The Cacophonous World of Professor Whimsey

Here's my attempt to do an old-school-style baby-maker (extended slow jam) in an age of embryonic stem-cell research. I think it's one of the longest pieces I've ever done.

http://www.victorlams.com/audio/Victor_Lams_-_Egg_Farm.mp3

It's a traditional evening prayer chant for Advent in Latin ("Creator of the stars of night"), done here as kind of a downtempo lounge-core thing (Chantcore?). I used Sonik Synth, SampleTron, SampleMoog, ReTank loops, and Alchemy.

Consider it an early Christmas present! :-)

Lyric and English Translation

http://www.victorlams.com/audio/Victor_Lams_-_Conditor_Alme_Siderum.mp3

"Don't speak Latin in front of the books." - Giles

Fun with some new loops, mercifully short.

http://www.victorlams.com/audio/Victor_Lams_-_Celestine.mp3

I'm going to post some odds and ends from this year, things I haven't posted yet. Starting with this one from February's KVR contest. We had to do a cover of a tune written by another KVRian, in this case, S.HUSH, who is a hilarious songwriter. I used an effect on my voice (CloneEnsmble), multitracked 8 times, with some ambient crowd noise, and a marching band beat I did in Battery 3... it's weird, but maybe convincing in its execution. In case you're curious, the original was a Mellencamp-esque rock tune.

http://www.victorlams.com/kvr-vst/0802_DrAX_God_Blessed_The_States.mp3

A little anti-redistributionalist Calypso for you! I play the ukulele on it. Enjoy!

http://www.victorlams.com/audio/Victor_Lams_-_Spreading_The_Wealth_Around.mp3

This song was written to award the top pledger for the quarterly Catholic and Enjoying It Tin Cup Rattle pledge drive, Irenaeus. The idea was that I'd write a song about whatever topic he chose. One of the options given was "How about a generic liberal pro-abortion Catholic politician (a la Pelosi, Biden, Sebelius, etc)?".

So with Joe as my inspiration, I cranked out this piece, by far my loudest yet (and the first to feature my actual guitar playing all the way through).

http://www.victorlams.com/audio/Victor_Lams_-_Compromised.mp3

Approximate lyric:

Compromised,
I compromised.
Compromised,
I'm compromised.

I was born with a clear and distinct idea,
Between what was wrong and what was right.
From Augustus and Aquinas and then brought down to me:
The Truth was taught impermutably.

Before I Compromised,
I compromised.
Compromised,
I'm compromised.

I became a lawyer and then a senator,
I took my position very seriously,
Faithfully represented those who'd elected me,
But all that changed in 1973

That's when it soon became apparent,
That the winds of change were blowing,
Privacy became the mandate,
Basic human rights forgoing,

Personhood now redefined
We had a simple choice to make
We chose to change our party line
and I my principles forsake

Protect the innocent the weakest of the weak
Fight for the poor the huddled, disenfranchised
Were words I lived by but now I defied
Turns out it's easy when you've got money on your side.

Actions without responsibility
or consequences gives you a free ride
Why defend the defenseless when it's so
much easier to live with yourself after you've

Compromised,
Like I compromised.
Compromised,
I'm compromised.

One consequence of my decision
Is the matter of my religion
I sound like I'm some kind of nut
When I say "I'm personally opposed, but"

When you've speaking on the stumps
turns out that's good enough for chumps
And for thirty years it was sufficient
To shut up Cardinals and Bishops.

But now things seem to be changing again
Can't get away with what I did then
God forbid I need a defense
When I can no longer claim ignorance

It gets harder to be a politician
When you're at odds with your tradition
And when I'm denied my final prize
At least I'll know it's because I
...
Compromised.

Playing around with some new effects today, needed a vocal line, so got our six-year-old son in front of the microphone and said "Come on, then! Sing something!"

http://www.victorlams.com/audio/Xander_Lams_-_I_Want_A_Pen.mp3

He did a fine job!

Nothing is more depressing than reading an inciteful blog or forum post, having the perfect reply, and then being denied because either the poster has closed comments for that post or because you've previously been banned (for being right, usually).

http://www.victorlams.com/audio/Victor_Lams_-_Comments_Closed.mp3

Might not want to listen to this with the kids around as it contains a phrase which contains a word some may consider objectionable.

