The Divorce Planner

Divorce is one of the most administratively demanding processes you'll ever navigate — deadlines, documents, financial disclosures, follow-up tasks. For someone with ADHD, it can feel completely paralyzing.

In today's episode, I'm sitting down with Whitney Light, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) who has worked with ADHD clients navigating divorce, and who navigated the divorce process herself with ADHD.  

Whitney and I talk about why the divorce process is particularly brutal for the ADHD brain, what "the freeze" actually looks like and how to break through it, and how ADHD shows up in the financial patterns of a marriage — and then resurfaces during negotiations. She also shares what her own experience taught her about what people with ADHD actually need that the traditional legal and financial system doesn't provide.

If you have ADHD and you're navigating divorce — or you've been feeling frozen, overwhelmed, and behind before you've even started — this conversation is for you.

Resources mentioned:

The 5-5-5 Rule: Your Divorce Decision Making Framework - Listen to an episode about it or read a blog post I write about it. 

Want more resources? Check out my blog, grab my free "24 Questions to Ask A Divorce Attorney" guide, or sign up for my free 4-Email Divorce Prep Series for a step-by-step roadmap before you meet with an attorney. 

Need personalized help? Book a free 15-minute call or subscribe to my newsletter for weekly tips.

The Divorce Planner podcast is for educational purposes only and does not constitute legal or financial advice. Consult qualified professionals about your situation.

Podcast Original Music, Editing, and Mixing by: Benjamin Robinson

One of the most painful and confusing things that can happen after divorce is a child suddenly refusing to see one of their parents. It leaves the rejected parent feeling powerless and heartbroken, and it leaves the other parent unsure whether they're protecting their child or somehow making things worse.

In today's episode, I'm sitting down with Amy Armstrong, conflict resolution expert and founder of the Center for Family Resolution, for an honest conversation about what's really going on when a child resists or refuses contact—and what parents on both sides can actually do about it.Amy works at the intersection of coaching, psychology, and the family court system, and she trains judges on what's known as "resist-refuse dynamics." We talk about why kids refuse contact, what parental alienation actually looks like, the mistakes that make the situation worse, and what a rejected parent can do to protect the relationship without escalating the conflict.

Whether you're the parent being refused or the parent navigating your child's resistance, this conversation will help you understand what's happening beneath the surface — and how to respond in a way that protects your child and your relationship with them.

Resources Mentioned:

podcast.thecenterforfamilyresolution.com/planner

Want more resources? Check out my blog, grab my free "24 Questions to Ask A Divorce Attorney" guide, or sign up for my free 4-Email Divorce Prep Series for a step-by-step roadmap before you meet with an attorney. 

Need personalized help? Book a free 15-minute call or subscribe to my newsletter for weekly tips.

The Divorce Planner podcast is for educational purposes only and does not constitute legal or financial advice. Consult qualified professionals about your situation.

Podcast Original Music, Editing, and Mixing by: Benjamin Robinson

If your spouse owns a business, or holds complex assets like stock options, how to value and divide these assets is one of the most important and most challenging parts of divorce. Figuring out what those assets are actually worth can be tricky, and getting it wrong can cost you significantly.

In today's episode, I'm sitting down with Matt Springer, a business valuation expert with nearly two decades of experience in valuation and litigation support, to break down what really happens when a business or complex asset gets valued in a divorce—and what you need to understand to protect yourself.

What we cover:

• What actually happens when you're dividing assets and a spouse owns a business, professional practice, or other illiquid asset
• How compensation arrangements, equity awards, stock options, notes, and pensions get evaluated
• What to look for, and what to question, when you're handed a valuation report
• The red flags that mean you may need a second opinion
• When valuation numbers get challenged, and what that means for you

If you're staring down a divorce with a business owner, or are a business owner new to this process, this conversation will help you understand what you're dealing with so you can ask the right questions and advocate for yourself.

