Topic - Romantic Love and Parenting.  I read that “romantic love is a commitment device.  It all comes down to the welfare of the children”.  

This commitment device is the process by which humans come together to form a lasting bond that ensures the survival of the children to their reproductive age.  

Kids have a better chance of survival with two adults instead of one.  Romantic love is an adaptation that makes us think only of the one we love instead of others.  

Once the kids come along and oxytocin floods us, we’re all about the kids.  We don’t even realize that biological changes caused us to shift from lusting after our mates to loving the kids until one day we stop and look at each other and say, “What happened here?’  

No wonder the divorce rate is higher among those with children!  Along with the stressors of kids, our biology has shifted.  

Get that lust back by creating opportunities to dump dopamine and put that twinkle back in your eye!

Topic - Hostile Parenting and Teen Sex.  Psychologists have warned for many years that kids who grow up in hostile home environments in which there is little love and warmth are likely to start having sex earlier and engage in it more frequently.  

Kids with emotional scars have little discrimination in their sex partners.  They hook up and have sex with just about anyone unlike most teens who typically have sex with their dating partners.  

These hookups usually involve alcohol and don’t involve a condom.  These kinds of encounters stop kids from developing the interpersonal skills they’ll need later for permanent relationships.  

This leads to lowered expectations of what relationships should be like.  Kids end up settling for less.  

If you’re a parent with a “not-so-warm-and-fuzzy” style with your kids, think about what their nurturing needs are because if you aren’t fulfilling them, someone else might be and you may end up being a grandparent way too soon.

Topic - Young Love.  Young love is for real.  You can truly fall in love in the early teen years, but you spend your childhood rehearsing for your debut.  

From ages 0-2, babies learn how to flirt and make you fall in love with them to increase their survival.  Getting that protection teaches the “give and take” of later life relationships.  

From 3 to 6, kids are very expressive of love for parents and demonstrate it through intense affection.  They begin to explore the contours of their bodies.  

From 7 to 12, the Magic Years, boys test the limits of sexually explicit language and girls focus on romance.  Fantasy is a big part, often the only part, of their romantic worlds.  

The years from 13 to 18 bring big changes as they transition from single- to mixed-gender social groups.  Teens take their first steps toward sexual and romantic behavior and by late adolescence, more serious romances develop.  

Understanding your kids’ stage of love development is critical to helping them cope.

Topic - Species Survival Cues.  Your primary job is to stay alive, have babies and then die before you consume resources better spent on the young.  That’s it.  

How does the species survive and produce babies strong enough to make it?  

Men prefer women with large breasts and the low waist-to-hip ratio because these are signs of fertility.  

Women like men with muscular shoulders, broad chest and full beards which are signs of strength and virility resulting from testosterone.  

Men with deeper voices are perceived as having higher levels of testosterone and tend to have more children which means that we women sense something about those low voices that tells us these guys can make babies.  

Of course, once the babies are here, those muscular men should be strong enough to protect us.  

Even insects are picky.  They focus on symmetry.  The more symmetrical the bee, the more they mate!  

Survival of the fittest is powerful, indeed.  Cue in on who attracts you.  Are survival cues at work?

Topic - Romantically Unhinged.  Why do we stick around when our romantic partner has come unhinged?  

In both sexes, lust is fueled by testosterone, companion love is fueled by oxytocin and romantic passion needs dopamine to drive it.  

That dopamine system is engaged by other obsessive desires like drug addiction.  Ah ha!  We might as well face it, we’re addicted to love.  

One of the reasons we stay with wacky partners is that we aren’t rational about love. Because we want someone who is emotionally committed to us because of who we are, we stay.  

So, in order to protect our interests, we become jealous, irrationally jealous, to the point of making promises and threats and then backing them up with signs of commitment such as stalking.  

Because emotions can escalate to violence committed in the name of love, the courts now take serious action in these circumstances.  

Five women are murdered everyday by boyfriends and husbands.  

Don’t wait; protect yourself when love turns to hate.

