The Chompcast

Five hosts. One podcast. Put in the center of the ring with one microphone, five hosts must fight to shout their nonsensical meanderings to you, the listener. Armed with rancorous words and a surplus of phallic japes, they battle to the humiliation. Fish, Josh, Morgan, Shea, and frequent guest, Rich. Listen as they discuss the Nintendo Direct, Apex Legends, Kingdom Hearts 3, Wargroove, and more in this action-packed bloodletting tournament.

Our wonderful sponsors for this week’s episode were Two Girls One Mic and Sassy D Merch. Feel free to check out Yvette and Alice’s podcast here, and please observe the finer wares of the Sassy D merchandise here.

Times:

Intros - 0:27

Nintendo Direct - 13:08

Listener Comments - 1:02:40

Two Girls One Mic ad - 1:14:59

Apex Legends - 1:16:26

Sassy D Merch ad - 1:33:46

Final Fantasy 8 - 1:35:11

Wargroove - 1:44:42

Kingdom Hearts 3 - 1:56:00

Josh and Shea are sitting by a fireside enjoying a nice glass of Glenlivet and chamomile, respectably. In their maroon, high-backed sofa chairs, they wait. There is a reverential silence between them, both basking in the hearth and savoring their delightful solutions. They glance over at each other after swallowing their sips, and nod their heads while pouting their lower lips out in approval.

Oh, I’m a gummy bear

Yes, I’m a gummy bear

The sound of two chaps singing in the distance prods its way into the scene. The flame begins to flicker in protest. Josh closes his eyes in distress and gently turning his head to the neck. His mouth crunches together to hold in his annoyance. Shea grabs his eyebrow ridges with his right thumb and pointer finger, looking downwards in despair.

Oh, I’m a yummy tummy funny lucky gummy bear

Josh opens his eyes, and looks at his glass of scotch. He pushes it away, no longer being able to stomach the drink as the sound grows nearer. Shea begins to dry heave lightly, attempting to keep his mouth closed and the tea down as the song violates their ears. The door bursts open, and Fish and Morgan appear in the doorway holding hands. They are sporting bear ears on their heads, short neon shorts, and face paint. They hold their free hands to the sky and tilt their head as they sing:

I’m a jelly bear cause I’M A GUMMY BEAAAAAAR!

Josh punches the glass across the room in rage, shattering the glass. The contents splash all over some very important, incredibly sophisticated leather-bound books, soaking the pages. Shea turns away from everyone and begins to purge onto the mahogany flooring. He wipes his mouth and faces them with tears welled in his eyes and occasionally dripping down his face.

“Please,” Josh looks and says to the two guests, “be quiet. Just hush your perverted tongues.”

Fish and Morgan looks to each other quizzically, and then back to the two in their chairs. They shrug their shoulders. They both open their mouth, taking in a deep breath to continue their song. At that moment, the flame decides that it has had enough of the two’s tomfoolery. It spontaneously roars, causing the entire house to light aflame in a matter of seconds. The four burn and are never heard from again.

This week on the Chompcast, we talk about competitive gaming, and console each other about sucking so hard. Next, we discussed the new battle royale game sweeping the gaming world, Apex Legends. We discuss our first bit of time with Kingdom Hearts 3. Rounding up the end of the show, we discuss the listener poll results.

Thank you to our sponsor Sassy D Merch for providing us with endless phallic jokes and merchandise. If you are interested, check them out here.

Times:

Intros - 0:27

Competitive Games - 15:57

Listener Comments - 41:19

Apex Legends - 52:02

Kingdom Hearts 3 - 1:16:53

Sponsored by Sassy D Merch - 1:41:41

Weekly Polls - 1:46:39

Fish was a dirty rotten bitch this week and decided to talk shit on Skyrim, so this synopsis is going to be petty and, quite frankly, ridiculous. This week, we decided to discuss games that were overrated or underrated with a revisionist history lens. The other three had great input and insight. However, the ichthyoid carcass washed up on the shores of the bog of eternal stench decided to blow his putrid bubbles in the way of a classic (really, he was right; I’m just bitter). Afterwards, we discussed our time with the Resident Evil 2 remake, Josh’s initial thoughts on Kingdom Hearts 3, and I’m sure Fish did something else in the show but I couldn’t care less about it. Oh, and we discussed dragons...because dragons are important. Enjoy the episode, and I hope Sheogorath drives you completely insane, Fish.