Want more resources? Check out my blog, grab my free "24 Questions to Ask A Divorce Attorney" guide, or sign up for my free 4-Email Divorce Prep Series for a step-by-step roadmap before you meet with an attorney. 

Need personalized help? Book a free 15-minute call or subscribe to my newsletter for weekly tips.

The Divorce Planner podcast is for educational purposes only and does not constitute legal or financial advice. Consult qualified professionals about your situation.

Podcast Original Music, Editing, and Mixing by: Benjamin Robinson

Financial abuse is more common than you think. Red flags can show up in how you're frozen out from account access, having to ask for spending money on basics like groceries and gas, and being told "you don't have to worry about that" when you ask any financial questions. These are all signs of a financial power imbalance, and they lead to major issues during divorce. 

In today's episode, I'm sitting down with Jackie Combs, a California family law attorney, advocate for women's financial empowerment, and founder of Love Richer, for a conversation about the toxic money patterns that show up in dating and marriage, and why they almost always resurface as landmines during divorce.

What we cover:

• How women unknowingly surrender financial autonomy, and what that looks like years later in a settlement
• Financial infidelity: hidden accounts, undisclosed debt, concealed income, and how it surfaces in discovery
• What women misunderstand about what they're actually entitled to during divorce
• The first three things to do if you're recognizing financial red flags right now, before you make any move
• What Jackie wants every financially controlled woman to know before she walks into a consultation with an attorney
• The conversation about money and power in relationships that most people are still too afraid to have

If you're in a relationship where you feel financially shut out, or you're beginning to consider divorce and worried about what you don't know, this episode will give you clarity, language, and a plan.

Want more resources? Check out my blog, grab my free "24 Questions to Ask A Divorce Attorney" guide, or sign up for my free 4-Email Divorce Prep Series for a step-by-step roadmap before you meet with an attorney. 

Need personalized help? Book a free 15-minute call or subscribe to my newsletter for weekly tips.

The Divorce Planner podcast is for educational purposes only and does not constitute legal or financial advice. Consult qualified professionals about your situation.

Podcast Original Music, Editing, and Mixing by: Benjamin Robinson

The most damaging mistake I see people make during divorce isn't a legal or financial one. It's expecting their spouse to suddenly behave differently than they always have. And every time they don't, the shock and fury pulls you back into the same loop — one that can outlast your marriage by decades if you don't address it now.

In this episode I'm sharing the concept of radical acceptance, specifically what it actually is, what it isn't, and why it's the only thing that genuinely gets you out of the pattern. We talk about the neuroscience of why these loops feel impossible to break, the riptide analogy that reframes everything, and a specific tool that works better than any filtered, measured response ever will.

This isn't about being the bigger person. It's about stopping the drain on your own energy, clarity, and future.

If you're exhausted from trying to get your spouse to communicate differently, take accountability, or simply show up the way you need them to,  this episode is for you.

Want more resources? Check out my blog, grab my free "24 Questions to Ask A Divorce Attorney" guide, or sign up for my free 4-Email Divorce Prep Series for a step-by-step roadmap before you meet with an attorney. 

Need personalized help? Book a free 15-minute call or subscribe to my newsletter for weekly tips.

The Divorce Planner podcast is for educational purposes only and does not constitute legal or financial advice. Consult qualified professionals about your situation.

Podcast Original Music, Editing, and Mixing by: Benjamin Robinson

Divorce brings up two of the hardest emotions to talk about: grief and shame. Grief for the life you thought you'd have, the future you planned together, and the identity you're losing. And shame because even though divorce is common, there's still a stigma attached to it that can make you feel like you've failed.

In today's episode, I'm sitting down with Kim Polinder, associate therapist and author of Why We Fight (HarperOne), for an honest conversation about how to actually process these difficult emotions instead of rushing past them or burying them in a new relationship.

