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The Cost of Caring: Why Allyship Hurts in 2025
Let’s be honest. In 2025, allyship burnout doesn’t feel like a slow simmer. It actually feels like a moral reckoning. Will it explode or implode?
In this special edition of Joyful Office Hours, I named what most leaders are too tired to articulate: the unique depletion that comes from advocating for inclusion while navigating systemic backlash. From DEI bans to personal identity threats, many leaders are walking around with invisible emotional injuries and wondering why self-care isn’t cutting it anymore.
We explored why allyship burnout is not just about being tired, but about chronic cognitive dissonance. That’s us holding onto what we know to be true about human worth while existing in environments that repeatedly tell us otherwise. It’s not just stress. It’s identity-driven depletion.
But we don’t stop there.
I unpacked a three-part framework to navigate allyship burnout without losing yourself in the process:
* Self-Awareness – Learn to observe your thoughts and emotions without judgment, so you can root out internalized bias and reclaim energy from outdated identity scripts.
* Non-Binary Thinking – Ditch the ally vs. enemy binary and embrace the messy middle, where empathy lives and nuance makes sustainable advocacy possible.
* Proactive Protection – Align your actions with your core values, not just your obligations. Because performative allyship burns us out. Authentic allyship builds us up.
We also shared a real-world case study: how one ERG leader moved her company from subtle silence to overt support for the trans community, and not through shame or force, but through alignment, emotional data, and a whole lot of human connection.
The takeaway? You can’t yoga your way out of systemic injustice. But you can build a way of leading that doesn’t cost you your soul.
Burnout isn’t a flaw. It’s feedback. And what you do with that feedback? That’s leadership.
Joyful Office Hours happens once a month. It’s a free micro-workshop on a sustainable leadership skills, plus a chance to get direct support for any leadership challenge. You’ll find registration for the next one at JoyfulOfficeHours.com
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit elenajoyspeaks.substack.com
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By Elena Joy ThurstonLet’s be honest. In 2025, allyship burnout doesn’t feel like a slow simmer. It actually feels like a moral reckoning. Will it explode or implode?
In this special edition of Joyful Office Hours, I named what most leaders are too tired to articulate: the unique depletion that comes from advocating for inclusion while navigating systemic backlash. From DEI bans to personal identity threats, many leaders are walking around with invisible emotional injuries and wondering why self-care isn’t cutting it anymore.
We explored why allyship burnout is not just about being tired, but about chronic cognitive dissonance. That’s us holding onto what we know to be true about human worth while existing in environments that repeatedly tell us otherwise. It’s not just stress. It’s identity-driven depletion.
But we don’t stop there.
I unpacked a three-part framework to navigate allyship burnout without losing yourself in the process:
* Self-Awareness – Learn to observe your thoughts and emotions without judgment, so you can root out internalized bias and reclaim energy from outdated identity scripts.
* Non-Binary Thinking – Ditch the ally vs. enemy binary and embrace the messy middle, where empathy lives and nuance makes sustainable advocacy possible.
* Proactive Protection – Align your actions with your core values, not just your obligations. Because performative allyship burns us out. Authentic allyship builds us up.
We also shared a real-world case study: how one ERG leader moved her company from subtle silence to overt support for the trans community, and not through shame or force, but through alignment, emotional data, and a whole lot of human connection.
The takeaway? You can’t yoga your way out of systemic injustice. But you can build a way of leading that doesn’t cost you your soul.
Burnout isn’t a flaw. It’s feedback. And what you do with that feedback? That’s leadership.
Joyful Office Hours happens once a month. It’s a free micro-workshop on a sustainable leadership skills, plus a chance to get direct support for any leadership challenge. You’ll find registration for the next one at JoyfulOfficeHours.com
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit elenajoyspeaks.substack.com