The Foster Dad Directive

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In this episode of The Foster Dad Directive Podcast, I talk about my experience using the Finch, a mental health and habit-tracking app I originally discovered through one of my foster kids. I explain how it works through a small digital companion that grows as you complete daily goals, routines, and self-care tasks. You unlock items, outfits, and small adventures over time, and your Finch responds to your inputs in a way that’s meant to encourage reflection and consistency. I also share that I named my Finch after my dog Jade, who passed away in 2023, which sometimes leads to an emotional notification that says “Jade is waiting for you.”

From my perspective, I really like what the app is trying to do, especially for kids or anyone working on mental health or building better habits. I’ve seen foster kids respond well to it for things like hygiene routines, taking medication, and building structure, and I appreciate how it creates a safe, low-pressure way to express emotions. At the same time, I admit it can feel a bit too interactive and notification-heavy for my personal style, since I tend to prefer simple checklists. Overall, I see it as a positive tool for mental health support and habit-building, especially for younger users or families trying to build routines together.

00:00 – Introduction to the Finch Mental Health App

00:17 – Disclaimer and Episode Setup

00:35 – What the Finch App Is and How It Works

00:56 – Personal Story: Naming My Finch After My Dog

01:17 – Core Features: Quests, Interaction, and Feedback

02:17 – Customization, Shop Items, Travel, and Friends

03:24 – Using Finch for Daily Goals and Habit Tracking

04:07 – Gratitude Prompts and Daily Reminders

04:27 – Finch Plus, Accessibility, and Support Features

05:13 – Benefits for Kids, Overwhelm, and Final Thoughts on Mental Health

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Crisis Lifeline: Call/Text 988

National Helpline 1-800-662-4357

Veterans Crisis Line (dial 988 then press 1)

National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE)

[email protected]

In this episode of The Foster Dad Directive Podcast, I discuss whether LGBTQ families should be allowed to foster and adopt children. As both a foster parent and someone who was partially raised by a gay aunt, I share my personal experiences and explain why I support LGBTQ individuals and couples being able to foster and adopt. From my perspective, the foster care system already struggles with a shortage of qualified families, so excluding loving and capable homes only makes it harder for children to find the stability and support they need. I also reference research showing that same-sex couples are more likely to foster or adopt children and that children raised by LGBTQ parents generally do just as well as those raised by non-LGBTQ parents.

Throughout the episode, I reflect on the trauma many foster children experience, the challenges LGBTQ youth often face within the foster care system, and the importance of focusing on what is best for children rather than on ideological disagreements. I share stories about LGBTQ family members and friends who have had a positive impact on my life and discuss why I believe loving, supportive homes matter far more than the sexual orientation or gender identity of the parents. While I acknowledge that some people have religious or moral objections, I encourage respectful conversations that include realistic solutions for children who need homes. Ultimately, I argue that every child deserves the opportunity to be cared for by people who are willing to love, support, and advocate for them, regardless of whether those caregivers are LGBTQ or not.

00:00 – Introduction: Should LGBTQ Families Foster and Adopt?

01:20 – Foster Care and Adoption Update

02:58 – Why I Support LGBTQ Foster and Adoptive Parents

05:21 – Statistics on LGBTQ Families and Foster Care

07:35 – Religion, Morality, and Personal Beliefs

08:55 – My Personal Experiences with LGBTQ Family Members and Friends

10:13 – The Need for More Loving Foster Homes

13:44 – How My Aunt Shaped My Life

14:49 – Reddit Discussions and Common Arguments About LGBTQ Adoption

24:40 – The Importance of Love, Support, and Stable Homes for Children

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Crisis Lifeline: Call/Text 988

National Helpline 1-800-662-4357

Veterans Crisis Line (dial 988 then press 1)

National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE)

[email protected]

In this episode of The Foster Dad Directive, Charles explores LGBTQIA+ resources that can help foster parents, caregivers, families, and youth. Drawing from his own experiences fostering LGBTQ youth, he discusses organizations such as It Gets Better, The Trevor Project, the Human Rights Campaign, and state-level resources from Michigan and New York. He highlights the importance of educational materials, peer support groups, crisis intervention services, counseling, and community programs that can help both young people and the adults supporting them better understand issues related to identity, acceptance, and mental health.

Charles also reflects on the challenges LGBTQ youth often face, including isolation, homelessness, discrimination, and increased risks of self-harm. He emphasizes that foster parents do not need to have all the answers but should be willing to learn, listen, and connect children with appropriate resources and supportive communities. The episode encourages parents to be patient, open-minded, and proactive in seeking information while reminding LGBTQ youth that they are not alone and that help, support, and understanding are available.

