The Divorce Planner

Financial abuse is more common than you think. Red flags can show up in how you're frozen out from account access, having to ask for spending money on basics like groceries and gas, and being told "you don't have to worry about that" when you ask any financial questions. These are all signs of a financial power imbalance, and they lead to major issues during divorce. 

In today's episode, I'm sitting down with Jackie Combs, a California family law attorney, advocate for women's financial empowerment, and founder of Love Richer, for a conversation about the toxic money patterns that show up in dating and marriage, and why they almost always resurface as landmines during divorce.

What we cover:

• How women unknowingly surrender financial autonomy, and what that looks like years later in a settlement
• Financial infidelity: hidden accounts, undisclosed debt, concealed income, and how it surfaces in discovery
• What women misunderstand about what they're actually entitled to during divorce
• The first three things to do if you're recognizing financial red flags right now, before you make any move
• What Jackie wants every financially controlled woman to know before she walks into a consultation with an attorney
• The conversation about money and power in relationships that most people are still too afraid to have

If you're in a relationship where you feel financially shut out, or you're beginning to consider divorce and worried about what you don't know, this episode will give you clarity, language, and a plan.

Want more resources? Check out my blog, grab my free "24 Questions to Ask A Divorce Attorney" guide, or sign up for my free 4-Email Divorce Prep Series for a step-by-step roadmap before you meet with an attorney. 

Need personalized help? Book a free 15-minute call or subscribe to my newsletter for weekly tips.

The Divorce Planner podcast is for educational purposes only and does not constitute legal or financial advice. Consult qualified professionals about your situation.

Podcast Original Music, Editing, and Mixing by: Benjamin Robinson

The most damaging mistake I see people make during divorce isn't a legal or financial one. It's expecting their spouse to suddenly behave differently than they always have. And every time they don't, the shock and fury pulls you back into the same loop — one that can outlast your marriage by decades if you don't address it now.

In this episode I'm sharing the concept of radical acceptance, specifically what it actually is, what it isn't, and why it's the only thing that genuinely gets you out of the pattern. We talk about the neuroscience of why these loops feel impossible to break, the riptide analogy that reframes everything, and a specific tool that works better than any filtered, measured response ever will.

This isn't about being the bigger person. It's about stopping the drain on your own energy, clarity, and future.

If you're exhausted from trying to get your spouse to communicate differently, take accountability, or simply show up the way you need them to,  this episode is for you.

Want more resources? Check out my blog, grab my free "24 Questions to Ask A Divorce Attorney" guide, or sign up for my free 4-Email Divorce Prep Series for a step-by-step roadmap before you meet with an attorney. 

Need personalized help? Book a free 15-minute call or subscribe to my newsletter for weekly tips.

The Divorce Planner podcast is for educational purposes only and does not constitute legal or financial advice. Consult qualified professionals about your situation.

Podcast Original Music, Editing, and Mixing by: Benjamin Robinson

Divorce brings up two of the hardest emotions to talk about: grief and shame. Grief for the life you thought you'd have, the future you planned together, and the identity you're losing. And shame because even though divorce is common, there's still a stigma attached to it that can make you feel like you've failed.

In today's episode, I'm sitting down with Kim Polinder, associate therapist and author of Why We Fight (HarperOne), for an honest conversation about how to actually process these difficult emotions instead of rushing past them or burying them in a new relationship.

What we cover:

• Why grief is normal even in amicable divorces and how it can surface unexpectedly
• The shame that surrounds divorce and how to recognize patterns that have played out in other areas of your life
• How to process grief with supportive people rather than in isolation
• Creating rituals for closure including writing letters or revisiting meaningful places
• Why rushing into new relationships without grieving leads to repeating patterns
• Understanding your deepest triggers and what you're seeking from relationships
• The importance of introspection before entering your next relationship
• How to prevent second divorces by breaking cycles and clarifying your values
• Moving through pain with self-compassion instead of judgment

Whether you're in the middle of divorce, recently separated, or healing on the other side, this conversation offers compassionate guidance to help you process grief and shame so you can move forward with greater self-awareness and emotional health.

Want more resources? Check out my blog, grab my free "24 Questions to Ask A Divorce Attorney" guide, or sign up for my free 4-Email Divorce Prep Series for a step-by-step roadmap before you meet with an attorney. 

Need personalized help? Book a free 15-minute call or subscribe to my newsletter for weekly tips.

The Divorce Planner podcast is for educational purposes only and does not constitute legal or financial advice. Consult qualified professionals about your situation.

Podcast Original Music, Editing, and Mixing by: Benjamin Robinson

Divorce brings up a tsunami of emotions, and as a mom, you're not just navigating your own feelings, you're holding space for your children's too. Carving out time for yourself can feel impossible. Or worse, it can feel selfish.

In today's episode, I'm sitting down with Leah Marie Mazur, an empowerment coach and founder of Mindfully Ready, for a conversation about how moms can prioritize their own well-being without guilt—because you can't pour from an empty cup.

