In this episode of The For Peyton Podcast, Tami sits down with her friend Ashley Moran for a candid conversation about motherhood, grief, faith, family, and learning how to keep living after devastating loss.

Ashley shares what it was like to lose her husband, Donald, while raising six children, how grief affected each member of the family differently, and what it meant to keep parenting when she was barely getting through the day herself. She talks openly about depression, recognizing when she needed help, the support of family and community, and the small moments that helped her move from simply surviving toward living again.

They also talk about what grieving people actually need, why saying a loved one’s name matters, the tension between faith and pain, remarriage, raising children through loss, and how joy and grief can exist at the same time.

This is a thoughtful, honest conversation about carrying what cannot be changed, accepting help, finding meaning, and discovering that life can still be beautiful even when it looks nothing like you expected.

What happens when the danger is over, but your brain and body still act like it isn’t?

In this clinical deep dive, Tamera explores how trauma affects the brain, nervous system, memory, and threat response—and why survival skills that help us in one environment can become exhausting in another. Using insights from her conversation with Sergeant Nicholas Hazelett, she breaks down PTSD, hypervigilance, avoidance, cumulative trauma, and evidence-based treatment in a way that is practical, accurate, and hopeful.

Trauma can change us. But the brain is not finished learning.

In this episode of The For Peyton Podcast, I sit down with Nich Hazelett, a sergeant with the Colorado State Patrol, 12-year Air Force veteran, husband, father, and longtime first responder.

Nich shares an honest perspective on the human side of law enforcement—what repeated exposure to trauma can do, how his own experience with PTSD changed the way he leads, and why protecting a person’s dignity matters even in their hardest moments.

We also talk about identity beyond the uniform, faith, resilience, the importance of meaningful connection, and what it takes to see some of the worst parts of life without losing your love for people.

At the heart of the conversation is a simple message: you have value, you have worth, and you have a future.

In this clinical deep dive, Tami builds on her conversation with Luke Riley to explore leadership far beyond the workplace. She looks at how leadership shows up in marriage, parenting, family systems, and within our own internal world.

Drawing from Bowen family systems theory, Gottman relationship research, Internal Family Systems, Carl Jung, and leadership principles from Stephen Covey and John Maxwell, the episode explores differentiation, conflict patterns, parenting as the gradual transfer of leadership, and what happens when anxiety, achievement, anger, people-pleasing, or the inner critic quietly takes over.

The deeper question is not simply whether we are leaders. It is: when things get difficult, what is actually leading us?

Listen on YouTube, Spotify, or Apple Podcasts. Related resources and digital downloads are available at ValentineCounseling.org.

If you want it a little more concise for Spotify/Apple, I’d use:

What actually leads us when pressure rises?

In this clinical deep dive, Tami explores leadership at work, in marriage, in parenting, and within ourselves. Drawing from family systems theory, Gottman research, Internal Family Systems, Carl Jung, Stephen Covey, and John Maxwell, she looks at what happens when fear, anxiety, achievement, anger, or people-pleasing begins making the decisions for us.

The goal is not to eliminate those parts of ourselves, but to understand them well enough to decide what actually gets to lead.

Related digital downloads are available at ValentineCounseling.org.

Luke Riley knows both sides of recovery: the struggle itself and the work of helping others find their way through it. Now a leader in addiction treatment and nearly 19 years into his own recovery, Luke joins me for a candid conversation about addiction, bipolar disorder, leadership, identity, and what happens when success becomes a place to hide.

We talk about learning to separate who you are from what you do, asking for help before things fall apart, and why real strength sometimes looks a lot different than we think.

Tami Valentine follows her conversation with funeral director Stephen Hunzeker with a clinical deep dive into grief. Drawing from research, her work as a therapist, and her personal experiences following the deaths of her son Peyton and her mother, she explores how grief affects the brain, body, relationships, and spirit.

This episode examines grief waves, nervous-system regulation, ritual, continuing bonds, guilt, boundaries, and the differences between grief, trauma, depression, and prolonged grief disorder. Tami also offers practical ways to navigate overwhelming moments and support someone who is grieving. Most importantly, she reminds listeners that healing does not mean forgetting—it means building a life large enough to hold both the love and the loss.

Takeaways

Grief affects the mind, body, relationships, and spirit—not just emotions.

Professional knowledge and competence do not make anyone immune to grief.

Grief often comes in waves, and the immediate goal is not to solve the entire loss but to make it through the next few minutes.