00:12 – Introduction & Episode Overview

01:06 – Family Update: Adoption Progress

02:14 – Privacy vs. Safety for Foster Children

04:36 – Monitoring Apps and Digital Safety Tools

07:02 – Dahlia's Story: Loss, Trauma, and Running Away

10:24 – When a Placement Becomes Unsafe

12:22 – Michigan Emergency Removal Guidelines

14:28 – Lessons Learned About Phones and Restrictions

17:03 – Should Parents Monitor an 18-Year-Old's Devices?

19:13 – Closing Thoughts, Addiction Update & Dad Joke

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Crisis Lifeline: Call/Text 988

National Helpline 1-800-662-4357

Veterans Crisis Line (dial 988 then press 1)

National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE)

[email protected]

In this episode of The Foster Dad Directive, I discuss what I’ve learned from fostering LGBTQ+ youth and some of the challenges, responsibilities, and opportunities that come with supporting children who identify as part of the LGBTQ+ community. Drawing from my own experiences with two foster placements, I talk about the importance of treating these children with dignity, respect, and compassion regardless of personal beliefs. I emphasize that foster youth are children first, and while their identity may be an important part of who they are, it should never overshadow their interests, goals, fears, talents, and individual personalities. I also share some of the realities of foster care, including the limitations foster parents face when it comes to making medical decisions, the importance of building trust, and the need to support children who may already be carrying significant trauma, rejection, or family conflict.

I explore how LGBTQ+ youth are overrepresented in foster care and why many of them face additional challenges such as bullying, social isolation, anxiety, depression, and difficulties finding acceptance. I talk about the importance of respecting preferred names and pronouns, being willing to learn, asking respectful questions, and creating a safe environment where children feel valued. I also discuss concerns surrounding social media, online safety, grooming, and the search for validation that can make vulnerable youth targets for exploitation. Throughout the episode, I stress that foster parents do not need to be experts on every topic, but they do need to provide safety, stability, consistency, and a willingness to learn. My overall message is that supporting LGBTQ+ foster youth is less about having all the answers and more about being patient, respectful, dependable, and committed to helping children navigate both their personal identity and the broader challenges of foster care.

00:12 – Introduction and Why This Topic Matters

01:28 – Different Beliefs and Respectful Foster Care

03:21 – Personal Experiences Fostering LGBTQ Youth

06:10 – Seeing the Child Beyond the Label

07:37 – LGBTQ Youth Overrepresentation in Foster Care

10:38 – Trauma, Rejection, and Building Trust

13:18 – Mental Health Challenges and Support Needs

16:14 – School, Social Media, and Online Safety Risks

18:23 – Resources, Mentors, and Community Support

23:57 – Final Advice for Foster and Adoptive Parents

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Crisis Lifeline: Call/Text 988

National Helpline 1-800-662-4357

Veterans Crisis Line (dial 988 then press 1)

National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE)

[email protected]

In this episode of the Foster Dad Directive podcast, I discuss the complicated reality of fostering while planning for or having your first biological child. Drawing from situations I have personally witnessed in foster care, I explain why I believe foster children should never be treated as temporary placeholders until a biological child arrives. I talk about the emotional impact that a new baby can have on foster children who have already experienced abandonment, neglect, and instability, and how easily they may interpret a pregnancy as proof that they were never truly part of the family. I explore the importance of reassuring foster children that they belong, maintaining strong family bonds, and ensuring they do not feel replaced or less valued. I also share practical considerations including finances, housing requirements, transportation, appointments, licensing rules, and the emotional demands that come with balancing foster care and raising an infant. Throughout the episode, I emphasize that thoughtful planning and honest communication are essential if families want to successfully navigate both journeys.

I also examine the long-term effects that fostering can have on both biological and foster children, including attachment issues, exposure to trauma, family dynamics, and the challenges of maintaining fairness and consistency across all children in the home. I discuss how fostering has changed me as a parent, the lessons I continue to learn, and the importance of preparing for difficult possibilities such as fertility struggles, pregnancy loss, relationship stress, or burnout. Rather than discouraging families from pursuing either fostering or having biological children, I encourage listeners to carefully evaluate their support systems, resources, and long-term goals before making major decisions. My message is that wanting a biological child does not make someone a bad foster parent, but every decision should be made with the well-being of all children in mind. By planning ahead, seeking training, and approaching these situations with empathy and honesty, families can create healthier environments that support both foster children and biological children alike.

