Why do unresolved relationships linger in our minds? This week on Diverse Dungeon, we explore the intricate landscape of relationships through the lens of neurodivergence. As I wrap up my grad school class and look forward to the summer break, I share my excitement about attending Sex Geek Camp and diving into personal projects. Thinking about my discovery of my neurodivergence and how it has shaped my past relationships, particularly with a fellow neurodivergent individual.

In the second half, we recount the emotionally charged relationships that included a metamour with borderline personality disorder (BPD), which brought significant challenges. From emotionally unstable moments to a dramatic camping trip.

Tune in to hear these personal stories and reflections on the complex interplay of neurodivergence and relationships, and how they continue to shape our lives.

Episode Links and Resources

• What You Need to Know About Borderline Personality Disorder and Relationships
  • https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/borderline-personality-disorder-relationships
• Geek Girl - https://www.netflix.com/title/81637842
• Crazy Ex-Girlfriend - https://www.netflix.com/title/80066227

Social Media:

• Instagram: @neurokinkster
• Facebook: neurokinkster
• Discord Servier: Neurokinkster

Website:
http://www.neurokinkster.com

Musical Intro:
Not So Fast (Quarantine Beats #01) by Patchworker f.k.a. [friendzoned] | https://soundcloud.com/patchworker
Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com
Creative Commons / Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported (CC BY-SA 3.0)
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en_US

Musical Outro:
The Crossover by Pyrosion | https://soundcloud.com/pyrosion
https://open.spotify.com/artist/51pxQJ5wdwSikfgYDBNXPE
https://www.instagram.com/pyrosion
https://www.youtube.com/@pyrosionmusic8562
Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com
Creative Commons / Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported (CC BY-S...

Discovering your own neurodivergent superpowers can be a game-changer, and I'm here to walk you through my world with ADHD. From the nitty-gritty of planning meals to the triumphs and trials of grad school, I lay bare the real impact of impulsivity, procrastination, and the surprising bursts of creativity that come with the territory. And yes, my smartphone is my trusty sidekick in this daily adventure, helping me navigate through bustling conventions and the never-ending quest to stay on task.

But the journey doesn't end there. We also step into the storied realm of the leather community, where history, identity, and the echoes of the AIDS epidemic intertwine. I'll take you through my first leather convention, the bonds with my gay uncle, and the vision for a more inclusive community that embraces neurodiversity. Listen in as I describe designing a patch that represents the crossroads of personal and communal identity, a symbol of the unique place we each hold within the broader tapestry of life. Join me in this heartfelt exploration of the Diverse Dungeon, where every corner holds a story, and every challenge is met with resilience and understanding.

Social Media:

• Instagram: @neurokinkster
• Facebook: neurokinkster
• Discord Servier: Neurokinkster

Website:
http://www.neurokinkster.com

Musical Intro:
Not So Fast (Quarantine Beats #01) by Patchworker f.k.a. [friendzoned] | https://soundcloud.com/patchworker
Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com
Creative Commons / Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported (CC BY-SA 3.0)
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en_US

Musical Outro:
The Crossover by Pyrosion | https://soundcloud.com/pyrosion
https://open.spotify.com/artist/51pxQJ5wdwSikfgYDBNXPE
https://www.instagram.com/pyrosion
https://www.youtube.com/@pyrosionmusic8562
Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com
Creative Commons / Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported (CC BY-S...

Emerging from a period of disarray akin to the scattered puzzle pieces of a complex jigsaw, I've pieced together the chaotic corners of my life, tidying more than just my office. The journey reminds me of an ex whose cluttered haven mirrored our tumultuous partnership, and now, as I organize my space, I’m setting the stage for a candid discussion about life's unexpected parallels. The air is electric with the buzz of reconnection as I recount the resounding success of the NeuroSpicy meet and greet; a testament to the strength and solidarity discovered within the kink community. My adventures at the vibrant KinkFest in Portland take center stage as well, complete with lavish praise for the dungeon dreamland and insightful suggestions for our ADHD friends craving focus amidst the frenzy.

Transitioning to a more intimate note, the essence of aftercare in BDSM becomes tangible through a recounting of a scene with Master J that veered off course post-play. The chain mail flogger was not the only new element that night; the absence of expected aftercare uncovered an emotional landscape that begged for attention. The episode peels back the curtain on the paramount importance of communication and mutual care, as I take you through the raw emotions that underscore our shared responsibility for each other's emotional safety. Whether you're navigating the waves of BDSM or simply curious about the intricate dynamics of these relationships, this episode offers heartfelt insights and a call to action for greater advocacy and connection within the lifestyle.

