We’ll be working through the Unmanaged methodology all week, discussing where the systems fail, the importance of regulating yourself and how you can protect yourself, whether you are a manager or an individual contributor. Today, we are talking about emotional intelligence.

Today we covered a lot of ground — what emotional intelligence is, where it breaks down, and how to use it deliberately before high-stakes conversations and decisions. Tonight I want to bring it into the most personal part of that practice: self-awareness and self-regulation.

Because knowing the framework is one thing. Knowing yourself inside it is another.

We all have people who are harder for us to communicate with. People who activate something in us before we’ve even said hello. That’s not a character flaw — it’s information. And the more clearly you can see it, the more choice you have about what you do with it.

So let’s work with that tonight.

Find a comfortable position. Feet flat on the floor.

Deep breath in. Deep breath out.

Bring to mind a person — or a type of situation — that you feel anxious about walking into. A conversation you’ve been putting off. A person whose name in your inbox makes your stomach tighten. Just bring it forward. You don’t have to fix anything yet.

Deep breath in. Deep breath out.

Now ask yourself: how do I feel when I’m in an interaction with this person?

Anxious? Defensive? Small? Reactive? Strangely calm in a way that doesn’t feel safe? There’s no wrong answer. Just sit with whatever comes up.

Deep breath in. Deep breath out.

Now ask: why do I feel that way?

Is it because they react with volatility and you never know which version of them you’re getting? Is it because they question your authority in front of others? Is it because something in how they treat you reminds you of a dynamic you’ve been in before? Be honest with yourself. No one else is in this room.

Deep breath in. Deep breath out.

Now think forward — to the next time you’ll be in that conversation. If it goes sideways, what do you do?

Does this person need a moment to absorb difficult information before they can respond to it? Is there a way to build that pause into how you approach them? Is there a phrase in your usual script that you already know lands badly — and a way to say the same thing that might land differently?

You don’t need a perfect plan. You need a better one than walking in without thinking about it at all.

Deep breath in. Deep breath out.

And if the conversation still doesn’t go the way you wanted — come back to visualization. Run it again from the beginning, the way you wanted it to go. What did you learn? What would you carry into the next one?

This is the work. Not a single perfect conversation, but a practice of getting to know yourself well enough that your reactions stop running ahead of you.

Deep breath in. Deep breath out.

You can only control what you bring into the room. Your words, your steadiness, your preparation. That’s not nothing — that’s everything you actually have. And it’s more than most people are willing to work on.

Keep going. You’ve got this.

For more resources and information, please visit unmanagedpeople.com.

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