00:12 Fostering While Having Your First Biological Child

01:03 Placement Updates and Real-World Examples

03:06 Why Foster Children Shouldn't Be Replaced

04:32 Emotional Impact on Foster Children

07:31 Building Belonging Through Family Traditions

08:55 Financial, Time, and Space Considerations

10:31 Licensing, Policies, and Placement Planning

12:09 Raising a Biological Child Alongside Foster Siblings

14:52 Planning for Worst-Case Scenarios

19:06 Preparation, Compassion, and Final Thoughts

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National Helpline 1-800-662-4357

Veterans Crisis Line (dial 988 then press 1)

National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE)

[email protected]

In this episode of the Foster Dad Directive podcast, I share my experience fostering a teenager who was both a chronic runaway and a potential target for exploitation and human trafficking. Looking back on our third placement, I discuss the difficult balance between a child’s privacy and their safety, especially when social media, online relationships, and digital communication become serious risk factors. I explain why I believe parents and foster parents should monitor online activity, the dangers of unrestricted internet access, and some of the tools that can help families keep children safer online. I also describe the challenges we faced with a 13-year-old placement who had experienced significant trauma, including the loss of her mother, rejection from her father, and a pattern of communicating with much older individuals online. Those issues eventually escalated into repeated runaway incidents, threats of violence, and involvement from law enforcement and missing child agencies. Through that experience, I learned the importance of setting clear boundaries, monitoring digital activity early, and understanding that many children do not fully recognize the risks they face online.

I also discuss the legal and practical realities of handling a runaway placement within the foster care system, including the difficulties of working with agencies, understanding removal procedures, and protecting both the child and the other children in the home. I share information about Michigan policies that may allow emergency removal when a child’s safety is at risk and explain why, in some situations, continuing a placement may no longer be in the best interests of anyone involved. Beyond foster care, I explore broader questions about privacy, parental responsibility, and when young adults should gain full independence over their digital lives. Throughout the episode, I emphasize that online safety should take priority over unrestricted privacy for minors, especially when children are vulnerable to manipulation, exploitation, or trafficking. I close by reflecting on my own journey with addiction recovery, technology use, and parenting, while encouraging listeners to stay engaged, ask questions, and continue learning how to protect the children in their care.

00:12 Fostering a Runaway and Human Trafficking Target

01:06 Family Update and Adoption Progress

02:14 Safety vs. Privacy for Children Online

04:36 Monitoring Apps and Digital Safety Tools

07:02 Placement Background and Warning Signs

10:24 When a Placement Becomes Unsafe

12:22 Michigan CPS Removal Guidelines

15:31 Lessons Learned From a Runaway Placement

17:03 Cameras, Safety, and Ongoing Challenges

17:29 Privacy Rights After Age 18

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Crisis Lifeline: Call/Text 988

National Helpline 1-800-662-4357

Veterans Crisis Line (dial 988 then press 1)

National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE)

[email protected]

In this episode of the Foster Dad Directive podcast, I talk about the challenges of balancing parenthood with working night shift while also trying to maintain my mental health, marriage, and responsibilities around the house. I explain how exhausting it can be to work overnight, get kids ready for school in the morning, sleep during the day, and still try to be emotionally present for my foster children and wife. I share how appointments, therapy sessions, school activities, house maintenance, and constant interruptions make consistent sleep almost impossible, and how that sleep deprivation starts affecting everything from mood and patience to memory and burnout. I also discuss why I continue working third shift, how a more understanding employer has helped tremendously, and some of the strategies I’ve started using—such as scheduling my days, limiting social media, exercising more, and protecting my sleep—to help create more structure and balance in my life.

I also reflect on the emotional side of being a night shift parent and foster dad, including the guilt that comes with missing family moments, school activities, or quality time because of work and exhaustion. I talk openly about how isolation, stress, and working odd hours contributed to my struggles with drinking and mental health in the past, especially during my years working law enforcement and corrections. Throughout the episode, I emphasize the importance of protecting your mental and physical health, finding supportive employers, setting boundaries with family obligations, and making intentional time for both your children and yourself. I encourage other parents working difficult schedules to remember that they still deserve downtime, hobbies, rest, and support systems, because constantly sacrificing everything eventually leads to burnout. Even though I admit I’m still figuring things out myself, I wanted this episode to honestly document the reality of trying to be a good parent while living on a completely opposite schedule from the rest of the world.

00:12 Parenting While Working Night Shift

00:51 Expanding the Podcast Beyond Foster Care

01:29 Homeownership and Maintenance Lessons

02:21 Parenting Challenges and Child Resources

03:21 Podcast Disclaimer and Local Resources

04:22 Why Night Shift Works for Foster Parenting

05:24 Sleep Deprivation and Emotional Exhaustion

06:58 Daily Schedule of a Night Shift Parent

09:18 Burnout, Fatigue, and Mental Fog

12:31 Missing Family Time and Parenting Guilt

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Crisis Lifeline: Call/Text 988

National Helpline 1-800-662-4357

Veterans Crisis Line (dial 988 then press 1)

National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE)

[email protected]

In this episode, I talk about how foster parents are portrayed in TV and movies and how those portrayals often swing between extremes. I reflect on shows like Annie, Shameless, and others where foster parents are either depicted as cruel, neglectful, and money-driven or as overly saintly, heroic figures who completely transform their lives for a child. I explain how these simplified narratives miss the reality of foster care, which is far more complex, emotionally layered, and full of everyday responsibilities rather than dramatic story arcs. I also share my concern that these portrayals can shape how kids entering care view foster homes, either expecting perfection or assuming harm, neither of which is realistic or helpful.

