The Body Serve

The first Slam of the year doesn't give us many weeks of tennis to form opinions, but it's delivered on story lines, with one taking the cake: Naomi Osaka -- having already withdrawn from the Australian Open -- announced she's pregnant and will miss the 2023 season. This barely a week after defending champ Ash Barty announced her own pregnancy. Tournament director Craig Tiley is up to his usual hijinks, this year banning booing, rolling out NFTs in an inhospitable market, and extracting surplus labour from what used to be free (player practices). All that plus draw analysis, January standouts, PTPA news, a complete diversion on our take on Rolling Stone's greatest singers list. Ready?

2:30 Naomi Osaka is missing the Australian Open, yes … but why, pray?

10:50 What kind of mess will Craig get into this year? Well, funny you should ask

16:00 Booing Novak Djokovic is illegal. Is this a real thing?

19:50 Scamming scammers: extracting surplus value from player practices plus the AO NFT gallery

29:10 The PTPA announces an executive committee

33:50 Who’s standing out in the first two weeks of 2023? Peggy, Sabs, Linda, Novak, Taylor, Cam

44:50 Carlos Alcaraz misses the Australian Open but gets an international Calvin Klein underwear spread

49:50 Women’s draw analysis

60:55 Men’s draw analysis

71:35 Our greatest singers - fie, Rolling Stone!

Welcome to The Body Serve 9! We're recovering from our first-ever bout with COVID but tennis never stops and the show must go on. We offer some things to look out for in 2023 -- a true rival to Iga? A few more Big 4 retirements? -- and share some of our (and your) hopes and dreams for the upcoming season. We also catch up with the tennis news cycle, including the latest Camila Giorgi controversy, Simona's doping suspension, Venus' return, and the debut of United Cup.

00:28 Season NINE: Housekeeping & #NameTheTennisPlayer 

07:25 Things to look out for this season (The Giorgi Syndicate)

18:53 Nepo babies & the sprawling United Cup

29:53 Queen Vee is BACK and looking evergreen

35:07 Wading into the homosexual waters

45:47 James is definitely going to reach his breaking point this season 

51:52 Boris is back and updates on the Simona sitch 

54:59 Breakout candidates for the 2023 season 

60:35 Our hopes and wishes for the 2023 season 

To cap off our 8th season and tide you over until 2023, we’re bringing you the rare TBS culture episode. No tennis talk whatsoever -- we even had a few tennis-related items on the agenda which we deleted. We’ve got: an hour of TV talk including spoilers for The White Lotus and a few lightning-round rants; thoughts on “queerbaiting” and Kit Connor’s forced coming-out; Mariah Christmas concert review; and takes on blackfishing, digital minstrelsy, T Swift, and more!

5:55 Spoilers ahead for The White Lotus, one of the few remaining watercooler shows

15:45 MVPs Aubrey Plaza & Meghann Fahy

20:50 Siamo tutti gay!

27:30 Is the Golden Age of Television over? It’s ok if it is, all things must pass

31:50 Some shows we enjoyed: Mo, Industry, Better Things, Heartstopper, Somebody Somewhere, The Bear, P-Valley, and more

53:25 Each of us do a mini-rant about TV

01:02:00 Heartstopper and the extratextual: Kit Connor comes out after the fandom accuses him of queerbaiting

01:10:20 David Archuleta from American Idol comes out 

01:15:15 So what happened with Bros?

01:20:55 Recapping Mariah’s Christmas concerts in Toronto!

01:30:30 We need to talk about Taylor Swift (without losing half of our listeners)

01:40:00 Miss Patti has still got it at 78

01:44:30 Terrible news about Celine Dion’s health

01:47:00 Kardashian-Jenner hegemony: when will it end?

01:57:30 Asking each other a tough and a not-so-tough question

It’s time to wrap up the 2022 ATP season, and we’re treating the guys with a healthy (and earned!) dose of suspicion, starting with a rundown of the most badly behaved children of the year. But it’s not all bad - we also cover Rafa’s personal-best start to the season, Carlos’ rise, Novak’s disappearing and reappearing acts, Felix fixing his finals bugaboo, Holger’s Paris breakdown and later his Paris Masters title, and Roger’s retirement. And since tennis news will stop for no one, we had to recap Canada’s historic win at Davis Cup and the implosion of Team USA.    

0:00 Cold Open

Men behaving badly 

4:25 Starting with the worst: That Guy

9:20 The Nick Kyrgios redemption nightmare

13:50 Craig! What the hell, dude?!

