The Family Culture Movement (Archive)

Something I have learned about family culture is that when we get casual about our environment, our media, our habits, and our relationships, our family culture starts to get influenced by the world culture in a negative way.

Becoming media literate means that you are able to observe the ways that our media is shaping our culture, and make conscious choices about the types of media your family will consume.

Dina Alexander is in tune with how our media shapes our behaviors. I have learned that our media and marketing is designed to be polarizing, to make us feel like we are inadequate so we will buy more, to judge others and ourselves based on what the media says is important.

It is a toxic environment, and we need to be available to advocate for our children in the world of social media, digital marketing, and media consumption.

Learn more about Dina and Educate and Empower Kids at https://educateempowerkids.org

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There are many ways to describe the different parts of our brains. Many scientists have broken it down into two major parts: the conscious and the subconscious. Or maybe you've heard them described as the logical and emotional.

Basically, when we understand the relationships between these two parts of our brains, we can understand why we behave the way we do. Even more, we will understand why our children behave the way they do!

Allana teaches us a powerful tool for how to understanding what is going on in our child's heads and what we can do to respond most appropriately to their behaviors to honor them.

Learn more about Allana at http://allanarobinson.com

Join the Family Success Toolkit Free Membership http://homeandfamilyculture.com

Earlier this year, Michael and I committed to growing our own business and quit the toxic environment of his day job. It was a tough decision but we were prayerful and determined.

We soon realized that to keep up with our expenses and continue to build out our dream, we would need to significantly reduce said expenses!

We fixed up our home, listed it for sale, and packed up our little family to move in with my parents.

Thankfully, I wasn't too nervous to move in with them. We have similar values and communication styles. My parents are the ones who have always inspired me to seek out my own ways of self-improvement.

There was a little bit of frustration at first with having my parents wanting to parent my kids, but we had a good talk about it and they knew they could trust us. They let go of any control of raising our kids and are determined to just be good examples and love my kids.

We are pretty much just great roommates now -- it just so happens that my roommates are my parents! The amazing thing is that my parents had been looking for a new house after fixing up my childhood home and putting it on the market. They got the keys to our new house on the day we pulled up with our moving van. The house has been a perfect place for our 3-generation lifestyle!

I'm so grateful for how our family has been able to thrive here. We miss our home in Virginia, but we are determined to be totally intentional about our family culture and raise our kids in a way that supports their development, and our own!

Join the Family Success Toolkit Free Membership http://homeandfamilyculture.com

I have a neighbor who goes out of her way to make sure everyone in our neighborhood feels included. Their family hosts cookouts and parties all the time. They had a party for Easter and Memorial Day. For Halloween they have a table out front for snacks and make sure everyone has glow sticks. When they found out we were moving, they made sure to host a cookout to send us off right.

It was so amazing to live here where this neighbor mindfully created opportunities for our neighborhood to bond. We have become way closer than we would have otherwise, that's for sure! We are normally very private and quiet. This neighbor taught me that you have to create opportunities to connect if you want to cultivate a relationship! Transformational Experiences Form Bonds Recently, a friend shared about how her son is serving a mission and feels a camaraderie and brotherhood with the other missionaries he has served with for the last two years.

This story reminded me of the time I served as a missionary for eighteen months. I mostly served with women, and we become just like sisters. When I got home, I was watching The Lord of the Rings movie, "The Return of the King" when Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin return from their epic journey. They are sitting in their local pub in the Shire and no one around them has any clue what has just happened! I started bawling because that is how I felt after coming home. I grew up a lot on my mission. I felt a real bond with those women I served with who understood what I'd just been through!

Shared Experiences Create An Identity As I pondered these stories, I realized how our family culture is influenced by our shared experiences. I thought back on my childhood to the things that have strengthened my family. I think of holiday traditions, road trips, service projects, and even trials. These shared experiences refined our identity as a family and made us who we are. As we work to shape our own family culture, I believe it is important to deliberately orchestrate experiences that give us our identity and strengthen our bonds. These can be epic experiences, like I talked about with Greg Denning in Episode 078 that stretch our souls and force our grit. Or, they could be Family Board Meetings, like I learned about from Jim Sheils in Episode 055. Shared Experiences Are Essential We can create opportunities for our families and communities to bond over the deliberately planned activities that create these shared experiences. In fact, I think it is something that is crucial to our modern culture. Neighborhoods, schools, communities, and congregations would do well to create ways to connect and form bonds that ultimately create a culture. Children who know where they come from and know their family stories are more resilient (See New York Times article, "The Stories That Bind Us").

