The Frustration Factor

Is there someone where you work who absolutely, totally, and unequivocally drives you up the wall? Do you sometimes feel like climbing the wall all by yourself as the quickest way to escape? If you are saying Yes! Yes! Yes! you have had first-hand experience with "The Frustration Factor," up close and personal.

 

The players of the world are alive and well and ready to drive you up the wall. Some are aggressive, some passive; some are extroverts and others introverts. Whatever their personalities, they are mostly motivated by personal needs, status goals, and insecurities. If their private goals are coincidentally compatible with your company's, so be it. If not, their selfish interests prevail.

 

Rich is an experienced player.

 

Rich's approach to driving people up the wall is B-t-B: By the Book. In a less linguistically correct time, we called this CYA.

 

His main play is to do things the same way he always does them. What has worked before is likely to work again. He knows people seldom find fault with his handling things in the usual way, whether it works or not.

 

Next, Rich always looks at how things can go sour and little at how they can succeed. He asks, "What are the three strongest reasons for not doing this?" His motto is nothing ventured, nothing lost.

 

Finally, any time he has to do something that has some risk, he spends most of his time figuring out what to say if it goes sour. Of course, the best thing to be able to say is, "I was uneasy about this but went along reluctantly. I handled it the same way we always handle things. I did it By The Book."

 

Rich's play calls for doing things the same way he always does them. He avoids all risk whenever possible and has an explanation for failure made up ahead of time. Sure, there is a more simple version of Rich's play. Do not do anything new or innovative and try hard to keep others from making that mistake. What can you do?

 

Playing with B-t-B players like Rich is not a game for the impatient or impulsive. It helps to understand that these players have little faith in their abilities and less faith in their basic grasp or understanding of situations or circumstances. Since they do not believe they can trust their judgments or instincts, they do not take any chances on themselves.

 

Next, they do not have much ability to anticipate or predict the behavior of others. The idea is that they cannot predict if a specific action will lead to praise or punishment. Usually, they think the likely outcome of following their judgments is punishment.

 

You can use disciplinary and other negative approaches to show that negative outcomes can come from playing B-t-B. But if you do, take pause. If the only response or reaction folks get from you is negative or critical, reasonable people do the reasonable thing. They put most energy into avoiding negative reactions. Consider the possibility that the B-t-B player is a product of your negative behavior.

 

suppose you are Rich's manager. His rigidly sticking to the way he has always done things is driving you up the wall. He never uses his personal judgement even when he knows that the old way will not work. You can say, "What do you think? Is there a better way to do this? He may say Yes in some situations or No in others, depending on what he thinks is safest. Whatever he says, the question is then, "Why would you go that way?" The idea is to walk this B-t-B player through the decision making process. In most situations, you can close with, "You seem to have some ideas about this. Use your best judgement."

 

Even though a group forms with the intention of providing supports and services for people experiencing a defined cluster of problems or issues, a human services agency likely will not develop For most service provision, an agency is neither appropriate nor needed. We can think of this basic delivery strategy as ad hoc service provision. This may happen somewhat spontaneously when a few concerned people see an individual or family is experiencing difficulty and struggling to manage. Everyone just pitches in and helps, contributing whatever resources and expertise they can bring to the specific circumstances. …

During their developing years, your children move from a world with no rules or boundaries set by you into a world of maximum rules and boundaries. They then gradually move back to a world with no parent rules or boundaries. You, in a parallel way, begin by setting no rules or boundaries for your children. You then move to setting maximum rules and boundaries. Gradually, you then eliminate the rules and boundaries. …

It is important for you to actively and thoughtfully Participate on the management team. An important element of your participation is to assure that you Understand your roles with others, where and how you fit in.

Doing the right things right, the first time, on time, every time may indeed be our theme song. It likely comes as no surprise we are now singing that old song in reference to serious relationships. "Relate the best you know how, every chance you get."

A truly serious relationship is not a now-and-then, if you feel like it or have time proposition. Neither is it a place where less than your best will do, unless you do not care about risking the relationship. Sure, that level of effort and commitment benefits your significant other. You do it for them; and that is certainly thoughtful of you. More to the point though, giving it your best shot every time is in your very personal self-interest. Do it for you.

Not one in a hundred of us will make it through January 1st without at least one resolution for the new year, and more likely two or three. We will resolve to do better, be better, live better, and maybe even lose a little weight. It will be the first day of our personal self-improvement project.

On January 1st in 2019, we will look back and amaze ourselves with how well our personal self-improvement plan was implemented, by us of course. Let’s give ourselves a pat on the back for how well we did in 2018. It is spectacular.

This does raise a relevant question though. Why are those things we are resolving to do still on our to do list? Why haven’t they already been moved to our already done list? What have we been waiting on? …

As we saw for human services themselves, there is not unanimity about exactly what a human services agency is. There is consensus about the basics such as its being an organization providing human services for an identified group of people and about its providing those services at no cost or at least an affordable cost to the recipients. "Most human services agencies are entirely or partially funded through grants from local, state, or federal government. Many others are private nonprofit groups often sponsored by religious denominations that raise money from fees, public appeals, and from philanthropic foundations. A smaller but fast growing type of agency is the private profit making one." (Mandell & Schram, 2003, page 11) Our focus here is on the first two but not the third. We are interested in government or nonprofit funded human services agencies. The agency services may be provided by paid staff or volunteers, may include material items such as food and clothing, may include professional services such as medical or legal, may include resources such as housing or transportation, and may range from help with completing tax forms to child care, from a furniture bank to after school tutoring, from counseling to summer recreation. If the organization provides accessible services, resources, and opportunities to people who would otherwise not have access to them, it qualifies in the present context as a human services agency. A human services agency enables the delivery of human services, regardless of its governmental or non-governmental status, the specific services being provided not withstanding. The same holds for its particular affiliation or source of support. …

"Nothing in excess - everything in moderation." This old saying certainly applies to being a parent. The challenge usually has more to do with "How much?" than it does with being correct or incorrect. This dilemma of child rearing is more easily understood than explained.

For example, whether your child should be praised is usually not an issue. The real issue is how much praise is just right. Too little praise and he receives insufficient encouragement or recognition. Too much praise gives him a false sense of accomplishment and achievement.

The same holds for discipline. Too much abuses and mistreats your child. Too little does not teach him to internalize the consequences of his actions. If there is too much emphasis on work and responsibility, your child does not learn how to relax and have fun. If there is too little emphasis in this area, he does not learn how to work and be responsible. …

You may know that aliens have taken over AliensAmongstUs.com and are broadcasting there on a regular basis. I fear they may be trying to capture this feed as well. I have a transmission that I think may be a coded message of some sort from the aliens. Please listen and see what you think. If you will share your conclusion, please drop me an e-mail at [email protected]. I hope it is not from the aliens amongst us but I am worried.

"It would be helpful to provide an official or generally accepted definition, but there is no such thing." (Burger & Youkeles, 2008, page 8) Defining human services is not simple. The term has evolved over many years and has no specific meaning on which everyone would agree. In general though, services are things some people do to help other people. It is no more complicated than that. If you do something to help me, you are providing a service. The question is then, What is a human service? …