The Delicious Byproduct

Although this podcast episode talks more specifically about being provided for financially, I believe true provision is more than just financial. My husband provides for me not just financially but emotionally, sexually and physically.

It has been a very long journey to get to a place where I have been able to receive his provision. And I wanted to share some of that story with you today.

I actually find this topic really difficult to share, not because I don’t love talking about it — I do. But because I’ve had to dim myself in this area for a long time.

It’s a triggering topic for both men and women and I find my desire to simply express gratitude and celebration for the life I have is often met with backlash. So I’ll admit I’m nervous posting this. But it is a honest account from my own personal perspective on choosing to be a fully provided for woman.

I appreciate everyone has different life circumstances, histories and beliefs but I feel like I’d finally like to openly share mine around this topic.

I hope you enjoy listening. As I say at the end, if anyone has any further questions they’d like to know or understand, drop them in the comments as it would be nice to have an open conversation about this topic.

Much love — Josephine x

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This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit josephinesnowling.substack.com

Communicating your desires, expressing your grievances and pouring your heart out over text is not a lesser form of communication than face to face.

In fact, I believe in some cases, it is a more superior form of communication.

Expressing yourself, even behind the wall of your phone, still beats saying nothing at all. And in today’s episode, I talk about how me and my husband have used WhatsApp many times to open the communication channel between one another and why this form of communication hasn’t been romanticised like pen and paper has, even though it’s the same modality.

As always, come and a join the conversation, I love connecting with you all in the comments over these topics.

Much love

Josephine x

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit josephinesnowling.substack.com

Do you compliment your man enough?

Do you thank him for everything he has done?

It seems that showing appreciation and affection towards men is becoming a taboo thing to do but men are humans just like women after all.

When women want these things it’s for comfort and validation.

When men want them it’s to stroke their ego 🤨

We can all sit on the spectrum of both of these but don’t confuse wounded behaviour towards men for the psychological norm of what they need and desire.

Men need validation, appreciation and to feel desired just as much as women do.

Yesterday my husband was away for work. He messaged me after he’d left the house at 3am and driven 5 hours to get to the office for his meeting, saying he was having a shitty day.

Later that day I had some old friends round, we were chatting about everything and anything and whilst this was going on I took a step back and realised just how damn lucky I was to have my husband. For all the things he does for me and our girls. All his hard work that means I get to lay in bed like I am this morning, recording this podcast.

And I picked up my phone and I told him. Not because he was having a shitty day but because in that moment I genuinely felt so much appreciation for him that I wanted to share it with him.

He didn’t message me asking for me to lift him because he was having a shitty day, he just shared what was going on in his world that day.

But later last night he told me how his day improved so much after reading my message and he thanked me for sharing it with him.

And I find it funny how I speak to other women who would turn around and tell me I was wrong for doing that.

How I should keep him guessing, keep him on his toes or even have the audacity to say why should I thank him in the first place.

I understand women have been hurt by men. I understand that a lot of women feel they have to perform this sort of gratitude because unfortunately a lot of women were bought up believing this was their role.

None of that is right but it’s a wound. A wound most women carry.

But appreciation expressed from a genuine place, in my opinion, is never a mistake, no matter who it’s pointed at, man or woman.

And the thing is, what I find sad is that I also know lots of women who hold deep desires of being pursued by their man, taken care of and provided for by him and that the thing they keep mocking is the direct route to receiving that from him.

There is a reason my husband does all he does for me and our family. Why when he’s away he messages me saying he can’t wait until I’m back in his arms again, and no I didn’t exaggerate that line.

Because in a world that constantly wants something from him; his time, his skills, his knowledge, his decisions, I am the person who sees all of that and simply says “I see you, thank you.”

And women don’t seem to realise what that does to men.

Men want to provide, they get a lift from it. The number of times I see my husband getting a kick from doing something for me. But as much as they want to provide, provider-ship without acknowledgment or appreciation turns into obligation.

It’s the same for women and nurturing. Most women have a desire to nurture. Even if you don’t wish to be a mother, we like to take care of the people we love, and many mothers, myself included, will attest to this, if it goes unnoticed and under appreciated it just feels like obligation. Same as providing for men.

I remember once, maybe a year ago now, I was having a mild panic about the state of our house and the impending slumber party I’d arranged for my eldest birthday. I was so worried about what the other parents would think, our kitchen needed repainting and not just a freshen up, we still had bright orange paint left over from 3 years ago which the previous owner lovingly left us. I can’t believe I’m even sharing that publicly.

Anyway, my husband had watched me trying to work through this for days. Did I just finally paint the bloody kitchen or work through internally why I was so worried about their opinions.

One night he stayed up late — not unusual for him and then he got up early the next morning — again not that unusual.

He came upstairs to wake me mid morning and he had paint flecks on his beard — which was unusual.

My intuition just knew what had happened. In fact, I admit, the night before I had an inkling something was going on.

Anyway, he came into our bedroom and asked me if I’d go and make him a coffee. I knew what his game was, so I smiled and headed downstairs. And as you can probably guess, he’d painted the kitchen but not just the kitchen, the hallway as well. He’d gone to the local diy store and tried his best to pick out the colour I’d been describing.

