Grandpa Dan brings you breaking news: A car has smashed into a crowd of people in Germany in an event that has been come to be known as “Monday”. Demonstrating his ignorance as to how diversity is our strength, Donald Trump foolishly implied that things such as being run over by cars when you go shopping is somehow more dangerous than Putler. This sort of ignorance is why the U.S. is in big trouble while the EU is on the rise! Due to the fact that the U.S. under Trump is starting to cozy up with Putler and has fallen victim to Russian propaganda, it has fallen to the EU and the mighty British empire to step up to the plate. Currently the most popular British Prime Minister in history, Sir (that’s their preferred pronoun) Keir Starmer is primed and ready to unleash the might of the British army in the defense of the Ukraine. However, if you are a man of fighting age in Britain, don’t jump up to volunteer to fight for our democracy just yet. There is a rising tide of young Ukrainian Generals (no mention of what happened to the old ones) who, with their unconventional thinking, have the Russians retreating with their proverbial tail between their legs. We may even see a total Ukrainian victory in the next two weeks!