Episode Links:

• KinkFest - https://www.kinkfest.org/
• Instructors:
  • Lady Steele - https://fetlife.com/users/72248
  • Danarama - http://www.creativebdsm.com/Home.html
• Kinkfest Vendors - https://www.kinkfest.org/vendors.php
  • Barbarian Design - https://www.etsy.com/shop/BarbarianDesigns
  • Leather by Danny - https://leatherbydanny.com/
  • Lightplay Candles - https://lightplaycandles.com/
  • Lil st Kit Shoppe - https://www.etsy.com/shop/LilfoxToybox

Social Media:

• Instagram: @neurokinkster
• Facebook: neurokinkster
• Discord Servier: Neurokinkster

Website:
http://www.neurokinkster.com

Musical Intro:
Not So Fast (Quarantine Beats #01) by Patchworker f.k.a. [friendzoned] | https://soundcloud.com/patchworker
Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com
Creative Commons / Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported (CC BY-SA 3.0)
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en_US

Musical Outro:
The Crossover by Pyrosion | https://soundcloud.com/pyrosion
https://open.spotify.com/artist/51pxQJ5wdwSikfgYDBNXPE
https://www.instagram.com/pyrosion
https://www.youtube.com/@pyrosionmusic8562
Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com
Creative Commons / Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported (CC BY-S...

How about a stimulating exploration of the intersection of neurodivergence, kink, and community?  Well, that would be the ideal, but this week is just a short little episode.

Today’s Quote: “I don't think anything replaces the face-to-face meetings and the personal connections that you get when you're in the same room or same place with people.”

-       Annamie Paul

• Sveha Neurodiversity T-shirt - https://svahausa.com/products/neurodiversity-black-color-custom-relaxed-t-shirt-1
• Boundless https://www.boundlessevents.org/events/
• “Brain Soup” Online Zoom Class https://www.boundlessevents.org/event/brain-soup-orchestrating-the-power-of-neurotransmitters-in-kink-play/
• Barbarian Designs - https://www.etsy.com/shop/BarbarianDesigns
• “We’re Not Really Strangers” https://www.werenotreallystrangers.com/

Social Media:

• Instagram: @neurokinkster
• Facebook: neurokinkster
• Discord Servier: Neurokinkster

Website:
http://www.neurokinkster.com

Musical Intro:
Not So Fast (Quarantine Beats #01) by Patchworker f.k.a. [friendzoned] | https://soundcloud.com/patchworker
Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com
Creative Commons / Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported (CC BY-SA 3.0)
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en_US

Musical Outro:
The Crossover by Pyrosion | https://soundcloud.com/pyrosion
https://open.spotify.com/artist/51pxQJ5wdwSikfgYDBNXPE
https://www.instagram.com/pyrosion
https://www.youtube.com/@pyrosionmusic8562
Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com
Creative Commons / Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported (CC BY-S...

Can you imagine a world where our individual neurological differences are not seen as deficits, but rather as unique variations of human existence? 

Links from the podcast

• Today’s Quote: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/45706/i-felt-a-funeral-in-my-brain-340
• What is Neurodiversity? https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/what-is-neurodiversity-202111232645
• What is Universal Design?

Books:

• Jay Wiseman’s S&M 101 
• Greg Bear - Blood Music

Events:

• Folsom Street Fair
• Boundless
  • https://www.boundlessevents.org/event/the-boundless-retreat-2023/

Educator:

• Midori 
• https://fhp-inc.com/

To Create safe neurodivergent spaces in BDSM places:

1. A decompression space that is not to far from central meeting spaces
2. A quiet space for sleeping
3. Access to variety of food 
4. Care and Consent Team 

Background Music provided by Purple Planet Music

Social Media:

• Instagram: @neurokinkster
• Facebook: neurokinkster
• Discord Servier: Neurokinkster

Website:
http://www.neurokinkster.com

Musical Intro:
Not So Fast (Quarantine Beats #01) by Patchworker f.k.a. [friendzoned] | https://soundcloud.com/patchworker
Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com
Creative Commons / Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported (CC BY-SA 3.0)
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en_US

Musical Outro:
The Crossover by Pyrosion | https://soundcloud.com/pyrosion
https://open.spotify.com/artist/51pxQJ5wdwSikfgYDBNXPE
https://www.instagram.com/pyrosion
https://www.youtube.com/@pyrosionmusic8562
Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com
Creative Commons / Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported (CC BY-S...

A short episode looking at the intersection of neurodiversity and fetishes. 
Links mentioned in the episode:

• A Systematic Review of the Relationship Between Neurodiversity and Psychosexual Functioning in Individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) or Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
• Don’t Wait Till Your Deep In A Relationship To Disclose Important Information
• Kink, BDSM and Autism & ADHD
• Neurodiversity and Autism: Where do We Draw the Line? 
• Paper - ASSESSMENT AND TREATMENT OF FOOT–SHOE FETISH DISPLAYED BY A MAN WITH AUTISM
• Sexuality in autism: hypersexual and paraphilic behavior in women and men with high-functioning autism spectrum disorder

Social Media:

• Instagram: @neurokinkster
• Facebook: neurokinkster
• Discord Servier: Neurokinkster

Website:
http://www.neurokinkster.com

Musical Intro:
Not So Fast (Quarantine Beats #01) by Patchworker f.k.a. [friendzoned] | https://soundcloud.com/patchworker
Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com
Creative Commons / Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported (CC BY-SA 3.0)
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en_US

Musical Outro:
The Crossover by Pyrosion | https://soundcloud.com/pyrosion
https://open.spotify.com/artist/51pxQJ5wdwSikfgYDBNXPE
https://www.instagram.com/pyrosion
https://www.youtube.com/@pyrosionmusic8562
Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com
Creative Commons / Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported (CC BY-S...