I also draw from my personal experience as a foster parent to explain what the system actually looks like. Most days involve routines, appointments, school runs, behavior support, and trying to meet kids where they are after trauma—not dramatic rescues or constant conflict. I talk about how foster parenting is often misunderstood as either financially motivated or purely selfless, when in reality it’s about consistency, safety, and helping kids rebuild skills and trust. I emphasize that media rarely captures the emotional burnout, bureaucracy, or small daily wins that define fostering, and I stress the importance of understanding foster care as something grounded, imperfect, and deeply human rather than the extremes often shown on screen.

00:12 Foster Parents Portrayal in TV and Film

00:35 Incompetent Fathers in Media Tropes

00:54 Disclaimer and Foster Care Update

01:33 Negative Foster Parent Portrayal in “Thrash”

02:15 Foster Care Stipend and Financial Reality

03:13 Foster Parent Tropes Overview

04:01 Concerning Foster Placement Experience and Reporting

05:09 Teaching Affection and Boundaries in Foster Care

06:26 “Instant Family” and Media Realism Discussion

07:20 Media Impact on Foster Care Perception

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Crisis Lifeline: Call/Text 988

National Helpline 1-800-662-4357

Veterans Crisis Line (dial 988 then press 1)

National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE)

[email protected]

In this episode of the Foster Dad Directive, I talk about fatherhood and the challenge of building real friendships as a dad, especially when life gets busy and priorities shift. Even though I’m fairly comfortable with technology and social media, I still find it difficult to connect with other people who share similar interests or life circumstances. I reflect on how most of my friendships are long-term but limited in number, and how becoming a parent—especially a foster parent—has changed both my social circle and the way I relate to others. I also share how past relationships, including friendships tied to drinking, faded as my life changed, reinforcing how hard it can be to build new meaningful connections in adulthood.

I go on to discuss practical ways I’ve started trying to connect with other dads, such as using Facebook groups, local community events, and parenting-related meetups. I share my own experience joining a foster and adoption group that led to regular meetups, activities like pickleball, and even plans for a retreat, showing how unexpected opportunities can come from simply showing up. I also talk about the importance of not forcing networking, being patient, and focusing on shared experiences rather than trying to immediately form deep bonds. Ultimately, I encourage other dads to keep putting themselves out there, try different communities, and remember that meaningful connections often take time to develop naturally.

00:00 – Fatherhood and Struggles With Friendship

00:20 – Tech Comfort vs. Real-World Connection Challenges

00:45 – How Parenting and Fostering Reshaped Social Life

01:10 – Losing Old Friendships After Lifestyle Changes

01:35 – Difficulty Making New Adult Friendships

02:00 – Using Facebook Groups and Community Events

02:25 – Joining Foster and Adoption Meetups

02:50 – Activities Like Pickleball and Group Gatherings

03:15 – Learning Not to Force New Relationships

03:40 – Encouragement to Keep Showing Up Socially

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Crisis Lifeline: Call/Text 988

National Helpline 1-800-662-4357

Veterans Crisis Line (dial 988 then press 1)

National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE)

[email protected]

In this episode, I talk about what respite care is in foster parenting and how it’s been a part of our experience over the past few years. I explain that respite is essentially a temporary break where foster kids stay with another licensed family, whether it’s for a short trip, an emergency situation, or just a needed reset. I share how we’ve used it for both difficult situations—like when a child was struggling and needed a different environment—and for practical reasons like travel. I also make it clear that respite isn’t a bad thing; in many cases, it’s healthy for both the kids and the parents, giving everyone time to recharge and even helping kids gain perspective by seeing how other households operate.

I also get into some frustrations I have with the system, especially when foster families disrupt placements because they’re having biological children, which I personally feel can be harmful to the kids involved. Beyond that, I talk about how exhausting foster care can be and why breaks are sometimes necessary, especially when dealing with high-needs or traumatized children. I also expand the idea of respite to non-foster families, suggesting things like swapping kids with trusted friends or finding safe ways to give parents a break. Overall, I emphasize that having support systems in place is crucial, and I encourage others to share their own ideas and experiences when it comes to finding safe, reliable care for kids.

00:00 – Intro & Topic (Respite Explained)

01:00 – Disclaimer & Context

01:30 – Current Situation & Daily Challenges

02:20 – Why This Topic Came Up

03:15 – Frustrations with Foster System Decisions

05:15 – What Respite Is Used For

06:00 – Importance of Breaks for Families

07:00 – Benefits for Kids

08:20 – Real Example of Positive Respite Experience

09:50 – Practical Tips & Alternatives

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