🎙️ UnBecoming with Elena Joy

Episode Title: The Energy It Takes to Be Understood

Subtitle: How High-Achieving Leaders Burn Out Behind the Mask

Episode Summary: Welcome back to UnBecoming, where we say the things no one’s teaching you about leadership and life. In today’s episode, I’m reading the second installment of our burnout series, diving deep into Cognitive Capacity—what it is, how we burn through it without realizing it, and why so many high-achievers feel exhausted even when they're still "functioning."

I share personal stories (including a flashback I didn’t see coming), professional insights from coaching brilliant, chaotic, misunderstood leaders, and the truth about how masking, code-switching, and chronic performance eat away at our capacity long before burnout becomes obvious.

We’ll explore:

Why some people get praised for their “intensity” while others are labeled “difficult”

How internal disconnection and invisible labor lead to depletion

Why burnout isn’t always about doing too much—it’s about being too much for them and not enough for yourself

You’ll also hear wisdom from two powerful thinkers:

📘 Dr. V. Boykin, whose book Fix Your Face and Watch Your Tone shines a bright light on identity, emotional labor, and workplace expectations. Learn more: drvboykin.com

📘 Kasia Urbaniak, former dominatrix turned power dynamics expert, who reminds us that “With awareness comes choice.” Her book Unbound: A Woman’s Guide to Power is a must-read.

💥 When you stop burning half your mental fuel just to be understood, you reclaim energy for creativity, clarity, and presence.

Links Mentioned:

Read the full article: Stop Reading My Face (Part 1)

Learn about the Five Capacities: Burnout Doesn’t Play Favorites

Explore more at: elenajoyspeaks.substack.com and LatitudeLeaders.com

Calls to Action:→ Forward this episode to someone whose brilliance keeps getting misread.→ Subscribe to keep building a world where authenticity is strategy, chaos is sacred, and burnout gets no applause.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit elenajoyspeaks.substack.com