The Feminist Wedding Podcast

What *exactly* do you need a Day-Of Coordinator for, how do you find a great one, and how much should you invest? Tune in, because I truly cannot keep a secret to save my life.

Once upon a time, I created a DOC Hiring Guide… and it's so good, I just can't gatekeep it any longer. In this episode, I'm sharing everything I know about day-of coordination, which is a lot. After all, I have been doing it for almost 20 years!

I'm telling you:

1. What does she/they do?

2. What should you expect to pay based on their experience/the industry standards?

3. Red Flags

4. Should you just ask a friend to do it?

5. Questions to ask when interviewing DOC's

6. Best practices for working with your DOC

7. How to share your wedding plan with your DOC/how I transfer the power as your long-distance planning coach (reach out to see if I can do a custom coaching package for you and your beloved!)

Find me on Instagram, where I answer all of my DM'S, and check out my website to work with me, or hit this link to book a free, no-strings chat to pick my brain.

Music is Blackout Romeo by The Spin Wires.

RESOURCES

I describe Voxer, which is a walkie-talkie style app that I use with my clients to coach them via voice notes. My past clients rave about my Voxer office hours, and so if working with me is something you're considering, but you find the "office hours" or "Voxer app" stuff confusing, just think about it like Instagram voice notes in the DM's… but so much cooler (and without a 1-minute timer!)

I had the absolute honour of sitting down with my brilliant friend N. Chloé Nwangwu, a brand scientist with a background in international conflict resolution. If you haven't heard expressions like "the invisibility tax" or "underrecognition", you need to be paying attention to the work Chloé is doing.

We talked about why your brand values are important but also why nuance is important in conversations around values, and whether having that nuance will allow you to maintain your audience's ear and effect more positive and progressive change.

We also talked about a ton of other stuff…

• Maintaining boundaries when doing emotional labour, and what that looks like versus what happens when you don't do that (as a wedding vendor);

• Never Have I Ever and Mindy Kaling's general greatness

• Why being a woman in a "female-dominated industry" isn't all it's cracked up to be when we're still operating under patriarchal, white-supremacist, and highly capitalist systems

• The S.N.I.F.F. test for vendors to help you figure out if your marketing is feminist, and how you can improve it

Chloé has generously created a resource page for y'all with links to some of the articles we discussed and a detailed breakdown of S.N.I.F.F. - plus links to locate her.

Find me on Instagram, where I answer all of my DM'S, and check out my website to see how you can get me as your personal wedding coach!

Music is Blackout Romeo by The Spin Wires.

RESOURCES

Chloé's must-read article in the Harvard Business Review: Why We Should Stop Saying "Underrepresented" (hbr.org)

Chloé and I met through the amazing Erika Tebbens - she is the business coach who helped me transition from freelancer to entrepreneur, and she is so knowledgeable and creative and just understands business in a way that is really supportive.

I mentioned the book "Invisible Women: Data Bias in a World Designed for Men" by Caroline Criado Perez

Chloé mentioned "the ambition penalty," a term coined by Stefanie O'Connell Rodriguez

A month-by-month breakdown of my 6-month wedding planning method!

*Note: This plan happens after a period of enjoying your engagement, and after you've established your budget and vision, which is exactly what I do in the Jumpstart. You can learn more about The Jumpstart here.

And with The Wedding Edit (which includes Day-Of-Coordination) I customize this to your wedding plan with vetted vendor referrals in your price range. Then, we co-create a plan for planning with you and your partner, so that planning brings you even closer!

Month 1: around 7:30

• Committing major deposits to the vendors that matter most to you and your partner (often the photographer)

• Getting a sense of the overall budget by looking at your wedding venue + event planner + catering as approximately %50 of your budget

• If you want to learn more about wedding budgets I recommend listening to my episode on Realistic Wedding Budgets, and downloading my free, 20-minute, wedding budget workshop.

Month 2: 17:00

• VIP DAY: Venue visit with your coordinator, floor plan, timeline, and Road Map creation and delivery (here's the link to see a sample Road Map in Trello!)

• Florist

• Invitations

• Plan your ceremony

Month 3: 19:30

• DJ, Band, Ceremony musicians

• A/V (lighting and sound!) (For more on lighting, listen to this episode!)

• Videography

• Rentals

Month 4: 22:30

• Plan out your sweet table, or order your wedding cake if you're doing one.

• Book your hotel for the wedding night (and maybe for getting ready)

• Your hair and make up team, commonly called HMUA

• Valet

• Plan out your seating cards/chart and table numbers as well as any additional signage or printables

• Hire your month-of event manager if you haven't already! (Commonly known by the misnomer: day-of wedding coordinator)

Month 5: 29:00

• Finish up all DIY

• All the stuff that you are totally welcome to skip like…

  • Wedding favours! Listen to this episode with event sustainability expert Romina Kwong to hear us talk about what is an actual great wedding favour

  • Guest book

  • Ring pillows and flower baskets

  • Card box

  • Photo booth accessories? Are we still doing that?