What we cover:

• Why grief is normal even in amicable divorces and how it can surface unexpectedly
• The shame that surrounds divorce and how to recognize patterns that have played out in other areas of your life
• How to process grief with supportive people rather than in isolation
• Creating rituals for closure including writing letters or revisiting meaningful places
• Why rushing into new relationships without grieving leads to repeating patterns
• Understanding your deepest triggers and what you're seeking from relationships
• The importance of introspection before entering your next relationship
• How to prevent second divorces by breaking cycles and clarifying your values
• Moving through pain with self-compassion instead of judgment

Whether you're in the middle of divorce, recently separated, or healing on the other side, this conversation offers compassionate guidance to help you process grief and shame so you can move forward with greater self-awareness and emotional health.

Want more resources? Check out my blog, grab my free "24 Questions to Ask A Divorce Attorney" guide, or sign up for my free 4-Email Divorce Prep Series for a step-by-step roadmap before you meet with an attorney. 

Need personalized help? Book a free 15-minute call or subscribe to my newsletter for weekly tips.

The Divorce Planner podcast is for educational purposes only and does not constitute legal or financial advice. Consult qualified professionals about your situation.

Podcast Original Music, Editing, and Mixing by: Benjamin Robinson

Divorce brings up a tsunami of emotions, and as a mom, you're not just navigating your own feelings, you're holding space for your children's too. Carving out time for yourself can feel impossible. Or worse, it can feel selfish.

In today's episode, I'm sitting down with Leah Marie Mazur, an empowerment coach and founder of Mindfully Ready, for a conversation about how moms can prioritize their own well-being without guilt—because you can't pour from an empty cup.

What we cover:

• Why self-care isn't selfish when you're a mom going through divorce
• How to create a realistic self-care routine that fits your actual life
• Building a support network beyond just family 
• Setting new goals for yourself when everything feels uncertain
• Navigating mom guilt when you need to put yourself first
• Embracing flexibility and seeing this transition as full of new possibilities
• How to show up for your kids when you're running on empty
• Small, actionable steps you can take today to start rebuilding

Whether you're in the middle of divorce or rebuilding on the other side, this episode will remind you that prioritizing your well-being matters, for you and your kids.  

Want more resources? Check out my blog, grab my free "24 Questions to Ask A Divorce Attorney" guide, or sign up for my free 4-Email Divorce Prep Series for a step-by-step roadmap before you meet with an attorney. 

Need personalized help? Book a free 15-minute call or subscribe to my newsletter for weekly tips.

The Divorce Planner podcast is for educational purposes only and does not constitute legal or financial advice. Consult qualified professionals about your situation.

Podcast Original Music, Editing, and Mixing by: Benjamin Robinson

If you're divorcing a narcissist—or think you might be—this episode is exactly what you need. In today's episode, I'm sitting down with Allison Adamovic, a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) and narcissistic abuse recovery specialist, for an expert conversation about how to recognize narcissism and protect yourself during divorce.

 Allison brings clinical expertise to help you understand the real difference between typical divorce conflict and actual narcissistic abuse—and what to do about it.

We dive deep into the manipulation tactics narcissists use, why they can't change, and your concrete action plan for divorcing someone with narcissistic personality disorder.

What we cover:

• Clinical signs of narcissism vs. just difficult divorce behavior
• Why narcissists can't change (the science behind brain chemistry and genetics)
• Manipulation tactics explained including word salad, gaslighting, and deflecting
• Breaking free from guilt and confusion that keeps you stuck
• Financial abuse and psychological control patterns to recognize
• Warning signs of escalating abuse and when to get help immediately
• Your concrete action plan for divorcing a narcissist safely
• How to protect yourself emotionally, legally, and financially
• Recovery strategies for healing from narcissistic abuse

Whether you're just starting to recognize the patterns or already deep in a high-conflict divorce with a narcissist, this conversation provides expert clinical guidance on how to protect yourself and move forward.

