As we discussed last week, the word "codependent" has become a buzzword in the treatment and self-help industries, and not many people know what it actually means. We hope to clear up misconceptions and help you to find your way through the myriad of labels that are applied to parents and loved ones through this process.

Do you know the actual definition of codependent? No? That’s okay, because no one does. It’s a term that was created by treatment professionals in the 80’s. In the early 80’s when treatment centers became overrun with people abusing and addicted to alcohol and drugs, clinicians attempted to lump them all together and find one label to cover the myriad of phases of addiction their clients were showing up in (read: diagnoses were becoming more and more difficult to make, and were often wrong). This led to a change in the terminology from “alcoholism” and “addicted” to “chemical dependency”. On tonight's podcast we'll discuss where the term "codependent" came from, and whether or not it actually applies to you.

Initially, we'd do anything to get our kids the help they need: second mortgage on the house, dip into savings, even ask family members for help. Before you break the bank, listen to our podcast about how to manage your finances in thisconfusing time. We'll be talking about what treatment costs, why it costs so much, and how to get the most bang for your buck.

In this episode we'll talk about the steps you take once you decide to get help. First we'll spend some time discussing what role The Family Recovery Project hopes to play in the future with families who are wading through the murky waters of seeking treatment. Next, we'll talk about some of the obstacles you'll encounter and how to mindfully side-step those that will send you down an exhausting and expensive path. Once again, this is a very scary, confusing time for families, and we're here to help and guide you through.

SUSPICION AND CONFIRMATION 

One of the first emotions families and loved ones experience when dealing with addiction is suspicion. It usually starts with seeing changes in behavior and choices and ends with accusations and denial that become a daily cycle of crisis.  

Suspicion destroys feelings of trust. When an addict’s substance abuse is eventually confirmed, thoughts of betrayal enter the mind. The lies and manipulation suddenly become clear and anger and resentment obscure judgment. There is a cliché that is shared in various forms that states, “Trusting someone is my decision, the proving me right is their choice.” 

Trying to pack the complexity of our relationships into a cliché isn’t the answer. We are all more than the twelve words above. The only way to accept these words as truth is to stop thinking about anything except judgment and blame.

Suspicion destroys feelings of trust. When substance abuse is eventually confirmed, thoughts of betrayal enter the mind. The lies and manipulation suddenly become clear and anger and resentment obscure judgment. There is a cliché that is shared in various forms that states, “Trusting someone is my decision, the proving me right is their choice.” 

Trying to pack the complexity of our relationships into a cliché isn’t the answer. We are all more than the twelve words above. The only way to accept these words as truth is to stop thinking about anything except judgment and blame.  

In this episode we discuss how to handle suspicion and confirmation with a clear head.

The three primary groups affected by today’s treatment paradigm are: the individuals abusing drugs, their families, and the communities they live in. What is lacking is a comprehensive level of integration between expert opinions and the day-to-day consequences of living with an addict. 

Families are the group caught in the middle. We bear the financial burden to support demand-side treatment efforts in addition to the public policy decisions that enforce supply-side efforts to control drug use. Billions of dollars are spent annually with pennies-on-the-dollar trickling back to the group charged with funding both sides of the status quo. An empathetic connection addressing this need between addiction specialists and families doesn't always exist.

Funding another survey for experts to dissect and build collateral bodies of theoretical work rarely finds its way into the living rooms around the country where it is needed most. This 'trickle down' approach just continues to build an intellectual and clinical infrastructure designed to justify its own existence. In 12 years of research, we haven't found many published studies that use information provided by parents and family as a separate component of addiction theory. The majority all end up circling back to what the addict needs by proposing changes to the existing paradigm or enforcement issues with existing drug laws. What does matter is that we have been kept on the perimeter. 

Our founders are a parent and a former treatment professional, and in this episode they will discuss how they came together and what they've learned that inspired them to start The Family Recovery Project.