When we listen to our parents tell us about their lives, or read the stories of our ancestors, we feel connected to them because their stories become our stories. Their stories become shared experiences. Even hearing or reading stories within an organization creates a bond of shared experiences. I recently watched the movie "Forever Strong" and one of the practices the coach did to strengthen his team was to give them a letter from a former player who wore the same jersey number. Knowing the person they were representing by wearing that number created an identity that bonded the players together. I feel that same connection when I hear stories from leaders recounting trials and victories in their lives. These stories create shared experiences. They create culture.

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Nephi is first and foremost a husband and father. However, in the private sector, Nephi has contributed 15 years working in the medical device industry (first as an engineer and then later as an executive and CEO), launching over 100 products that have generated hundreds of millions of dollars, co-authoring 5 international patents, and leading and mentoring individuals and large teams alike. Nephi has travelled all over the world leading teams, negotiating contracts and deals, and working with government regulatory agencies and manufacturing facilities. As fun as this has been, his true passion lies in the area of wealth education. His ability to relate to kids and explain difficult concepts in ways they will understand makes him a powerful teacher. Nephi loves teaching wealth principles to kids, and a main joy and pride for him comes from helping kids succeed. He's not a stuffy businessman, but is relatable, on a first-name basis with everyone. He regularly teaches adults and youth in small and large gatherings about money, wealth, entrepreneurship, life balance, and personal relationships. Nephi finds that he feels most fulfilled when living his purpose in helping others change their mentality about wealth.

True wealth is more than just money. It really has more to do with health, relationships, personal well-being, and time. Addiction is one of the biggest killers of wealth. Luckily, being entrepreneurial and creating new things is an addiction prevention program. The future of jobs and education is unknown and very likely will be completely different even 10 years from now. We need to teach our families principles which will always be true, even when everything is different in the economy. The key to success, now and in the future, is finding ways to create massive value for others. It is about being focused on helping other people. Cultivating an abundance mindset and teaching our children about wealth is easier than you may think! It's all in how we approach the topic of money! Most of us learn how to manage our money by stuffing it in a piggy bank when we are kids. Without realizing it, we were learning how to develop scarcity around money because we believe that if we spend it then we lose it. The wealthy think differently about money. It is a tool for purchasing assets to get more money. When we teach our children about their future, we want them to focus on solving problems, creating value, and fulfilling a purpose that will also provide them with a livelihood. I had a great conversation with Nephi about all of this! We can create a culture of abundance and wealth by teaching our children how to create value.

Find more from Nephi at https://wealthmentalityfamilies.com/

Join the Family Success Toolkit Free Membership http://homeandfamilyculture.com

Cara Rector is the mother of five wonderful daughters. She has been guiding the homeschool efforts of her family since 2010, and she herself is the product of homeschooling off and on from her elementary through high school years. She has a great love for music and vocal performance. She has an associate degree in liberal arts from Southern Virginia University.

I met Cara at the Latter-day Saint Home Educators conference in May where she gave a class on boundaries. She taught about the power of true boundaries and the destructive nature of false boundaries. I never knew there was a difference! Cara describes that having false boundaries is doing everything we can to protect ourselves except for being assertive and setting clear boundaries! She said it is like having a potted flower that needs water, soil, and sunshine but also needs protection from wind, predators, and pests. We want to protect the flower, so a false boundary would be to put that plant in a box to keep it away from those negative elements. Sure, it's safe from those elements, but it is not receiving the nourishment it needs to thrive. We set false boundaries when we refuse to address the real issue so we justify ourselves, we blame others, we ignore the situation, we make excuses all so we avoid addressing the real problem. I just heard a story about a friend who let her car registration expire. Rather than taking the time to update it, she was making sure to drive the speed limit, and paying extra to park in a garage instead of on the street so there was less risk of being caught with expired tags. Doesn't that sound funny? Yet, how often do we do things that feel safer so we don't have to confront the problem? How much extra stress do we create when we avoid finding a proper solution? True boundaries are about taking care of your wellbeing. You don't need to justify why you set the boundaries, and you aren't responsible for how other people feel about the boundaries you set. True boundaries allow us to grow with true connection rather than fostering resentment, jealousy, or retaliating against the person you resent.

