean–
SHAQ
We WILL drop the bass.
SUPACREE
Put me down! I'm a grown ass woman!
SHAQ
*purses*
SUPACREE
I am NOT a tiny person.
SHAQ
I know: I'm married to one.
SUPACREE
I know, i know. the entire world cringes about it, however, congratulations on your happy
SHAQ
DUBSTEP.
SUPACREE
NO, NO DUBSTEP
SHAQ
DUBSTEP.b
SUPACREE
OH, GOD, NO, PLEASE
SHAQ
Maybe a little rap
SUPACREE
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Andy Sandbourg.
Uh, ok, wait, whose
THE LONELY ISLAND
WHEN WILL THE BASS DROP?!
(When will the bass drop?)
–When will the bass drop
OH. That's why that island is lonely.
YES.
DO. NOT.
UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES
Ok
DROP THIS BASS.
Ok.
I”ll be right back.
Ok.
[beat]
[another beat]
[some tension]
[space]
[more tension]
[The lights cut
CUT TO:
JANET JACKSON bursts through the panoramic window.
…
You are not Dillon Francis
FIGHT
Wait, fight w–
JANE JACKSON
Alright you!
HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?
lol ‘Jane Jackson?'
You know, just in case she didn't want to commit, but you know
Janet Jackson was one of the first ones to approach me to show interest about this project.
IT'S ALL FACETIOUS LIES.
(t's not tho, i'm bein 100% honest and truthful bout everything, so .)
LIE
what .
LEARN HOW TO LIE.
Excuse me?
or , hey, listen:
You can tell the truth, but at least be funny.
This is funny.
*homelessness*
*niggers*
STOP SAYING THAT.
Isn't it weird how the word almost only offends white people now cause
Cause we're all capitalists.
Capitalists.
People that believe in money.
Oh.
AS GOD.
oh .
YOu have none.
oh .
YOU are the devil
ugh GROSS. You'RE BROKE.
What.
GET OUT.
What
We don't need you here. We need people to hit the workforce, buy things, and never complain unless it end in
ME
MAKING
MONEY
Ok, fine, so like I just was saying.
JANET JACKSON
WHERE'S MY BROTHER?!
WHEVER HE IS! I DON'T KNOW!
[I'm getting really tired so i'm not going to describe in full brutal detail how Janet Jackson is whooping–
Who is this
Is whooping this other character's ass right now.
Wait, Whoopi.
Fuck. You saw it.
Yeah, You're Whoopi Goldberg!
WhattheFUCK.
But you're als Janet Jackson!
I Am.
WHY?!
Look, I didn't know you were a channel, alright
EARLIER:
CUT SCENES FROM A VERY BRUTAL BATTLE
SAY UNCLE
NNNNOOO____YuuuurrrrJANETJACKSON
SAY UNCLE
Control, Janet Jackson
Seriously?! You picked that song for this montage?!
it's!
SAYUNCLE
UNCLESAMWANTS–U–TO WIN
THIS FUCKING BATTLE—YAGH–
JANET JACKSON
SAY
UNCLE
JUNGLE
OH SHIT.
Hold up.
Okay, real quick.
Remember those people in the jungle that don't know their in a jungle
DANE COOK
WHATEVER, I'M NOT DONG THIS PROJECT.
IT'S TOO LATE, YOU'RE IN.
DANE COOK
OK.
But i'm gonna make you forget about it
For like a really long time
Ok
Until you forget who I am at all.
Alright.
Many, many lifetimes.
Go on.
Until I find you again.
And you WILL.
And i WILL. AND WHEN I DO
I AM NOT DOING THIS PROJECT
I am SO not-famous I have almost been
FORGOTTEN.
Forgotten at
FORGOTTEN AT ALL!
And I will not
AND YOU WILL NOT KNOW ME.
ok .
…ok.
So.
So….
kite.
kite.___________________________________________________FL|| IIII IIIII YYYYY AAA |||||||
UNCLE– UNCLE–UNCLE
JANET JACKSON
NOW SING ABC by THE JACKSON 5!
WHAT?!
SING IT.
UNCLE. UNCLE!!!
I WANNA HEAR A SONG.
Damn, Janet Jackson still got it.
WHOOPI GOLDBERG
What gave me away?
Your left hook.
Still got it.
I know.
Even in the wrong body, now look.
If I'm not Michael Jackson
Could never be
Neither could you
O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
lol she's not gonna do this movie.
She might. she's friendly.
besides.
ABC…
KEEP GOING, BUT BETTER
EEEEASY AS 1-23…UNCLE!
THERE'S NO UNCLE IN ABC!
Do you think we're at a feature yet?
Notquite
Why, how oong's a feature?!
Till it isn't.
Right., so
Look, obese americans
I know its hard to face the facts–
Or anything at all, because, you know
“I'm going to start eating right–
….later”
and nobody's judging you at all, actually because.
That was me.
(Is still me)
When i'm eating
food , which was my
Adderall.
What.
You needed adderall. Youe entire life and never got it.
Yeah I know.
Because you're black.
Maybe that's not why.
What do you mean.
