The Deep Dive with Adam Roa

After a breakup, almost all of us wonder about getting back with an ex. Maybe we just need some time. Maybe we love each other enough to find our way back.

In this episode, I talk about what happens energetically between two people when a relationship ends, and the three paths open to you from here. Only one gives getting back together a real chance of lasting.

If you're in the middle of a breakup right now, I hope this brings you a little clarity and a little tenderness toward yourself.

My book Crazy Love is out now: https://www.adamroa.com/crazylove

Last night my girlfriend offered me a massage after a long travel day, and a part of me wanted to say no. To be left alone. It's an old pattern I've watched myself repeat for years, one that pushes love away in the name of self-preservation. In this episode I walk through that moment as it happened, why we so often turn away from the very love we say we want, and what becomes possible when we can finally see the pattern clearly enough to choose differently.

Join me this Sunday for Crazy Love & Mature Relationships, a free live event: https://www.adamroa.com/crazy-love-mature-relationships

If you keep having the same fight, it may not be about what you think. It may be about a word.

In this episode, I share a simple 10-second experiment that reveals why so much conflict begins before anyone raises their voice. Each of us carries our own private definitions of words like love and respect. When two people don't share them, they aren't arguing with each other. They're arguing from two different realities. We also look at how this is playing out publicly right now in the Macklemore and Ed Sheeran story.

Join me live on September 27 for Crazy Love and Mature Relationships, free: https://www.adamroa.com/crazy-love-mature-relationships

Most of what we're told about what men need is about output. Protect. Provide. Procreate.

The order is everything. Alison Armstrong corrected this for me and it unlocked so much understanding. You create something you value first. Then you protect it. And only once it feels protected can you provide to it, and provide through it.

This episode is about what that reordering changes, and how understanding it can make all the difference between a relationship that lasts or breaks apart.

My new book, Crazy Love, is out now and an Amazon Bestseller. Get yours here: www.AdamRoa.com/crazylove

Seven years ago I slept with someone when my body was telling me no. The next morning I wrote about it in my journal, crying, and in this episode I read you that entry word for word.

It's about integrity, and what it costs to override yourself. Your intuition doesn't come from your head. It comes through the body, and every time you ignore the quiet no, it gets quieter. This one gets into what that does to your ability to trust yourself, and to build anything real.

The entry is on page 57 of Crazy Love, out now. https://www.adamroa.com/crazylove

For the last month, I've had resistance to fully promoting my own book. Crazy Love is ten years of raw journal entries, and part of me has been embarrassed to let people meet who I used to be. In this episode I break down the actual difference between guilt, shame, and just being embarrassed, why forgiving your past self isn't about self love, it's about gratitude, and I walk through the two relationships that taught me this the hard way, including one boundary I had to cross before I ever knew it existed.

Crazy Love is available now. Grab your copy at www.AdamRoa.com/crazylove

If you'd like to watch the videos for these episodes, check out the youtube channel.

Three uncomfortable truths about relationships that most of us are no longer allowed to say out loud, and the science that backs each one. Adam unpacks hypergamy and the provider question, the fear of being alone that quietly makes us settle, and why the intense high we call love is often just anxiety wearing a costume. Drawn from the real journal entries behind his new book, Crazy Love. Not a lecture. A confession, and a map. Preorder Crazy Love at adamroa.com/crazylove.

There's a dating book that makes people, especially women, furious, and after reading the whole thing I found myself agreeing with about 90% of it. It's The Value of Others by Orion Taraban, and it makes a claim most of us don't want to hear: that if you strip the emotion out of dating and look at it as a pure exchange of value, a man's value tends to rise as he ages while a woman's mating value peaks younger.

In this episode I walk through the entire model. The harbor full of captains and passengers. What men and women have actually valued across every culture we've studied. The biology underneath it that we keep pretending isn't there. And then the one place I think the book is dead wrong: the difference between mating value and dating value, and why understanding it changed how I date at 41.

I don't think any of us have this figured out. So sit with it, argue with me in your own head, and if it moved something, leave a review and tell me where you think he's right and where he's lost the plot.

The full picture of how modern dating got this hard is in my Modern Dating Is Broken masterclass: https://www.adamroa.com/modern-dating-is-broken

Still finding your own direction? The Soul Scavenger Hunt: https://create.adamroa.com/soul-scavenger-hunt

My book Crazy Love: https://www.adamroa.com/crazylove

The somatic experience of love in my body was unhealthy. What I felt and called love was not actually love, and it took me years to see it. In this episode I lay out the two things we're all doing without noticing. We're running from something, and we're running toward something, and the thing we navigate by is what we feel. What I was running from was a home where I never saw passion. What I was running toward was the passion I only ever felt in the movies. That set the feeling in my body to point at intensity instead of love.

What finally changed is that I stopped chasing passion and started choosing peace. I found a partner who helps regulate my nervous system instead of spiking it, and I had to learn to trust how quiet that feels. We get into why the feeling you trust most is often the least reliable, why secure love can feel like something's missing at first, and what it's taken to finally trust it.

Crazy Love is fifteen years of my journals, the poems and the heartbreak that taught me all of this.

Get Your Copy: https://www.adamroa.com/crazylove

You cannot have a healthy relationship without safe communication. Here's how to give your partner hard feedback without it turning into a fight, using a six-step method I call the six Rs.

If this topic stirred something in you, check out my 2.5 hour masterclass on modern dating: https://www.adamroa.com/modern-dating-is-broken

And if you're interested in my new book, you can find it here:

https://www.adamroa.com/crazylove