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Sarri Gilman, LMFT is a psychotherapist, author, and workshop presenter. She is the author of Transform your Boundaries® (2014) and Naming and Taming Overwhelm for Healthcare and Human Service Providers (2017). She has a private therapy/counseling practice on Whidbey Island and devotes the rest of her time traveling and teaching on the subject of boundaries and overwhelm recovery, trauma, and the reflective process SoulCollage® Sarri trains trainers in boundary recovery work. She has CE classes for Nurses, LMHC's, LICSW's and Psychologists.. She accepts a few teaching positions each year on boundaries and overwhelm recovery that will help people in the fields of healthcare and human services. Her books have been selling around the world. Each year she also offers a three-day boundary immersion retreat for people recovering their boundaries.

I've been thinking a lot about the importance of boundaries lately. After talking with Sarri, I'm convinced that many of our stressors and struggles stem from a lack of clear boundaries. One of the things that stood out to me the most from this discussion was that people will get very creative when there are clear boundaries. Think of what happens when you establish clear rules about media use. I overheard a conversation about how to have a screen-free summer. The consensus was that the best way to do it was to have a clear rule that there would be no media use. Period. If there are exceptions then there are ways around the rule! That's when arguments start. I'm telling you. It's a lot easier to comply, and get creative when boundaries are clear. There are many, many benefits to having clear boundaries. I hope you discover a few in this episode!

Find more from Sarri at http://SarriGilman.com

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Dr. Hank Smith grew up in St. George, Utah and has an MBA from Utah State University. He also has a Ph.D. from Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah where he works as an Assistant Professor. In addition to consulting Fortune 500 companies, educators, and parents, Hank loves meeting students at school assemblies around the country. Hank has also authored many books and Audio CDs with Covenant Communications, including Be Happy: Simple Secrets to a Happier Life. Hank and his wife, Sara, currently live in Mapleton, Utah. Hank says, "Sara is amazing, she knows everything about me and still loves me." They have five incredibly adorable children that look exactly like their mother. Hank enjoys running marathons and eating lots of ice cream, which is why he runs marathons. More than anything else he loves being with his wonderful wife and children.

Hank Smith PhD taught me about the importance of trust relationships based on these four principles:

Compassion: You are kind and benevolent, you value the other person, and you give them your time and attention.

Openness: You are willing to be mutually vulnerable with each other. You have confidence that the other person will not violate your trust.

Reliability: You are predictable. You will respond to situations consistently and without judgment.

Expertise: You have experience and wisdom. It is hard to trust someone who is ignorant even if they are compassionate and open.

Dr. Smith told me about how to build trust through developing our listening skills. I made this infographic below to illustrate the levels of listening we experience. This could perhaps give us a clue why sometimes people believe we aren't listening! We build trust by improving our listening skills! This is such a powerful reminder that we cannot be casual about our interactions. We need to take the time to truly listen!

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When I started this journey almost three years ago, I'd been studying parenting and self-help books, as well as business books. I had been wondering what it takes to have a successful family. See, for several years, it had felt like Michael and I were floundering! We had a solid relationship, but we were miserable around everything else in life. We were stressed out, mostly. Michael was underemployed, we were living in one of the most expensive areas of the nation. We were digging ourselves into a grave of debt. We were missing some of the crucial components of a successful family culture.

First, the vehicle. Family culture is about your family's identity. We're a minivan family, right! Like, figuring out who your family is, is just the first step in shaping your family culture. We're Michael and Jodi, and we have four kids. We live simple, private lives. The vehicle gets your started on your journey, but where do you want to go in that vehicle?

Second, you need a destination! When we first got started, of course we had a destination -- eternity! But really, what does that mean? What do we really want to accomplish and become as we travel toward that destination? That's where a mission statement comes in. Your family mission statement is your destination!