What we cover:

• Why self-care isn't selfish when you're a mom going through divorce
• How to create a realistic self-care routine that fits your actual life
• Building a support network beyond just family 
• Setting new goals for yourself when everything feels uncertain
• Navigating mom guilt when you need to put yourself first
• Embracing flexibility and seeing this transition as full of new possibilities
• How to show up for your kids when you're running on empty
• Small, actionable steps you can take today to start rebuilding

Whether you're in the middle of divorce or rebuilding on the other side, this episode will remind you that prioritizing your well-being matters, for you and your kids.  

Want more resources? Check out my blog, grab my free "24 Questions to Ask A Divorce Attorney" guide, or sign up for my free 4-Email Divorce Prep Series for a step-by-step roadmap before you meet with an attorney. 

Need personalized help? Book a free 15-minute call or subscribe to my newsletter for weekly tips.

The Divorce Planner podcast is for educational purposes only and does not constitute legal or financial advice. Consult qualified professionals about your situation.

Podcast Original Music, Editing, and Mixing by: Benjamin Robinson

If you're divorcing a narcissist—or think you might be—this episode is exactly what you need. In today's episode, I'm sitting down with Allison Adamovic, a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) and narcissistic abuse recovery specialist, for an expert conversation about how to recognize narcissism and protect yourself during divorce.

 Allison brings clinical expertise to help you understand the real difference between typical divorce conflict and actual narcissistic abuse—and what to do about it.

We dive deep into the manipulation tactics narcissists use, why they can't change, and your concrete action plan for divorcing someone with narcissistic personality disorder.

What we cover:

• Clinical signs of narcissism vs. just difficult divorce behavior
• Why narcissists can't change (the science behind brain chemistry and genetics)
• Manipulation tactics explained including word salad, gaslighting, and deflecting
• Breaking free from guilt and confusion that keeps you stuck
• Financial abuse and psychological control patterns to recognize
• Warning signs of escalating abuse and when to get help immediately
• Your concrete action plan for divorcing a narcissist safely
• How to protect yourself emotionally, legally, and financially
• Recovery strategies for healing from narcissistic abuse

Whether you're just starting to recognize the patterns or already deep in a high-conflict divorce with a narcissist, this conversation provides expert clinical guidance on how to protect yourself and move forward.

Want more resources? Check out my blog, grab my free "24 Questions to Ask A Divorce Attorney" guide, or sign up for my free 4-Email Divorce Prep Series for a step-by-step roadmap before you meet with an attorney. 

Need personalized help? Book a free 15-minute call or subscribe to my newsletter for weekly tips.

The Divorce Planner podcast is for educational purposes only and does not constitute legal or financial advice. Consult qualified professionals about your situation.

Podcast Original Music, Editing, and Mixing by: Benjamin Robinson

If you've been emotionally checked out of your marriage for months or even years but haven't actually left, you're not alone. You might be what The Cut called "quiet quitting your marriage" or what I call being in "the slow fade"—still in the house, still married on paper, but emotionally you left a long time ago.

In today's episode, I'm sitting down with Betsy Pake, a midlife change expert and host of "The Art of Living Big" podcast, for an honest conversation about what's really happening when you're stuck in this painful gray zone between staying and leaving—and more importantly, how to take control and move forward.

Betsy helps women get crystal clear on whether they're actually done with their marriages or if they're just scared of change. We dive deep into the difference between needing space and being finished, the real cost of staying withdrawn for years, and the first steps to take when you're exhausted but terrified to make a move.

What we cover:

• What's actually happening when you emotionally check out but don't tell your partner
• Why people get frozen in the limbo of being married but completely disengaged
• The difference between needing space and being finished with your marriage
• What clarity actually looks like (it's not the lightning bolt moment you're expecting)
• The cost of the slow fade and what happens when you spend years emotionally withdrawn
• Can you come back from quiet quitting your marriage, or is withdrawal the beginning of the end?
• The first step to take when you're emotionally checked out, exhausted, but terrified to make a move
• How to separate fear of change from genuine desire to save your marriage

 Understanding whether you're protecting yourself or just stuck in fear is the first step toward making a decision you can live with.

Whether you've been quietly quitting your marriage for years or you're just starting to realize you've checked out, this conversation offers compassionate guidance to help you take control and move forward—whatever that looks like for you.

For more on this topic, read my blog post "The Slow Fade" here: https://www.thedivorceplanner.net/post/the-slow-fade-when-you-ve-already-left-the-marriage-in-your-head

Want more resources? Check out my blog, grab my free "24 Questions to Ask A Divorce Attorney" guide, or sign up for my free 4-Email Divorce Prep Series for a step-by-step roadmap before you meet with an attorney. 

Need personalized help? Book a free 15-minute call or subscribe to my newsletter for weekly tips.

The Divorce Planner podcast is for educational purposes only and does not constitute legal or financial advice. Consult qualified professionals about your situation.

Podcast Original Music, Editing, and Mixing by: Benjamin Robinson

Here's something nobody tells you when you're in the middle of divorce: this is actually one of the most powerful opportunities of your life.

Because for most people, this is the first time in years, maybe ever, they can stop and figure out who they actually are, what they actually want, and what kind of life they actually want to build.