I made him his coffee whilst I took in his handiwork, came upstairs and snuggled into him. He was struggling to hide his smile and instead he focused on all the problems he’d encountered whilst doing it. Not to throw it back in my face but because, I believe in that moment, he was struggling to receive my joy of what he’d done for me. I curled deeper into him and from a genuine place I told him how I felt. I expressed how grateful I was that he’d done that for me, to soothe some silly worry I had and I even got a bit emotional. I told him that I didn’t think he knew just how much that meant to me and his smile — he couldn’t hide it in the end. You know those ones that just come out, regardless of whether you’ve given them permission to or not. Thats the smile he had

And he was still tired, he still had paint in his beard and needed some caffeine but I could feel how full his heart was. Because his provider-ship mattered, it had landed, none of that work was for nothing. And I remember I instigated intimacy with him and he said quite firmly, you don’t have to do that, to which I replied I know, but I want to.

It was the truth.

I felt so connected to him, so held by him that I felt open and in that moment I wanted to not just express my gratitude but connect deeper with him and that just happened to be the way in which I sought that connection.

But here’s the thing.

I realise how differently that could have gone because it nearly did.

I admit, when I first went downstairs and saw what he’d done, my old self went straight for the imperfections.

Was the colour really what I wanted? I noticed in some places the cutting in wasn’t perfect but I caught myself and said absolutely not! You are not going down that path.

Instead I focused on what he’d done for me:

How he’d heard me worrying about this silly thing.

How he’d remembered the paint colours I’d been talking about.

How he’d stayed up all night and got up early to do this for me.

How he hadn’t asked for anything in return, even the request for a coffee wasn’t that, he wanted an excuse to send me downstairs.

And those things were far more valuable than cutting in perfectionism.

But imagine what would have happened if I’d have gone upstairs and said, well it wasn’t really the colour I had in mind or you got some paint on the alcove. It makes me shudder just to think how deflated and disheartened he probably would have felt. Just like anyone would have done.

I’ve had several friends ask me “how do you get your husband to do all that stuff for you?” And my answer is two fold — I appreciate him and show my gratitude when he does something for me but I also have had to learn how to receive what he does for me. Because being able to receive, allows you to express appreciation. And trust me, this has been a journey.

Just to give you an insight into how much inner work I’ve had to do to get here. When my husband proposed, which by the way looked like him taking me to Chatsworth house because of my deep love for pride and prejudice — and because my dad took me there when I was young but never took me inside, so my husband wanted to finally let me see the place I’d associated with my favourite love story as a child.

He’d found this beautiful little cottage on the Chatsworth estate and booked us a Michelin star restaurant res…

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit josephinesnowling.substack.com

Hello beautiful people, in today’s episode, which is officially now being launched under my podcast - The Delicious Byproduct 🙌 I am talking all about how I’ve self sabotaged my own Romance novel, of a life, from coming into existence and what I’m doing differently to make it a reality.

I run through:

* What comparison has done to me

* Why you can take inspiration but what you must run it past first

* How I’m now trialing things in my life first

* The 3 step process I’m using to go from fantasising and visualising to making something a reality

* And of course there is plenty of anecdotes and stories from my life to explain everything - you’ll discover how I ended up living in a caravan for a year 🚐

If you want more real life stories from my bath, dog walk or kitchen sink then subscribe.

Links mentioned in this episode (click the image):

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit josephinesnowling.substack.com

Hello beautiful people,

In today’s voice note I’m talking about the sneaky “I could” phrase that’s been haunting me these last few weeks as I go about my 60 day Substack challenge — want more details about this challenge? — check out this post.

And so in this voice note (taken at the field walking the dogs), I talk about:

* The difference between “I could”, “I should” and “I want”

* Understanding how each phrase shows up in my body

* Why I would argue that “I could” is the sneaky friend of “I should” and how I’m combatting it, with regards to, not just my creativity and Substack but with my life in general.

* And specifically why I’m not joining the school PTA 😆 because of this - as a fun example

If you’re on your own creativity journey or deep diving into yourself, follow along with me.

Links mentioned in the audio (click the image):

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit josephinesnowling.substack.com

Hello Beautiful People,

Today I am sharing insights from my 60 day Substack challenge in which I’m showing up daily on Substack to better understand my own relationship with my creativity — this isn’t about likes or stats.

If you want to find out more about the challenge I’ve set myself and why I’m doing this, check out this post.

But in today’s voice note I’m sharing:

* The pattern I found myself stuck in mid article

* Why the phrase “I could do that” is the sneaky friend of “I should”

* And what I’m uncovering as my unique way of creating without feeling like I’m handing in homework at the end of each session

I’d love to hear your thoughts on the topic, so if any of this resonated with you, drop me your thoughts in the comments.

If you’re also discovering yourself amidst your creative journey, Subscribe and follow along. I’d love to have you with me.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit josephinesnowling.substack.com

If this got your ears standing to attention and you want more Subscribe

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit josephinesnowling.substack.com

I’ve set myself a personal challenge - 60 days with my creativity. Or as I like to say - me, myself and my creativity.

Over the next 60 days, I’ve set myself a little objective - to get curious about my relationship with my own creativity.

How I enjoy creating, what feels like effort, what feels like ease, and what feels sustainable.

I’ve set myself one task, every single day, I’ll take at least one action on Substack. It might be posting a note, an article, a voice note like this one, a video, a restack, or a comment on someone else’s work. Anything counts, as long as I show up.

And I’m just going to watch myself as I do it and see what happens - not to the numbers, or the subscriber count but what happens to me. How does it make me feel. And most importantly what does it tell me about my own relationship with my creativity.

This voice note may become part of a series over the next 60 days or it might simply be a one off, a way I played with my creativity and showed up on this Sunday evening. Who knows. We shall see what the 60 days bring.

If you’re intrigued Subscribe to see what I create over the coming days.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit josephinesnowling.substack.com

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit josephinesnowling.substack.com