Ep. 29 | The Evaluative Mind, Grace, Dada Mukerjee

Call and Response Ep. 29 The Evaluative Mind, Grace, Dada Mukerjee

“I said to Siddhi Ma, I said, ‘Ma, Maharajji said He has the keys to the mind, so to me that means that I am where He puts me, where He wants me to be. So, Ma, is it grace? In other words, is it His doing, or is it my effort that’s important? What’s the deal?’ So, She said, ‘Krishna Das, it’s all grace but you have to act like it isn’t.’ Which is very far out. It’s a done deal. None of this is happening. It just looks like it’s happening. But because we believe it, we have choices to make, we have practices to do. We have karmas to perform because everything is a karma. Every thought is a karma. So, you want to create the karmas that will bring the goodness into your life and into the life of other people around you also, since everything you do creates some kind of karma. Let’s at least try to create some happiness for ourselves with our actions and others. – Krishna Das

Q: I have a long time- very consistent and super crappy meditation practice that is really consistent.

KD: Terrific. And on top of that, you have a long-term crappy evaluative mind.

Q: So, the idea of aiming at a true life and aiming at my true self I’ve been doing for quite a few years.

KD: Where’s the target?

Q: This is my question. I just want to know, the first time that I heard you sing, I couldn’t stop crying. I felt…

KD: That bad, huh?

Q: That bad. The commonality of the broken heart was just unspeakable and you know, in my unspeakably crappy practice, I just wonder if there’s anything you can say about, I mean the side effects are worth it. You know, the side effects of the practice are certainly worth it. But aiming at the true self, or what you’re seeking, anything you can say.

KD: Where are you aiming? It’s everywhere. It’s you. There’s nothing to aim at. Just be there in your crappy meditation. And as soon as you’re not trying to get somewhere, it won’t be so crappy. Notice all that stuff. It’s the noticing of it all. There’s nothing to do. There’s nothing to accomplish. It happened already. We’re here. Now let’s figure out what this is. Or let’s experience, find a way to experience what this is. It’s not like you’re going to be somebody else when you figure it out. You’re already who you are. That’s enough. So, instead, I don’t know what particular crappy meditation practice you’re doing, but whatever it is, you simply come back to your object of concentration.  It’s very difficult to do Nam, to do a meditation practice without concentration at first. You first have to be able to kind of calm your mind and your breath a little bit before you can kind of expand your awareness, so to speak. So you have to develop a little bit of the ability to come back from Neverland, well, not that place. From Dreamland, ok? That’s all. So when you do that crappy practice, just sit there and when you notice that you’re just lost in thinking how crappy this is, give the thought back and come back to the breath or the mantra, whatever you’re using for you anchor. You can use anything for an anchor.

Q: For a very long time, my anchor has been just simple mindfulness and breathing and mindfulness of the body and sometimes it’s very scattered and sometimes it’s very focused and I watch whatever it is, but what I think the disconnect that I feel at the moment is so I notice this, I feel more connected, I feel less connected, the mind settles, the mind doesn’t settle, I pay attention to this, I come back to the breath. But the idea that this, in some way, leads to knowing who I truly am or what I truly am, this is where I feel the disconnect.

KD: The idea that what you’re doing will lead you to yourself, you’re feeling, I don’t understand…

Q: So, the practice is quite, seems quite settled. On some days, the mind settles quietly and it’s what I’d like to call a good sit.  And sometimes the mind is all over the place,