It's new music! Inspired by current events! It's longer than 2 minutes!

http://www.victorlams.com/audio/Victor_Lams_-_Shill.mp3

Shill
(Words and Music by Victor Lams)

You say that you are hopeful because the winds of change are blowing,
And you think is a good thing 'cause you don't like how things are going.
But change taken by itself is both a blessing and a curse,
Sometimes it makes things better, but more often makes them worse.

It's appealing, so seductive, easy to get caught up in it,
But before you do something stupid maybe you should wait a minute.
Take a moment, take a breather, and when you do, think through it:
Change doesn't happen by itself it takes some one to do it.

Someone has to write the speeches,
Then the politician preaches,
To those whom make sure that it reaches,
Seems like common sense it teaches:

"Are we for change? Yes we can!
Just don't ask us about our plan.
It's all to nothing apropos,
Just gotta upset that status quo!"

Now there's no easy way to say this, it appears that you've been smitten,
There are phone calls to be made and many emails to be written,
Your family might not trust us and your friends, they are all haters,
But don't worry because one day we'll be proud to call them traitors.

Now deep inside your mind you might hear a tiny voice,
This is only normal: your conscience is a choice.
But your morals must be sacrificed so we can get elected,
Media prophecies fulfilled, and history corrected.

And if people are unwilling,
To our Audacious Hope fulfilling,
You'll find that some blood needs spilling,
Truth be told we'll make a killing!

Before you know it you've bought the line,
Seems so obvious it must be a sign:
Change we can believe in, still,
Too bad you've just become our...

Shill!
You're our puppet now, you're our,
Shill!
Please shut-up it now, you're our,
Shill!
And we have to pity it, you're our,
Shill!
Just our useful idiot.

Thank you for your help, as we said you've been quite useful,
Now it's our turn to confess that we maybe haven't been quite truthful,
There's no way we could provide all that stuff that you've been promised,
Better luck, live and learn: you can't cheat someone who's honest.

We're the ones we've been waiting for to,
Bring about our new world order,
Looks pretty much the same now though,
Except it's us stealing the show.

Turns out I wasn't the Messiah,
Not Apollo, Zeus, or Gaia,
Only one thing really was true,
We all really needed you to...

Shill! for us
You're our puppet now, you're our,
Shill!
Please shut-up it now, you're our,
Shill!
And we have to pity it, you're our,
Shill!
Just our useful idiot.

Shill!
You're our puppet now, you're our,
Shill!
Please shut-up it now, you're our,
Shill!
And we have to pity it, you're our,
Shill!
Just our useful idiot.

Dr. Apostrophe X and The Kornhole Krew present:

"Pop Corn"


http://www.victorlams.com/kvr-vst/0808-DrAX-Pop_Co rn.mp3

It's "Moog-hop"!

Used: Nusofting Broken Drum Machine, Battery 3, Sample Moog, Oligarc

Lyric:
Pop! Pop! We're about to pop corn,
Put us in the mircowave until we get warm,
Pop! Pop! We're about to pop corn,
Make some poor kernels wish they'd never been born.

My name's DJ Endosperm and I'm on a bike,
Riding through your stomach 'cuz I don't like to hike,
I'm filled with starch and fiber, too,
And compared to greasy chips I'm very good for you.
But I'm not like my unpopped kin,
I don't come out looking like I went in.
When you're watching TV I'm the perfect snack,
So come on over and grab a hold of my sack.

Pop! Pop! We're about to pop corn,
Put us in the mircowave until we get warm,
Pop! Pop! We're about to pop corn,
Make some poor kernels wish they'd never been born.

I'm the Kernel MC and I refuse to pop,
Popping is for losers and for crooked cops.
People say I just need a little more heat,
Maybe, like your momma needs more stinky feet.
Yeah, I don't make kids smile, I only make them frown.
Try to bite on me and I'll break your crown.
You want some food, eat some chicken coated in penko,
'Cuz I'm Bob Barker and you just lost at Plinko.

Pop! Pop! We're about to pop corn,
Put us in the mircowave until we get warm,
Pop! Pop! We're about to pop corn,
Make some poor kernels wish they'd never been born.

They call me Little Orvie short for RedenbachURR.
You might think I'm dead, but I'm still hURR.
I'm over 100 years old but I'm rockin' the nation,
Kept alive in suspended animation.
ConAgra thaws me out once every few yURRS,
When they need to pitch popcorn to consumURRS.
People try to drown me but I don't show signs of stopping,
Because my gourmet corn is the best for popping.

Pop! Pop! We're about to pop corn,
Put us in the mircowave until we get warm,
Pop! Pop! We're about to pop corn,
Make some poor kernels wish they'd never been born.