Times:

Intros - 0:27

Sponsored by Sassy D Merch - 14:38

Overrated Games - 17:00

Listener Comments (Underrated Games) - 55:02

Games We're Playing - 1:21:58

Resident Evil 2 - 1:52:21

Kingdom Hearts 3 - 2:25:50

You jolt up suddenly as you hear a faint scratching on some wood. You rub your eyes, removing the sleep from them. The couch you were sleeping on was a little rough on your back, and you groan as you pry yourself from the cushions. Legs wide, you lean your head down as you let your body and mind wake up. You attempt to shake the sleepiness from your mind, but you are groggy from the nap. Raising your arms up over your head, you stretch as far as your shoulders will allow you to. You let out an emphatic groan in an attempt to push the soreness out of your body. Your shoulder blades pop as the air leaves your joints.

You hear the scratching again, surprising you. You are unsure if it is the scratching of the wind pushing a branch against your home, or if it is something else. You start to feel unnerved as the scratching continues. You realize that the scratching is coming from somewhere in the house. You start to walk around, frantically looking for the source of the scoring. You stand at the foot of your stairs leading up to the next floor, but the sound is dimmer. You look in the rooms on the first floor, but every room is empty. Your family is gone, nowhere to be seen.

You walk over to the doorway of the basement and put your ear to the darkness. You hear the scratching and it is louder. You feel a pain in your chest and you start to feel sick. Fear is taking over your body. Something is not right. You look for the nearest weapon, and you find a sharp kitchen knife that is dirtied with crusted food. You clench it fiercely as you pull out your smartphone, turn on the light function, and flash it as you start to descend the stairs. The wood creaks with each step, adding to your uneasiness. You start to reason that it must be an animal that found its way into your house and is looking for a way out, you try to reason with yourself. Probably a mouse or a rat. But you know you’re lying to yourself. You feel a presence down here that you don’t want to see.

As you are two steps from the bottom, the scratching stops. You can hear yourself breathing as you are almost completely encased by darkness. You shine the light around as you stop at the last step. You slowly move the light from left to right, looking for anything that would cause the noise you heard upstairs. Suddenly, you see the back of a foot and part of someone’s leg. You freeze for a moment, and then move the light over. A person stands there in front of you, faced away and their head hanging to the left. Their right arm is resting on a wooden shelf with large splinters digging into their fingers and hands. Blood is dripping onto the shelf and floor from the hand.

You take a closer look and you recognize the clothes the person is wearing. “That’s...that’s...” Just then, the person’s head slowly raises. It starts to turn around. You can see the blood stained into the front of the shirt. The knees are scraped and ripped, exposing grey flesh. You look at the face and see your significant other. But it’s not your significant other. You see their mouth ajar as saliva and blood drip out of their mouth. The stench is almost unbearable, overwhelming you. You look at the eyes, but you don’t see your significant other. You see a monster. Your heart drops as you are frozen. The monster who used to be your significant lets out a large groan as they start to shuffle over to you.

This week on the podcast, we had a lot to discuss. We start off the discussion by discussing the future of zombies. Is the trope played out, or are there more stories waiting to be written? Next, we finally answer the question a listener posed to us in December: what, in particular, influences us four hosts to choose and play the games that we do? Next, we catch each other up with the games that we have been playing briefly before discussing the results of the social media polls. Sink your teeth into the brains of this episode!

Intro: 0:27

Zombies discussion: 25:40

Listener question: 58:05

Social media polls: 1:27:30

Patreon Shout Outs: 1:54:46

It's the new year, and we are finally back in action. Josh has put the fireworks away, Shea has given up swiping cold turkey, Fish has eaten the turkey, and Morgan continues to fire bottle rockets out of his bare ass. We start the show off with our most anticipated games of 2019. We continue with a gargantuan amount of social media business. Last, we discuss what games we have played over break, such as Into the Breach, Seasons After Fall, and Hello Neighbor. Come start the year off with the Chompcast.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. That’s right; it’s the moment you guys have been waiting for. It’s the End of the Year shows! The first part, we delve into the first set of categories we have. We look at our favorite art direction, favorite soundtrack, favorite character, the character we would like to have a drink in a bar with, favorite moment, favorite multiplayer moment, favorite gaming feel, favorite gameplay mechanic, favorite ecosystem, favorite haircut, and favorite boss. After we divulge our personal selections, we deliberate, discuss, and attack each other as we pick the Swordchomp pick for each category. It’s a long one, so hold on to your butts!

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. That’s right; it’s the moment you guys have been waiting for. It’s the End of the Year shows! The first part, we delve into the first set of categories we have. We look at our favorite art direction, favorite soundtrack, favorite character, the character we would like to have a drink in a bar with, favorite moment, favorite multiplayer moment, favorite gaming feel, favorite gameplay mechanic, favorite ecosystem, favorite haircut, and favorite boss. After we divulge our personal selections, we deliberate, discuss, and attack each other as we pick the Swordchomp pick for each category. It’s a long one, so hold on to your butts!