Ever wondered how your neurodivergence affects your ability to form and maintain secure attachments? How might it impact not just your romantic relationships, but also those bonds within your family?

I also share a personal anecdote about why this topic is important to me, even if it’s more kink adjacent, than directly related.

Enjoy!

Links from episode:

The Attachment Project - https://www.attachmentproject.com/psychology/neurodiversity/

Introduction to Attachment Styles fromCoach Elizabeth Brink, BCC, ACC, CNC
https://www.thrivingsistercoaching.com/post/a-primer-on-attachment-theory-neurodivergent

Research Paper on Infatuation and Attachment
“Infatuation and attachment : How do they differ in autism and neurodiversity?”
https://osf.io/jth6f

Research Paper -  Adult attachment and social anxiety: “The mediating role of emotion regulation strategies.”
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6310265/

Research Paper - The relationship between attachment and social anxiety, focusing on self-esteem and locus of control as possible mediators
https://uhra.herts.ac.uk/handle/2299/14297

Research Paper - “A systematic review of adult attachment and social anxiety”
https://eprints.lancs.ac.uk/id/eprint/131758/1/A_systematic_review_of_adult_attachment_and_social_anxiety.pdf

What Is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria?
https://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria

New Insights Into Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
https://www.additudemag.com/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-adhd-emotional-dysregulation/

Rejection Sensitivity: Managing Feelings of Overwhelm and Rejection as an Adult with ADHD
https://add.org/rejection-sensitivity/

7 Emotions That Knock Us Off Our Feet

Social Media:

• Instagram: @neurokinkster
• Facebook: neurokinkster
• Discord Servier: Neurokinkster

Website:
http://www.neurokinkster.com

Musical Intro:
Not So Fast (Quarantine Beats #01) by Patchworker f.k.a. [friendzoned] | https://soundcloud.com/patchworker
Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com
Creative Commons / Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported (CC BY-SA 3.0)
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en_US

Musical Outro:
The Crossover by Pyrosion | https://soundcloud.com/pyrosion
https://open.spotify.com/artist/51pxQJ5wdwSikfgYDBNXPE
https://www.instagram.com/pyrosion
https://www.youtube.com/@pyrosionmusic8562
Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com
Creative Commons / Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported (CC BY-S...

Ever wondered how to stay in the moment while navigating a BDSM scene? That is the listener question for this week. 

In the second half of our intimate chat, we switch gears to delve into creating safe spaces for neurodivergent kinksters.  Don't miss my guidelines for FetLife interaction, aimed at improving your time on the platform. So, sit back, relax, and join me in this enlightening journey through the BDSM realm.

Social Media:

• Instagram: @neurokinkster
• Facebook: neurokinkster
• Discord Servier: Neurokinkster

Website:
http://www.neurokinkster.com

Musical Intro:
Not So Fast (Quarantine Beats #01) by Patchworker f.k.a. [friendzoned] | https://soundcloud.com/patchworker
Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com
Creative Commons / Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported (CC BY-SA 3.0)
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en_US

Musical Outro:
The Crossover by Pyrosion | https://soundcloud.com/pyrosion
https://open.spotify.com/artist/51pxQJ5wdwSikfgYDBNXPE
https://www.instagram.com/pyrosion
https://www.youtube.com/@pyrosionmusic8562
Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com
Creative Commons / Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported (CC BY-S...

Join me, your host Rae, This is not just about understanding our own journeys better, but also about advocating for NeuroKinksters in every sex-positive space possible. Stay connected and remember, our anxiety is just lying to us.

Social Media:

• Instagram: @neurokinkster
• Facebook: neurokinkster
• Discord Servier: Neurokinkster

Website:
http://www.neurokinkster.com

Musical Intro:
Not So Fast (Quarantine Beats #01) by Patchworker f.k.a. [friendzoned] | https://soundcloud.com/patchworker
Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com
Creative Commons / Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported (CC BY-SA 3.0)
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en_US

Musical Outro:
The Crossover by Pyrosion | https://soundcloud.com/pyrosion
https://open.spotify.com/artist/51pxQJ5wdwSikfgYDBNXPE
https://www.instagram.com/pyrosion
https://www.youtube.com/@pyrosionmusic8562
Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com
Creative Commons / Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported (CC BY-S...