Soul Coffee

The Connection Between Your Identity and Your Suffering w/Matt Paetz | Ep #88


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“People will never outperform the opinion they have of themselves.” - Peter Sage  


In this episode, Dr. Jamal has a powerful conversation with Matt Paetz on how attachments, perceptions and the comfort zone tie into identity. The process of what is happening when we’re making decision and crafting boundaries was also highlighted. This was an important topic because when we choose ourselves and begin to act differently, others can put up resistance. This episode decodes what to do about it.


02:00 | Watch full show on spotify/youtube*

04:30 | Understanding the comfort zone. Your boundaries are not other people’s punishments**

  • It disrupts the Rhythms of how we’re interacting. Our relationships change due to us changing. If you change, it challenges them and it can feel like conflict. 

  • 8:10 | You doing making a decision that makes someone uncomfortable does not make it inappropriate

    • Developing a relationship with discomfort

    • 10:00 | 5 Signs of Life* and the 6th one

      11:30 | Life recognizes life**

      14:45 | The concept of functional suffering. 

      16:30 | Depression is nothing more than denied expression

      17:30 | Growth and adding value to another. It has a space 

      • 19:30 | Expressing self authentically 

      • 20:30 | Self-trust is a skill**

        22:00 - Your emotions won’t kill you. 

        24:00 | 3 aspects to a trigger***

        • The event itself

        • The meaning (interpretation)

        • Response

        • 27:00 | Unconsciously protecting the identity and perceptions we’re efforting to protect. **

          • “As long as I am in struggle, I am in connection.” 28:45

          • 30:00 | Your change of behavior is a direct threat to my response 

            32:45 | The power of one person believing in you* 

            • Ideal is picking things up right where we left off

            • 37:45 | You don’t get into psychology because you have your shit together

              40:45 | A previous identity. 

              44:00 | Pain + Passion x Safety = service** 

              • Extract the lessons + Things you want to do X 

              • 47:45 | How would you define safety?* vs. comfortable

                • Being among others where you feel understood and be in a relaxed physiology*

                • 50:00 | Committed to a joined future vs. previous past

                  51:45 | Building a relationship with trauma vs. just getting lost


                  Resources:

                  Message us and tag us on social!

                  Dr. J’s info!

                  IG: @Drjamalfruster  

                  Linkedin: Jamal Fruster DC 

                  In order to book Dr. Jamal for speaking/workshops go to his website!

                  Website: Drjamalfruster.com


                  Matt Paetz

                  IG: Matthewpaetz

                  Website: morethanabusiness.co → Take a quiz** 

                  Please leave a 5 star episode and share with a friend if it resonates! 

                  Subscribe to Soul Coffee podcast! Available on spotify, podcasts app!


                  Events:

                  Healing Essentials - First Wednesday At the Source for 6:30pm, free to community! DM to save a spot!

                  Providing for the providers - February 10th, Saturday 3pm-5:30pm

                  • https://www.eventbrite.com/e/providing-for-the-providers-cacao-ceremony-and-workshop-tickets-777939878117

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                    Soul CoffeeBy Dr. Jamal Früster

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