Topic - Flirting Behavior.  Flirting behavior is not always conscious, but it is the opening line for the opening line. Because when flirty behavior becomes verbal, it is intentional.

For women, flirting is more natural and less intuitive and men, well, they have to work at it.  

For all of us, there’s a message of “Wanna play?”  For men, they see flirting as an indication of sexual interest while women think it’s just fun and friendly behavior.  

While flirting may lead to a better table or cut of meat and the ability to return an item without hassle, it has a dangerous side.  Some people just don’t get the message when one person doesn’t respond positively and flirting can result in harassment, stalking or violence.  

Online flirting typically moves at a faster pace with people revealing more of themselves than is safe.  

Flirting can be addictive since it makes you feel a bit dangerous, alive and vital without actually endangering relationships.  

So, go ahead and have fun.  Flirt responsibly.  You might even try it with your spouse!!

Topic - Slow Simmer.  Kids who blow up don’t always have a history of trauma.  

Kid’s stress, anxiety, suicide, delinquency and depression may be the result of slow simmer which is often difficult to identify before it erupts.  

The slow simmer results from the thousands of stressors and small traumas that accumulate daily.  

The stressors in a child’s life include TV news, too much homework, a school day that’s too long, red check marks and unhappy faces on their work.  Also, negative discipline, wrong school placement, inadequate support services, bullying, poor fit with teachers and a curriculum that is too fast-paced and demanding, increase the misery index.  

Stress builds to frustration which erupts into anger.  Once the anger erupts, the course is difficult to change.  

Keep an eye on your kids.  Don’t dismiss the “thousand cuts” or soon, you’ll have a hemorrhage.  Explore their stress to find the reasons for it and do something.

Topic - Creating Routines.  The best way to fail is to set too many goals at once and set them too high.

Goals are achieved by setting one or two within a time frame that allows them to be firmly mastered through lots of successful practice.  

For example, morning routine goals should be well within Steve’s current level of independence.  Use brief and specific language in teaching and practicing.  

Post pictures of the sequence for getting things done.  Review the sequence daily until Steve has mastered it.  Give him time to change his old habits.  

Praise not only his performance, but his positive attitude and genuine effort.  

Once Steve has mastered this goal, have him recommend the next skill he thinks should be tackled.  Ask him for ideas on how to improve the learning process.  

Involving him in the decisions increases his “buy in” for the plan.  Always allow for free time and avoid being too task-oriented.

Topic - Personality Style Tests.  I started at the University of Florida in 1973 and took the Myers-Briggs Personality Type test as part of their ongoing research.  

The Myers-Briggs is based on Carl Jung’s theory that people use four functions of Sensing, Intuiting, Thinking and Feeling to live their lives.  

He said that people were either Extraverted or Introverted in their dominant function.

Isabel Briggs added Judging and Perceiving to the list and created the test to help people better understand their personality style.  

The results of the test assign you to one of the 16 personality types.  The test has been used extensively in business, counseling and coaching, leadership training and in a variety of mental health settings.  

The website, 16 Personalities (www.16personalities.com), offers a brief and free test that estimates your Myers-Briggs personality type.  Want to know more about the personalities in your family?  Have fun!  Try it!

Topic - Power of Routines.  Routines impact life positively on at least two levels.  

They improve the quality of daily life by increasing efficiency and they allow kids to feel safe and secure.  

The message of, "This is how we do things” helps kids to know exactly what’s expected of them, helps them to focus on one thing at a time and increases the chances they’ll meet your expectations.  

Stress is decreased when the family structure is firmly in place. The atmosphere then becomes one where relationships can grow stronger.  

In hectic times, it may feel like structure is impossible, but these are the times when structure is needed most even if it’s temporary.  

Effective routines take consistency and commitment.  If the routine isn’t working, don’t abandon it, re-work it! Above all, stick with it until it works for the family.  

Remember, you aren’t doing this just for today, you’re also teaching your children how to create routines for their families.