A calm, regulated person can help carry the structure when someone who is grieving cannot think clearly.

Ritual gives grief a place, a structure, and a way for others to show their love when words are insufficient.

Continuing bonds allow us to remain connected to someone we love after death.

A good day is not a betrayal of grief, and a terrible day is not a relapse.

Grief, trauma, depression, and prolonged grief disorder can overlap, and additional support may sometimes be needed.

Self-compassion, practical support, and healthy boundaries can make grief more bearable.

The goal is not to forget but to learn how to carry both love and loss in a changed world.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction: A Clinical Deep Dive into Grief
01:10 Personal Experience and Overlapping Losses
04:40 Bereavement, Grief, and Mourning
08:10 How Grief Affects the Brain and Nervous System
12:20 The Attachment Map and Lowering Expectations
13:25 External Regulation and How Others Can Help
18:30 Grief Waves and the Next 10 Minutes
24:50 The Role of Ritual in Grief
29:30 Continuing Bonds and Remembering
30:55 Moving Beyond the Five Stages of Grief
33:45 Grief, Trauma, Depression, and Prolonged Grief
38:30 Guilt, Regret, and Hindsight Bias
41:00 Relationships, Support, and Boundaries
49:30 Carrying Love in a Changed World
51:45 Closing Thoughts and the Grief Survival Kit

Stephen Hunzeker shares insights into his role as a funeral director, the changes in the funeral industry, and the importance of creating rituals around death. He discusses the impact of his work on families and the community, highlighting the need for compassion and understanding during difficult times. The conversation delves into the sacred rituals and emotional toll of funeral preparation, the impact of grief on families, and the mental health challenges faced by funeral directors. It highlights the need for open-mindedness, emotional support, and the importance of navigating grief with care and compassion. The conversation delves into the themes of navigating grief and loss, community resources and support, self-care and simplifying the process, and understanding grief and humanizing funeral directors. It explores the challenges and experiences of individuals dealing with loss and the resources available to support them through the process.

Takeaways

• The multifaceted role of a funeral director
• The evolving landscape of funeral practices and the importance of creating meaningful rituals around death Sacred rituals of preparation and dressing hold deep emotional significance for families.
• Funeral directors face significant emotional and mental health challenges in their role. Navigating grief is a deeply personal experience, and it's important to have access to community resources and support during this time.
• Self-care and simplifying the funeral arrangement process can alleviate the emotional and financial burden on families dealing with loss.

Chapters

• 00:00 A Day in the Life of Stephen Hunzaker
• 03:00 The Role of Funeral Directors
• 09:01 Changes in the Funeral Industry
• 17:10 Creating Rituals Around Death
• 21:59 The Sacred Ritual of Dressing and Preparation
• 22:41 The Burial and Sacred Conversations
• 23:50 The Role of Funeral Directors and Open-Mindedness
• 25:28 The Emotional Toll on Funeral Directors
• 29:34 The Mental Health Impact on Funeral Directors
• 36:15 The Sacred Process of Preparation and Healing
• 41:23 Navigating Grief and Lack of Support
• 44:24 Navigating Grief and Loss
• 45:19 Community Resources and Support
• 52:46 Self-Care and Simplifying the Process
• 01:05:21 Understanding Grief and Humanizing Funeral Directors

What does mental health actually look like in everyday life? In this clinical deep dive, Tami explores how mentally healthy people respond to correction, success, failure, fear, gratitude, and belonging. She also shares practical questions to help you shift from self-criticism to self-coaching and grow with greater steadiness and compassion.

A companion digital download for this episode is available at ValentineCounseling.org.

Western sports announcer and collegiate rodeo coach Branden Edwards joins Tami for a candid conversation about performance pressure, self-criticism, rejection, resilience, gratitude, and the importance of checking in on the people who seem fine. They also explore the lessons rodeo, coaching, community, and hard conversations can teach us about navigating real life.

In this follow-up deep dive episode, Tami builds on her conversation with retired educator Brad Huffaker by exploring public education through a trauma-informed leadership lens.

Tami discusses five principles — safety before correction, connection before escalation, structure as support, repair after rupture, and systems not superheroes — and applies them across the home, classroom, school building, district, and community.

This episode is about what happens when adults lead around children with both compassion and accountability. It is not about lowering expectations or excusing behavior. It is about creating conditions where students, educators, families, and communities can function better.

A companion digital guide, Trauma-Informed Leadership in Public Education, is available at valentinecounseling.org.