18:00 Jaaa-gate, Moutet, poop shorts, and Shapo gets scolded by Daddy

25:55 Davis Cup: USA cancels themselves, does the work for us

31:20 The Verdasco ban and Reilly’s basement tweeting

Notable Moments

40:30 Djokovic removed from Australia + Rafa wins a very memorable Australian final

48:35 Carlos Alcaraz breaks out in March; Rafa’s injuries start and never end; weird Wimbledon

57:20 US Open was our first major (and Carlos’ too)!

61:30 Laver Cup, frat behavior, G***k y*g*rt, Federer retirement

65:30 Other retirements: Del Potro, Tsonga, Anderson, and many more

68:55 Three other players we need to mention: Feliz, Casper, Holger

79:25 How’d we do on our choices for breakout players of 2022?

The 2022 WTA season had everything: a 37-match win streak, the retirements of the current #1 (abrupt) and the GOAT (expected), a Wimbledon with no ranking points, and a major drug suspension. Iga Swiatek’s dominance didn’t leave much room for her competitors, but other highlights included Ons Jabeur’s steady rise to world #2 and two Slam runner-up finishes, Caroline Garcia’s singles renaissance and WTA Finals title, and utter doubles dominance from Krejcikova/Siniakova. We’ve also got some juicy listener-generated “things you loved/hated” content and the kind of typically bizarre moments that keep us coming back every year. 

Plus, we’ve just launched our GoFundMe - please read a bit about we do and donate if you can!   

0:30 Announcing our GoFundMe 2022 and reiterating our mission

6:05 Three key moments: Ash’s Australian win + retirement, Iga’s win streak, and Serena’s evolution

11:00 The other major stories: the instability at the top for everyone but Iga, Simona Halep’s remarkably odd year, and the total breakdown of COVID protocols

18:40 Starting the year with Barty as the undisputed #1

25:20 Ash’s retirement coincides with the start of Iga’s 37-match win streak 

34:45 Grass season: Serena dominates the conversation from Eastbourne to the US Open; Rybakina wins the points-less Wimbledon 

42:00 Summer hardcourt stretch: our own return to live tennis; Halep & Garcia grab titles but Swiatek restores order in New York

54:55 Discussing the WTA year-end award nominees

60:45 Our own picks for 2022 breakout players - how’d we do?

63:25 Remember when? A broken necklace, a broken doubles team, and Ostapenko's ... everything

72:45 Things you loved about WTA tennis in 2022

81:50 Things you loathed in 2022: no points at Wimbledon, no more business buns

85:55 The WTA’s finances: Hologic sponsorship and a potential deal with private equity 

The WTA regular season comes to a close with comeback kid Caroline Garcia grabbing her biggest career title, dispatching Iga-vanquisher Aryna Sabalenka in a boom-boom final. We discuss the last-minute nature of the event and the tough financial and ethical positions the WTA continues to occupy in light of the China situation. On the men’s side, Holger Rune caps a momentous autumn swing that brings him from #33 to the brink of the ATP Finals, but not without a lecture from daddy. Elsewhere in bad behavior, the FFT disowns Moutet, Reilly earns lifelong haters, and Kyrgios settles a silly (disclaimer: this is James’ opinion; please don’t sue) defamation suit. 

0:45 Garcia’s Finals title and Sabalenka’s upset of #1 Swiatek add unexpected layers to this WTA season

8:35 Some props for Sakkari, Kasatkina, and doubles champ and singles-almost-made-it Kudermetova

17:30 Lots of commentary about attendance and the choice of venue – what the WTA has been up against vs. what is of their own making

28:55 Holger beats Djokovic, ends Felix’s win streak, and becomes first alternate for Torino

33:30 Magic potions and goofy huddles; it’s not actually a ‘thing’ but it’s no surprise that people think it’s a thing!

39:00 WTA CEO Steve Simon’s strange and conflict-heavy statements on the ongoing Halep doping situation

41:10 James’ tormentor Gilles Simon finally retires

47:45 Et ceteras: Moutet loses the bag; WTA institutes coaching program to attract and develop female coaches; safeguarding against abuse in tennis

57:00 Reilly thinks telling people to vote is cringe and that tennis used to be free of politics … ok hun

63:50 The biggest merch sale of the year: The Body Serve’s RedBubble Store

Canadian King Félix Auger-Aliassime. As Rihanna said, let’s start there. Félix has turned around his final-round performances to the tune of three straight titles, beating world #1 Alcaraz twice in the past few weeks. Elsewhere, in Texaaaas, the world’s best women have a blast dressing up but will soon look to take on the dominant force of Iga Swiatek at the WTA Finals. We’re also covering Rune’s on-court and online hissy fits, previewing Paris and the ATP Final scenarios, and getting the Iga starfish case off the docket to make room for worse offenders. 