The problem is that most people skip that part. They rush into the next relationship, the next distraction, the next version of the life they just left—without stopping to ask whether any of it is actually what they want. And then they wake up on the other side of their divorce in a life that's reactive instead of intentional.

In this episode, I'm sharing my five-step framework for reflection and rebuilding after divorce, the process that takes you from surviving this ending to intentionally designing your best next chapter.

Whether you're in the middle of divorce or already on the other side, this episode will help you stop reacting and start building something that's actually, completely, yours.

Want more resources? Check out my blog, grab my free "24 Questions to Ask A Divorce Attorney" guide, or sign up for my free 4-Email Divorce Prep Series for a step-by-step roadmap before you meet with an attorney. 

Need personalized help? Book a free 15-minute call or subscribe to my newsletter for weekly tips.

The Divorce Planner podcast is for educational purposes only and does not constitute legal or financial advice. Consult qualified professionals about your situation.

Podcast Original Music, Editing, and Mixing by: Benjamin Robinson

Most people file for divorce without doing any of the preparation that would have saved them thousands of dollars and months of stress. Not because they didn't have time, but because nobody told them what to do first. And then they regret it for years.

This episode is the roadmap. In it, I walk you through my framework for getting divorce ready in four weeks, one focus area at a time, so it never feels overwhelming.

We start with your emotional foundation: getting grounded, clarifying your values and priorities, and lining up support. Then we move into getting your entire financial picture organized while you still have full access to everything. From there, we tackle the question I hear most—"What should I ask for?"—by building a real post-divorce budget so you stop guessing and start knowing your numbers. And finally, we get your legal and strategic foundation in place: understanding your options, choosing the right attorney, learning your state's laws, and knowing when to bring in a CDFA.

The work you do in this window determines how prepared you are when it counts most—at the negotiating table, in mediation, or in front of a judge.

Whether you're certain you're moving forward or still deciding, this episode gives you a clear, step-by-step plan to prepare with confidence instead of fear.

Additional resources mentioned in the episode: 

Listen to the Dear Future Self episode from Season 1. Read The Two Numbers You Need Before Divorce Negotiations: Your Marital Standard of Living and Post-Divorce Budget. The Divorce Planner's CDFA vetted Monthly Budget Calculator spreadsheet. 

Want more resources? Check out my blog, grab my free "24 Questions to Ask A Divorce Attorney" guide, or sign up for my free 4-Email Divorce Prep Series for a step-by-step roadmap before you meet with an attorney. 

Need personalized help? Book a free 15-minute call or subscribe to my newsletter for weekly tips.

The Divorce Planner podcast is for educational purposes only and does not constitute legal or financial advice. Consult qualified professionals about your situation.

Podcast Original Music, Editing, and Mixing by: Benjamin Robinson

Telling your spouse you want a divorce might be one of the hardest conversations you'll ever have. And the way you handle it can set the tone for everything that comes after, like: your divorce process, your co-parenting relationship, your ability to move forward with compassion and dignity.

In this episode, I'm walking you through my complete framework for having "the talk.: From how to know you're actually ready, the emotional and practical homework to do beforehand, how to choose the right time and place, what to actually say (and what to avoid), and how to stay grounded no matter how your spouse reacts.

Whether you're planning to have this conversation soon or just starting to think it through, this episode will help you approach one of life's hardest moments with grace, respect, and a plan.

Want more resources? Check out my blog, grab my free "24 Questions to Ask A Divorce Attorney" guide, or sign up for my free 4-Email Divorce Prep Series for a step-by-step roadmap before you meet with an attorney. 

Need personalized help? Book a free 15-minute call or subscribe to my newsletter for weekly tips.

The Divorce Planner podcast is for educational purposes only and does not constitute legal or financial advice. Consult qualified professionals about your situation.

Podcast Original Music, Editing, and Mixing by: Benjamin Robinson

If you've been quietly going through the motions of your marriage, you're physically there but emotionally somewhere else, you're in what I call the slow fade. 

You've probably seen the phrase "quiet quitting your marriage" floating around. What I see with clients who are in this position is a gradual emotional withdrawal that almost always happens after a long period of trying. You communicated. You suggested therapy. You said the hard things. And eventually you ran out of energy to keep trying to change someone who didn't want to change.

In this episode, I'll help you tell the difference between the slow fade and actually knowing you're done, walk through what this signal is telling you, and share where to start if you're in it right now. Taking steps to break out of the limbo you're living in can feel scary, but if you let fear and doubt take over, you could be in this space for years, or even decades.  

Whether you're sure you're done or genuinely don't know yet, this episode will help you stop waiting for circumstances to decide for you and get you on the path to making a conscious choice on your terms.

Want more resources? Check out my blog, grab my free "24 Questions to Ask A Divorce Attorney" guide, or sign up for my free 4-Email Divorce Prep Series for a step-by-step roadmap before you meet with an attorney. 

Need personalized help? Book a free 15-minute call or subscribe to my newsletter for weekly tips.

The Divorce Planner podcast is for educational purposes only and does not constitute legal or financial advice. Consult qualified professionals about your situation.

Podcast Original Music, Editing, and Mixing by: Benjamin Robinson