Month 6 (more like 6 weeks out): 30:00

• Get your ducks in a row (all your contracts, final floor plans, etc - complete your logistics/wedmin)

• Make a list of final payments!

• Alcohol permit

• RSVP-chasing + seating chart creation

• Shot list for your photographer

• Get all your printables completed

• Random last-minute add ons:

  • Guest welcome baskets

  • Bathroom baskets

• Break in your shoes! Listen to hear my super easy method.

• Write your vows

Find me on Instagram, where I answer all of my DM'S, and check out The Jumpstart and The Wedding Edit on my website!

Music is Blackout Romeo by The Spin Wires.

I interviewed Sonja Siikanen (they/them), a queer, feminist wedding and boudoir photographer from Finland, who was recommended to me by two separate Lovebird Listeners!

Here's what I asked them about:

• Sonja's own wedding, and…

  • Creating safer spaces

  • Sharing core values with your guests

• What it means to live in a "top" country for queer folks

  • The tiny queer scene in a small country like Finland

  • How the bar for what counts as "good" for queer folks is so low it's literally on the floor

• Why marriers should lean into their values when planning a wedding…

• And, why it can be challenging to be inclusive when planning your wedding

• Sonja's take + my evolving opinions on styled shoots

• The increasing popularity of boudoir shoots and why Sonja loves them for being super empowering, especially for marginalized people, and for the celebration of all bodies (when we share them publicly).

Corrections Corner: In this episode, I say gay marriage was legalized in Canada in 1995 and that is unfortunately a decade earlier than when it was actually legalized.

Follow Sonja on Instagram and learn more about their values or find out how to work with them on their website.

Find me on Instagram, where I answer all of my DM'S, and check out my website to learn more about my offers. Or, go right ahead and book a free, no-strings, 20-minute call with me at bit.ly/feministweddingchat.

Music is Blackout Romeo by The Spin Wires.

RESOURCES

This episode of TFWP, where I interviewed Charlie Sprinkman (he/they), founder of the amazing website (and now app!!) Everywhere is Queer (available for download in the app store, or at the link in their IG bio, above, for android!)

I am once again suggesting that you to read The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker - or at least the first few chapters, about making the guest list!

I'm joined by my friend, the brilliant Romina Kwong (she/her), who is tackling event sustainability as both the founder and lead consultant at her business, Eco-Friendly Events, and as a teacher at Seneca College where she has co-created a micro-credential for Foundations of Sustainability in Event Management.

We talked about…

• The most influential factors on your event's ecological footprint, and what you can do to mitigate their impact;

• Who is responsible for making an event eco-friendly - the vendors, the planners, or the marriers?

• How to do your best to be eco-responsible while still staying true to your wedding vision;

• The connection between eco-responsibility and feminism;

• What a wedding planned with sustainability in mind might look like!

This episode is just the tip of the iceberg, so I encourage you to follow Romina on Instagram @‌ecofriendly.events and check out her website: www.ecofriendlyevents.ca. Romina doesn't plan weddings, but if you want her eyes on your event plan (or, as a vendor, on your business!) you can book a consult with her directly.

Find me on Instagram, where I answer all of my DM'S, and check out my website to see how you can get me as your personal wedding coach!

Music is Blackout Romeo by The Spin Wires.

RESOURCES

T. Lees candles - locally made and woman-owned! Love them.

I shouted out @‌flourishandknot, a Montreal florist I worked with on this styled shoot (photographed by Pam McKay) for her efforts to be eco-responsible and for teaching me about pinfrogs! #nofloralfoam

@‌flowermoxie - a florist who teaches wedding DIY and ships flowers to you (right now, only in the United States) for small weddings. I really don't recommend DIYing your florals for most people but I've seen a few smaller weddings (70-100 guests max!) do this with success, especially when they managed their expectations appropriately ;)

Romina brought up something I said in a recent episode of The Feminist Wedding Podcast. It's this one: The Right Way to Negotiate With Your Wedding Vendors (Without Pissing Them Off)

In this episode I interview my friend Rob Lynch, a lighting designer I've been working with for almost 20 years.

We talk about:

• WTF a lighting designer even does, and the impact of lighting on any event (a thread that runs through the whole)

• How lighting impacts your event, at every key timeline moment

• What the lights are called, and what they do, so you're prepared to understand a quote from a lighting company (likely handled along with your audio!)

• Colour!

We also have some major digressions, because when Event Folk (TM pending) get together we cannot help but talk about all the things…

• What wedding guests do that drive us nuts

• What wedding vendors do that drive us nuts

You can introduce yourself to Rob on Instagram @‌mrrobertlynch and/or check out his website robertlynch.com - and keep in mind he'll give you 20% off of his services if you book your lighting directly through him!

Find me on Instagram, where I answer all of my DM'S, and check out my website to see how you can get me as your personal wedding coach!

Music is Blackout Romeo by The Spin Wires.