Want more resources? Check out my blog, grab my free "24 Questions to Ask A Divorce Attorney" guide, or sign up for my free 4-Email Divorce Prep Series for a step-by-step roadmap before you meet with an attorney. 

Need personalized help? Book a free 15-minute call or subscribe to my newsletter for weekly tips.

The Divorce Planner podcast is for educational purposes only and does not constitute legal or financial advice. Consult qualified professionals about your situation.

Podcast Original Music, Editing, and Mixing by: Benjamin Robinson

If you've been emotionally checked out of your marriage for months or even years but haven't actually left, you're not alone. You might be what The Cut called "quiet quitting your marriage" or what I call being in "the slow fade"—still in the house, still married on paper, but emotionally you left a long time ago.

In today's episode, I'm sitting down with Betsy Pake, a midlife change expert and host of "The Art of Living Big" podcast, for an honest conversation about what's really happening when you're stuck in this painful gray zone between staying and leaving—and more importantly, how to take control and move forward.

Betsy helps women get crystal clear on whether they're actually done with their marriages or if they're just scared of change. We dive deep into the difference between needing space and being finished, the real cost of staying withdrawn for years, and the first steps to take when you're exhausted but terrified to make a move.

What we cover:

• What's actually happening when you emotionally check out but don't tell your partner
• Why people get frozen in the limbo of being married but completely disengaged
• The difference between needing space and being finished with your marriage
• What clarity actually looks like (it's not the lightning bolt moment you're expecting)
• The cost of the slow fade and what happens when you spend years emotionally withdrawn
• Can you come back from quiet quitting your marriage, or is withdrawal the beginning of the end?
• The first step to take when you're emotionally checked out, exhausted, but terrified to make a move
• How to separate fear of change from genuine desire to save your marriage

 Understanding whether you're protecting yourself or just stuck in fear is the first step toward making a decision you can live with.

Whether you've been quietly quitting your marriage for years or you're just starting to realize you've checked out, this conversation offers compassionate guidance to help you take control and move forward—whatever that looks like for you.

For more on this topic, read my blog post "The Slow Fade" here: https://www.thedivorceplanner.net/post/the-slow-fade-when-you-ve-already-left-the-marriage-in-your-head

Want more resources? Check out my blog, grab my free "24 Questions to Ask A Divorce Attorney" guide, or sign up for my free 4-Email Divorce Prep Series for a step-by-step roadmap before you meet with an attorney. 

Need personalized help? Book a free 15-minute call or subscribe to my newsletter for weekly tips.

The Divorce Planner podcast is for educational purposes only and does not constitute legal or financial advice. Consult qualified professionals about your situation.

Podcast Original Music, Editing, and Mixing by: Benjamin Robinson

Here's something nobody tells you when you're in the middle of divorce: this is actually one of the most powerful opportunities of your life.

Because for most people, this is the first time in years, maybe ever, they can stop and figure out who they actually are, what they actually want, and what kind of life they actually want to build.

The problem is that most people skip that part. They rush into the next relationship, the next distraction, the next version of the life they just left—without stopping to ask whether any of it is actually what they want. And then they wake up on the other side of their divorce in a life that's reactive instead of intentional.

In this episode, I'm sharing my five-step framework for reflection and rebuilding after divorce, the process that takes you from surviving this ending to intentionally designing your best next chapter.

Whether you're in the middle of divorce or already on the other side, this episode will help you stop reacting and start building something that's actually, completely, yours.

Want more resources? Check out my blog, grab my free "24 Questions to Ask A Divorce Attorney" guide, or sign up for my free 4-Email Divorce Prep Series for a step-by-step roadmap before you meet with an attorney. 

Need personalized help? Book a free 15-minute call or subscribe to my newsletter for weekly tips.

The Divorce Planner podcast is for educational purposes only and does not constitute legal or financial advice. Consult qualified professionals about your situation.

Podcast Original Music, Editing, and Mixing by: Benjamin Robinson