Most leadership frustration begins with expectations we carry silently. Expectations that people will call us back, take initiative, own things the way we would, or move at our pace. When those expectations are not met, we often experience irritation or disappointment without stopping to examine their origins or whether they were ever articulated.

In this episode of Reflect Forward, I unpack why psychology describes unspoken expectations as premeditated resentments and how confusing expectations with standards creates unnecessary strain in leadership. I explore the difference between clear, negotiated expectations that create accountability and internal assumptions that quietly turn into control.

I share a simple yet powerful exercise that helped me separate reality from the stories I was telling myself about others. Writing down everything I expected from someone and then crossing out what they actually did forced me to confront how much of my frustration was directed at a version of the person that only existed in my head.

This episode also draws from my own leadership missteps. I discuss the desire for growth in people who did not want it for themselves, and how that dynamic failed every time. I reflect on the impact of expecting others to move at my pace and how dropping that expectation fundamentally changed our culture, improved retention, and allowed me to lead with greater clarity and intention.

Throughout the episode, I return to a core distinction in leadership. Unspoken expectations create resentment. Clear expectations create accountability. Reality creates choice. Letting go of unexamined expectations is not about lowering standards or tolerating misalignment. It is about reclaiming agency, seeing people as they are, and making grounded decisions without bitterness.

If you find yourself frustrated with individuals who are not meeting your expectations, this episode offers an alternative perspective. Not to excuse performance, but to clarify responsibility and help you lead from reality rather than resentment.

Key Takeaways

• Most leadership frustration comes from expectations that were never articulated, not from people intentionally falling short.

• Unspoken expectations are a hidden form of control, not accountability.

• You cannot want growth, ambition, or pace for someone more than they want it themselves.

• Clear expectations create accountability. Reality creates choice.

• Seeing people as they are, not as you wish they would be, restores agency and reduces resentment.

Mic-Drop Moments from the Episode

• “Unspoken expectations are premeditated resentments.”

• “Expecting someone to live by your internal rules is not accountability. It is fantasy.”

• “If someone gives you less than you need, it is not betrayal. It is information.”

• “You cannot want it for someone more than they want it for themselves.”

• “When you stop managing invisible contracts, leadership gets lighter.”

Connect with Kerry

Visit my website, kerrysiggins.com, to explore my book, The Ownership Mindset, and get more leadership resources. Let’s connect on LinkedIn, Instagram, or TikTok!

Find Reflect Forward on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@kerrysiggins-reflectforward

Find out more about my book here: https://kerrysiggins.com/the-ownership-mindset/

Connect with me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kerry-siggins/