RESOURCES

My article for Medium about badly behaved wedding guests: Hell is Other People: How Wedding Guests are the True Zillas

One of my favourite movies, "In Her Shoes" (starring Toni Collette and Cameron Diaz).

I touch briefly on Carol Gilligan's Ethics of Care. If you're interested in further research or discussion, you can reach out to me for suggested reading.

This episode is an answer to a question from a listener (now client!) who asked about the wedding tax and negotiating with wedding vendors. I couldn't fit the answer in an Instagram story, so here's an almost hour-long episode about it!

Here's what I cover:

• What is the wedding tax, and can it be justified? I look at arguments from both advocates and critics and give my take on it;

• I also talk about some of the more common economic models of wedding planning, breaking down commissions and kickbacks, and explaining how the percentage-based model works, giving you, as always, my unfiltered opinion on how things are done BTS;

• The do's + don't's of wedding vendor negotiation (haggling) including:

  • Templates for the first and second email you'll send during the process;

  • Red flags to look out for;

  • Who you could consider negotiating with;

  • Understanding that when you pay less, you should expect to get less…

  • And reasons you might be eligible for a reduced rate!

• Why you shouldn't ghost your potential wedding vendors (and what to do instead)

• How not to be a red flag and operate in good faith when negotiating with a vendor!

Find me on Instagram, where I answer all of my DM'S, and check out my website to find out how you can get me as your personal wedding coach!

Music is Blackout Romeo by The Spin Wires.

RESOURCES

I mention two episodes where you can hear me coaching past clients: one with Jamie Moar and another with Marlee Rabin.

I talk briefly about my dad! His company is Kloda Productions, and while he used to do absolutely everything event production-related… he sold most of the company and now focuses on inflatable games. One day I'll do an episode about being an event brat ;)

This episode is about my experience as a real-life Sam-I-Am… someone who knows just how good green eggs and ham tastes, but has to jump through hoops to convince people to try them.

And in the end? Oh, I do like it after all, Carrie-Ann!

Listen in for the biggest game changers my clients have committed to that made them so happy they had me whispering in their ear (or going off on long tangents over Voxer and IG voicenotes) throughout the wedding planning process.

Want to get my eyes on your personal wedding plan? Check out The Jumpstart, my virtual consultation that includes heaps of support and access to all of my resources for 90 minutes (plus my own detailed notes and suggestions based on our conversation and a personalized budget!).

Find me on Instagram, where I answer all of my DM'S, and check out my website to see how you can get me as your personal wedding coach!

Music is Blackout Romeo by The Spin Wires.

RESOURCES

The jewelry company I mention is Lola Ade and you can also find them on Instagram as @‌shoplolaade.

I reference this episode of TFWP, with Marlee Rabin, and her and her husband's venue, Tavern on the Square. You can follow their hilarious sommelier on Instagram as @‌brommeliermtl.

My guest episode on Medium Lady Talks, The Art of Gathering Without Losing Yourself, where we discuss (among other things) Priya Parker's book.

I'm joined by Charlie Sprinkman (he/they), founder of Everywhere is Queer, a global directory of queer-owned businesses.

Before we even got started, we talked a bit about safe vs. safer spaces, and this is a thread that runs through our entire conversation.

Charlie had some questions for me, which I was happy to answer, such as:

• What is it like being a queer wedding vendor?

• What's a queer wedding like?

We also talked about:

• Why it's important to hire queer vendors;

• Keeping queer vendors safe on Everywhere is Queer and what we can do to keep queer guests and vendors safe at weddings;

Find Charlie as @‌everywhereisqueer on Instagram and TikTok, and on their website, www.everywhereisqueer.com

Find me on Instagram, where I answer all of my DM'S, and check out my website to see how you can get me as your personal wedding coach!

Music is Blackout Romeo by The Spin Wires.

RESOURCES

The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker

Incidentally, you can hear me talk a lot more about Parker's book and hwo to apply the concepts in it to your event on this episode of Medium Lady Talks.

I'm joined by Jenna Wiegand, owner and executive artistic director of The Polka Dot Paper Shop, a wedding invitations company. We talk about:

• What it's like being a feminist wedding vendor

• The role of your wedding invitation in the overall event scheme

• Wedding traditions vs. wedding etiquette

• Nouveau wedding etiquette for addressing wedding invitations

• And some of the finer points of what makes a wedding invitation feminist

• Parent stress, marrier stress, and the very specific stress that comes along with hiring a day-of coordinator over a month-of event manager.

Find Jenna on her website, and as @‌polkadotpapershop on both TikTok and Instagram.

Find me on Instagram, where I answer all of my DM'S, and check out my website to see how you can get me as your personal wedding coach!

Music is Blackout Romeo by The Spin Wires.

RESOURCES

If you're engaged and considering the Jumpstart, it's $75 off from now until November 27, 2023! Learn more and book here.

For more on pronouns + wedding parties, listen to this episode: Death to the Bridal Party