Heal First: How Not to Live Through Your Kids

Too many parents feel the pull to live through their children — chasing unfinished dreams, projecting unhealed wounds, or tying identity to their kids’ success. In this episode of The Jen Keller Show, Jen unpacks why this happens, the science of how trauma echoes across generations, and how faith and healing can stop the cycle. You’ll also hear practical, research-backed ways to raise mentally tough kids with love and structure — without harshness or control.

Because the best gift you can give your child is a healed and whole parent.

In this episode, Jen unpacks:

• Why parents are tempted to live through their kids — and how unprocessed pain fuels it.
• The science of how trauma can echo across generations (yes, even through our DNA).
• How unhealed wounds become projections that create perfectionism, anxiety, or people-pleasing in our kids.
• Why God calls us to shepherd, not control — and how trust and healing go hand in hand.
• Practical steps to heal yourself so you don’t pass down generational cycles.
• Research-backed strategies for raising mentally tough, resilient children — without being harsh or abusive.

You’ll also hear about the importance of authoritative parenting — that beautiful balance of high expectations and high warmth that helps children build resilience while knowing they are deeply loved.

Research & Sources I referenced 

1. Yehuda, R. et al. — work on intergenerational effects and FKBP5 methylation in Holocaust survivors and offspring (studies showing altered methylation patterns). 
2. Research summaries and recent reviews on epigenetics and trauma, including reviews on epigenetic markers associated with PTSD and intergenerational inheritance. 
3. CDC findings on prevalence of adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) — about 63.9% of U.S. adults reporting at least one ACE; 17.3% reporting four or more. (Good to include in show notes as context.) 
4. Reviews and studies linking authoritative parenting with better resilience and outcomes for children (authoritative = high warmth + high expectations). 
5. SAMHSA / CAMH / AAP resources on child trauma, resilience, and practical parenting strategies (for practical guidance and further reading). 

In a world where being perfect seems to be the goal- - it’s important that we know who’s we are & who we are.

We aren’t called to be perfect - we are called to be better today than yesterday! - that’s it. It doesn’t have to be quantum leaps, in fact I believe that in the day to day -our little steps in the right directions!

I am on a mission to help women become more of who they were created to be and less of who they were told to be.

And, that takes intention, that takes action

: My goal is to drop some wisdom, bring you resources and that takes community.

The real unlock is the Inner Work, and that’s what we do here!

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