The Complete Guide to Everything

If you had chickenpox as a kid, you might think you’re done with it. BUT, the virus hangs around in your nerves for decades and come back as shingles. Halloween month continues as we discuss this deeply unfair arrangement, with Tom providing firsthand experience and Tim wishing he knew less about it.

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It's Halloween Month™ and this week we're going big and covering one of the main Halloween things: candy. And although we usually spend a fair amount of time talking about candy in most episodes, no matter what the topic, this time the conversation is quite a bit spookier.

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It’s Halloween month, and we’re discussing decorations that require a truck, a storage unit, and year-round technical support. We investigate the appeal of Home Depot’s 12-foot skeleton and the people who get up before dawn to buy one. We also consider Spirit Halloween’s extensive fog juice selection and whether fixing broken monsters is actually a fun job. Plus, Tom returns from Spain with COVID, while Tim prepares to assert his dominance over his family with his Halloween costume.

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It's mayhem at TCGTE headquarters this week, with scheduling snafus and illness causing all kinds of chaos. We'll be back next week with a new episode, but for now, please enjoy this unlocked Patreon episode from last spring -- "Rank Cranks: Candy."

Two of the world's foremost connoisseurs of the sweet stuff put their candy-coated brains together to come up with the definitive list of the Best American Candy in a surprisingly non-contentious episode of Rank Cranks.

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You may think of waiting rooms as just the boring places you sit in while biding your time before heading into the place you really came for, but we're here to tell you you're wrong. Dead wrong.

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It used to be only cheap phones could be easily folded in half, but now if you want a phone you can fold it’s gonna cost ya two grand. This week we’re talking about folding phones and wondering if they’re only for dorks, or are they technology that dweebs could be interested in too? We also talk about some other recent dumb tech and an evening of teenage eavesdropping at the Jersey Shore.

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Dolly Parton wrote thousands of songs, gave away millions of books and somehow managed to get everybody to like her. This week Christine joins us to remember her favorite person and discuss Dolly’s music, generosity and ability to play “Yakety Sax” backwards. Also, we have a bad experience with Domino’s, consider the practical limitations of being a ghost and get distracted by someone in the building across from Tim’s apartment.

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Get ready to "hang ten" and do various other surfing things, because this week's episode is about riding the waves on those big ol' boards (surfboards). We discuss surfing’s ancient Hawaiian roots, the invention of the surfboard leash, Duke Kahanamoku and all of the Beach Boys’ cool surfing songs.

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They’re older than trees, older than the rings of Saturn, and covered in thousands of tiny teeth instead of normal scales. That’s right, this week we’re diving deep into the ocean's apex predators: sharks. Are they terrifying man-eaters, or are crocodiles and hippos doing all the actual dirty work? Also, Tim recounts a harrowing tale of bartender gastrointestinal distress, and we question why anyone would ever want to live on the moon.

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Since we didn't really talk about summer jobs last week, we're spending this episode militantly on-topic. We discuss the weird psychology of group job interviews, the most common summer jobs for teens today and whether the boomers are right that nobody wants to work anymore. Plus, Tim talks about nearly escaping his butcher shop job for the glamorous world of Old Navy and Tom recounts his prowess working the register at the Apple Store.

For full-length weekly bonus episodes check out the TCGTE Patreon!

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