Maybe that's not why. Maybe when
Look, my mom wasn't going to take me to a doctor for focus issues,
I would cry and cry when my dad would leave.
It's probably for the best that I stay away,
I'm a psycho now.
I might killl you.
I would like that because I just can't seem to.
CAPITALIZE. CAPITALIZE OFF THIS PROJECT!
HOW?
SELL YOUR ASS.
WHAT? No that's
(Only Fans)
What.
Look, you can't just BE a DJ: You can, but you're gonna need like, 3 other jobs, and some hustles and shit, cause everybody else.
How come.
Because, dumbass , you're not Skrillex;
Or whoever he sits with.
[TINA FEY Is a whatever. ]
What does this mean
I don't know.
By the way, nothing's making me “do this”
It's called “automatic writing”, it's some kind of extraterrestrial psychic shit,
I don't know.
My pain unlocked all my colors, and well.
KITE.
____________________________________________________________________KE$HA
Now I'm God.
Wait, How long's a feature?
OOOOOOIOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH, WE'RE HALFWAY THERE.
OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH
30 ROCKEFELLER PLAZA, MANHATTAN, NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK.
So dumb the state has the same name as the city
I kno
So dumb
Bro could you imagine being like a comedian or like an actor during the like
“The Good Old Days”
I swear I'm about to stop
Don't stop.
SAY, IS THAT A
wait , i think i feel a song coming on
Oh yeah, i hear it…
Something like
Fuck
How to tell an obstacle
From a crossword,
Or draw slung crosses on awkward
Wax polished
silver scratched ponds
On the surface or
Then it all starts picking up
When i turn on my pic or sing,
I turn to write and this
Motorcycle wants to eat me from the inside out
Cause the man who rides it
Got nothing on to watch on his instagram stories
No only fans models
Just hot soft porn
And he's so far from a microphone
–but far at all
Cause i started to talk, then
The car alarms going off
all i got a words, really
The music is gone
A couple albums coming,
The old stuff I made on my long journey
being homeless
with no son
Long sauna jaunts
(and I mean)
Sometimes from Sunday to Monday
And monday would have come and then gone,
Before I could come home
Cause there wasn't one
Only a sauna, at my job
Well, one of them
The other's across town and,
I might just make it in time
(i won't though)
I spent my first check on a bike
(my mom lives across town, but she don't even know i'm
Homeless;
Nevermind,
She knows this,
She's just
Preoccupied with
THE BLACKEST THING i'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.
That's a person, not a thing.
No, you made yourself a thing
THEY. made you a thing. To THEM. but when they walk away–
I'm a man.
–The world's yours.
You are not my kid.
I get that.
It's the prettiest day New York City has Ever seen
Oh shit, this is fucking IT.
This is theMOVIE.
DILLON FRANCIS
GOOD. CAUSE I'VE. HAD IT.
ST. JIMMY
Oh, shit.
I better run.
Wait, Greenday is in this?!
Everybody's in this
IAMBIC!!!!
(it's a rock opera)
Yeah God.
Speaking of THE ROCK
DWAYNE JOHNSON
YOOOOOOOOO.
Wtf.
Whatthefuck.
WHY YES, I AM A WHAT THE FCK.
CUT TO BLACK:
[The Festival Project ™]
{Enter The Multiverse}
[The Festival Project.™]
COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT, INC. circa 2018- 2024 | ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ©
-Ū.
“”
AFTER DA CREDITZ
LOL WHAT CREDITS,
I'm streaming this
EDITORS
OH YOU WILL SEE THESE CREDITS.
these are insanely creative credits.
TINA FEY
(But way less cute)
What color is that,
What is what
Your hair now
Is it like
MELISSA MCCARTHY
clover….
“It's Honeydew Blondi
What
“Honeydew Blondike”
*blonde-like, but
Holly. Which one?!
Honeydew Blondish.
Well it's weird.
You're fucking weird.
Wait have you ever actually met Tina Fey
*unruly, wild shit*
Oh yeah, that bitch is crazy.
LIZ!!!
GET BACK HERE.
Uh.
HOLLY ROBINSON PETE
No, officer Hanson
Detective
You were demoted.
I wasn't demoted.
You know what.
I was SHOT,
CAPTAIN HOFFS is being haunted by her best friend's from back in the day; they are ghosts. She is the last surviving
CAST MEMBER
Look, what character am I supposed to be.
lol WHATEVER YOU WANT
what would you call this?
Your “sexy” passenger?
No, Dexter…
Or, is it
MICHAEL C. HALL
I don't know. I think that's for you to decide
No, dude, the whole point of the festival project is sometimes—
It doesn't
…
Zzz
Wait, what happened.
skrillex left the chat.
Hm. I wonder where he went.
THE B- SIDE
FINALLy, the BEYONCÉ PART
HAVENT YOU BEEN PAYING ATTENTION?
THE WHOLE THING IS
“THE BEYONCÉ PART”
Because
GOD
BEEEEEYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
*Beyonce, being Skrillex*
[expletive]
Ohhhhhhhh, that's how she got the accent over theeeeeeeeeeeeee
—————eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeé
matter.