69% of women file for divorce. If you are a college educated woman that number jumps to 90%. So what is actually driving that?

In this Swim Buddy episode JJ and Kristel break down what men and women are really longing for in a relationship, why couples disconnect without realizing it, and five things you can do this week to make your partner feel seen and valued.

Topics covered: what men need to feel respected at home, what women need to feel emotionally safe, why physical and emotional connection are linked, and five actionable steps to start this week.

Make Time for Love. MTFL.

Connection isn't soft. It's not weakness. It's not therapy talk.

It's discipline.

JJ and Kristel sit down for Swim Buddy episode #3 to break down

the one thing that makes or breaks every relationship — connection.

How you lose it. How you bring it back. Why it matters more than

almost anything else.

This episode is for the guy who thinks "connection" is for couples

therapy. It's for the woman who's been feeling unseen. It's for

the couple stuck in roommate mode, where everything looks fine on

the outside but the silence between you is getting louder.

JJ and Kristel have lived through divorce, bankruptcy, blended

families, two-state living, and starting over — and what they

learned along the way is that connection isn't an accident. It's

built. Every day. Through small disciplined rituals, uncomfortable

conversations, and the willingness to soften first when you'd

rather defend.

In this episode:

- What "connection" actually means (and what it doesn't)

- The provider trap that quietly kills marriages

- Roommate mode and how to get out of it

- Pride, avoidance, and silent resentment

- The "your soul knows" rule — bring it up

- Why discipline beats motivation every time

- The repair toolkit that brings connection back

- Small daily rituals that save marriages

Plus the "shame" rule, the MTFL doctrine, and a shout-out to

listener Teo who reminded us why this show exists.

If you've ever felt like you and your partner are drifting,

this is your map back.

— JJ & Kristel

The Fourth Phase Podcast

Dr. Kirk Parsley, former Navy SEAL turned physician, joins JJ Parma and his Swim Buddy Kristel, on The Fourth Phase Podcast to break down what's really destroying elite operators from the inside out.

Kirk discovered something terrifying as the doctor at SEAL Team. 28-year-old elite athletes walking into his clinic with the hormonal profiles of 60-year-old men. Destroyed by sleep deprivation, Ambien addiction, undiagnosed TBIs, and a medical system that had no answers. So he built one.

IN THIS CONVERSATION:

• - The discovery of Operator Syndrome
• - Why Ambien is destroying your brain
• - The truth about sleep, hormones, and aging
• - JJ's 4 silent strokes and what saved his life
• - Ibogaine, psilocybin, and healing TBI
• - The archetypes destroying modern marriages
• - Why "longevity medicine" is the wrong term
• - The 80/20 rule that changes everything
• 
  
• Dr. Kirk Parsley is one of the most credentialed voices in human performance alive today.

TIMESTAMPS:

00:00 Cold Open

00:30 Intro

02:00 Welcome, Doc Parsley

05:00 From High School Dropout to Navy SEAL

12:00 28-Year-Olds With 60-Year-Old Hormones

15:00 The Ambien Trap

20:00 Sleep as the Foundation of Health

25:00 TBI and the Carl Gustaf Problem

30:00 Getting Shut Down by Navy Medicine

42:00 The Three Pillars of Health

55:00 JJ's Four Silent Strokes Story

1:02:00 Ibogaine, Psilocybin, and Healing

1:08:00 Archetypes and Why Marriages Fail

1:15:00 Performance Medicine, Not Longevity

CONNECT WITH DR. KIRK PARSLEY:

Website: https://docparsley.com

Instagram: @DocParsley

Book: Sleep To Win

THE FOURTH PHASE PODCAST:

Hosted by JJ Parma, Retired Navy SEAL (21 years in the Teams), and Kristel

Follow us:

Instagram: @FourthPhasePodcast

TikTok: @FourthPhasePodcast

YouTube: The Fourth Phase Podcast

If this episode hit home, share it with someone who needs to hear it.

Make Time For Love. MTFL.

You can't show up to your marriage with a half-empty tank.

In this Swim Buddy episode, JJ and Kristel get into the truth about self-care , why it's not selfish, why it's mission readiness for marriage, and how to support your partner without guilt or resentment.

We disagree. We push back. We get to something real.

If you've ever felt guilty taking time for yourself, or watched your partner run on empty , this one's for you.

What we cover:

- Why self-care isn't selfish

- The martyr trap most couples fall into

- How rest can be your version of self-care

- The 5-step playbook for couples

- Why scheduling self-care is a discipline, not a luxury

In memory of Charlie Keating IV — 10 years gone but never forgotten.

Support the C4 Foundation: c4foundation.org

—

The Fourth Phase Podcast

Hosted by JJ Parma, retired Navy SEAL (1996-2017), and his wife Kristel.

Follow us:

Instagram: @thefourthphasepodcast

TikTok: @thefourthphasepodcast

YouTube: youtube.com/@thefourthphasepodcast

Ian Urtnowski grew up in Coronado, California, a beach kid turned waterman, lifeguard, and entrepreneur who built URT from $700 and zero guarantees. In this episode, Ian opens up publicly for the first time about the personal battle that has shaped every decision he's made.

A close friend of Navy SEAL Charlie Keating IV, killed in action on May 3, 2016, Ian turned grief into purpose. The Chuck Heavy memorial shirt, the partnership with the C4 Foundation, and the brand he's built today, all of it, in his own words, is "the house that Charlie built."

This is a conversation about finding comfort in chaos, building something from nothing, honoring the people who shaped you, and living fully in the present.

In this episode:Growing up in Coronado and becoming a watermanBuilding URT from $700 with no business planThe serendipitous moment that created the brandCharlie Keating, the friendship, the loss, and the legacyThe C4 Foundation and what it means for military familiesLiving and building in the present tense

Support URT and the C4 Foundation: urturt.com | c4foundation.org

In this first Swim Buddy episode, JJ and Kristel share the real story behind The Fourth Phase Podcast—why it took years to launch, what they went through to get here, and why the timing finally mattered.

From divorce and life transitions to rebuilding, discipline, and connection, this episode breaks down what it actually means to start over—and why you’re never out of the fight.

They introduce the Swim Buddy concept from Navy SEAL training and how it translates into marriage, partnership, and life.