Third, a GPS. What does that mean? When you get started out toward your destination, you probably have a general idea how to get there. But soon, you find yourself on unfamiliar roads. What do you do? You bust out your GPS and see where you are in the world. That global positioning allows you to get a big picture so you can envision the next steps in your journey. Your GPS is your family vision. Where do you picture your family in ten years, twenty, thirty, forty years? That's your vision. It's where your legacy develops.

Fourth, every navigator needs a compass. A compass keeps you oriented to north and south. In a family, we need to know how to stay oriented to our True North -- the core values that inform your decisions along the journey! Your core values are those things like integrity, unity, faith, or work ethic. These core values inform your other values and decisions!

Fifth, maintenance for your vehicle. How do you keep up with your identity and values? A car needs refueling, oil changes, tire rotations, and all kinds of other stuff that keeps your vehicle running smoothly. A family culture needs maintenance, too! The fuel for a family is fun and uplifting activities. Your maintenance happens during family meetings, vacations, family history research, and checking in on our vision and mission. Every family needs regular check ups to make sure everything is going well!

Finally, you need a roadmap! Doesn't that seem a little old-fashioned? Nope. When everything else seems to break down, it's time to bust out the analog tools. A roadmap is what you need when things don't seem to be going according to plan. You need to have a strategy for detours and roadblocks. It's also your strategy for slowdowns and traffic. How are you going to navigate these things that seem to sidetrack your journey? The roadmap is a powerful tool but it takes practice to learn how to use it. I have created a course with powerful strategies for helping your family navigate the roadblocks every family faces on this journey of developing our family culture. I almost have it finished and will be launching this course very soon!

In the meantime, I want to hear from you! You can email me, or go to the shortest survey ever (2 questions) and opt in for updates. You will also be given access to something new I am planning. I will be hosting a live 30-minutes strategy call via Zoom for anyone who opts in and wants to join! This is the platform I use for my interviews so it'll be like you're my guest! You can join in via audio, video, both, or neither and just listen! This will be happening every Friday at 12:00PM Eastern Time. I hope you can make it!

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Kristin Hodson is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist. She is Founder and Executive Director of The Healing Group mental health clinic in Salt Lake City and Co-Author of the book Real Intimacy: A Couples Guide for Genuine, Healthy Sexuality (Cedar Fort 2011). Additionally, she works as an adjunct professor teaching human sexuality to master level students working to become Social Workers and founded the Rocky Mountain Sex Summit in an effort to increase sexual health competency in mental health professionals. She has a unique ability to break down the topics of sexuality into easily digestible pieces empowering people to further develop their sexual identity, hone their sexual values, improve their communication around sexuality all with the intention to improve people's relationships with themselves and others. Kristin is approachable, relatable and has a light sense of humor around something that often feels intimidating or heavy. She has been a guest presenter for nationally renowned sex therapist Dr. Gina Ogden and Dr. Tammy Nelson and has contributed to national media outlets including Huffington Post Live, NPR, Women's Day Magazine and MTV and local outlets including RadioWest, Studio5,The Deseret News, RadioWest, The Salt Lake Tribune, Salt Lake City magazine, various podcasts and local news outlets. Kristin is a Mom of 3 wild things and a partner to her husband Jake living in Salt Lake City, Ut and Playa Grande, Costa Rica.

You won't want to miss this conversation! I studied health promotion for my undergrad, and I remember thinking it was a little strange when one of my classes was completely focused on reproductive health even though it was supposed to be about general health throughout the lifespan. The reality is sexual health is not just something that comes up every once in a while. It isn't a "talk" you can have once or twice and check it off of your parental responsibility checklist. Talking about sexual health is infused into everything we do. If you don't believe me, listen to this episode. We all need to get really comfortable with this conversation. Our kids are going to look for this information one way or another. It needs to come from their parents. More than this, our culture is already steeping in sexual culture. If we don't talk about it and help our children recognize it, they will hear about it even without trying. Kristin shares an example of teaching her son how to recognize sexualized lyrics in the music he was listening to. I talk about subtle language that creeps into the way we talk to one another that prepares our children to consider boundaries and consent. It isn't always an explicit discussion about sex. It is talking about appropriate touch, red flags, safety, relationships, and interactions with one another.

Find more from Kristin at http://kristinbhodson.com

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