01:45 Félix with 13 straight wins! Momentum is a hell of a drug

06:15 Holger’s temper tantrum(s)

14:00 Medvedev steadies the ship in Vienna, Shapo on a consistent run

16:00 ATP Finals qualifications: Wimbledon is the tournament that is and isn’t

23:30 The WTA women dress up and have a blast … stop with the amateur fashion critiques unless you’re being nice!

29:25 James takes a shot at WTA social media marketing and Jonathan is way more fair 

35:50 Is anyone beating Iga?

41:00 United Cup, what’s it all about?

47:00 Case dismissed: Iga addressed the handwaving and yes, we must move on

49:00 Coaching carousel: Garcia’s coach splits with literary flair and Stan & Magnus are back together

52:20 What’s next for TBS

Just when we thought we could go away for a spell without anything crazy happening, the ghost of an ugly hotel carpet threw things into disarray with Simona Halep testing positive for a banned substance. We begin the episode by wading through these doping waters, before catching up on the 7,000 tournaments since we last dropped an episode. Just take a look at the timestamps for the remainder of the docket: a lot of MESS before we finish with a salute to two all-timers who left an indelible mark on this fraught world we live in 

01:55 Simona Halep tests positive for a banned substance

17:44 Catching up on the results

23:36 When are the authorities going to arrest Belinda Bencic?

28:45 WTA Finals qualifiers and James’ obsession with the Napoli mess

36:40 An update on one of the handful of ATP players accused of domestic violence

38:16 Coaching carousel: Tursunov’s self-serving MESS

44:10 Does pickleball want the sloppy seconds of tennis?

52:12 TENNIS BABIES!!!

55:00 Our top three Mariah studio albums

58:24 In memoriam: Queer icons Dame Angela Lansbury & Leslie Jordan 

This is a hodgepodge episode, catching up with the recent tournament results across four continents, including Tunisia’s first WTA event, Djokovic’s clearing of the Next and CurrentGen, and Tiafoe’s continuing run of good form. We spend a good amount of time on Ostrava - the destined-to-be-a-classic final, Iga’s status as an activist #1, and Krejcikova’s return as a top singles player. All that plus some news about the Kyrgios case, WTA Final qualification scenarios, and a WTA coming-out (Happy National Coming Out Day!). 

1:00 So who’s been winning all these tournaments around the world?

5:45 Novak clobbers an incredibly stacked ATP 500 draw 

10:35 Fritz wins Tokyo, he and Tiafoe reach career high rankings

15:45 Thanks to Ons Jabeur and IMG, WTA tennis comes to Tunisia!

19:35 Ostrava has become a real autumn highlight - Krejcikova and Swiatek deliver a classic

25:40 Why do some see Iga as the complainer-in-chief?

33:30 Kiki Mladenovic knows her brand!

35:25 Kyrgios’ lawyers will ask his case to be dismissed on mental health grounds

40:35 Et ceteras: RaducanuOUT, Podoroska *out*, tour finals qualification

Thanks to you, our listeners, we’re back with a special mailbag episode, answering your questions about any and everything. You asked about tennis, of course – lots of questions lingering from Laver Cup and Roger’s retirement, and about the states of various players’ games on the women’s tour – but you also allowed us to be self-indulgent and talk about what we’re watching and listening to, our favorite breads and cheeses (a new one!), and our nerdiest qualities. 

1:40 Rapid-fire from @SamsBiceps: Federer matches, Beyonce, desserts, and Oscar best actress predix

13:50 Daria Saville’s IG post after her injury: interesting insight or just too much honesty?

18:15 What’s up with Naomi? Will she be back in form next year?

24:00 Dream WTA Team World - Team Europe lineups (and we added thoughts about what a dream Laver Cup should set out to accomplish

32:15 What are we watching/listening to/reading lately? It’s been a great year for horror fans

41:35 Pair any five tennis players with a Mariah track, which would then be their theme song (hey, Grigor) 

46:25 Us as commentators: what’s our green room rider? How will you diplomatically call out your colleagues for bad takes? 

53:15 What is the nerdiest non-tennis thing about each of us? Well, there’s a lot

59:10 If one of the Big 3 never played tennis, how many majors would the other two have won?

65:00 Our favorite breads and cheeses! Amazing question!

69:20 An FMK from our most reliable contributor 

71:40 What is happening with Garbine? And some thoughts on a coach’s role

78:45 Our own tennis playing styles